this is all the warning you'll ever get: this is slash. it's bl. it's yaoi. it's boyxboy. it's hella fucking gay. don't like, don't read, and please do it silently. i don't need your sad biased opinion i don't need your petty homophobic flames, thanks.

this is a HANAHAKI AU, an au wherein there's a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flowers when they suffer from unrequited love. take note: unrequited, meaning one-sided. it only ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. it can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear, or they forget all about the person they are in love with. it varies. to be fully cured, the victim must also believe that their feelings are returned. if they don't, they die. ( c. fanlore-org )

i think you already know who's having the disease, is that even a surprise anymore?

( clarification: even though the love is requited, if the victim of the disease does not believe that he is loved back, they will not be cured. )

—

LOVELORN LIARS

—

01. deep hook marks in rubber lips

—

Walburga Black died when Regulus was only seven. His brother, Sirius, was eight. The younger Black sibling does not remember much of their mother — she was strict, yes, very much so, to the point that Regulus and Sirius were never given the luxury of being normal, functioning children.

She forbid her sons to communicate with the lower class, the filth, which often left her lips as mudbloods. She was cruel, but she wasn't heartless. Not as everyone perceived her to be.

Walburga may not love her sons, but she cared for them.

When Regulus asked his father why their mother died, Orion only gave him a passing, melancholic look that spoke about a thousand words to nothing. Although Regulus didn't need to ask anymore. He had overheard, from a gossiping group of women as they passed by that Walburga Black died because of Hanahaki Disease. Some said Walburga was a fool, some thought her story was heartbreaking, and some didn't really care at all.

Regulus was a smart child; he knew what that meant.

Their mother, Walburga Black, died because Orion Black did not love her enough. (Or maybe not at all.)

—

"Reggie, what are you doing?"

Regulus blinked at the direction of his older brother, putting down his brush with a sigh, "Painting, Siri."

Sirius scrunched up his nose, "Flowers?"

"What's wrong with flowers?"

"They're.. I don't know. Weird. Why are you painting flowers?"

Regulus looked at the half-finished piece in front of him, eyes glazed on the warm sunset hue of the daffodils, "They're pretty."

Sirius looked at his brother like he couldn't understand what he was saying, and a moment later, the Black heir seemed to have come to a certain realization, staring at the almost dried colour of the blood smeared on the canvas, his mouth turning downwards in the slightest frown.

"If you say so."

The painting is finished by the end of the month, the crimson red replaced by green.

—

It was the first time Regulus stepped into Muggle London.

Orion, his father, had taken him and Sirius out to visit their uncle, Alphard Black, who requested to meet them. It startled Regulus at first to know that one of his relatives lived in Muggle London, and it turns out that their uncle was almost blasted off the Black Tapestry, but was not. To why, they didn't know.

Muggles were odd, Regulus concluded. They have a completely bland way of living, and they tend to perform in the streets where their hats were taken off filled with things that were similar to knuts.

A muggle approached them and gave a lopsided but kind grin. He was holding out a blue rose, "Happy Hearts Day, kid."

Orion pulled him away from the muggle before Regulus even had a chance to reply.

—

Regulus observed that Sirius liked singing.

He's in his studio that night, working on a piece consisting of a simple blue rose. It's nothing special; just something to pass the time. But somehow Sirius was there, on a stool, humming faintly to a tune Regulus has never heard before. It sounds muggle, Regulus thinks, recalling a song he heard from the street performers when he and Orion passed by Muggle London.

"What's that song?"

Sirius perks up at the question, cocking his head, "Er, nothing. I just made the tune up."

Regulus blinked.

"It sounds muggle," he blurts out, "maybe you should try listening to their music, you may like them." Regulus doesn't think much of this when he said it, he doesn't even know why he did.

"Is that okay?" asked Sirius.

"What is?"

"Knowing... muggle stuff."

Regulus remembers the rose that the muggle attempted to give him.

"Yeah, it's okay, I think."

Sirius beams.

He starts to come at Regulus' studio regularly and sing muggle songs.

It becomes a routine for the both of them.

—

Regulus was ten when Sirius got his Hogwarts letter.

He remembers the excited face of his brother when he received it. Sirius' whole face lighted up like it always did when he was singing, and Regulus didn't know what was so exciting about the school, but he was happy for Sirius. He had always wanted to attend Hogwarts ever since he found Regulus reading about it, deeply enamoured by the promise of magic.

"I'm finally going to Hogwarts, Reg! Can you believe it, really?"

Orion placed his teacup down, "We can, in fact, believe it, Sirius. Now hurry along and stop bouncing, we need to shop for your things."

Sirius grumbled in response and sent a pleading look at Regulus. Orion noticed their exchange and sighed, "Fine. Regulus can come."

Sirius visibly lightened up and started hopping upstairs dragging Regulus behind him to get dressed.

"Sirius, I said stop bouncing like an idiot." Orion calls after them.

"I'm not bouncing!" Sirius yells back.

Orion just sighs and fixes his robe.

The Blacks arrive at Diagon Alley shortly, and it takes them very little time to shop for the designated items on Sirius' list. They went for the cauldrons last, and Regulus noticed that inside the shop, it smelled like fresh, minted herbs, like an actual apothecary. He admired the fleeting solitude until he heard Sirius shout from the other side of the room.

Rushing to his brother, Regulus finds him apologizing to a boy who looked as young as Sirius, with untamed dark hair and circle rimmed glasses.

"Sirius, what did you do now?"

"I just knocked off some stuff and it kind of fell on this guy, it's not my fault, Reg!" Sirius turned to the bespectacled boy, "Really sorry though, mate. Wasn't intentional, swear."

The boy accepted Sirius' apology rather quick, and they both just laughed it off.

"It's nothing. I'm James, by the way. James Potter."

"Sirius Black. This is my cute little brother, Regulus."

Regulus ignored Sirius' comment and nodded towards the Potter boy. If the Black siblings were ever good at anything, it was masking their emotions. If they were surprised that James did not show any reaction to their last name other than a hint of recognition despite being a pureblood, they did not show it.

James just cracked a grin at Sirius' introduction, "Yeah, he's kinda cute and all little. You're both going to Hogwarts next year too?"

"Ah no, it's just me. Reg's going next year!"

"You're gonna be my yearmate, then! Which house d'you think you'll be in?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, but smiled nonetheless, "I don't know, really. My whole family's been in Slytherin, but I think I like Gryffindor more."

"Cool, I'm hoping for Gryffindor too! They say it's the best house, you know. They say Slytherin's bad."

Regulus reacted to that, "It isn't. Don't generalize."

James blinked at Regulus direction and swallowed, "Uh, okay, I guess."

"Yeah, I advice not badmouthing Slytherin so much in front of Reg. He explained it to me, you know, I think it's not that bad now, but it's not really for me," Sirius shrugged, "Maybe it's all the red."

"Oh, I see. Sorry, yeah?" James apologized sheepishly, and Regulus waved him off, saying it was nothing, "Why 'all the red'?"

Sirius looked at Regulus, "Because of daffodils. I think they're pretty in red."

Regulus only smiled. He didn't want to say that the daffodils were green now.

—

Sirius left later that year, and Regulus was now alone.

He sent a few letters. One for when he was sorted, and Regulus was happy when his brother had gotten into Gryffindor along with Potter, despite all the odds. Although he's not sure how to feel because he and his brother will be in rival houses, he ignored the clawing doubt and proceeded to write a letter back to congratulate Sirius.

As predicted, Orion wasn't rejoicing in the wake of his son's sorting. Neither was the whole House of Black. Regulus read from Sirius' letter that Bellatrix had gone ballistic and had thrown a hissy fit while their other cousins showed their blatant disapproval.

Regulus told Sirius in his letter not to mind them, and that he wishes holidays would come soon, so he could come home.

The silence in the studio seemed more suffocating whenever it wasn't cloaked around Sirius' voice. Ever since that day in the Alley, Regulus often painted portraits of a boy with a mop of striking dark hair. Regulus has an idea of why he kept using his memory of the Potter boy as a muse. He had a rougish charm, an aesthetic appeal that Regulus doesn't encounter much, and he made a good reference for when he was out of inspiration.

But somehow, the portraits always remained faceless. Regulus found that he couldn't possibly copy Potter's smile.

—

When Sirius came home for the holidays, Regulus honestly expected a fight to ensue between his father and his brother.

The day before Yule was a tense, tiring day, and Orion was silent for almost the whole twenty four hours, until he finally tapped Sirius lightly on the shoulder and said, "Congratulations."

Sirius cried for the first time held by his father.

Yule night came and it was probably the best one they ever had as a family, Regulus thinks, as they open up their presents. Their family members sent some gifts, and they were the standard, pureblood gifts meant more for politics than actual courtesy to give that the brothers sorted them away until all that was left was a handful of gifts from Sirius' friends and the brothers' gifts to each other.

The younger Black sibling was surprised, to say the least, that he got a present from one of Sirius' friends, namely Potter. It was nothing fancy. Just an edelweiss charmed to not wilt, which was probably store-bought since he knew Potter was way too young to properly charm the flower.

Regulus placed the edelweiss in his studio, thinking it was as beautiful as everything there.

—

The time finally came for Regulus to attend Hogwarts.

He and Orion shopped for his things early even when his letter wasn't even delivered, and the only thing Regulus was happy about was with his owl, Edel, because the edelweiss' petals were the first thing that came to his mind when he looked at the owl's feathers.

When Regulus' letter came, he clutched it tightly, thinking it was both a curse and a blessing to finally be with Sirius again just to separate once more when he enters Slytherin.

He has no doubts about his sorting, never had and never will.

—

Regulus ended up in the same compartment with his brother's friends.

He learned that Sirius had a half-blood friend named Remus Lupin, a somewhat scrawny boy that had scars littered across his skin. He looked like a character out of a fantasy book not because of any magnificent things; Regulus vowed to paint him sometime soon. Remus' slightly nervous but vague smile was probably way easier to replicate than James Potter's, anyway.

There was also Peter Pettigrew in his ragtag group of friends, and Regulus didn't like him as much as he liked Remus. He decided he'll give the older boy some more time to warm up to him.

Then came James Potter. It wasn't much of a shock, really, that he was already so close with Sirius. They were alike in many ways, after all.

"I'm sure you're gunning for Slytherin, right, Reg?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Slytherin? With those slimy gits?" Peter added, and Regulus narrowed his eyes and was about to answer but Sirius already beat him to it.

"Peter, don't talk like that in front of my brother, yeah?"

Peter visibly swallowed, "Y.. Yeah. Okay, okay. Sorry."

Regulus didn't pay any attention to Peter and instead looked out the window.

"Sirius, I can't believe your brother is decent." Regulus heard Lupin, the half-blood, say. James snorted and Peter cracked a small smile while Regulus raised a brow.

Sirius looked positively affronted, "That's rude! I'm decent too!"

"You're not fooling anybody in this compartment with that, Sirius."

"Yeah, what a load of dung."

"I can't believe I'm friends with you lot."

Regulus smiled and allowed himself a small chuckle. Same house or not, Sirius was in good hands.

—

Regulus blocked out the noise of the Great Hall's claps and silently walked towards the Slytherin table. He sat beside a boy with black hair that fell on his shoulders and a long nose, whose name was Severus Snape. He learns that he and his brother's group were not the best of friends, but that was to be expected when you go to rival houses. Though their relationship wasn't as strained as Regulus thought it would be. They were just the typical Gryffindor and Slytherin to one another.

Later on he found out that Snape was a sort of outcast due to his blood status and friendship with a Gryffindor muggle girl called Lily Evans.

Snape and Regulus were friendly acquaintances, even though they were in different years. Regulus found that he only had one likeable dormmate that goes by the name of Genesis Zabini, who wasn't nearly as stuck-up as everyone else.

The first few weeks of Hogwarts were.. enlightening. Regulus learned that his brother's group was rising and riding the tide of the castle, becoming resident troublemakers and making McGonagall's head hurt. They're an entertaining lot, Regulus admits to himself, and even Genesis thinks they're annoying but tolerable.

His cousins in Slytherin try to speak to him, and he gives them brief nods and small smiles. Regulus doesn't give them much encouragement to continue to talk, especially their cousin Bella. Narcissa, or Cissy, was one of the few cousins Regulus and Sirius could tolerate, but even they know not to get involved with her when her engagement to Lucius Malfoy was already passed along as common news. They weren't looking forward for the wedding.

In his free time, Regulus tries to sketch James Potter's face.

He still can't do it.

—

Regulus celebrates the end of his first year in Hogwarts inside his studio.

Sirius is there, questioning him about the faceeless boy that often appeared in his paintings. Of why he had nothing else but tresses as dark as the night sky.

"He looks like someone I know," Sirius had said, "And it's wrong, since he doesn't even have a face."

Regulus hums, "Maybe you do know him."

"Really?" asked Sirius, "I think I'd realize who he was though, if I really do."

And maybe you will, Regulus thinks, but only when he's not faceless anymore.

—

Regulus becomes a second year student so fast he couldn't fathom how.

Maybe it's because there was nothing to be excited about anymore in Hogwarts that he didn't notice the ordinary days going by were actually long, grueling months. He and Sirius still talk, to Regulus' relief. They're not the same as before, they will never be, but they will always be brothers with the same blood. He knows that. They both know that.

The Slytherin common room was a nice place, but for some reason Regulus always found himself seated by the Black Lake. He studies there, does homework there, paints there, and all the other things. Sometimes he even takes his naps by the lake.

This time he paints a woman with daffodils on her mouth and a vacant stare. There's no blood on the woman's face, though Regulus knows there should be. There should be splatters of the red liqiud scattered across her cheek and past her jaw all the way down to her neck and collarbone. There should be small pools of blood on the woman's lips. But there wasn't anything. The woman only looked so hollow — so void.

He thinks of Hanahaki while painting. He thinks of the tragedy of having to rely on only one person to btoh save you and kill you. He thinks of not wanting it. But that's all he does; think. Although it was common knowledge that Hanahaki was often hereditary, it was also rare to pass on, and that's what makes Regulus have an inkling of hope that he will not fall in love for someone so hard that he'd die for them. Because he had so much to do, so much to accomplish.

Regulus paints the daffodils red and green. They're smudged and messy, but nonetheless still beautiful.

Footsteps rattle Regulus' thinking and James Potter was suddenly seated beside him, looking at the piece Regulus had painted.

"It's beautiful," he praised Regulus, "Sirius was right. Daffodils are pretty in red. But I think they look brilliant in green."

Regulus stares at the boy he had failed for so long to paint, stares at his face without the ever-present smile, and realizes that maybe it wasn't his smile that he needed. Maybe it was only his serene face, the way he looked right now.

"Thanks, Potter."

"Call me James," he smiles (and Regulus hates it).

"Okay, then," Regulus conceded, "Just drop your smile."

James blinked and blurted out an agreement with a laugh, his smile leaving his face as quickly as it came.

Regulus burned the image of the James Potter in front of him, the faceless boy in all of his paintings.

—

Regulus comes home for holidays and locked up in his studio.

Sirius is there with him again, singing softly, and Regulus swims in the sound as he felt his brush sing.

Regulus doesn't finish the portrait in one sitting, instead he leaves the paint to dry and listens to Sirius' voice as they linger in the studio.

He had missed the feel of home whenever he was around Sirius, and he missed the way they were before. Things had changed and ties have loosened; but until both hands were there to hold it tighter, it was going to be all right. They just had to believe.

Regulus sleeps that night with vivid dreams of a young boy with moon glasses and jet black hair, a smile missing from his face.

—

an；regarding the different stuff here: as i said, this is an au. walburga's death caused a different outcome, and i don't think orion is that bad of a father, just a coward. the snape x marauder bullying relationship will not happen so badly here, since sirius is obviously a lot more mature than he was before. james is a bit grounded, im not so sure. so no, regulus is not a seething petty pureblood, but i believe he will always belong in slytherin and sirius in gryffindor, no matter how they've changed. slytherin is not automatically being a muggle hating bastard, it's about having ambition and being cunning and sly. stop generalizin, thanks. anyways, i hope u guys like it!