Disclaimer: You know the drill. Sing along. These characters are whose? (J.K. Rowling's!) And am I claming them as my own? (No!) And who is the best writer on Earth? (::silence::) ::Pointed look:: Fine fine! But the plot's mine, characters and all Harry Potter related things are hers.

"Secrets of the Heart"

By

Padfootwolfboy

"We never say so much as when we do not quite know what we want to say. We need few words when we have something to say, but all the words in all the dictionaries will not suffice when we have nothing to say and want desperately to say it."

—Eric Hoffer

Chapter One: Desperate Messages

"Sirius—" Remus Lupin began desperately. He ran his long, slender fingers through his sweaty tufts of cinnamon and golden-streaked hair, a habit he had developed when he was stressed. He swallowed hard, trying to wet his sticky mouth that had suddenly gone exceedingly dry in the intense summer night heat. "S-Sirius…" He began again; with no more luck than the first time he had said the name. He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and settled himself on getting the words out of his throat in his next attempt. His determination was set as if his life deepened on it, and some of it actually did.

"Sirius," he stated with a calmness and steadiness he had not possessed before. "Sirius, I love you."

His breath caught in his lungs as the words tumbled out. Anxiety over took his mind, speeding up his heart and making his muscles tighten. The significance of what he had just spoken weighed heavily in the thick silence that hung in the muggy air. Finally, when he could not take it anymore, Remus let out an exhausting sigh. He sank to his knees, wrapping his arms around them to bring them close to his chest.

The night had remained silent. Only the crickets could have heard him speak his proclamation of love and they answered with their customary chirping. The breeze had completely faded, leaving Remus to seem like the sole living thing out in the verdant field. He relaxed his muscles, falling backwards into the deep, warm summer grasses. He breathed in the sweet, honeyed air deeply and opened his eyes to watch the stars. They danced and shimmer like they were nothing more than shimmering ripples in a sprawling black lagoon. One seemed to wink to another and then receive a delicate spasm in reply. It was like they had their own language. Remus felt a small smile sidle across his thin, pink lips as he beheld the beauty of the night sky. It was something often lost on him, as the stars could usually only be seen from Hogwarts during a full moon. His Lycanthropy forbade him from ever just appreciating nature on those nights. As his amber eyes searched the Heavens in hopes of lightening his heavy heart, he spotted a well-known constellation.

"Ah, Sirius," he said serenely to no one in particular, "the Dog Star. The symbol of—of… my love." He inwardly cursed himself at stumbling over his own inner feelings. He sat up, propping his elbows on his knees and rubbed his sweaty face with his dusty hands. "Remus, Remus, Remus…" he scolded himself. "How are you ever going to admit to Sirius what you can barely admit to yourself aloud?" He parted his fingers so that he could see through the cracks and stared at the crest of the hill, which led down to the tall forests that resided behind the Potter Mansion, for really it was to big to be simply a "house" as James had insisted it was. He sighed to himself again, as his own realization dawned on him. "This is pointless," he muttered, and picked himself up to make the longish walk across the grounds back to the house.  He brushed the dust that had collected on his Muggle blue jeans and light blue tee shirt and began to walk carefully over the long grasses and weeds intermixing of the ground, since he had left his shoes back on the long porch.

By the time he had made it to the point where he could hear his friends laughter resounding from within an upstairs window, sweat had drenched his face, chest and back. The thin shirt stuck to him, turning a deeper shade of blue with the added moisture. He stood still for a moment, listening to the cheerful sounds waiting him, even at this late hour. A loud, boisterous chuckle filled the air and he immediately recognized it as belonging to Sirius. He let out a deep breath, reconstructing his "We're-just-friends" attitude he knew he needed to compose and wiped the back of his hand across his brow to gather the sweat that was beginning to pour into his eyes. He remained an instant longer as his ears picked up more of Sirius's animated laughter, followed by the cute giggling of Lily. He never even noticed the old, white, wooden door creaking open. The voice that spoke awoke him from his silence.

"Planning to just stand out there?" came the drifting, soothing voice of James Potter.

Remus jumped a bit, but once he saw it was James, he relaxed and smiled. "No…" he responded, moving towards his friend. "Just soaking everything in, I guess."

James laughed as he said this, eyeing him up and down. "Well whatever you've been soaking up, it's not staying wherever you put it very well. You drenched!" He chuckled again and pinched at Remus's shirt.

Remus smiled, and let out his own weak chuckle. "Well it's hot out," he reminded James quietly.

"Yeah. I noticed," replied the other, sticking his head outside of the doorframe to test the humid air. "And you were out there for a while. What were you doin'?" Remus shrugged and felt a blush creep upon his cheeks. Luckily they were so flushed already from the temp and the walk that it wasn't noticeable in the dark. "Well?" James persisted, throwing an arm around his friend's shoulders, leading him inside the cool house.

"Just thinking."

"I see," James commented, not pressing the subject any further. 

He led Remus down the old, Victorian style halls and up the large, oak staircase. They again entered another large hall, which led them to the Wing of the large house that the Potters had prepared for the Marauders to stay. James's room was on the left, just after the first bathroom, which he was sharing with Sirius, a thing that Remus was both exceedingly relieved and exceedingly jealous about. Remus was sharing a room with Peter, as well as the bathroom that was adjacent to the spacious bedroom, and it was located across from James and Sirius's room. Lily, who was also staying with them, had her own bedroom and bath around the corner, just after the large room that much resembled that Common room back at school. It was laden with old couches and overstuffed chairs, and came with a very beautiful and very unused fireplace. The bay windows overlooked the large field Remus where had just been. James ushered him into that very room, where Sirius, Peter, and Lily were already.

Remus held his breath and hoped that he could deliver Sirius the desperate message he wanted to give him.  

To Be Continued…

Your Lovely Author's Customary End of Chapter Note: This seems like it will be a least a couple of chapters. This is very spontaneous on my part and I haven't got a story line quite worked out yet. Hopefully I will continue it, which is where you, the Reader, will come into play. If you Review—and you'll want to review to tell me how much you love me (or more realistically how badly this chapter is written)—I will write more and add more chapters. There is more story. I know that. So even if you just say: Fairly good— More story please," I will get the hint. Okay! You know what to do now!

Please Review, and if you're kind, read some of my other works!