Kitty Prydes School of Hard Shopping
Hi all. This is just something that pooped into my head while writing Winter Fun. I got to wondering what would happen if Kitty decided to open up a school where she teaches others how to do some hardcore shopping. The following insanity is the result.
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Bayville, Xavier's Institute
"I can't believe we didn't get any of the sales…" Tabitha muttered as she Amara, Jubilee, Rahne, and Amanda walked into the mansion all haggard and spent. "We spent four hours there…"
"I just want to know one thing. How does Kitty do it?" Rahne asked. "She always gets the best items when they're on sale. And she never gets tired…"
"I've seen that girl go four days without food or drink during the great Gap sale of '01," Tabitha stated.
"She's a legend of our times when it come to the mall." Rahne said.
"I heard that they named a seat in the credit department after her…" Amanda stated.
"That would explain why the professor always cries when the credit card bills come in." Jubilee said as she rubbed her sore feet.
"Maybe we should ask her how she does it." Amara said.
"That's a great idea!" Amanda shouted as the girls ran up to Kitty's room.
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"This was a bad idea…" Amanda muttered to herself.
"Listen up you Maggots!" Kitty shouted as she marched back and forth in from of Amara, Tabitha, Amanda, Jubilee, and Rahne. "You've come to me in order to solve a problem. And I plan on solving that problem, with extreme prejudice…." Kitty said as she faced the other girls. She was wearing military fatigues and a beret. She was chewing on a piece of hay as she walked up to Rahne. "But first I need to break you all. Now where are you from girl?"
"Sc-Sc-Scotland Ma'am!" Rahne stuttered in fear.
"Holy Christ!" Kitty spat in Rahne's face. "Only two things come from Scotland! Drunks and punks! And you don't look like no friggin' punk!" Kitty shouted as Rahne wet herself. Kitty then turned to face Amanda. "How tall are you girl?"
"Five, seven Ma'am!" Amanda shouted.
"Great JC Penny! I didn't know they could stack piles of puke that high!" Kitty screamed as Amanda looked scared. Kitty then moved on to Jubilee. "What's your name?"
"Kitty, you know my…"
"WHAT'S YOUR NAME!?!"
"Jubilee Ma'am!"
"That won't do…" Kitty said as she got into Jubilee's face. "From now on your name is twinkle toes! Do you like that name twinkle toes?"
"Yes Ma'am." Jubilee shouted in fear.
"Damn. Then I'll have to find one you don't like." Kitty said to herself out loud. "Okay. You will now be known as Dirty Betty! Do you like that name Dirty Betty?"
"No Ma'am…" Jubilee muttered.
"Good! Now if Dirty Betty here is done with her whining, I can move on with the lesson!" Kitty shouted as she retook her position in front of the girls. "You all want to learn how to shop. I will teach you thirty-seven ways to take down other women in order for you to get what you want during the big sales…" Kitty shouted. "The next two weeks of your life will be pure and utter hell. I will make you wish you were never born, and then I'll make you wish you were dead. And I'm going to enjoy every moment of it…" Kitty said with a sadistic smile. "Welcome to Kitty Prydes School of Hard Shopping, may whatever God you worship have mercy on your soul…"
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"Lesson One!" Kitty shouted. "How to acquire proper transportation to the War-Zone."
"War-Zone?" Amara asked.
"The Mall!" Kitty shouted in Amara's face.
"Oh." Amara said simply.
"Always, ALWAYS rely on a male to provide adequate transport. Especially if that Male happens to be your boyfriend." Kitty said as she took out her cell phone and dialed a number. "Hey Lance?" Kitty asked in her regular tone. "It's like, Kitty… I'm fine… Hey can you give me and some friend's a ride to the mall…. I'll…" Kitty said before she whispered something into the phone. "Lance?" Kitty asked as the sound of Screeching tires were suddenly heard in the front of the Institute.
"Damn that was fast…" Amanda said as she lifted up the drapes to see Lance's jeep sitting in the driveway and him with a huge smile as he adjusted his hair. "What did you say to him?"
"Lesson Two." Kitty said with a smile. "Any man can be your slave. You just have to give the right incentive." Kitty said with a smile, as she then walked outside with the girls.
"Where to ladies?" Lance asked as Kitty hopped into the passenger side and the others piled into the back.
"The mall my man." Kitty said as Lance blushed and drove them to the mall.
"Now the real battle begins…" Kitty said to the others who looked at each other in fear.
"My god, what have we unleashed…" Rahne asked in horror.
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There you all go. I hope you liked it. Up Next, Kitty takes the recruits into the shoe department. Watch and learn how a pump can be used to crush a girl's larynx.
Until next time true believers,
Descendent
Hi all. This is just something that pooped into my head while writing Winter Fun. I got to wondering what would happen if Kitty decided to open up a school where she teaches others how to do some hardcore shopping. The following insanity is the result.
********************
Bayville, Xavier's Institute
"I can't believe we didn't get any of the sales…" Tabitha muttered as she Amara, Jubilee, Rahne, and Amanda walked into the mansion all haggard and spent. "We spent four hours there…"
"I just want to know one thing. How does Kitty do it?" Rahne asked. "She always gets the best items when they're on sale. And she never gets tired…"
"I've seen that girl go four days without food or drink during the great Gap sale of '01," Tabitha stated.
"She's a legend of our times when it come to the mall." Rahne said.
"I heard that they named a seat in the credit department after her…" Amanda stated.
"That would explain why the professor always cries when the credit card bills come in." Jubilee said as she rubbed her sore feet.
"Maybe we should ask her how she does it." Amara said.
"That's a great idea!" Amanda shouted as the girls ran up to Kitty's room.
********************
"This was a bad idea…" Amanda muttered to herself.
"Listen up you Maggots!" Kitty shouted as she marched back and forth in from of Amara, Tabitha, Amanda, Jubilee, and Rahne. "You've come to me in order to solve a problem. And I plan on solving that problem, with extreme prejudice…." Kitty said as she faced the other girls. She was wearing military fatigues and a beret. She was chewing on a piece of hay as she walked up to Rahne. "But first I need to break you all. Now where are you from girl?"
"Sc-Sc-Scotland Ma'am!" Rahne stuttered in fear.
"Holy Christ!" Kitty spat in Rahne's face. "Only two things come from Scotland! Drunks and punks! And you don't look like no friggin' punk!" Kitty shouted as Rahne wet herself. Kitty then turned to face Amanda. "How tall are you girl?"
"Five, seven Ma'am!" Amanda shouted.
"Great JC Penny! I didn't know they could stack piles of puke that high!" Kitty screamed as Amanda looked scared. Kitty then moved on to Jubilee. "What's your name?"
"Kitty, you know my…"
"WHAT'S YOUR NAME!?!"
"Jubilee Ma'am!"
"That won't do…" Kitty said as she got into Jubilee's face. "From now on your name is twinkle toes! Do you like that name twinkle toes?"
"Yes Ma'am." Jubilee shouted in fear.
"Damn. Then I'll have to find one you don't like." Kitty said to herself out loud. "Okay. You will now be known as Dirty Betty! Do you like that name Dirty Betty?"
"No Ma'am…" Jubilee muttered.
"Good! Now if Dirty Betty here is done with her whining, I can move on with the lesson!" Kitty shouted as she retook her position in front of the girls. "You all want to learn how to shop. I will teach you thirty-seven ways to take down other women in order for you to get what you want during the big sales…" Kitty shouted. "The next two weeks of your life will be pure and utter hell. I will make you wish you were never born, and then I'll make you wish you were dead. And I'm going to enjoy every moment of it…" Kitty said with a sadistic smile. "Welcome to Kitty Prydes School of Hard Shopping, may whatever God you worship have mercy on your soul…"
********************
"Lesson One!" Kitty shouted. "How to acquire proper transportation to the War-Zone."
"War-Zone?" Amara asked.
"The Mall!" Kitty shouted in Amara's face.
"Oh." Amara said simply.
"Always, ALWAYS rely on a male to provide adequate transport. Especially if that Male happens to be your boyfriend." Kitty said as she took out her cell phone and dialed a number. "Hey Lance?" Kitty asked in her regular tone. "It's like, Kitty… I'm fine… Hey can you give me and some friend's a ride to the mall…. I'll…" Kitty said before she whispered something into the phone. "Lance?" Kitty asked as the sound of Screeching tires were suddenly heard in the front of the Institute.
"Damn that was fast…" Amanda said as she lifted up the drapes to see Lance's jeep sitting in the driveway and him with a huge smile as he adjusted his hair. "What did you say to him?"
"Lesson Two." Kitty said with a smile. "Any man can be your slave. You just have to give the right incentive." Kitty said with a smile, as she then walked outside with the girls.
"Where to ladies?" Lance asked as Kitty hopped into the passenger side and the others piled into the back.
"The mall my man." Kitty said as Lance blushed and drove them to the mall.
"Now the real battle begins…" Kitty said to the others who looked at each other in fear.
"My god, what have we unleashed…" Rahne asked in horror.
********************
There you all go. I hope you liked it. Up Next, Kitty takes the recruits into the shoe department. Watch and learn how a pump can be used to crush a girl's larynx.
Until next time true believers,
Descendent