This is a story about Ruby Rose.

Ruby Rose is the main character of this story.

Volume 5 had finally and mercifully ended with absolutely zero consequences for our heroes. Our protagonists had finally managed to figure out the ultimate weakness of the villains: budget restraints. Put too many people on screen at once, and everyone lost their ability to fight or think rationally. It's kind of like playing a high end game that your PC can't handle, so everything just freezes up. And that's exactly what the climax of this past volume was like.

Anyway, Oscar was sitting around with nothing to do since he had overcome all of his previous doubts and questions off-screen, like what any good writer has their characters do. But what this did allow for was for EVEN MORE EXPOSITION from the king of dull monologues himself, Ozpin! And seeing how this man can take over a little boy's body whenever he feels like it, that's exactly what he did.

"Oscar," he asked the child who could not escape his tormenter. "I've been around for a long time. Made more mistakes than any man, woman or child in history. And yet I've still learned nothing, nor have I accumulated any knowledge or strategies in order to defeat my arch nemesis. It's almost as if this whole reincarnation idea and being cursed by the gods was just tacked on in the middle of the story because it sounded cool."

"Gee, Ozpin. That sure would make a lot of sense. But why do you bring this up now? Why not explain something that actually matters such as the nature of Salem, Ruby's silver eyes, the power of the relics, or something else people actually care about?"

"Because it's all about keeping things vague, Oscar," Ozpin mansplained to the one time hypothesized transgender spring maiden. "You see, if you keep things vague, don't have any dates or timelines, you can never be called out for your poor writing. You can just retcon things whenever you feel like it."

"Wow, Mr. Ozpin. You sure are smart. You know how to turn utter laziness and poor planning into an art form. It's almost as if you're deceiving everyone into thinking you have a plan, but are really just bad at what you do. Incompetent even."

"Indeed. And I'll tell you this. If there's one thing I've learned in my time here on Remnant, there is one sure way to keep the people under your control. Do you know how I've managed to keep the people of this world under my thumb for five, I mean thousands upon thousands of years?"

"How?"

"Cute girls."

"Cute girls?"

"Indeed, Oscar. Cute girls. You would be amazed by how many lazy, retarded and nonsensical decisions people will overlook if you dangle a few cute girls in front of them. And if you tease said cute girls being in relationships with one another? They will disregard even the dumbest of decisions and omissions as long as they get their fill of cute girls having cute moments together. They will accept mediocrity with open arms and praise it as if it was the greatest thing on the internet, I mean in the world."

Oscar hmmmmed. "So if you don't mind me asking, what is your goal then? What do you get out of all of this Salem, maidens, relics and magic nonsense?"

"Why, I am going to rob these fools of all their lien, of course! They attended my academy under the false pretense of becoming huntresses, but after only three volumes, I mean a few months, the academy was no more! Now they are out here in the wilderness, as lost and confused and aimless as I am. But the trick is, I already have all of their lien. And they will continue to pay me their lien despite not having a school to attend anymore. Despite not getting what they thought they were paying for. And do you know why?"

"Cute girls?"

"Exactly, Oscar! You understand completely because you are a like-minded person. These people will continue to throw their hard-earned lien at me for even the slimmest chance of seeing Yang and Blake hold hands. Or Yang and Weiss sharing a hug. Or even you and Ruby having a heartfelt conversation together. These people are suckers of the highest caliber, and they deserve to be parted with their lien for their stupidity."

"Wow maybe you aren't such a good guy after all, Ozpin. Maybe you really are shades of grey! This! This right here! This is good storytelling! You're displaying shades of grey! RWBY is the greatest show ever!"

"Indeed. It doesn't matter how many mistakes I make. It doesn't matter how many times I fail to deliver. They will continue to follow and obey me. And do you know why?"

"Cute girls!" Oscar yiffed.

So get ready for another volume of Cute Girls: The American Anime! Now with even more dropped storylines, undeveloped characters, disappointing payoffs, and EVEN MORE VAGUENESS! Because who needs to know anything about the world of RWBY when there are cute girls to distract you?

The end.