Sheldon Swifties LXXII: "The Dark Secret of Sheldon Cooper…"
Summary: Mrs. Dr. Fowler-Cooper forces Sheldon to fess up the truth to Leonard and Penny about his role in their relationship…
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's
Part IX…
"So, hello…" friendly smile.
"You should have kept the wig." Curt reply.
"Ah…Well…We meet again. And you recognized me right off. Fate clearly has us intertwined, fair lady…Of France, if I get your lovely…"
"Merde…Piss off." The brunette in sunglasses by bus stop at street corner across from where Sheldon was trying to remain concealed in the gathering dark and slight rain… (Leonard rolling eyes at Penny…Sheldon in the dark? With rain? Outside? That must've been a sight to see…) …eyed Howard, now minus wig and "urban" style, coldly. "Or must I leave you paralyzed and without bladder control?"
"Madam." He gave slight bow. "Forgive my inability to resist a gamble worthy of any humiliation…This unworthy shall not trouble you again."
She frowned as he turned and moved off. She scanning hastily across the street…In Sheldon's direction, despite his being hidden by the dark shadows of the unlit building he'd kept close to but, rather fearful now of said dark shadows was trying to cautiously make for the nearest building with some streetlights or lights on inside and an awning or other rain protection.
("Ok, that's nice Sheldon, you staying out in the dark and rain to help Leonard…Earns you some 'Penny won't kill you' points." Penny noted.
Amy eyeing Sheldon…Slight roll of eyes at his smug look…
Fine, it was right to note that it was dark and rainy.)
"Monsieur, pardonnez-moi." The woman called to Howard, moving after him so quickly and deftly she was almost upon him when he paused and turned, startled…
This is new…They spit in my face then chase me down to apologize?
But, given her description of my fate maybe she just wants to test out a new taser?
Oh, well…Sometimes one must risking being a fool for love and losing bladder control in public…All part of the dance…
"I was being rude. Forgive me." Faint smile. "I'm not used to American men's boldness."
Really? What part of France…?
"You're friends with that fellow seeking his lady love?" she asked, lightly. "The one who seems very nervous in the dark over there, right now." She pointed.
"Oh, he's just doing it for a friend…"
"Yes, so he mentioned…" wide smile now. "I was just teasing. You're trying to help him…?"
"And myself, obviously…" Howard, smiling widely.
"Indeed…" she grinned. "Well, I thought he was sweet to do so, so I'm helping him too. Tell me, you know his friend, a good man?" cocked head.
("Why was she asking…?" Penny frowned. Quick eyeing of Leonard... Who flinched slightly.
"I know she made a pass at you when she visited officially, to deflect from her moves on Sheldon…" narrow stare. "Was there anything…Else…? While she was here to 'congratulate' Sheldon and Amy? Anything you didn't bother to mention?"
"What? No…" he tried. Facing her utterly focused, intense stare…
Oh, to look into that face is Death…Amy hissed to Sheldon.
Hmmn…He glanced briefly, at an angle to avoid the full intensity…
Almost the look Amy had in the midst of our asymmetry calculations…
Can it be that Leonard really is Penny's life project? That, regards him, her mind…Almost…Functions on a scientific level?
Or at least that of a predatory jungle cat seeking her mate?
My goodness, I chose well…Mental pat, Cooper.
"Well, she did ask me…" Leonard began, wilting slightly.
"Yeah...?" Penny, hard glare.
"About how we got together…"
"Yeah…?" grim tone.
"She seemed interested, and very sincere. You know Amy says she's very good at that."
"Ye…ah?"
"And she said she wished she could meet a nice guy like me, that's all…Until she sang to/tried to seduce me at the piano bar that other night, right in front of you, I swear." He finished, hastily.
"Plausible…" Amy noted.
"Don't help him." Penny frowned.)
"Leonard? Oh, yeah. Very good…Just a bit on the insecure side and just experienced a very bad break up. Sheldon's his roommate and so is concerned for him." Howard nodded.
"Very sweet indeed...And such pure motives…"
"Well…We try. I'm…Wolowitz, Howard Wolowitz. Engineer of both the human heart and several NASA projects soon to be on a newscast near you."
"Charmed, to some extent. And your friend is Sheldon Cooper, the famed physicist…" she noted.
"Yeah, that's him. But enough of him…I'd like to…"
"Yes, I'm sure you would…" she agreed. "Perhaps later we can discuss that…For now, shouldn't we assist Sheldon in his noble quest? The young lady may leave on a bus at any moment."
"Sure…But…"
"It's very impressive that two such fine friends of a good man should work together to secure his happiness…" gently winsome smile, brushing back of hair.
("How could Wolowitz not known it was Charlotte?!" Amy fumed. "He should have told me the moment I introduced her to him! He must be up to something with her, it's the only explanation! I should have known she'd find our weakest link!"
"That would be Raj…" Leonard shook head. "C'mon you know, Bernadette would have been on anything like that in a second…" Penny giving Amy a nod…
You know she would be…
"True enough…" Amy sighed, calming. "I was being ungrateful there. Howard warned me Charlotte was up to no good, after all. And he probably never got a good look at her that night."
"Which is surprising, given your sister's penchant for putting men on her chain for later use…" Sheldon noted. "She must've feared he'd expose her to us if she went any further with him."
"Or I'd see him with her and know she was lurking…On her free time, from France…"
"Wait…" Leonard blinked. "You were following us even then, before you used Howard's and Raj's dating profile to hook up with Sheldon?"
Ummn…Amy looked away. "I just needed to know what was going on with Sheldon…And his new friends. You might have all been trying to get him to trust you enough to let you sit near him or enter his place and then rob and/or assault him."
"Not so far-fetched, it has happened before." Sheldon noted.
"You know, I believe that…About the assault thing, at least." Leonard nodded. "I think we had better agree none of this gets to Bernie? I mean she's already none too fond of your sis, Amy. This would really…"
He eyed Amy's clearly pondering face…
Hmmn…Sibling problem removed.
"Amy? Bernadette is a mom…"
"Right, right…" Amy waved a hand. "Pity…Though they'd probably not give her too much jail time. Extenuating circumstances. But, after all, Charley promised to be good. And she is my sister."
Meaning…I'll deal with the bitch myself if she ever gives us any more trouble…She hissed to Sheldon.
"Family is family…" he nodded.
"God that'll be so cool to see…" Penny hissed. "Bernie and Charlotte locked in a death struggle…Over Howard." Giggle.
"Yeah, like you weren't considering Wolowitz as Leonard's alternate if he failed you…" Amy frowned, overhearing.
Penny blinking…What?
"You didn't agree to go out with him on that gaming date 'cause you didn't know who he was, bestie…" hard stare. "You were putting him on your chain."
"That does sound reasonable…" Sheldon agreed. "You had so much in common except height and gender and the fact that Howard had a successful career…"
What? Penny, sputtering a bit now…
"Leonard, say something…"
"Uhhh…." He hesitated, to her furious glance…
"Penny…I mean, I kinda did think you liked him at times. I mean if he'd been a little more your type…"
"Hulking six foot two, otherwise exactly the same…" Sheldon noted.
"What?!"
"I just mean…At the time…Honey…I mean when we first met…" Leonard carefully. "Well, you were going out with some real creeps. And then when you were really having a tough time and your self-esteem was down. And Howard clearly wasn't all bad. I'm sure if anything had happened it would have been after he broke up with Bernadette…Proved he could be a good guy. With a degree of randiness…"
"You did choose a man in Howard's height range." Amy pointed out. "And his patter did amuse you, from time to time…You liked it when he referred to you as Queen of the Night…You used to smile every time he called you, 'Your Majesty'."
"It's really not so terrible, honey…" Leonard noted. "You just saw something in Howard…"
"Redeemable? That's the word you better use, honey." She eyed him darkly.
"More 'doable' or 'your kind of one night stand-able', I think." Sheldon noted. "It's a good thing, really that night he never…"
"What?! I never…Even if he'd been six two and I'd known how much an engineer could make outside a university…" Penny, blinking at end.
"Oh, God…" she gasped.
"It's ok." Leonard patted her hand. "I'm sure you saw the redeemable thing too."
"Thank you…" she kissed his hand.
"Besides…If this is true, Howard never said a word." Leonard noted.
"Yeah, that was…Wait a minute…." Penny frowned.
Ooops…Sheldon eyed Amy…
"What? Whoa…" Leonard stared.
"So Howard was in on this, from the first night?" Penny blinked. "There really was a 'project Penny'? And Howard knew?"
"Well, really, I think it was more of a 'project Leonard'." Leonard, clearly rather pleased at the thought.
We'd best warn Howard, the cat is out of the experimental bag…Sheldon eyed Amy.
It's fine…I texted him when we agreed to tell Penny and Leonard, she whispered back.)
"Well…Anything for a pal…" Howard smiled back.
"I think she's about to get on that bus…" the woman noted, indicating Penny moving to a stopped bus.
"That's a shame, I guess we'll have to…Hey!" as she grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the bus, waving frantically for it to stop.
("Charlotte was so unsubtle…My way of dealing with Penny was so much better." Amy noted to Sheldon.
"Actually I think letting me and my temporary sidekick bring Penny into our social equation was rather…" he began. Amy, narrow-eyed glare.
"Buddy…Because I love you…And it's seeming like I may owe you. Stop right there…" Leonard hissed.
"What's she mean? 'Her way of dealing with Penny'…?" Penny asked Leonard.)