Chapter 42

Tim woke up early as he had many mornings in the weeks since he found out that Zahara was pregnant. He rolled over and watched his wife sleep. She was starting to show, now, and she'd had the morning sickness that was so typical in the early part of pregnancy. Thankfully, that had passed and she was feeling much better now. Ducky had recommended an OBGYN that he knew and she had been great. Zahara had been relieved to have a female doctor. The idea of being examined by a male was very disconcerting to her. The spare room was now becoming a nursery and they had discussed finding a larger place. So far, it hadn't turned into anything serious. The one problem with the pregnancy was that it put off any trips into a more nebulous future. They didn't want to fly with a baby too soon and as the due date got closer, Zahara didn't want to be traveling in case she went into labor early. It was requiring some adjustments, but they were managing.

For now, Tim smiled. Would he stop worrying? Well, he hadn't yet and when little Salma was born... Tim smiled as he thought of the name Zahara had chosen. It was her mother's name. Salma Ann. Tim had considered using his mother's name for the middle name, but Naomi had agreed that her name didn't go very well with Salma. In the end, she had offered her own middle name and Zahara had loved the idea. So she was Salma Ann. Sam had been quick to point out that her initials would be perfect: S. A. M.

When Salma was born, Tim knew he would worry even more, but he didn't care. He was still so happy about it.

The other thing he was happy about was the headboard. He'd finished it only the previous week and it was now attached to their bedframe. Zahara had loved the herringbone pattern. Tim was glad. The spacing of each board had taken him forever, and a couple of times, he had been afraid that he'd mess something up and never get it done right. The stained boards had worked perfectly. The blue stain was not as bright as blue paint would have been, but the contrast with the other colors was perfect. He could honestly say that this had turned out exactly as he had pictured it in his head. Zahara had said it was too much work, that he hadn't needed to do it, but he knew that. You didn't make a gift because you had to. You did it because you wanted to. He looked at Zahara again as she slept. Yes. She was worth anything.

After a few more minutes of enjoying the time he had to just watch Zahara sleep, he resisted the urge to see if he could feel Salma inside her mother. He didn't want to wake Zahara up. Instead, he slid quietly out of bed and headed out for his morning run.

He went to his usual route and took his time. He was up early. It wasn't a long route. He had plenty of time. His guards would be relieved that he wasn't doing too much running today.

However, as he came back to his car, he smiled when he saw a familiar figure sitting on a bench. It was the first time in a few months that he'd seen Levi. He gladly slowed down. Then, he walked to his car and got a bottle of water for himself and for Jethro. He walked back to the bench and sat down.

"Been a while, Levi," he said.

"Yes, it has."

"You're looking a lot better."

Levi laughed a little. "Only because you saw me when I was almost dead. People keep telling that I'm old."

"Well, aren't you?"

Another laugh. "I certainly feel old right now."

Tim laughed, too.

"Well, you managed to spill the beans about the fact that I've been talking to you like this."

"Did I? When?" Levi asked.

"When we found you. You asked if the reason I'd been looking was because I missed our chats."

"Oh." Levi was silent for a few seconds. "I don't remember saying that."

"You weren't in a good state at the time. I don't blame you, but my team wasn't too happy about it."

"They wouldn't be the first to want me far away. These chats aren't necessary."

"No," Tim said, firmly. "I'm an adult and if I want to talk to someone, it's my choice, not theirs. I've already told them that and they've...mostly accepted it."

"Mostly?" Levi asked.

"Well, they're kind of unreasonable."

"I don't know about that. Seems that their reaction is quite reasonable."

Tim shook his head. "No, it's not, especially since I don't agree with them. Since I don't, they need to respect my choice and they are doing that, at least."

"I didn't know you enjoyed this time we have together so much, Agent McGee."

Tim laughed. "I'm just weird that way, but seriously, how are you doing?"

Levi nodded.

"Better than I was. I can walk a block without getting winded, but more than that and I'm still getting tired. My doctor says that the torture wore out my heart and how far back I get will depend on too many factors to predict. But I'm alive...and so is Tamara." He took a deep breath and leaned forward. "And most of the time, I can remember that."

"You've had problems with that?" Tim asked.

"Yes. It's only been in the last few weeks that I've been able to be alone and not be afraid that she's dead. I was so sure. I only wanted to die so that I didn't have live knowing that she was dead."

Tim could see how bad it had been and he reached out and touched Levi on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry it was that bad."

Levi looked over at his hand and then sat up.

"And now, I have a question for you, Agent McGee."

"What's that?"

"Why did you save me?" Levi asked.

He was so earnest that Tim was surprised. Even in the last couple of years, there was a restrained feeling about everything that Levi had said and done. More open than he'd been, but still very much restrained. This wasn't. This was quiet and simply said but still it seemed almost over the top given how little Levi typically let out.

There was no mask. Not at all. Tim was seeing exactly what Levi was feeling and there was some distress in his expression.

"Someone had to," Tim said, not sure where he was going with it.

"No," Levi said. "No, Agent McGee, someone didn't have to. The intention had been to have no one even know I was missing because I have so few people who care about my life or death that they had destroyed the one person who would care...at least, that's what I thought and what they thought, too. No one had to save me and most people would be glad I was dead. That list of people is very long and you should be on it, but you're not. Why did you save me?"

"I shouldn't be on it."

"Yes, you should. No matter my reasons, I used you and I did it very ruthlessly. I have done that for much of my professional life. It started with destroying my family because I felt I was keeping them safe and that mattered more than happiness. And I didn't keep them safe. But once I'd been willing to do that much, I was willing to do pretty much anything else as long as I felt it fit with my ultimate goals. I used you and did it in a way that I knew you wouldn't resist. You said yourself that you couldn't forgive me for that. So I'll ask again, why would you save me? I know what it would have taken for you to find me, to figure out who did it, to get a location. You had to step into that gray area you say you hate, and you did it for me."

Tim looked down at his hands. How in the world had Levi remembered the one time he'd mentioned it all those years ago?

"Yes, I did. I called in a lot of people who probably shouldn't have been doing it, but they all did it because I asked them."

"Why?"

Tim looked up at him again.

"Because I had to."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did. For a lot of reasons, but I had to. Once Tamara came to me and asked me for help, I couldn't have said no, no matter my own personal feelings. They tried to kill her and whatever you might be, she's innocent and anyone willing to do that should be stopped."

"That's not enough for you to be doing it, though. If that were all, you would have turned it over to the FBI and let them have at it."

"I don't know. I don't have good feelings toward the FBI," Tim said.

Levi smiled. "Can't say that I do, either."

"Yeah."

"That's not enough," Levi said.

"Can I ask why you're asking? Isn't it enough that I did it?"

"No, it's not," Levi said, solemn again. "It's far from enough. I need to know why."

"Why?" Tim asked in return. "I'm not going to take it back, even if I could."

"Just answer the question, Agent McGee. You know what the real answer is and I need to know it."

Tim sighed. He understood that need, but he still wasn't quite comfortable with sharing something deep with Levi. It was like he'd said to Abby. They weren't really friends. Tim still wasn't sure how much he liked him, but he do anything he could to help if it was possible.

"Okay. Everyone else disagrees, so you might, too, but I did it because I owe you something I can't repay, no matter what else you've done to me."

For the first time, Tim knew that he'd surprised Levi. It was almost a heady feeling to know that he'd managed to take him by surprise when he seemed to know everything already.

"What in the world could you owe me for?"

"I owe you something that can't be repaid. You saved my soul."

For a moment, Levi actually looked touched, but then, he smiled a little.

"That's seems melodramatic."

"It might be, but it's true. It took me a while to realize how close I came to losing everything that makes me...who I am, but I was right there, on the brink and you stopped me. I wasn't happy about it at the time, but I was broken and didn't realize it. I couldn't have healed from that."

And he saw in Levi's eyes that he knew exactly what Tim was talking about.

"I already had planned on killing her. It wasn't necessary for you."

"But there was no reason, not even following your vaunted three priorities. The country wasn't in danger. Bri, as your agent, wasn't in danger. The CIA reputation wasn't in danger because no one would know. The person who would have been destroyed was me. You had no reason to stop me except that you knew I couldn't have recovered from it. If I had done it, if I had killed my handler, I could never have been myself again. I probably couldn't have survived it. I've never killed someone because I wanted to. Death has always been something to be avoided if possible and it's something to regret if it can't be. I wanted her dead. I wanted to do it myself. I had a hard time just recovering from knowing that about myself. If I had actually done it? ...you saved my soul, not my life. And it's melodramatic, I admit, but there's no other way to explain how important it was that I didn't kill her."

Levi nodded.

"You're right. It didn't fit into my priorities. And since it didn't, I could do what I wanted to do."

"You're saying that you wanted to save me?"

"Yes. By that time, I could think about something outside of what I knew had to be done. You had broken, even before that moment. You broke when you stopped resisting making that program. I've seen it before. Some people don't break all at once. It happens so gradually that the final shattering isn't even apparent." Levi looked away from Tim. "The shock is greater when you break in a moment, but it's almost worse when that first fatal crack forms and then it just spreads and spreads. That's what happened to you, Agent McGee. I saw it in your eyes. And I'm not going to pretend that I was really thinking about how I could make sure you were safe. I didn't. But I would have left you behind. Since you insisted on going, I worked with what I had. And I had a moment to think when we were headed to the takedown." He actually laughed. "I still can't believe that you were able to walk after I dumped you out of the wheelchair. I really thought that was foolproof."

"If I'd been thinking clearly, it would have been."

"Yes. But what I want you to understand is that there wasn't some elaborate plan in place to protect you. In the moment, I could and so I did. If it hadn't feasible, I wouldn't have done it and I wouldn't have thought about it later. So perhaps I did, as you put it, save your soul, but it wasn't because I had that plan all along."

Tim smiled. "You say that like it matters. It doesn't. Levi, the very fact that, in a matter of a few seconds, you could look at me and decide that I didn't need to commit murder and casually stop me from destroying myself... that's as good as a plan to save me all along. And I'll admit, the better situation would be that you didn't put me in that position at all, but you kept me from going too far. You weren't wanting me to kill my handler. I was the one who put myself in that situation and you stopped it. So you've said that you owe me, but I owe you, too. Once I knew what could be happening to you, I had to do what I could to save you, if it was possible."

"You were almost too late. I was almost dead."

"I know. I'm glad we got there in time."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm positive."

Levi just nodded and leaned forward again. Tim was about to ask if that was it, but then, he had a thought.

"Did you know that Jorgenson is dead?"

Levi sat up quickly and looked at him.

"No. Was he at the house when you came?"

"No. He came later and we arrested him. During the transfer to D.C., someone shot him. We've never been able to figure out who did it, but whoever it was sent a video to NCIS, claiming that they'd done it to protect me."

"Really. To protect you."

"Yes. Any ideas?"

"Plenty of ideas, but no certainty."

"Like what?"

"The FBI because he was too much of an embarrassment. The CIA because he was interfering with their jobs too much. But I can't imagine either of those scenarios leading to someone claiming to be protecting you. If they got away, then, it would just remain silent."

"You don't think it could have been the NSA?"

"Maybe, but not under Gellman. He's more principled than most. I'm pretty sure that would go beyond what he would allow. And then, there's you. No, Agent McGee, I think it's much more likely that there's someone out there who has decided you're worth protecting. I'm sure you don't like that."

"No, I don't."

"Well, unless you know who it is, I don't think you'll be able to do anything about it."

"I know."

"Good. It's always better to acknowledge when there's nothing you can do."

"Yeah."

Levi nodded. There was another silence and Tim felt that it was probably time to get home. Even Jethro was getting a little antsy.

"One last thing, Agent McGee."

"Yes?"

"As you said before, no obligation."

Tim's brow furrowed as Levi handed him an envelope. He opened it and pulled out a single card. He looked for a moment and then realized what it was. He smiled.

"You're getting married. Again."

"Yes."

"I'm really happy for you."

Levi looked at him. "Are you?"

"Yes. Levi, I want you to be able to work things out. And it looks like you are. How did you manage it?"

He smiled and then grimaced. "I broke. And it was so complete that it broke everything. Including the mask. I couldn't put it back on for a long time and Dr. Hicks said I shouldn't even try because eventually it would be easy again. So I haven't. It's hard, but I'm doing it. And so we're getting married, but we had to wait until I could handle it. As I said, no obligation that you come, but you'd be welcome."

Levi pushed himself to his feet and Tim could see the physical strain he obviously still felt. Tim stood as well.

"Levi."

He turned to look at Tim.

"Yes?"

"Zahara's pregnant. We're going to have a baby, but if that hasn't happened or if it's already happened and things are going okay, we'll be there."

Levi smiled and it might have been the first real smile Tim had ever seen. And Levi's black eyes twinkled. It transformed his whole face, made him seem open and welcoming. The black eyes no longer seemed evil or frightening. They were just his eyes.

"Congratulations. Tim."

"Thanks, Levi."

Then, Levi turned and walked to his car. Tim watched him go and he realized that except for the brief period in Yemen when they had used each other's first names as a limited form of security, Levi had never used his given name, not once. And Tim knew why. It was because Tim had not wanted him to. And that had changed. In a moment, it had been changed.

Tim smiled and then looked down at Jethro.

"Well, I'm probably going to be late today, Jethro, but I don't even care. Let's go home."

Tim drove home as quickly as he could and went inside. As soon as he opened the door, he knew Zahara was feeling good today.

He could see the batter for the baghrir pancakes on the counter. He started into the bedroom when the door opened and Zahara came out.

"Tim, you were so long, I was starting to worry," she said.

"Levi was there. I was talking to him."

"How is he?"

"He's doing better."

Then, Tim held out the card.

"We're invited to his wedding."

Zahara snatched the card from him and looked at it.

"It will be close," she said.

"I know. I warned him that it might not work out, but that we'd be there if we could."

Zahara put her arms around him and kissed him soundly.

"I always like being kissed by you, but what's the occasion?" Tim asked.

"I am...happy," she said. "I am happy for Levi. And I am happy for you. And I am happy for me."

Tim kissed her back.

"I'm happy for all those things, too. I love you."

"And I love you...but you smell. Go and shower while I make breakfast."

Tim grinned.

"Okay, but it's good, clean sweat."

"No, it is dirty, nasty sweat."

Tim just laughed and went to shower. When he finished, he got dressed and then pulled out the khamsa that Ahmed had given him and put it on.

Whether it protected him from evil or was just a lovely family heirloom, Tim was glad to have it.

As he had so many times, he thought about his life, about how much it had changed in the last ten years, and yet, how wonderful it had become.

"Tim, if you don't eat now, you will be late!"

"It would be worth it," he called back.

And hurried to the kitchen to eat breakfast with his wife, knowing that the life he had was the life he'd always wanted, just in a form he could never have guessed.

FINIS!