A/N: To all my wonderful readers, I have not left these stories, I've been working on them. I know it's taken awhile to update and for that I am sorry. However, I have been preparing students for testing, helped my sister have a baby, and finishing a yearbook. Hang in there! Summer is coming. Oh, and I started plotting another story...so the Casey/Alex fandom has plenty of stories to come. If you want shorter chapters I can try, but the longer ones take time, and I'm a picky asshole when it comes to my work!
All that explained, please enjoy!
Elle
Everything about her was stunning...
That was the thought running through Alex's head as she watched her girlfriend working with one of the dance students. The teenager was to be the prima of the winter recital, and Casey was helping her to perfect every move.
She was gentle, caring, and sweet. Most new teachers wouldn't dream of taking on after hour responsibilities, but here Casey stayed. It was that enormous loving heart of hers. Helping even when it wasn't her department.
"Cabot," Kim's voice broke her thoughts.
Turning to look the brunette in the eyes, Alex smiled, "Hey."
"Hey," she whispered, "Stop ogling. My girls are laughing at how entranced you look over here."
"Oh," she whispered back, "I can fix that."
Walking towards the group of girls Kim had been working with, Alex squatted down next to them while they stretched. "So, I've been watching you all, and Alice over there working with Ms. Novak. I have a feeling the recital is going to be a stunning performance. Do you all agree?"
A round of excited answers exploded the group of twelve girls. Trying to hear every response she smiled up at Kim. "Well, I was just telling Ms. Greylek that I will definitely be there to see the full performance."
"Every ticket sold helps to send us to our state championship in March," Greylek teased.
"Well," Alex replied with a sigh as she stood, "I will see if my friends and family would like to join me if that's the case."
Seeing Casey approach from behind Kim, a smile formed on the blonde's lips. She was aware that she should try to control her reactions, but it was a lost cause at every turn. Her heart yearned to be with her girlfriend. It yearned to touch her, to make her laugh, to hold her.
"Hey, you ready to make those copies?" Casey asked as she neared the group.
"Yes," Alex replied as she took every part of her cohort in. The dance attire was flattering on her slim form, and she couldn't help but want to peel it off of her. "Everything's in the milk crate over there," she explained pointing towards the door, "I was just telling the girls here that I'm super excited about Saturday's performance and that I'll try to get family and friends to attend as well."
"That sounds wonderful," Casey replied as she grabbed her bag from the side and pulled on her NYU hoodie before turning to the girls. "Ladies, I will see you tomorrow afternoon. Ms. Cabot, lead the way to the office!"
As the girls yelled their farewells, Casey followed her girlfriend from the dance studio. Once they were far enough down the path, out in the freezing December air, she spoke, "So, do you really think the performance will be a hit?"
Turning her head back to examine the redhead, Alex could see the sincerity of question behind playful green eyes. "I don't doubt it."
A small smile formed on the younger woman's lips, "And are you really inviting your aunt?"
"Absolutely," Alex answered, "You have worked so hard with them. I know she'll want to support you as well."
"You are so sweet," Casey cooed with a goofy smile as they neared the office. "Both of you..."
"I'm glad you both get along so well," Alex replied as her mind traveled to their quiet family dinner a few nights earlier...
Standing in the kitchen doorway, she'd watched her aunt cleaning vegetables with her girlfriend. The two were softly chatting about cooking techniques and growing vegetables. It was a simple moment, a private moment, and Alex had been happy to see that they were growing so close.
"Where did you go Ms. Cabot," Casey laughed as she bumped the distant looking blonde's shoulder with her own.
"Just thinking about dinner the other night," she partly confessed as she approached the entrance to the main office, realizing their location she offered, "Remind me to tell you later."
"The vegetables were delicious," The redhead absentmindedly replied as she walked into the building.
Alex could only watch her walk down the hall as she smiled at the younger woman. If she only knew the thoughts that were running through her mind. She wondered if they would scare her cohort off, or if she'd return them.
Suddenly, noticing the redhead had stopped moving forward and was staring at her, she tilted her head to the side in confusion, "What?"
"Alex," the younger woman laughed, "You are doing it again."
"Doing what?"
Casey shook her head and took the crate from her partner, "Spacing out. You clearly need some sleep."
Letting out a sigh, she replied, "Yeah, you are probably right."
"Well come on, Sleepyhead," Casey chuckled as she continued down the hallway.
Alex followed on command, wondering how long she could keep brushing off Casey's questions. She knew she'd eventually have to tell the truth. She just worried about the younger woman's response.
Looking at her girlfriend, she mentally replied, "I'm just lost thinking about how I've fallen in love with you."
"It's almost showtime!" Casey yelled backstage at the girls finishing their makeup and rushing to get to their locations. "Where is Alice?"
"Ms. Novak," a younger girl called to her from behind.
Turning at the sound of her name, Casey found a ninth grader by the name of Meghan calling her. "Hey, what's up?"
"Alice is freaking out!" The girl whispered as she neared.
"Where is she?"
"In the bathroom," Meghan explained, "crying."
"Show me," she stated as she followed the student. Entering the bathroom she could hear the panic in the high schoolers sobs. "Hey Kiddo, why are you crying?" Casey asked as she rushed to the young girl taking her into a mother-like hug.
"I - can't - do this!" The girl forced out.
"Nonsense!" Casey scoffed, "You are amazing! You will totally be able to to rock this, you know how I know?"
Alice shook her head as she tried to calm herself. "How?"
"Because I've watched you practice endlessly. And you are amazing. You didn't need my help as much as you thought you did. You are a master at this. I promise." She watched as the young girl drank in her praise and seemed to breathe easier. "Do you think you can do this?"
"Yeah."
"Okay," Casey cheered, "Meghan, get her makeup! We need to do some emergency touch-ups!"
Quickly, fixing the girl's makeup, she ushered them to their places for opening act just as Kim introduced her dancers. Her friend looked stunning dressed in a gold and black ensemble to match the winter themed production. She had such a big heart for all her students. It was a beautiful thing and made Casey proud to call the brunette her best friend.
Watching as the excited dance teacher finished her spiel, Casey got her girls ready for their big entrance. As the music started, and the first wave of dancers entered onto the stage followed by Alice, she let out a sigh of relief, moving to the curtain at the stage to congratulate her friend.
"Great speech," she whispered.
"Thanks," Kim smiled, "and thank you for all your help."
"My pleasure."
"Hey," Kim chuckled as she nudged the redhead's arm, "I saw your girl out there. She brought a group of people."
"What? Who all did she bring?" Casey said trying to peer out at the audience through the stage lights.
"She brought what appeared to be five maybe six people."
"Really?" Casey chuckled, "This I've got to see."
"If you move to stage right you might be able to see them through the lights," Kim explained as she motioned to the location she was referring.
"I'll be back," Casey chuckled in a soft tone as she dashed behind the stage and over to the opposite side of the performance. Reaching the other side, she looked out through the curtains, through the wide sea of eyes, spotting her gorgeous blonde almost instantly in the crowd.
It was a face she'd know anywhere. And in the midst of an almost packed house there it was, clear as day. Blonde hair, black framed glasses, red lip stick. All illuminated even in the dark house. Or maybe, Casey thought, maybe it was just her mind that colored Alex in more than anyone else.
Staring at her partner, Casey realized what she'd been trying to piece together over the past few weeks. Her emotions that she'd tried to push down. A feeling that had sparked deep within her mornings and mornings ago while she watched the blonde sleep peacefully next to her. It was that feeling her mother had tried to describe to her.
Love.
And know she knew it. Looking at the smiling blonde with her group of supporters. She was in love with this magical woman. She just didn't know how or when to express it...
"Alexandra," Serena's smooth voice drew out the stately name as she called to her friend staring at her reflection in the dressing room mirror. "Are you going to share those thoughts in your head? Or do we need to send Ab's here for more coffee?"
"Hey!" Abbie scoffed, "Why am I the coffee bitch?"
"Because you do it so well," the spunky blonde replied to her wife.
"Try again," Abbie deadpanned, "Don't try to use flattery to get me to do what you want. Just be honest, and say you don't want to go wait in that ridiculous line again, so you are sacrificing my sanity."
Smirking at her brunette, Serena laughed, "You know me so well."
"That I do," Abbie smiled, before facing her friend that was taking forever to pick out a dress for her annual Christmas party. "So, is this it?"
"I don't know..." Alex finally spoke, "Is it too dressy?"
"Maybe," Serena admitted only to get a swat on the arm from her partner.
"No, it's perfect," Abbie interrupted, "So buy it and we can move onto lunch, well at this rate supper."
"You are just saying that because you don't want to wait for her to try on other dresses!"
"I thought she looked fine in the black jumpsuit," Abbie argued, "but you talked her out of it!"
"It was too blah," Serena defended.
"No it wasn't! She could jazz it up with fun colorful jewelry and a pretty colorful jacket if need be!"
"Because it was boring!"
"Enough!" Alex interrupted the two with her teacher voice. "I need help, not a dueling couple."
Both women blushed in embarrassment. Then Abbie spoke, "Fine, what are you looking for Alex. You don't normally take a billion years to pick an outfit out. At this rate, I feel like we should have gone into the city and let an personal attendant at Nieman's or Saks help you."
"I need it to be memorable..." the tall blonde answered as she turned to examine her profile, "This just isn't it. Damnit. I hate the city, I don't want to go there."
Frowning at the state of her friend, Serena picked up on the most important part of what her best friend was saying. "Why do you want it to be memorable?"
"Yeah," Abbie blurted only to quickly turn to face her blonde, "wait, what?"
"Casey and I are going together, I want it to be special. It might be the only thing we get to do Christmas wise together...I want it to be special."
Serena beamed at her friend as she jumped up, "You are in love!"
"What!" Abbie exclaimed joining her wife in badgering their friend, "When did this happen? Is she in love too?"
"I don't know," Alex admitted sheepishly, "I haven't told her yet..."
"What are you waiting for?" Abbie questioned.
"The right moment," Alex replied, "I don't want to spook her. She's so new to this, and I've had a habit of doing that..."
"Alex," Serena said softly taking her hand, "Casey loves you. I can see it in the way she looks at you. It's clear as day."
"Rena's right," Abbie added, "Don't live in fear. Be honest with her. Say it when you know it's right."
"You think?" She questioned.
"We know so!" Serena laughed, "So, what are you looking for?"
Finally smiling, Alex excited confessed, "Something Christmassy, that makes me look amazing, and..."
"Memorable," Abbie interjected, "I think I saw the perfect outfit," only to receive shocked faces, "I'm serious, let me get it."
Watching the brunette run off, Alex looked to her friend, "She won't return with boots and a cowboy hat will she?"
"You never know," Serena laughed, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Remember how Olivia joined us at Casey's dance recital?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Well, it turns out you and Casey aren't the only lesbians at Saint Francis after all."
"What? Did she meet someone?" Alex questioned in a quiet tone now. Not wanting to out someone unintentionally.
"Yes, she met a science teacher while you were off showering Casey with all your attention afterwards with Liz," Serena teased, "They evidently exchanged numbers and have been talking nonstop. Like, they are seriously into one another. Her name is Melinda."
"Warner! Wow, I never caught it," she replied as Abbie came rushing back into the room.
"Okay, here it is," the breathless brunette explained as she held up the emerald jumpsuit. It was stunning. Slim with long sleeves which would be perfect for the weather. "I think you could pair it with your gold Tory Burch's."
"I think you're right!" Alex swooned, "Let me try it on!"
Taking the garment she rushed into the dressing room, while Serena snuck out to the sales floor to grab something extra. When she came back, she found Alex standing again in front of the mirror this time with Abbie by her side.
"Al, you look stunning," she exclaimed.
"Doesn't she!" Abbie agreed.
"I love it," Alex swooned, "It's perfect, and will go beautifully with my gold shoes."
"And this," Serena added as she passed over a gold necklace with a heart shaped medallion at the end. "I thought it was fitting."
Alex fastened it around her neck loving how to came to a stop right above her breasts. She thought it was the right accent to the outfit, as she admired herself in the fitted jumpsuit, loving the perfect amount of drop in the neckline, and the flowing arms. "It's absolutely perfect!"
"Good! Let's buy it so we can go eat!" Abbie joked.
Taking one last look at herself, Alex nodded, "Deal," and as she turned back to her dressing room, she smiled to herself knowing it would be the memorable night she'd hoped for...
Lying in bed next to her sleeping girlfriend, Casey whispered, "Do you feel the way I do?"
Her heart was pounding deep within her chest, and she could no longer deny that all she ever wanted to do was tell the slumbering woman that she was madly in love with her. She found herself wanting to spend every minute with the blonde. She wanted to share ever detail of her day with her, and hear all about hers. It was exactly as her mother had described.
And she hated that she would be leaving Alex the Sunday morning after the Christmas party to go home for the holiday. It was only days away, and anything but what she wanted to do. Not to mention, she hated that Alex would be in Fairhaven alone on the holiday.
Aunt Liz was surprisingly flying to San Francisco to be with her college best friend, Lorna. Sadly, her husband had passed away shortly after Thanksgiving and she'd been struggling with the loss. Naturally, Liz wanted to support her, and decided while out for the funeral that she would return for the festivities.
As a result, she and Casey had encouraged Alex to go to her parents. However, the stubborn younger blonde wouldn't hear of it. She was okay with Casey going home, and Liz going to be with her friend. And when they prodded her to again visit her parents in NYC she went out and bought a Christmas tree to make her stubborn point. It was her way of saying no, without having to say it.
Casey could only laugh at her girlfriend's hatred of the City. Alex loved her parents and would talk to them a few times a week, but she'd fully expressed that she would avoid the City as much as possible. They could visit her. But for no reason would she return to it, ever.
Kissing the sleeping woman's forehead, Casey snuck away from bed, taking her phone and heading downstairs to get some coffee. As she reached the living room, she turned the Christmas lights on. Taking in the beauty of the spontaneous tree purchase, smiling at how they'd decorated the it, she turned towards the kitchen while fishing her phone from her bathrobe pocket.
She didn't hesitate in dialing her mother. And as the warmth of Anita's voice crossed the line with a, "Hey Honey," Casey felt reassurance in her decision.
"Hi, Mama," she replied.
"Is everything okay?" Anita questioned, "You sound stressed."
"I'm fine," Casey admitted, "I just want to share something..."
"What Honey?"
"I'm in love - " she began only to be cut off by her mother's squeal of delight.
"Really?" Anita collected herself, "Have you said it?"
"Not yet," she confessed, "I'm not sure if sh...Winston, feels the same way."
There was a pause, and Casey feared that she'd ruined her cover. However, she was relieved when her mother spoke, "Well, do you think he might?"
"I do, but how do I know for sure? I don't want to scare him off."
"I get that," Anita replied soothingly, "But if he doesn't then he isn't worth your time."
"So, should I just say it?"
"If the moment feels right, then yes," Anita said across the line. From her tone of voice, Casey knew her mother had a huge smile on her face.
"Mama," she began, "Would you and Daddy hate me if I don't come home for Christmas?"
"What? You haven't been home since your father's birthday. Why do you not want to come?"
"Well, Winston isn't going home for Christmas and he bought a tree and decorated it and all. I just don't want to leave him alone."
"Why don't you bring him here?" Anita questioned, but Casey could sense something in her mother's tone of voice.
"Mama, I just would rather bring him later..." she whispered before pausing for thought, "You know how Daddy and Adrian can be..."
Another long pause filled her ear. She could sense her mother was upset, "Casey, you'll never change them."
"I know," Casey breathed, "I just wish it was different. Do you understand?"
"I love you, Casey," her mother soothed, "I'll make sure it goes over with you father. You have fun with Winston. I do hope to meet him one day."
"Thank you," Casey replied, "I love you too. Always."
"And forever, Baby."
With that they disconnected their call. Casey's heart hurt. She did want to see her parent's, but she didn't want to leave Alex alone. She felt like you should be with loved ones during the holidays, and she loved Alex.
Moving to the kitchen, she fixed two cups of coffee and headed back upstairs to wake her girlfriend. However, when she reached the bedroom door, she found a showered blonde standing in the bedroom in her underwear. "Well, you're up!"
"Yeah," the blonde laughed, "I must have sensed you leaving. I figured you might come back soon and join me in the shower, you were down there for awhile."
"I was on the phone with my mother," Casey explained.
"Oh," Alex said as Casey began to prepare to get dressed for work, "is everything okay?"
"Yes," Casey said, drawing out the 's,' "I told her that I would be staying in Fairhaven for Christmas."
"What?" Alex questioned as she turned towards the redhead with a shocked expression on her face. "Why?"
"I didn't want to leave you here alone," Casey explained.
"Case," Alex defended, "I'm a grown up able to handle being alone. I want you to go and see your family. You already gave up Thanksgiving for me."
"I thought you'd like the gesture," Casey said shaking her head, a look of disappointment overtaking her, "I really didn't think it would be a bad thing. Clearly, I guess I should have asked first."
"I'm not trying to be an ass," Alex defended, "I just don't think we need to draw unwanted attention from your brother."
"He's always going to be there Alex," Casey snapped as she pulled on her clothes from the night before, "Eventually they will have to know about us...that is if we expect this to go further..."
Alex was left without words. She knew her reaction was not the one her girlfriend had expected, but then hearing that Casey was thinking long term made her feel even worse. "Casey..."
"Forget it," the redhead bit, "I'm going to get ready at home. We can cool off and talk about it all later."
Sitting on the edge of her bed, Alex shook her head as she watched her girlfriend leave. It was officially their first argument. She knew it had been bound to happen, but why over something like Christmas...
As the day came to an end, Alex sat at her desk, a scowl burned onto her face. She'd missed her text jokes with girlfriend, their banter over lunch, and usual afternoon walk. Casey had clearly been pissed off with how things had gone that morning, and avoided her all day. And Alex didn't blame her. She was pretty unhappy with herself.
Her words hadn't come off right. She didn't mean to upset the redhead. She'd just wanted what was best for her, which in her mind was time with her parents. Although, Alex hadn't really stopped to think about what Casey might really want. She'd jumped to conclusions, and now she'd caused quite a problem.
Hearing the office door rattle, she looked up to see the woman of her thoughts. A look of displeasure still etched on her face. "Can we talk?" She asked.
Alex nodded, "Pull up a chair."
"I'd rather stand."
"Suit yourself," the blonde asserted. She was shocked by her snippiness, but plowed forward anyway. "This morning...I didn't mean to sound ungrateful."
"I'm not concerned about that," Casey replied, "If you don't want me to stay then I'll go. I get wanting alone time. I just want to know what kind of time stamp you see on this relationship. Obviously, you don't see this being a lasting event and I guess I can understand that..."
"Why would you say that?" Alex said with a jerk of the neck as she moved to stand.
Holding her hand up to stop her girlfriend from moving towards her, Casey sighed, "You seem hell bent on avoiding conflict with my family..." she ran her hands through her hair pulling at the short strands on the back of her head, "and I'm not dense, I get why, but we can't avoid them forever. Eventually, they will find out. Your only way to keep Adrian away is to not be with me..."
Seeing hurt overwhelm green eyes she adored, Alex moved towards the younger woman, "That was never what I meant," she whispered, pulling Casey into her arms.
She was shocked by how the younger woman didn't push her away, but instead let herself be pulled close. Staring into emerald eyes that seemed to be fighting to read her mind, Alex spoke, "I'd love to have you stay. I'd would love nothing more than to wake up with you in my arms on Christmas morning. But, that being said, I don't want you to feel like you have to do those things. Of course I will miss you while you are gone, but I want you to be able to enjoy your family. It's what the holidays are made for..."
"And yet," Casey replied firmly, "You avoid yours?"
Alex stepped back and sat on the edge of her desk as she brushed her long hair from her face, "I don't avoid my family," she confessed, "I avoid the City. I hate it there, and I hate that house. They all know it, and usually we spend holidays in other locations because of it. They could come to me, but they chose to stay in NYC. And I'm okay with their choice."
"I'm sorry he caused that..."
"It's not your cross to bear."
Casey frowned at her girlfriend, "But it would make everything easier if he weren't around."
There was a long pause between them. Neither woman spoke, they just stared into each other's eyes. The void seemed enormous.
Finally, Alex spoke, "You can't think like that-"
"But you know you do," Casey whispered.
Alex wasn't sure what to say. She knew Casey was partly right, but she was also very wrong. Shaking her head, she decided maybe the truth was the way to go. Reaching for her, pulling her into her arms, Alex whispered, "The whole world would be different without him, so yes, at one point I may have wished he didn't exist...but sometime ago, I came to realize I like this world."
She paused to brush a lock of hair from Casey's eyes, taking a moment to get lost in them, "And then, I met this stunning woman, and it turned out she was his sister...and I think he hurt her too...so, here we are in this slightly damaged wonderful world together, and I really like it, this world we are managing together."
Casey didn't break eye contact with her girlfriend, she just stared deeply into those blue eyes, feeling as if she were being tossed in an ocean, "It will be hard on you."
"I can be tough," Alex assured.
"What if it becomes to much?"
"It won't."
Casey shook her head as she attempted to step back only for Alex to hold her gently in place at the waist. "Let me go," she softly said with no gumption.
"Do you really want me to?"
Looking back into those sapphire eyes, Casey whispered, "How do you know you can handle it?"
"Because it's you, Case," she affirmed, "and you are kind of worth fighting for."
Lights twinkled overhead as Casey left the stuffy house and party, escaping towards the gazebo nestled away in the backyard. She needed air and to be away from the crowd. It was only as she sat on a bench inside the wooden structure that she realized she hadn't told Alex where she was going.
Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. They'd come to this party together wanting to celebrate the festivities as a couple, but from the moment they'd entered the house they had to put on a charade. Even Branch had come over with his wife and instantly questioned where Winston was that evening. She couldn't help but wonder how they could ever have a real relationship with all the secrets they kept. Hearing the sound of footsteps, she opened her eyes to see Alex approaching.
"Why'd you come outside?" Alex questioned as she walked into the dark covering. Casey could barely make out the green color of Alex's outfit as she neared.
"I couldn't take it another minute," She confessed.
"Take what?"
"Having to pretend to not be us. It's our last night together and I feel like we can't even touch in there. I know I probably sound silly..."
"You don't," Alex whispered as she straddled her girlfriend's lap, feeling the redhead instantly wrap her arms around her she smiled and took advantage of the moment kissing her slowly, enjoying the feeling of desperation and need in the younger woman. As they broke apart, Alex smiled at her partner. "You look stunning tonight."
"I do?"
"You do," Alex confirmed, "I love this gold dress of yours..." she almost purred as she ran her fingertips along the boat neckline of the dress.
"Alex," Casey groaned softly, "Aren't you nervous about getting caught out here?"
"Nope," she laughed, "No one would be silly enough to come outside in this weather. It could snow any moment it's so cold."
"You like playing with fire."
Leaning to the redhead's ear, Alex whispered, "I think that's you my dear."
"Nonsense," She scowled playfully in the dark, before kissing her girlfriend again, this time letting her hands wander across the emerald material.
As they finally parted, breathless and wanting more, Casey stared into her girlfriend's playful expression, the twinkling lights from the garden illuminating part of the blonde's face. "What are we doing?"
Frowning, Alex asked, "What do you mean?"
"Why are we playing out this secret affair?"
Realizing what she was asking, she took the younger woman's hands in her own, "I'm doing this because I am in love with you," she confessed.
"You are in love with me?" Casey questioned.
Moving a hand to cup the redhead's face, Alex moved in close, "Yes," she breathed, "I'm in love with you."
"I love you too," Casey whispered before capturing Alex's lips with her own. The kiss was soft and full of the love they shared. A small intimate moment, that was quickly ended by the sound of the door to the house opening.
Pausing in her lover's arms to look up towards the house, Alex scanned the porch, before looking into dark green eyes. "What do you want to do?"
Casey stared at the blonde's shadowed face, smiling at the woman she'd fallen in love with, "I want you to take me home."
"You do?"
Leaning into her girlfriend she brushed a stray lock of blonde hair from her face, "Yes, take me home, to whoever's house is closest. I need you...all of you."
Shaking her head in understanding, Alex stood taking Casey's hand in her own, helping her up. "Then let's go."
Standing, Casey pulled her into her arms, "I love you, Alexandra. I love everything about you."
Kissing her once more, Alex pressed their heads together, "I love you too, Casey."
"Let's go home," she whispered as she allowed Alex to lead her away from the party and back to the safety of their private lives.