A/N: I never thought I would be writing for these two again... I felt down the rabbit hole of their old scenes and I just had to write for them. I used to write for these guys, back when I was seventeen and an unknown dyslexic so the writing was horrific. Let me know what you think? Thank you for reading : )
Sophie had heard about it a few days after it happened, the day he had been found.
She knew Vinny still lived around the corner, she saw him around from time to time, and he was just a horrible reminder of what could have been.
She knew he and Sian didn't really talk much, they certainly didn't see each other.
But Sophie knew Sian wouldn't just stay away now, not after her father passed away.
He was drunk, or so the gossip wheel said, choked on his own vomit while he was passed out.
Sian would be back, if only to clean out his flat, and Sophie honestly didn't expect to see her. Sian would no doubt avoid her and, as much as Sophie wanted to, she wasn't going to seek her out, that just wouldn't be fair.
It was two days after Vinny had been found that Sophie saw Sian again.
Sophie had spent well over an hour waist deep in a cars engine, she was sweaty and filthy.
She straightened, stretching out the stiffness in her back when she spotted Sian.
She wasn't much taller than Sophie remembered, but her hair was slightly darker. Her face was thinner than Sophie remembered, and she looked exhausted.
Sian seemed to notice Sophie around the same time Sophie noticed her and completely stalled in her movement.
Sophie wasn't sure were she had been heading -maybe Dev's?- but she gave up on that idea in favour of making a b-line for Sophie.
Sophie dropped her wrench and moved closer, unsure of what was really happening.
"Sian," Sophie started, but before she could say anything else Sian had barrelled into her, almost knocking her completely off balance, her arms winding around Sophie's waist and her head buried against her chest.
Sophie was so shocked that it took her a good ten seconds to react, wrapping her arms tightly around Sian as the blonde's shoulders began to shake.
"I've got ya," Sophie whispered against the top of Sian's head.
"You're taller," Sian whispered between sobs, and Sophie couldn't help but laugh.
"Yeah, I took a last minute stretch." Sophie explained.
Sian didn't say anything else after that, merely crying against Sophie's chest for a few more minutes, pushing herself away, wiping her eyes and leaving.
Sophie called her name but when Sian didn't even flinch she gave up, staring at the retreating girl.
"Who's that?" Kate asked, coming up beside Sophie as she sat herself down on the hood on the car, dazed.
"Sian," Sophie said simply, but Kate immediately understood.
"Ex fiancé Sian?" She asked, and Sophie nodded. "Geez. Did she slap you?"
"No," Sophie shook herself. "She hugged me, cried against my chest for a bit then left."
"Poor girl, must be hard."
"They weren't close."
"It was still her father," Kate shrugged. "She probably doesn't have anyone here, you're probably her only source of comfort."
"I doubt my presence is comforting," Sophie scoffed. "I fucked everything up because I was young and liked the attention."
"We all fuck up, Soph." Kate shrugged, and Sophie knew she was referring to their 'relationship'. "She might need you now."
Sophie didn't believe it, and she wasn't about to seek Sian out at her fathers place, but she did go and pick up all of Sian's favourite things from Dev's, as well as a microwaveable meal for her to eat and left them at the door with a note that read;
If you want to talk, I'm here
Sophie
Followed by her number.
She rang the doorbell before walking away briskly.
She didn't hear anything from Sian that night, but did wake up to a message the following morning thanking her for the food and telling her that Sian just wasn't quite ready to talk to her.
Sophie understood, it had been seven years but there had never been any closure, Sian left feeling like she wasn't good enough and that was never it.
Sian was more than good enough, Sian was everything Sophie could ever want, Sian was too good for Sophie, who was a dead beat drop out.
Sophie was scared of losing Sian, and then her parents got divorced and they could have ended up homeless, Sophie just couldn't cope.
Sian was so focused on her exams that she didn't noticed Sophie spiralling But Amber did, and she used that to her advantage.
Sophie liked the attention, and it was something she would regret for the rest of her life.
—
Sophie worked late that night, finishing a car that had to be done come morning.
The street lights were on, and Sophie had her dads old Elvis CD playing quietly through the garage when Sian appeared.
The light rap on the metal door startled her, causing her to knock her head against the bonnet.
"Jesus Christ," she grumbled, rubbing her head as she turned to the door, faltering when she noticed Sian standing there was a bag in one had.
"Working late?"
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, this car needs to be finished come morning." Sophie explained unsurely.
Sian nodded awkwardly. "Much more left?"
"Nah,"
"You got time to eat?" Sian held up the bag. "Got you somethin' from the chippy."
"That sounds great," Sophie dropped the bonnet as she nudged her head, signalling for Sian to enter.
Sian sat the bag on the bonnet as Sophie perched herself on it.
They ate in silence, and Sophie could feel herself get more and more anxious with every passing moment.
"I'm sorry I ran off yesterday," Sian said quietly.
"It's okay, I expected you to punch me, honestly."
"I'm not mad at you, not anymore." Sian glanced at Sophie. "It was just all too much, I needed a hug."
Sophie nodded understandingly.
"We weren't close, I hadn't seen him in, like, four years, but he was my dad. And between that and seeing you, I just couldn't deal."
"I'm sorry,"
"About what? My dad or us?" Sian asked, but there was no bite in her words, no malice, she was just curious.
"Both," Sophie admitted. "I didn't see him around much, either."
Sian nodded, not really sure what to say.
"I want to explain myself, but I don't think now is the best time." Sophie said.
"No, it's not." Sian agreed. "I'm not angry but I still want to know."
"Whatever you're ready, I'll answer any questions you have."
Sian nodded, releasing a watery laugh as she stared down at her feet.
"What?"
"You're just-" Sian shook her head. "More mature than before."
"I'm not seventeen anymore," Sophie shrugged. "I've done a lot of soul searching."
"Yeah?" Sian tilted her head curiously.
"Yeah, and things haven't been the best, but it wouldn't be the street without someone constantly fucking up or something going wrong, right?"
"This place is a nightmare. I live in London and it has been quiet compared to this place." Sian laughed, and Sophie couldn't stop the soft smile that pulled on her lips. "I wanna hear about it, about it all."
"But not right now?" Sophie hummed.
"Not right now."
Sophie nodded. "That's fair."
They ate mostly in silence again, Sophie sneaking glances at Sian, and even in the dingy garage lights and with her being exhausted, Sian was still the most beautiful woman Sophie had ever clapped eyes on.
"Sophie," Sian warned, and Sophie quickly looked away.
"What?"
"You know what," Sian shot back, glancing briefly over at Sophie. "I should let you get back to work."
"Oh, okay," Sophie agreed, standing and packing up the trash. "Uh, I should be finished in an hour, there is beers and whiskey in the office, if you wanna, you can stop by."
"I don't think that's a good idea,"
"No," Sophie agreed, her shoulders lifting. "But we've always been partial to bad ideas."
There was a twitch at the corner of Sian's lips, it wasn't a smile but it was enough.
"Goodnight, Sophie." Sian said, and Sophie nodded, a little dejected.
"Night, Sian."
Sophie watched her leave, feelings brewing in her chest that she hadn't had in seven years. Not for Maddie, or Jenna, or Kate, or Paula.
Sophie had always put it down to Sian being her first love, there was no competing with that, but she was twenty four now, she had experienced love, loss, yearning, and none of it ever compared to the love, loss and yearning she felt for Sian.
"Get a grip," Sophie grumbled to herself, throwing the bag of trash toward the office and getting back to work.
She finished faster than she expected, dropping the hood and unzipping her overalls, tying them around her waist.
She sat on the bonnet of the car and sighed, running her hand over her face.
"I could probably use that drink,"
Sophie raised her eyes to peer over her hands, a little smile on her lips. "Yeah?"
"Just a few, I have to be up early to deal with funeral stuff."
Sophie nodded, "There is a mini fridge in there, I need to close up."
Sian headed toward the office while Sophie pulled the shutters closed.
"Is this your dads?" Sian asked, leaving the office with the bottle of Wentford Reserve whiskey and two tea mugs.
"Yeah, but he won't mind, he hasn't been drinking much recently." Sophie explained, settling herself on the floor with her back against the car.
Sian merely nodded, pouring them out a few drinks before sitting against the wall across from Sophie.
"I would say I'm sorry about your dad but I know you've probably heard that too many times the past few days." Sophie said, taking a sip of her drink, not cringing nearly as much as Sian had.
"You a whiskey drinker now?" Sian asked.
"I have moved on from alcopops."
Things went silent again, other than the radio playing softly through the garage, and the odd voice from outside.
Sophie's cheeks were starting to heat up a little when Sian spoke again.
"I hadn't seen him in years, the last we spoke we yelled at each other." Sian said quietly. "I don't wish it was different, that's just who we always were, and I honestly didn't think I would feel this sad when he died."
"He was still your dad, Sian." Sophie said. "You had good memories with him, I know you did, you told me."
"When I was a kid, even then they were scarce. He was a horrible man."
"Sure, but he was still your dad, you're entitled to feel something."
Sian nodded, unsurely. "Tell me about you? Maybe your shit few years will give me a laugh."
"Well, first I got hit by a car, not long after... everything.I really hurt my back and I seduced my physiotherapist, she lost her job, we broke up. I started working at the soup kitchen, where I met Maddie, she was the closest." Sian didn't need to ask what the meant, but there was a softness in Sophie's features that made her smile slightly. "Maddie was a firecracker, homeless, but she had the best heart."
"What happened?" Sian questioned, pulling Sophie out of her little daze.
Sophie took a gulp of her drink. "The builders yard blew up, she was caught in the cross fire."
Sian didn't really know what to say to that.
"Someone tried to kidnap Jack but she didn't get away with it, then I went to America to stay with Rosie. There was a whole thing with drugs, I dated this girl Kate for a while but she kind of messed me around, we're good now, though. Jack got sick while I was watching him and had to have his leg removed, and most recently I was dating a woman called Paula. She was my mums age and her lawyer, that was a whole mess."
"Jesus," Sian laughed, shaking her head as she took a drink of her whiskey. "I do not miss this place."
"Yeah, it's a bit of a nightmare." Sophie agreed. "What about you?"
"Moved to London, I met a girl called Jaz, we almost got married, but I knew my heart wasn't in it, it wasn't fair. Other than that there hasn't been much going on."
"Sounds boring." Sophie said with a little grin. "Apart from the almost getting married."
"Apparently I have a thing for almosts." Sian commented and Sophie deflated a little. "I didn't mean, I'm sorry."
"No, I deserve it."
"You do, but I'm not mad anymore." Sian sighed. "I just want to know why, Sophie."
"Why?" Sophie hummed. "It was an accumulation of a lot of things."
Sian watched Sophie expectantly.
"I mean, my mum and dad, the thought of being homeless, I was terrified of losing the one thing that I loved more than anything in this world. So scared that I fuck it up anyway. You were so busy with exams, and I felt myself slipping. Amber gave me attention I thought I needed." Sophie lifted her eyes to Sian. "I know it probably left you feeling like you weren't enough but that was never it, Sian. You were more than enough, I just know what to do with the unwavering love you had for me."
"I was so focused on college that I didn't notice a lot of things with you back then, and for that I'm sorry."
"No," Sophie shook her head definitively. "You don't need to apologise for anything, you were focusing on your future, our future and I was young and I was stupid, and didn't understand that."
Sian swallowed, looking down at her glass.
"I fucked up here, Sian. Not you, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't my parents fault, or Amber's. It was me, I was stupid. I let myself think that I wasn't good enough, and that scared me so much that I fucked up something I was trying so hard not to fuck up."
Sian swallowed, nodded slowly. "Thank you, for being honest."
Sophie nodded. "I just need you to know that you were everything I could have asked for, you never deserved to feel inadequate."
"You've grown up, a lot." Sian commented. "What happened to the gobby cow I knew?"
"She's still in here," Sophie assured.
"Good, you wouldn't be a Webster without it."
Things went quiet again after that, both girls making their way though their second glass of whiskey before Sian announced she had to head back.
Sophie locked up and they walked down the cobbles, the street quiet since it was just past midnight on a Wednesday.
"Thank you for tonight," Sian said when they reached the path leading up to her house. "Not just the drink but the explanation, I need it."
"Of course," Sophie nodded. "If you have any questions or anything, just ask."
Sian nodded. "Goodnight, Sophie."
"Night,"
Sian offered Sophie a tight lipped smile before turning and walking away.
—
Sophie went to the pub on her lunch break the next day, sliding into a booth beside Ryan, who was hunched over a pint.
He barely glanced at her before returning his eyes to his beer.
"She's back, you know?"
"Who?" Ryan questioned, draining the rest of his beer.
"Sian. To clean out her dad's place."
"Hm," Ryan hummed, side-eyeing Sophie. "You seen her?"
"Briefly," Sophie nodded. "She isn't mad at me anymore."
"Good for her, I would be," Ryan admitted. "How is she doing?"
"Okay, I think."
"Good, might stop by and see her later."
Kate stopped by around two with a roll and sausage from Roy's, and Sophie knew she wanted the gossip.
"Are you gonna get back together," she asked from her seat in the passenger side of the car Sophie was working on.
"No, she deserves so much better than me." Sophie said, groaning a little as she tightened the spark plug. "She needs someone, and I don't know if that's me, but Ryan is going to stop by, so maybe he could be her shoulder to cry on."
"Ryan?" Kate laughed. "Ryan is more brain dead than most boys, and that's saying something."
"Yeah," Sophie sighed, "but her didn't break her heart."
"Soph," Kate sighed sympathetically, getting out of the car when Sophie dropped the bonnet.
"No, I don't think I could deal, either." Sophie admitted, wiping off her hands on the cloth she had tucked into her back pocket. "No one has ever come close to Sian, I thought everything was gone."
"It's not?" Kate questioned and Sophie shook her head solemnly. "Oh, Soph."
Kate wrapped Sophie up in a hug, which Sophie melted into, tucking her nose into Kate's neck.
"Oh," Kate murmured and pulled away, smiling over Sophie's shoulder. "Hey."
Sophie glanced back to see Sian standing there looking unsure, her hands in her pockets. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."
"You aren't, don't worry." Kate assured, "I was just leaving, see ya later, Sophie."
Sophie nodded, smiling at her friend before turning back to Sian. "Everything okay?"
"I have an appointment with the funeral place at four."
"Oh, do you need a run in? I don't mind driving you." Sophie offered immediately.
"I-" Sian trailed off, looking unsure. "It doesn't matter."
"Let me drive you in?" Sophie requested, already unzipping her overalls. "We don't have to talk, or anything, it will just be easier for you, and I need a break anyway."
Sian looked unsure, and like she was about to tell Sophie no, but then she nodded. "That would be nice, thanks."
Sophie let her dad know that she was taking her break before grabbing the keys to the recovery truck.
They drove in silence for the majority of the journey.
"Of all things I never expected you to become a mechanic wasn't one of them."
"How very stereotypically gay of me, huh?" Sophie grinned crookedly over at Sian, one hand on the wheel, the other propping her head up against the window.
"It's crazy, isn't it?" Sian hummed. "At sixteen I wouldn't never have imagined being so... open with liking women."
"Suppose things have changed, with society and us. The older you get the less you give a shit."
"You've definitely adopted the mouth of a mechanic."
Sophie laughed quietly, side-eyeing Sian. "How are you?"
Sian nodded. "The closer I get to it being over the better I feel. I feel bad, just wanting to get him in the ground."
"Nah, you shouldn't. Like you said, he wasn't great, and you can be sad but it doesn't have to be all consuming like it is expected to be when your dad dies."
"I'm not even sad, I don't think. I thought I was but I'm just- I'm angry. There was no closure, the last time I seen him was when I first started seeing Jaz, he told me I could call him when I grew out of this filthy phase." Sian's jaw clenched. "He didn't even apologise, and now I have to fork out a few grand to get rid of him."
"He could have a state funeral, if no one claims him."
"I couldn't- I couldn't leave him in there for months."
Sophie nodded, pulling up outside the funeral home.
"Thank you," Sian smiled softly over at her.
"No problem,"
"I might see you around?"
"I can wait," Sophie offered. "I still have fifteen minute left on my break, and I'm sure dad would understand if I was late back. He has always liked you, anyway."
Sian chuckled, ducking her head. "You don't have to."
"I know," Sophie hummed, rapping her fingers against the wheel. "Take your time, there's no rush."
"Thank you,"
Sophie pulled out her phone as Sian rushed off into the building.
Sophie [15:56]: I still love her
Kate [15:57]: I know
[15:57]: she doesn't seem to hate you
Sophie [15:59]: I don't think there is any hope for us
Kate [16:01]: maybe not, but no harm in trying.
Sian was out before quarter past, jumping into the truck and running her hands on her jeans.
"That was fast,"
"Yeah, I just got the cheapest package." Sian shrugged, and Sophie took in the rigidness, the rubbing her hands against her thighs. It was the same tells as teenage Sian.
Sophie, without thinking, reached out to place a hand on Sian's, causing the girl to only tense more.
"Sian," Sophie murmured softly.
Sian quickly pulled her hand away, shaking her head. "Don't, Sophie."
"Sorry, I-"
"I might do something stupid, so please, don't."
Sophie nodded, "Of course, sorry." She apologised.
"It's not- I just don't know what I'm feeling. With my dad, I'm kind of all over the place."
"I didn't- I wasn't making a move, Sian, I was just trying to be a friend."
"I don't think I can handle you being that close."
Sophie nodded. "I understand, if you need support I'm here."
"I know,"
Sophie started the truck and drove them back to the street.