"If you die on me, I'm telling everyone that the real reason you missed game night last month was because you had diarrhea!"

Tooru squawks, then winces as pain presumably shoots up from his side from the sudden movement. Hajime puts more pressure on his wound, ignoring the panic attempting to overtake him at the sight of blood steadily seeping through despite his efforts.

"Shut up!" Hajime hisses, straining to hear over the thundering sound of his own heartbeat. They've only just managed to escape, and Hajime's last ditch attempt to take their enemies out only bought them a little time. The cave they're hidden in was the best he could do on such short notice, with an injured teammate on his hands and pursuers closing in.

Luckily, of the remaining missing-nin, none of them are known for their tracking. Most shinobi can to some extent, but there's a chance, however small, that these in particular won't pick up their trail. That's his only hope right now because even he would have trouble against three missing-nin with no backup, especially since he's almost out of chakra.

"You swore you would never speak of that again," Tooru says, weakly, and Hajime's never seen him so pale.

"And you said you'd become Hokage, but instead you're gonna die in fucking Grass because you let yourself get stabbed by a no-name nuke-nin! Looks like neither of us is gonna keep his word!" Hajime snarls, angrily.

Exasperated, Tooru says, "I didn't let myself get stabbed."

"Oh really? What do you call throwing yourself on his blade, then?"

"I couldn't let him stab you," he corrects, firmly, expression entirely remorseless.

And that's the crux of it, isn't it. This dumbass took a sword through the gut to save Hajime.

"And now you're going to die, you asshole," he croaks out, tears threatening to overflow and chest aching.

Tooru smiles. Even deathly pale and shaking, even haggard and wrought with pain and utterly exhausted, he's still the most breathtaking man Hajime's ever laid eyes on.

His breath hitches now for a different reason, however.

"I love you," Tooru says, sweetly and full of conviction. I would die for you, he doesn't say, but then again, he's always been a man who speaks pretty words but proves himself through action.

"I won't let you," Hajime says in turn, irrefutable and immovable as stone. I love you too much, he doesn't say, but then again, he hates to state the obvious.

Suddenly, the unmistakable sounds of fighting break out, not close but not far enough away for his liking.

He meets Tooru's brown eyes, trying to impress upon him that if he dies here, Hajime will follow him right into hell so he can kick his ass. Tooru nods, smiles shakily, scared but trying to be brave. He's so much stronger and braver and more special than his insecurities will ever let him believe, but that's okay. Once they make it out of here, Hajime will spend every day of the rest of their lives knocking sense into his thick skull until it sinks in.

One last, lingering look, and then Hajime turns his head to face the entrance of the cave, straining to hear the fighting and make sense of it. It could be the nuke-nin ran into Grass nin, or maybe just infighting. He hopes it's reinforcements. Tooru sent one of his lions with a request for aid the moment they'd been discovered yesterday. Whatever squad Konoha sent should have gotten here by now.

The sounds stop just as abruptly as they'd begun. The battle's over, but he still doesn't know the identities of its participants.

Then, a loud, familiar roar shatters the silence, meant to communicate its position and asking for its summoner's. Hajime relaxes almost instantly and - since Tooru can't - he roars back, exactly the way he was taught, an answering call.

Yone appears first, sleek and regal even after running from Grass to Konoha and back with little rest. She doesn't spare Hajime so much as a glance, instead swiftly circling around to Tooru's other side, likely having smelled blood once she got close enough and recognizing it as Tooru's right away.

"...You shouldn't have sent me away," she admonishes, nudging their hands with her warm snout in order to get them to move.

Hajime does, reluctantly, and instead tightly clasps Tooru's bloodsoaked hand with his own, tightly enough to hurt.

"Sorry, Yone-chan," Tooru says, smiling helplessly and with visible relief. "I didn't think I'd get injured. Otherwise, why would I send away my best medic?"

Yone keenly assesses the damage but takes a moment to snort. "That's Chiwa, and you know it. Stop trying to flatter me and let me you heal you, Tooru-sama." That said, she calls up chakra to her mouth and begins the always strange process of licking the wound. Or well, the edges of it.

It's not a method that would work for Hajime or anyone other than Tooru. As their Summoner, Tooru gets the benefit of their species' specific healing. It's no different from medical jutsu, except that it first requires being groomed like a lion cub in order to remove debris and cleanse any impurities.

Afterwards, it's pretty normal, though. Yone places a paw over the wound and begins properly healing, the process sped up several times over by the coating of saliva with its own healing properties.

Already Tooru's breathing is easier, and his hands steadier. In return, Hajime also feels like he can finally take a full breath untainted by dread or worry.

"Your cavalry has arrived!"

"We even avenged the Captain, by the looks of it."

Hajime turns away from the mostly healed wound and gives his rescuers a tired smile. "You guys showed up just in time."

Hanamaki flips imaginary hair. "As heroes do."

"Is that the only injury, or…?" Matsukawa asks, inclining his head toward Tooru.

"Nah, nothing that can't wait 'til we get home." Not seeing or being able to sense anyone else, Hajime asks, "Is it just you?"

Hanamaki leans back against the cave wall, an amused tilt to his lips. "No. We got a couple newbie jounin who volunteered for the job."

At Hajime's unspoken question, he explains, "Sent 'em to scope out the area, check for any enemy reinforcements."

"Who is it?" He asks, when even Matsukawa starts looking smug and expectant.

"Kindaichi," Tooru says, displeased and sporting an ugly frown that has nothing to do with his injury.

Hanamaki snorts, and Hajime rolls his eyes.

"I can't believe you're actually jealous right now," he says, eyeing his husband for the head injury he must have missed earlier.

"I can," Hanamaki says, as always easily entertained. "Poor Kindaichi. Tough luck crushing on the one guy with a boyfriend petty enough to still get jealous about it six years later." He doesn't sound the least bit sympathetic to Kindaichi's plight, despite his words.

Hajime has been awake for almost thirty-six hours now, and yet it's his dumbass friend's antics that are exhausting him. He looks over at Tooru, who is visibly turning green, and sighs loudly.

Tooru shoots him a mutinous look. "He tried to kiss you, Hajime," he almost hisses, incensed by the mere memory.

"But he didn't," Hajime points out, for the nth time, not really expecting it to work this time either. "You scared him off, he apologized and moved on. He's literally in a relationship with Kunimi and has been for two years. Can you please stop being ridiculous for once in your life, you possessive dumbass?"

Of course, because Tooru is the most dramatic, vengeful person he's ever met, Tooru ignores him and proceeds to glare daggers at Kindaichi as he steps into view.

Kindaichi flinches, Kunimi sighs and let's him cower behind him, Matsukawa and Hanamaki laugh like idiots, and Hajime takes great pleasure in knocking his dumbass husband out before things escalate.

Tooru falls asleep in a musty cave in Grass and wakes to a bizarre enough scene that he wonders if he's still dreaming.

"They were worried about you," Hajime says, quietly enough that the three children taking up every inch of space on Tooru's bed don't wake.

Tooru tears his eyes away from them to quirk a brow at his husband. "You're sure these aren't imposters?"

Hajime snorts. "Pretty sure."

"My demon brats aren't this cute," he says, turning back to look at the nauseatingly cute cuddle pile. "They are this heavy, though. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a ploy to suffocate me while I'm defenseless."

"I'll suffocate you if you do something that stupid again," Hajime huffs, not entirely joking. His grips Tooru's hand tighter.

"Love the foreplay, but there are children present, Iwa-chan."

"Should have just left you there, bastard. I bet you'd make nice fertilizer for the mushrooms."

"I am high quality goods."

Hajime rolls his eyes. "Why do I bother?"

"Because you're not a quitter, Iwa-chan! Even though it's obvious you'll never beat me in looks or charm or wit, I admire your unwillingness to give up. It's kinda hot."

"Nice to know your ego also survived."

"Not to worry, Iwa-chan. My ego can survive anything!"

"Duly noted."

They're interrupted by the groans of the genin waking.

Shoyo, upon seeing that Tooru is awake, blinks in confusion before realization dawns, and his eyes water as he throws himself forward with a loud cry. "Sensei!"

With a sigh, Tooru accepts the hug, patting his back comfortingly. "I'm okay, I'm okay. No need to freak out."

Kiyoko, adorably sleep ruffled, silently crawls up beside Shoyo, and Tooru lifts an arm to let her join the impromptu group hug. Both of them snuggle against him, clutching him tightly, and the first sliver of guilt worms its way into him.

He doesn't regret choosing to save Hajime. Will never regret it, because his life is more precious to him than Tooru's own, and that's simply fact. However, he does feel a little guilty for not considering these silly students of his. None of them have been seriously hurt in a mission since Team Tooru was first created, including him, so it must surely have been an unpleasant shock when they got news of Tooru's injury.

Smiling helplessly, he looks to the last holdout. Noticing the attention, Tobio gives him a once over, apparently wanting to confirm Tooru's words with his own eyes, before he gives Tooru a reproachful look, as if getting injured could have been easily avoided and that he hadn't had been entirely his fault.

Well. Technically, it had been, but- Why is his own apprentice so unreasonable?

He huffs. "I'm fine, Tobio. Now, come here."

Clearly disasistified, he listens for once and slides in under Tooru's other arm. "Take us with you next time," he demands.

"Tobio-" he starts to say, exasperated.

"Please!" Kiyoko cuts in, surprising him.

Shoyo pipes up, "Yeah! Take us with you, okay, Sensei! We'll protect you!"

How on earth did he end up with three unreasonable brats?

"The day I need three genin to save me is the day I turn in my hitai-ate and become a farmer."

"No, you can't!" Shoyo yells, entirely too close to his ear.

"You'd make a terrible farmer," Tobio says, as if seriously trying to dissuade him.

"...I don't want anyone else for a sensei," Kiyoko admits, earnest.

He hears Hajime laugh. He gives him a rude gesture behind his team's backs, only succeeding in making him laugh again.

"I'm gonna become a farmer and live in a quaint, quiet little house outside Konoha, where I don't have to deal with uppity brats and an ungrateful husband who don't listen to me. My only company will be cows and goats. It will be bliss."

He gets more protests and attempts at convincing him otherwise, alongside threats to become farmers and join him in the countryside if he goes through with it, and as he continues to tease them and be teased by his husband, he thinks that becoming a sensei wasn't such a horrible decision after all.

End Notes: oikawa wants to become hokage to spite ushijima. team oikawa continues to be an adorable train wreck. yes oikawa is/was anbu captain; his squad consisted mainly of hajime, hanamaki, matsukawa, kindaichi, and kunimi. plus the other aobajohsai members at various points. idk if the lion/cleaning the wound thing is weird? it seemed cool & unique when I thought of it but idk