Coming to the Truth

Harry is getting married today. Looking at himself in the tall mirror, Harry checks over himself to make sure his dress robes are straight and wrinkle free. Taking a deep breath, he thinks back to a time when he thought this day would never come. Having spent the past four years pining for a man he would never have. Someone much older than him, someone who was a Death Eater and bares the mark, but most importantly, someone who despises him to the core. Severus Snape would never consider being with him. Sighing, Harry moved to the window to watch the proceedings going on in the garden. He couldn't see her, but he could vaguely hear Mrs. Weasley directing the flow of incoming venders to where she wanted everything. It has to be perfect for her adopted son.

Thinking back on what brought him here to this time and place, he remembers Hermione telling him it was unhealthy to pine over someone if he wasn't going to act on it. That it was probably just a teenage crush. She wanted him to live, to go out and have fun, act more his age. But Harry just couldn't do those things and be happy about it because the person he wanted to do those things with was Severus and Severus hated him.

Every time he dresses up, he does it for him. Every time he shaves and wears cologne, he does it for him. Every time he walks the hallways of his old school, he wonders what he would say if they happen to run into each other. How could he play it off as just coincidence when all he wants to do is jump the man? He's always thinking of ways to see him even if only for a few seconds. When did he become so pathetic as to almost stalk someone he knows feels nothing but hatred for him? Gods he's so pathetic.

Hermione decided to help him forget about Severus. She began to set him up on several dates, most of them blind dates. At first it was a terrible idea, no one compared to his crush. No one quenched that desire he had to touch his skin, run his fingers through his hair and kiss those lips that always spewed vile things at him. No one made his stomach quiver and his palms sweat as he could, but he kept going out with these men and women to satisfy Hermione. Deep down in his gut he knew she was right…he had to move on.

Then one day, she set him up with a man that took his breath away on first sight. He gave this man his undivided attention and found that he had enjoyed their time together. They went on several more dates and Harry found that he didn't think of Severus so much anymore, especially while in the company Alan. Sometimes, he would wonder what Severus would say if he knew Harry was seeing someone. Would he be jealous? Probably not. That's silly. Why would he be jealous when he doesn't even like me. But still, the thought that he secretly did but didn't say anything was in the back of his mind. What would Severus do though. These thoughts occupied Harrys brain for too long and at one point he realized he had to stop. Stop living a fantasy in his mind and start living his life in the present. It wouldn't be easy, he loved Severus too much to forget, but he would try.

But Harry couldn't commit to a relationship with Alan with how he felt for the other man. It wouldn't be fair to string him along with how he felt. So, knowing this would end his relationship before it even started, he told his boyfriend about his crush. About the man he loves from afar and how he doesn't think he could ever love someone like they deserve while his heart belongs to another. Surprisingly his boyfriend understood, especially when he found out who Harry's crush was. He told Harry that as long as he didn't act on his crush then he was fine with it. He just wanted to get to know him as Harry. It's not like they were getting married or anything.

So, Harry and Alan did everything together. They went on vacations together, went to Quidditch matches together, cooked together, laughed together, cried together, they even went to all those horrible Balls together and Harry found that he was enjoying himself very much with Alan. He began to feel comfortable with him, was able to confide more with him than with anyone else besides Hermione. He began to see that there's someone right here and now that he could love so completely, so utterly completely. He had finally found happiness. Merlin, so much happiness.

Turning sideways to looking at himself in the mirror, he sighed and looked over to the door when it opened. Hermione came up behind him and smiled brightly. He turned to her, grabbed her hands, and squeezed them lightly. He's nervous and he's afraid. Doubt is having a field day in his head. What if they get married and then Severus tells him he feels the same way? What would he do? Would he stay faithful or would he cheat? It's a frightening thought and Harry has been sick with worry over it. Maybe this is the wrong thing to do. Maybe getting married is wrong, maybe he's not ready. He shouldn't have these thoughts on his wedding day, it's not right.

Hermione studied Harry's face. She had a feeling he would be second guessing himself and she was here to help him get past his doubts and see what's right in front of him. "Harry," Hermione softly says, "It's okay, you're supposed to be nervous. If you don't calm down, you're going to be sick and this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life." She's looking at him with worry and she brushes his hair away from his face. "Here, let me help you with your hair. Come sit."

Standing behind Harry while he sat in the chair in front of the vanity, she began to comb down his hair. "What are you worried about Harry? You have that look that your worried about something grave, what could you possibly be this upset about today of all days." She watched him through the vanity mirror and waited patiently for him to answer. She didn't have to wait long.

"What if this is wrong? What if I'm making a mistake, maybe we should wait." He wanted to keep expressing his fears, but his stomach chose that time to flip over, so he stopped. "Shit Hermione, we haven't even gone all the way yet. He said he would wait for me to be ready and I wanted to, but I could never do it. When he proposed I was surprised that he would want to build a life with me even though we haven't had sex yet." Harry said looking at his best friend through the mirror.

Looking a bit taken back with Harry's last statement, "Harry, you haven't had any sex? Ever?"

"Well, we have done things together, but we haven't actually had sex. I don't think I'm afraid of having sex as much as I'm afraid of hurting him by my actions. I'm afraid that I haven't gotten over Severus even though I found a wonderful person who I know loves me. Does this make me a horrible person? Oh God, I'm an awful person to be thinking I might be unfaithful to my husband on our wedding day." Covering his face, Harry starts to cry.

Hermione came around the chair and knelt in front of Harry. Taking both his wrists and exposing his face, she makes eye contact with him and says "Harry, you are a good person, a kind person and a very loyal person. You would never do anything like what your suggesting. It's just isn't in you to do something like that. Answer me this, 'Do you love Alan'?" Harry nodded yes. "Then that's all that matters. Today is a celebration of the love the two of you have for each other. And I know he loves you very much, Harry. You could never purposely hurt him because you've always been honest with him about your feelings." She stood up, keeping his hands in hers, "Harry, I must confess something to you. But before I do, I need you to understand why I did what I did." He looked nervously at her but inclined his head for her to continue. "I…you were so unhappy, and I tried to help you but nothing I did helped. So, I went to Hogwarts and confronted him about you."

Harry stiffened in his seat. "You did what?! You told him how I feel about him?" he said incredulously. "Merlin! How could you? Bloody hell!" He exclaims, jumping up from the chair and starting for the door. He can't go through with this wedding now. If there's any possibility that he could be with him he has to take it. "How could you Hermione? I trusted you with something so special to me and you went behind my back and told him? What must he think of me?" Shaking his head and clutching his stomach, which has decided to do a double flip, he looks to his best friend with pained eyes.

"What did he say? When you told him, I mean?" he whispered. Sweating and heart racing, he could guess what he said, probably told her to get lost and he didn't want to hear anything that she had to say. But a small part of him was hoping that maybe he did harbor some feelings for him but…here he paused in his thinking. "When? When did you tell him?" He's been with Alan for two years now and not once did he hear from him. Not a letter or a note, not anything to encourage him that his feelings were returned.

She sook her head like she wasn't going to answer, "Three years ago. I told him three years ago, long before you met Alan." She told him. "Harry, I need you to understand that I told him to help you. You have no idea what it was like watching you lose yourself. If you weren't going to do something about then I was. He wasn't disgusted or even flattered. He just listened and then told me to leave him alone. That was it." She was terrified that this would ruin their friendship. This was not how she wanted to tell him what she did, but she couldn't let his doubt over his feelings continue when she prove to him that Severus didn't harbor feelings for him. She moved to stand in front of him, "Harry. Please don't hate me for this. I love you, you're my family. I just want you to be happy now that you can without the threat of war and Death Eaters." She watched his face for any sign of acceptance or anger, but she couldn't read him. "Harry…"

Deflated, he looked at Hermione and realized at this very second that the other man had absolutely no feelings for him whatso ever. It wasn't devastating to realize this nor was his heart broken. Funny, all those years wondering about Severus, almost worshipping him from afar, and he feels relieved. In fact, all he can think about is Alan and how much in love with him he is. How he's glad that he won't hurt him making his heart flutter with anticipation. Thinking of Alan, he can't help but smile and feel safe and secure. His heart beats just a little faster just knowing he's going to see him and when they are together nothing else seems to matter. All his worries seem simple, his life seems simple, he feels like he's finally a whole person. A complete Harry Potter. Who has a best friend that supports him, guides him, encourages him, makes him smile, debates with him, someone who's not afraid to tell him when he's being a prat and mostly someone who sees the 'Harry' in the person Harry Potter. He let out a sob as he reached for Hermione. Pulling her into a bone crushing hug he whispered in her ear, "I could never hate you, Hermione. In fact, I might just love you more for it. Today is my wedding day! And you helped me realize that I am truly in love with Alan." He pulled back and kissed her cheek. "I'm going to marry Alan, and I'm so happy, Hermione, so happy. Thank you!" Hugging her tightly one more time before stalking back to the tall mirror to fix his robes. Smiling and eyes sparkling, "Yup, I'm getting married today."

"Harry…" She wanted to question him on what he was feeling but watching him looking so happy she couldn't do it. Well, maybe just one question. "Harry, does this mean you're letting go of your obsession with the professor?" Biting her lip in anticipation of his answer.

Harry stopped smiling and turned to face his friend. "When you told me what you did, three years ago, I wasn't happy with you. But you told him three years ago, Hermione, and I can't help thinking that if he had any sort of feelings for me he would have said so or engaged me in some type of way. He didn't. Not once have I heard from him, not once has he let on that he knew my feelings. I realized just now that that doesn't hurt me. The thought of him not wanting me has left me feeling free not anguish. I feel free to love Alan with no doubts now. I'm feeling so much happiness right now. Thank you for telling me but you should have told me three years ago, you know." He tilted his head and smirked.

"Merlin Harry, thank you!" She came behind him and hugged him. "Alan is so lucky. Are you ready to go? It's almost time."

He turned around smiling brightly, "Hermione, how do I look? I need to be perfect on my wedding day." She hugged him then smoothed out the wrinkles she created. They both laughed.

"Oh Harry! You're so beautiful and Alan won't be able to wait for the honeymoon to jump you!" She laughed, turning him back to the mirror to have one last check. "Alan is so lucky to have you, Harry. You and Alan will be very happy and I'm so happy for you." Now she was crying, realizing that her best friend has finally realized himself that you have to live in the present and not in the past or in daydreams. "I'm going to go out and check on Alan, then I'll be back to get you. You will be here when I come back, right?" She said this with a serious face and Harry almost believed she meant that question.

"Of course, I'll be here, Alan is mine and I want this Hermione, I want this more than I ever thought I would. Thank you for that and thank you for helping me see what has always been right in front of me and not allowing me to make the worst mistake I could ever make. I love you, Hermione." Hugging her one more time before she left.

He is getting married today. Looking at himself in the tall mirror, he checked over himself to make sure his dress robes are straight and wrinkle free. He takes a deep breath. This is it. He's going to get married to the man he loves, to the man that makes him feel loved. Yes, he's not going to look back anymore to what-if's. This is his future and he's going to embrace it completely. Smiling at his reflection he realized that he feels lighter now that he let it go. He should have done that years ago, so immature, but now…he feels great. He feels happier, he feels euphoric but mostly he's feeling so much love for Alan, for their future together. For Hermione for helping him finally see what he should have long ago, and finally he feels love for himself because if he didn't love himself he could never accept love from Alan and his family.

The door opened, and Hermione came in, "Let's go Harry. It's time." Laughing at the sight of Harry, she said "You look so peaceful now Harry, I'm so glad. Are you ready to go? Alan is in place and I can tell you he's a bit nervous. He's trying not to show it, but I can tell. Come on before he thinks you're not coming."

"Okay, let's get me married and when you can't find us after the ceremony, don't come looking for us. I have two years of love to make up to my husband and I intend to start right away." They both laughed and left the room.

-Lovetoreadseverusdotcom