Edward

April 13, 2017

Nobody tells me anything.

I glared at the light above my bed as those words tumbled over and over in my mind, my fists balling. It was bad enough that they wouldn't tell me what was really wrong with me. But now, Dad wasn't even in the room anymore, but of course I didn't know why. I was kept in the dark. I was always kept in the dark.

"Are you okay, hun?" The respiratory therapist asked above me said when she noticed my expression.

I just nodded. There wasn't anything else I could really do when I was intubated. I couldn't move or speak or inhale. I was leashed to the tube that was jammed so deep into my throat that I wanted to gag on it, but couldn't. I wanted to panic around it, but couldn't. I wanted to breathe – inhale deep breaths in through my nose and out of my mouth – but couldn't.

Nobody tells me anything.

I felt myself scowl. I knew it was bad. It was my body. I could feel it was bad. Actually, it felt all too familiar – the crushing fatigue and the deep aches in my chest and the feeling of being drowned in my own body fluids. But, they said it wasn't lung mets. I didn't have lung mets again. So, that was something.

But, the cancer was back.

I felt my eyes slide shut. It was back. This was the fourth time cancer had come. The fourth time the grim reaper has come to claim me. Every time it has come as a shock. A blow like an unsuspecting punch to the face. I don't know why, anymore. It always came back. Like one of those toy clowns with the sand in the bottom. You punch it down to only watch it pop back up, ready for more.

"Okay," The RT said – a lady with red curly hair and a nametag that red 'Vicky.' "I'm going to pull the tube." Her eyebrows were twisted in concern.

This time, I decided cancer could have me. We were playing fate by trying to fight it, anyway. I was just appealing my sentence that had already been sealed the first time I got a nose bleed.

So, I asked to be taken off of ventilation, whether my lungs couldn't handle it or not. I knew I could probably go at least a couple of days. A couple of days of 'I love you's and 'I'll miss you's. A couple of days of goodbyes.

Dad fought me, of course. Mom wasn't in the room when I asked, probably for the better. I didn't want to see her heartbroken expression. I already put her through that once. But, this is what I wanted, even though the weight in my stomach and the voice in my head said I didn't want to die. This was for the best.

The therapist unhooked the Velcro strap that kept the tube in place and pulled the air out of the little bubble that kept it lodged in my throat with a syringe. "Pressure." She warned and the tube was extracted, my gag reflux going with it.

She quickly affixed an oxygen mask around my face. "Deep breaths." She instructed and I inhaled on her command.

I grunted, my eyebrows furrowing with concentration as my tight chest felt like it was being tied up and squeezed with chains. Inhale. I coached myself.

"How are you feeling?" The respiratory therapist asked.

"I'm," I wheezed, my voice rattly. "Okay." Inhale.

"Okay," The RT nodded, her eyes going to the screen above my head and her hand going under mine to level out the pulse oximeter clipped on my fingertip. "You're leveling off at around ninety." Her eyebrows furrowed. "It's not good, but it'll be okay." She sighed. "For now."

I closed my eyes, and focused on breathing. Inhale and exhale, even though it felt like all the air had been vacuumed out and I was floating through space. Where's Bella? She had come earlier, but then she left. She said she had a plan that would help me. Her voice was desperate.

The ache in my chest increased as my lungs overexerted them.

I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to

I wanted to tell her goodbye and that I was sorry.

"Edward," Bella said.

I opened my eyes to Bella and felt myself smile, despite the pain. "Hey," I greeted, feeling my mask fog up. "I was just," inhale. "thinking about you."

Her fingers fell across forehead, pushing my hair out of my face. My hair wasn't as long as it was at the beginning of the school year, but it was almost there. "Hey," She breathed back, her forehead finding mine since she couldn't kiss me.

"Are you okay?" I asked between breaths as I looked at her ace-wrapped arm.

Her face twisted with confusion. "Yeah, Edward. I'm fine." She eyes traced to my sheet. "I'm sorry I left you in the woods." Her voice cracked with tears.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second as I breathed through the pain. I tried lifting my arms, but I couldn't muster the strength. "Can you, like, come here so I can hold you?" Inhale.

She nodded and dropped the roll bar so she could sit down on the edge of the bed, her head finding my shoulder. "It's okay." I said as I traced my fingers down her arm. "Something would've happened anyway."

"But," She started. "If I didn't leave-,"

"Shhh." I said. "Just sit her with me, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded, her fingers tightening around my hospital johnny.

I closed my eyes. This was it. Heaven. Despite the pain in my chest and the fact that there was never enough air. Heaven wasn't a place in the sky that you go when you died. No. Heaven was the moment you felt the most alive. And for me, it was always when I was with Bella, our heartbeats synchronizing with each other.

I made a contented noise. "I wish I could stay here forever." I breathed.

"In the ICU?" She asked incredulously.

"No," I snorted. "With you, you donut."

She giggled, which dissipated like smoke. "You can, Edward." She whispered.

I shook my head. "No, Bella." Something wilted inside of me as I rounded out the words. "I can't. I'm dying." I sighed. "Nobody's really told me how yet." Inhale. Wince. "But, I am. I can feel it."

She shifted and I opened my eyes to her face inches from mine. I could see the crazed desperation that was in them from earlier. They turned the deep wells of soft brown hard like petrified wood. "No," She said, almost spat at me. "You're not. Not with me, you're not."

"Bella," I felt my eyebrows furrow and tears mist in my eyes. "I can't-,"

"No," She said and inhaled a deep breath. "We found your dad. Your…biological dad." Her words came tumbling out so fast that following them made me dizzy. "With the birth certificate that was left with you when he dropped you off at the fire station. Apparently – funnily enough -," A smile flitted over her face. "He works here in psychiatry. And we went to go see him, but he can't help you because he has AIDS or something – I don't even know – but apparently," She sucked in another breath so deep it was like she was bragging. "You have a twin, Edward. A twin sister. That means there is someone out there with your DNA who not only can help you, but is willing to do so."

"I…" I let my eyes trace around her for a moment as I tried to piece everything she just blurted at me together. "I don't understand."

"We're going to save you, Edward." Bella said, getting excited. "We found your twin sister."

I recoiled at the thought of more chemo. Isolation. Infections. Losing my hair again. Getting so sick I couldn't even roll myself over in bed again. Or pooped myself again. Rashes. Pills. That wasn't living. It was barely existing.

Bella saw my expression and hers twisted in confusion. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Bella," I breathed. "I don't want to go through that again." Inhale. "I can't go through that again. I'm not strong enough."

"Edward," She shook her head, her fingers wrapping around mine. "Of course you're strong enough."

"No," I argued. "I'm not." Inhale. "I know that Dr. Bears wants to put me on hospice."

"He doesn't want to put you on hospice." Her face flushed with anger and I watched irritated tears fall down her face. "Dr. Hot wants to put you on hospice-," She caught herself, her eyes widening.

I knew it.

Bella gave a shaky sigh. "They didn't say 'hospice'. They said 'palliative care.'"

"Tomato tomahto." I said back. "It's all means the same thing – I'm going to die."

"No," Bella said, her face deepening in shade. "You're. Not."

"Bella-,"

"Why," She almost shrieked, rising to her feet. I watched her run her fingers through her dark hair as she paced around. "Why do you want to leave me?" She pressed her hand to her chest, tears streaming down her face. "Don't you love me? Don't you want to live a long and happy life with me?"

I recoiled from her words. "Of course I love you."

"Then why are you so against everyone helping you?"

"Because." Inhale. "I'm not strong enough."

We stared each other down for a moment. I shifted and winced, trying to bring the pressure off of my chest, knowing full well that no matter how hard I squirmed I couldn't

Bella's shoulders slumped and it stabbed me in the chest. I didn't want to hurt her. It's just the ending to my tragic tale. A story that jumped the shark a long time ago. She slumped back on the edge of my bed, being careful not to pinch any of the lines that fed in and out of me.

"Edward," She twisted her hands together, her head shaking. "You're the strongest person I know."

I sighed through my nose and shook my head, averting my eyes to the other side of the room. "What if it doesn't work? Like your bone marrow didn't work?"

"It's going to work, Edward." She said lowly, just above a whisper. "It has to."

We were silent for a long moment. I couldn't answer her, because I didn't know what that answer was. I didn't want to leave her. Of course I didn't want to leave her. She made life worth living. But, at the same time, I couldn't survive more chemo. I already became a ghost once and came back. I don't think I could get lucky thrice.

"Will you at least meet her?" Bella asked with a sigh.

I looked back Bella, my eyebrows twisting up. "Who?"

Bella gave me a pointed look. "Your sister, Edward."

April 13, 2017

I straightened myself in bed a little, which was comical because I was already sitting almost ninety degrees to help my shitty lungs do their shitty job and watched Bella go to the door and call someone in.

I watched Bella come back in with a girl that looked like she was built like a ballet dancer, but dressed like she worked the front counter of a Hot Topic, her hair cut short and dyed the kind of black and glowed blue in the light and her eyes rimmed with heavy eyeliner. Bella hung back near the door, with a guy with longish, blond hair.

I tried to wrap my head around my biological family. Me having biological family. Sam Uley said once in the ninth grade that I was an abortion that happened to crawl my way out of the Planned Parenthood dumpster. My mom said I was a gift from God for her. Jacob always joked that my parents must've not been too read up on history to leave a white kid on an Indian reservation.

I had always assumed that my parents were teenagers or something – caught in a corner, desperate and unsure what to do. It seemed fitting. And believing that it kept me from being curious about them. Even during the period where I deluded myself into thinking my actual family was going to kick me to the curb.

I don't know if it comforted me or not knowing that I had a twin. There were two of us that were mistakes brought into this world. Not just one.

But, here she was, standing in front of my hospital bed. And as I looked at her face, I realized we had the same noses. And the same eyes. She was really my sister.

I licked my cracked lips. "Hi," I said, my eyebrows furrowing. How do you introduce yourself to someone you once shared a womb with? "I'm…Edward?"

She looked torn – half excitement, half apprehension. She couldn't believe I existed either. "Hi," She said, her eyes tracing around my hospital room. "I'm Alice, um Brandon." She jerkily pointed to the chair next to my bed. "Can I sit?"

"Yeah," I said. "Of course."

She did, sliding her woven purse off of her arm and setting it on the ground. She tapped her knees with her hands. "Are you allergic to kiwi fruit?" She blurted.

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "It makes me throat itch."

"Me too." She leaned forward, her eyes wide. "That's so crazy to think about."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I read in my horoscope this morning that someone unexpected would come back into my life." She giggled. "I thought it was going to be this clerk at Walgreens that likes my tattoo or, like, this crazy foster sister I had that likes to hit me up for crack money about once every three months." She grinned. "I'd never thought it be my actual brother."

"You weren't…" I felt my eyebrows furrow. "Adopted?"

Her expression fell a little bit and I watched her absently finger a scar on her arm. "No," She shook her head. "I was in the system since, well, I guess since I was born. I emancipated myself last year on the grounds that my last three foster families abused me in some way and that I've held a legal job since I was fourteen."

"Oh," I said, my eyes going to my lap. "I'm sorry."

She snorted. "You're in the hospital with, like, cancer and you're sorry?"

"Is that not-,"

A machine squealed at the same time a shooting pain struck me like lightning in the chest, radiating up into my shoulder. I sucked in a hard breath and twisted to watch the screen above my head flash to let someone know that my sats were dropping to unsafe levels.

I started counting down in my head.

3…2…1…

Vicky the Respiratory Therapist bustled herself into my room. "Are we taking deep breaths, Edward?"

"Yes," I said mid-inhale, my hand over my scar.

She poked at some screens and the squealing stopped and I felt the flow of oxygen increase in my mask. Which would've been great if my lungs knew how to do their fucking jobs.

I glanced up to Alice as the RT watched my sats slowly climb their way back up. Her eyes were wide as she took everything in. Finally, the RT left, satisfied that I was circulating enough oxygen in my bloodstream to not cause panics anymore.

"Sorry," I said and dropped my hand. "My lungs like to forget they're lungs sometimes."

"Is that the cancer?" She whispered.

"It was." I said. "It started in my blood and spread my lungs in freshman year."

"And now it's back?" She asked, trying to piece it together. "That's why you need bone marrow from me?"

I nodded. "Well," I said, looking towards Bella who was having a polite conversation with the blond guy. "That's what they want to do, at least."

"You don't want to do it?"

I kept my eyes on Bella, feeling my stomach tie into knots. "It's not that I don't want to do it," I said. "I'm just not sure if I should."

There was the sound of…drums? Rhythmic pounding We both looked towards the door of my room as the pounding grew louder.

"Good grief," Alice said. "Are they starting a sacrificial ritual out there?"

I sighed, knowing exactly who could make that much noise on a quiet ICU hallway. "It's my brother."

He appeared at my door, his dark hair a stack over his forehead and his black eyes wide. "Mom's woken up." He said.

I felt my eyebrows furrow in confusion and I looked up to Bella, who had moved to my side. "What's going on?"

But, Bella wasn't paying attention to me, her eyes were on Jacob. "How is she?"

"She went awhile without oxygen." Jacob said.

Horror flashed through me. Did something happen to Mom? "Guys," I breathed. "What's going on?"

"What are they saying?" Bella asked.

"She's really out of it." Jacob said. "She broke her clavicle and her wrist."

I felt heat rise to my face. Nobody tells me anything. I inhaled a deep breath, as far as my lungs would go in their tight space and then held it. I felt my hands tighten into frustrated balls.

"Brain death starts five minutes without oxygen." The blond guy said.

"She's asking about Edward." Jake said.

"You should go-,"

Three machines started to squeal once at the same time my lungs started to loudly protest from the lack of air. One wailed above my head from my racing heart, the one to my left tell me my sats were dropping and tone probably monitoring my carbon dioxide output.

Everyone's eyes flashed to me, the conversation stopping.

"Edward!" Bella's hands were on me. "What's wrong?"

I sucked in a deep breath now that I had everyone's attention. I felt a trickle of blood start its way down my nostril from the exertion. "What." I inhale. "Is. Going. On?"

Vicky came in, eyeballing the group of people around my bed. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." I said. "I was holding my breath."

"What?" Bella screeched. "Edward."

"What is going on with Mom?" I looked at Jacob.

The RT gave everyone a warning glance that said I'm not afraid to kick you guys out before turning and disappearing out the door.

His eyebrows twisted up. "She was in a car accident, bro." He said. "She's down in the ER."

A chill ran through me. All the heat in my extremities raced their way to my center. "What?" I squeaked, my heartbeat thrumming hard in my chest. "Is she okay?"

Jacob shook his head. "I don't know. Apparently she has a really bad concussion and it's putting a lot of pressure on her brain and-," He cut off. "What are you doing?"

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, one hand on the lowered roll bar and the other on my face mask. Nobody tells me anything. I thought. So, I'm going to figure it out for myself.

"Edward," Bella said, her hands on my shoulders. "Get back into bed."

"No," I said. "I'm going to see Mom."

"Edboy," Jake said. "Don't be stupid. Get back into bed."

"No." I snapped. "I'm going to see Mom."

"Edward," Bella said. "We don't have a wheelchair. We have no way-,"

"I can help with that." A new voice said.

We all turned to a blond guy in late thirties. He wasn't in the scrubs of the ICU. I had all the colors memorized – RTs wore dark red, nurses wore indigo, attendings wore the minty green, nursing aids wore purple. He was in a button down shirt and tie, his blond hair fingercombed off of his forehead and a contrite look on his face.

"Dr. Cullen," Bella said.

Alice's face just twisted into a scowl, her cheeks flaming red and her freckles popping out. The blond guy with the one arm - her boyfriend I presumed - reached out and placed a

"I can get a wheelchair." The blonde

"Edward can't go without oxygen." Jake said.

"I can probably find a tank." He said quietly.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" I breathed, feeling an invisible weight on my shoulders drag me down from holding myself up on the edge of the bed. "Before I literally keel over and die."

"Edward," Bella's fingers covered mine. "This is Carlisle Cullen, your, um, biological dad."

April 13, 2017

It was decided - on my insistence - that I go down to the ER.

We had to do it on the down low. The ICU staff, apparently, didn't like their patients wandering off unmonitored. Especially ones that were coughing up blood twenty-four hours ago.

I unhooked myself from all the heart monitors and Dr. Cullen shushed the machines so it wouldn't alert the staff that I was falling off the grid for a little bit. I was maneuvered by the blond guy – whose name I learned was Jasper – and Jacob into a wheelchair and my shitty lungs were hooked up to a mini-concentrator that Dr. Cullen filched off of the physical therapy

As we descended in the elevator, everyone crowded around my wheelchair. I looked at everyone's faces.

I started with Bella, her fingers were curled around my IV pole, watching the computer screen cycle, and she chewed on her lower lip. I looked at Jake, whose eyes were distant and set, his eyebrows furrowed into anxiety.

And then I looked at my family that I didn't know even existed until an hour ago. Carlisle to my right – my biological father - his lips parting like he wanted to say something and then he would close them and look at his shoes. And then, Alice, who was my sister. I had a twin sister. I had a million questions in my head. Why did you give us up? Where is my biological mother? Did you miss us? Did you think about us? Did you think to find us? Why wasn't Alice adopted? Why did she end up a foster kid and I didn't?

But one overshadowed them all. One rang like a gong into every corner of my mind.

Is Mom okay?

I nervously ran my hand over the machine – Lenny 2.0 – on my lap feeding me oxygen, trying to prepare myself for the worst. I couldn't even imagine what I would do without my mother. Her warm, brown eyes popped into my head and I almost audibly gasped with sobs at the thought of her dying.

Dr. Cullen blazed the trail once the elevator opened, using his keycard to open up locked doors with the tumblers. Everyone formed a halo around me to hide me, I guessed. Or – I don't know – protect me? I scowled. I don't need protecting.

The scowl melted and I chewed on my lip as I need my mother.

The ER was a madhouse compared to the ICU. I guessed they purposefully kept the ICU peaceful because it promoted healing, or something, but everyone rushed around the ER, staff members running as they put out medical fires as they happened.

We found Dad standing just outside a curtained partition that matched the other twenty that made up the . His eyes widened when he saw me. "Edward," Dad said, he looked a. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Mom." I said. "How is she?"

His lined face became grave and something sunk in my stomach. "She's awake." He said. "But, there was a lot of pressure on her brain from the accident and they don't know how she's going to fair."

"Can I see her?"

He exchanged a look

I scowled and grabbed the wheel of the wheelchair and pushed myself forward. I don't need protecting. Echoed in my head.

"Mom," I breathed.

She was on the bed, a million lines running from her. She looked like me after an emergency and I started to understand why everyone got so upset when I had to go to the emergency room. It was scary seeing her like this. Absolutely chilling.

Even though I wanted to look away, I forced myself to take stock of the damage. Her arm was splinted and bandaged. She had bruises and scrapes on her face. And a big gash in her head, blood matting into her long, black hair.

"Baby," Her eyes fell on me from where she was focusing on the ceiling.

"Mom," I was pushed by someone to her bed and I grabbed her hand. "What happened?"

She rolled her eyes like everything was annoying her. "This drunk driver T-boned me when I was trying to go to Walmart." She said and then winced. "What are you doing out of bed?"

I felt tears prickle my eyes. "I came down to see you."

"Oh, baby." She breathed. "Your lungs-,"

"I'm fine." I assured, my hand tightening around hers. "I wanted to be here for you." I whispered. "Since you're always there for me."

Her hand came up and banished the tears on my face. I watched her eyes go distant, hazy like she was fighting unconsciousness. "You're my boy. My sweet boy. I will always fight for you."

I will always fight for you. I looked down at our clasped hands. She would fight for me. She has fought for me. With every breath and every fiber of her being, she was there fighting as hard as I was against the dangers in my own body. Why can't I do the same for her?

I looked up to see her eyes closed.

"No, Mom." I cried. "You have to stay awake."

"I am." She breathed, her eyes opening. "I am."

I tried to think of something to talk about, something to keep her from slipping from me. "They found my sister." I blurted. "My biological sister."

Her eyes popped open at that. "What?"

"I have a twin I was separated from at birth." I nodded. "Her name is Alice. She's agreed to give me bone marrow to fight the cancer."

Mom's head perked up. "Bone marrow? They're going to save you?"

I nodded. "That's what they said."

"Oh my God." Mom breathed, her eyes starting to roll again. "Another child. A girl. What a blessing."

"You have to stay with us, okay?" I said, cupping her hand in mine. "I promise to fight if you promise to fight, okay?"

"Okay, baby." She nodded, her eyes sliding shut. "I promise."

I promise to fight if you promise to fight.

I started to cough, my lungs finished with supporting me and I watched a spray of blood fly from my mouth and hit everything in front of me, including Mom's hand I was holding. My heart started to pound in my head and everything started to swim around me, turning foggy and white.

"Edward," Bella was at my side.

I looked up into her worried brown eyes. "I think I need to go back on the vent." I managed before I blacked out.

Heyoooo! Fam! Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate thanksgiving lol I am thankful for you lovely readers and Stephanie Meyer's shit use of metaphors. Destroying angel? Really? Anyway, we have ONE more chapter! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!