Chapter 20: Unwell

. . .

I felt sick the next day, which really bothered me, because I do not consider myself to be the type of person who lets worry and fear get to them this much. Heck, I'm supposed to be fearless. But I had to admit, something about our upcoming trip to LA was freaking me out, and my stomach wasn't handling it well.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning with an ache and a head full of negative thoughts, my gut reaction was a strong desire to seek out 2D – I needed to talk to him. I always felt better after talking to him.

So… Why did I freeze up when I met him at the door before our run?

"Noodle?" His eyes were dark and worried – he knew something was up. "You look a bit pale. Are you feeling alright?"

I hesitated while I stood there looking at him. It felt like something was pushing against me from the inside, reaching out to crush my voice in its claws and drag it back to my burning stomach so I wouldn't be able to acknowledge the nausea writhing within me. I fought against it, staring into 2D's eyes and letting their gravity help pull the words out of me. "I woke up with an upset stomach. I think it's because I'm a bit stressed over our trip."

2D stepped forward, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Do you need to stay in and talk about it?"

I shook my head, trying to draw a bit of strength from his touch. "No, let's go run. I think the distraction will help me."

Unfortunately, more than once during our morning run, I jumped at small things that didn't usually bother me – water dripping, an owl's hoot. 2D noticed. I'd find him staring at me as I tried to settle my mind, suppressing a fresh wave of nausea under the watch of his doleful gaze. The first few times, he asked me if I was okay and I responded that I was fine, just startled. Eventually, his questions were replaced with soft looks.

I tried to reason with myself to stop being worried, but then my bruised wrists started aching…

How could I not worry, knowing that a Supplier outmatched me?

An icy blade of nausea lanced through my gut, so strong that I gasped and broke my stride, staggering unevenly for a moment before correcting my footsteps and pounding forward forcefully with gritted teeth. 2D's gaze burned into my back.

When our heavy footsteps guided us back up our front porch, 2D stepped in front of me. "Noodle, do you want me to grab you some medicine for your stomach when we get inside? Maybe we could chill out and watch TV for a bit until you feel better."

I was tempted, very tempted. I couldn't imagine anything more comforting than tucking myself into 2D's side with the television blaring softly in the background; maybe he'd even stroke my hair or kiss my forehead…

I shook the thoughts out of my head. "Thanks for the offer, 'D. But I'll be fine. You should go rest… I'm going to see if I can burn off a little stress on my own."

I felt guilty when I saw his eyes darken. "Okay. But I'll be in my room if you need me, or if you want to hang out later." He ran a hand through his almost-completely-blue hair, still tinted ever-so-slightly violet, before trudging heavily inside.

I took a deep, queasy breath. I shouldn't feel guilty. I'm doing this for you guys.

I wasn't the type to mope over a memory of a fight I lost and feel like I couldn't protect my bandmates.

I was the type to improve.

. . .

Minutes later, I began training.

A plastic trash bag stuffed with heavy brush flew through the air, tugging on the old belt I'd used to tie it to a tree branch like a bird trying desperately to fly away before I drove my fist into it, again, and again, and again…

I need to punch faster so I won't be blocked… I need to punch harder so my hit leaves a mark…

Spinning, I leaped into the air and drove my knee into the flailing sack.

It wasn't an ideal arrangement. My bag of leaves and sticks didn't have the right weight and texture to be comparable to a human body, but it was all I could scavenge on short notice. I couldn't practice dodging or any other maneuver that would require a sparring partner, but at least I could work on my speed, strength, and precision.

An hour later, when I returned to my room, I wasn't surprised to find Ace sitting on my bed, waiting for me to get back just like the day before.

"What took you so long?" Ace crossed his arms with a sniff. "I've been waiting here for hours! I heard bluey stomping back to his room ages ago, sighing all sad like he'd been rejected! What happened out there?"

I grimaced… Had 2D been that hurt by my desire to be alone? "Nothing happened. We had our run, then he went back to bed. Then I decided to do a bit of combat training on my own."

Ace shot me a skeptical look. "Combat training? Doesn't combat require more than one person?"

"No one in this band has skills that match mine, so I decided to unleash my fury onto a bag of leaves rather than beating one of you guys to a bloody pulp." I tilted my head to the side, displaying a falsely-sweet smile. "But if you'd like to volunteer…"

"On second thought, I think your bag of leaves is an excellent idea. Truly, a worthy opponent for your skill." He bowed his head dramatically. "But, getting back on topic… 2D! I know I heard a pout of dismay coming from that hallway when you left him all alone after your run!"

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I squirmed inwardly. Thinking of 2D's disappointment drew my mind toward the nausea he'd wanted to comfort me through. "Maybe he was just pouting because he was tired."

Ace wriggled an eyebrow. "Noodle, where's your romantic imagination? Don't you like to think of him sighing for you, yearning for your company –"

I groaned, raising a hand to my forehead. "Not this again…"

"Oh, don't act like you don't like this topic!" Ace grinned. "I can see that smile you're fighting back!"

Ace was right. As horrifically gag-inducing as his attempts at girl-talk were, the dramatic spin he put on each of 2D and I's interactions made me want to laugh. I smirked.

"Yeah, that's the smile!" Ace cheered.

We ended up spending the next hour chatting, continuing to catch up on the years we'd spent apart. Between stories, Ace would make jabs about me and 2D and I would find opportunities to rib him over his own attempts at relationships. It was a good distraction from my worries, and I found myself in a greatly improved mood by the time we joined the rest of the band later that day for a jam session.

2D looked up as Ace and I entered the large basement room we had designated as our temporary recording studio. As his dark eyes met mine, I couldn't help thinking back to an overwrought statement Ace had made about the "heady, burning gazes" 2D and I shared. Suppressing laughter, I shot the singer a bright smile before crossing the room to seize my guitar.

We had a great session – our song was coming together nicely, especially now that the sounds of our instruments were joined by 2D's upbeat vocals. As his smooth notes filled the air, I realized that I hadn't heard him sing in a while – not since our Humanz tour. At times I wanted to close my eyes and simply listen to his voice, but I couldn't let myself lose focus on my guitar – my long-time bandmates would become concerned if I missed a note; they knew I didn't make mistakes lightly.

An afternoon of on-and-off jam sessions transitioned smoothly into a pleasant evening of eating and hanging out. Ace made a small campfire outside for us to enjoy – apparently, it was something he used to like to do with his gang when they were younger and weren't too busy committing crimes. I made sure to rib Ace for building the fire like a stellar boy scout, and he quickly retorted with a list of ways to use fire to cause chaos in a city. Russel looked concerned as the list wore on, but I reassured him that Ace had probably only done one or two of the items on he'd recited. 2D's eyes pinged back and forth between me and Ace like ping-pong balls as we bantered, but soon enough he too was relaxing, laughing, and enjoying the conversation.

Inevitably, the topic shifted to excitement over our upcoming trip to Venice Beach.

That was when I started feeling sick again. Short bouts of nausea accompanied sickening thoughts of what could go wrong during the shoot and flashing memories of my ill-fated fight at the airport. My wrists started aching again. I didn't voice my concerns – we'd already discussed the day before that our trip would have risks and that we would do our best to reduce them. Even so, try as I might to focus on the conversation, I felt my mind being drawn away on a dark path until I finally had enough and called it a night.

As I stood and said good night to my friends, I noticed 2D's gaze on me – had he been watching me for a while? Judging by his soft frown, he knew something was bothering me and I half expected him to follow me inside and try for a quick chat like he had last night. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to or not. I didn't want to spend any more time than necessary dwelling on my worries, but another one of the singer's hugs would be comforting…

I heard footsteps behind me.

With a spark in my heart, I turned to face the man – and felt a flicker of disappointment when it was Ace.

"Noodle… Do you realize that, if you wait outside for another half hour, Russel will get tired and go to bed, I'll follow him, and you and 2D could have the romantic firelight all to yourselves?"

I sighed. "I'm tired, Ace. I just want to go to bed."

I left the new bassist scratching his head in confusion as I trudged to my room. Until the next morning, that was that.

. . .

Another run with 2D, another recurring bout of nausea, another flurry of worried looks from the singer… But this time, for some reason, 2D cut back on his are-you-okays. We still chatted, and he still offered to hang out when our run ended, but he seemed resigned to the fact that I wanted some time to myself.

I went all out on pummeling my makeshift punching-bag until it started sprouting holes, leaves and grass bleeding out of it while the larger branches within creaked and groaned as if begging for mercy. Eventually, once the sun had risen and the air had grown hot, I heard the back door squeal open and Ace shout, "Hey, Noodle! We're having another band meeting!"

Wiping the sweat off my forehead, I followed him inside.

"It looks like you're gonna need a new punching bag," Ace snickered, glancing toward the ruined bundle before closing the door behind us and taking the lead to the kitchen.

I wanted to laugh with my friend, but despite my effort to expel my stress physically, my stomach was still twisting uncomfortably. I didn't want to enter the band meeting like this; 2D or Russel would notice, and I didn't want my inner struggle to become a big problem for everyone. With a grimace, I realized that I would have to take drastic measures to calm down before entering the living room.

"Ace, could you do me a favor?"

"As long as it doesn't involve me in your punching bag! What can I do for you?"

"Say something stupid and embarrassing about me and 2D."

Ace's eyes gleamed with excitement. "During the band meeting?"

"No, now!" I groaned. "I need you to say something so cringy it distracts me from how stressed I am before we join 2D and Russ."

Ace raised an eyebrow at my mention of stress, but let it slide in favor of pushing his agenda. "Or, I could say something embarrassing at the meeting, then in addition to giving you a mortifying distraction, we'll be able to see how 2D reacts!" Ace's pointed tooth shone as he smiled deviously. "How about I ask him is he's made out with you on any of your morning runs? That'll make him choke on his orange juice!"

Oh dear. Maybe I shouldn't have asked for Ace's help.

"Ace, I'm asking you to help me, not to kill 2D!"

"Or I could ask him to rate how attractive you are! Then he'll really have to think about his answer!"

"Can we not ensure that the next time I see 2D will be painfully awkward?"

"That depends…" Ace grinned. "Are you feeling better yet?"

Huh. Actually, I was feeling a bit better.

I sighed. "Thanks, Ace. But you'd better not bring up anything you just said at the band meeting."

"I'll make no promises, and accept the possibility of being slapped later." He spun toward the kitchen with a flourish. "Come on, let's go!

2D and Russel were already there. The singer's eyes flicked between me and Ace, head tilting slightly to the side.

"Glad to see you're finally joining us!" Russel grinned at me as I settled into a chair between the singer and Ace. A moment later, the drummer's gaze turned serious. "Anyway, guys, The reason I want us all to talk is because I've been thinking about what we might tell people who ask about how Gorillaz is doing, and I realized that we're gonna to need to agree on a statement about Murdoc."

I felt my mood plummet. This wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"Most of our fans already know that he's in jail, and they'll know on Monday that we've replaced him with Ace and are making music without him. They're gonna wanna know why we're making an album now instead of waiting for Muds to finish his sentence. People will probably assume there's drama is going on, and… They'll want to know if Murdoc's replacement is permanent."

That left an important question for us to answer…

Is Murdoc's replacement permanent, or are we kicking him out of Gorillaz for good?

Ace looked, understandably, uncomfortable. "Eh… I feel like this decision should be up to you three. I'm a bit new to be deciding the future of your band, and I've never even met Murdoc."

I rubbed a hand against my temples. "I think our main problem is deciding whether or not we want Murdoc around."

The jailed bassist had caused so much harm in our lives, to 2D in particular. It would be completely logical to let the man go. It would also be the best decision to protect 2D from psychological harm. But…

It was hard to cast him out.

Murdoc sucked, but he raised me. It was sickening to think that I was attached to this man, after everything he'd done, but it was true. I hated that I still thought of him as family. I hated how much it hurt to consider cutting him off from the band. I hated the way that obnoxious bastard had managed to earn a place in my heart. I hated that I wanted to give him every chance possible to prove that some small piece of him cared about us enough to give us a reason to keep him around.

"I wish we could wait until after we figured out what happened on Plastic Beach to make this decision," I murmured. "On the phone, Murdoc acted like whatever it was could make us trust him."

Russel nodded. "I admit, I didn't want to trust Murdoc when I heard him yappin' on the phone, but considering how weird 'D's memories of Plastic Beach have been, I think it's possible that something happened there… Maybe not something huge and game-changing, but something that could help us understand his role in this Pill Supplier mess a little better."

The drummer's voice was as calm and solid as ever, but there was sorrow in the set of his face. Maybe I wasn't the only one who found myself inexplicably attached to the old bassist…

"I don't want him to come back."

2D's voice was a low monotone. I was caught off guard by the lifelessness in his voice – I guess I'd been too drawn up in my own thoughts to notice the shadows growing under the singer's eyes. "I want to understand what happened on Plastic Beach too, but… I also never want to be near him again." The singer's voice denatured into an uncharacteristic growl which rumbled grimly through the room.

I stared at 2D and realized that I hadn't seen his mood turn this dark so suddenly since Crawley. He was hunched over slightly, glaring at his arms folded onto the table in front of him. He looked upset, angry, and… He was shaking, ever so slightly, like an abused animal confronted with the source of their fear. My heart ached for him. Under the table, I let one of my hands rest lightly on his leg.

A moment later, one of his hands was clutching mine, almost painfully tight.

A moment of stifling silence stretched long before Russel heaved a heavy sigh. "I think it's too soon to make a decision yet – we should make a vague statement until we know more. We could tell people that we need to have a long chat with Muds about his prison sentence before we make a decision on letting him back."

Still frowning, 2D nodded slowly. His hand on mine trembled.

"What's Murdoc in prison for, anyway?" Ace asked.

"He said it was for managing an international drug ring," I replied darkly. "He claims he's innocent."

Russel grumbled. "Well, we know he's not managing one, but he's not exactly innocent. I get the feeling that his sentence doesn't have anything to do with the drug ring he's actually got us involved with, but he's definitely done enough to deserve a cool-down in prison."

Suddenly, my hand was empty and cold. 2D stood up. "I'm going to go watch some television." He stiffly left the room.

Exchanging a brief glance with Russel, I followed the singer out of the room.

2D had indeed gone to the living room where the television blared noisily, some sports channel playing. Katsu was there too, purring and walking across the singer's lap, rubbing his back against 2D's chest. 2D pet the cat with vacant eyes, his hand still trembling as it ran over my cat's stripes. Katsu meowed in greeting as I stepped forward, joining 2D on the settee.

2D's eyes flickered when my hips bumped against his. "Hey, Noodle."

"Hey, 'D. Are you feeling alright?"

He stared down at Katsu. "I'll be fine in a bit," He murmured softly. "I… I just don't like to think about Murdoc coming back."

His hand trembled harder. An eye twitched.

I reached out slowly, setting a hand on 2D's shoulder before gently pulling him towards me. He didn't resist, falling slowly sideways until his head rested near my neck. He turned his face into my shirt. "I think I'll go mad if he comes back," he whispered shakily. I could feel moisture seeping through the fabric to my skin, raining down my collarbone in warm tear trails.

I slid my fingers up his shoulder and neck until they slid through his hair, stroking back and forth, soft blue fronds furrowing under my touch. "Murdoc won't hurt you," I promised softly, turning my face into his hair. "I won't let him."

2D responded with a rough sob and a hand clutching my shirt.

I swear I'll protect you, 'D.

Determination and nausea surged simultaneously in my stomach, battling for control.

I'll keep getting stronger until I can protect you from Murdoc, and the Pill Suppliers, and anyone else who dares threaten you.

. . .

Worn out by his emotional surge, 2D fell asleep on the settee about a half hour after I came to comfort him. After stroking his hair one last time, I went outside to pummel what was left of my critical-condition punching bag, leaving it officially deceased within an hour. When I came in to acquire a new bag to fill with brush, 2D was still asleep on the living room settee, Katsu lying across his stomach. My cat looked up at me, gleaming eyes seeming to say, I'll watch him for now, but I think he's gonna need a human to help him with his problems.

I know, Katsu. I felt my muscles burn. I'll get stronger until I can show him that he's safe, and he'll never have to worry again.

. . .

I was whaling on another makeshift punching bag on Thursday morning when 2D showed up. He'd been quiet during our early jog but seemed to have mostly recovered from his emotional relapse the day before. In fact, he was now wearing his broad, excited-puppy smile that I liked so much. "2D! What's up?"

He skipped toward me, and I felt my blood heat slightly. "I saw you practicing your martial arts, and I thought maybe you could teach me something!"

I started to smile back, cheered up by my friend's mood, until a dark thought struck me: He's such a peaceful person… Why does he want to learn to fight? Did yesterday's chat about Murdoc scare him that much?

2D's grin wilted as he saw the conflict in my face. "I mean… I don't want to get in the way, if you'd rather practice by yourself…"

I felt bad as his eyes turned dull… Maybe he was just trying to find ways to spend time with me. I was aware that I'd been less present since my increased drive to train (and desire not to let my damaged confidence affect my friends) had resulted in me spending hours alone in the backyard.

2D's head hung low as he turned to walk back inside…

"Wait," I called out to him, mustering a smile. "This is a good idea. Everyone should know some basic self-defense."

"Awesome!" Perking up instantly, 2D rushed forward.

A lingering sense of misgiving bothered me as I tried to appreciate the singer's bright smile. "If you don't mind me asking… You never seemed very interested in fighting before, 'D. Why now?"

2D scratched the back of his head. "Well… We seem to be getting into trouble a lot these days. I just thought it would do me some good to know a thing or two, and since the best fighter I know is already out here practicing, I thought it was a good opportunity!" He tilted his head. "Also, this gives me an excuse to hang out with my best friend!"

My blood rushed warm again. "Alright. But, before we start…" I shot him a serious look. "I want you to understand that the Pill Suppliers are skilled fighters, and that a few training sessions with me won't be enough to prepare you to fight them. You should never try to take them on your own, but I can teach you some self-defense to help you get away if you find yourself in a bad situation."

2D nodded, reflecting my seriousness with attentive eyes.

"Alright. Let's start with things you can do if someone approaches you aggressively…"

Over an hour, I talked 2D through a few defense scenarios and gave him some hand-on-hand training, including how to protect himself from a headlock, maneuvers to break free after being tackled to the ground, and where to hit someone to knock them out or cause them enough pain to make time for a getaway.

It was a nice change from my usual workout. Although I wasn't getting the sort of rigorous training I needed to build up my own strength, I felt pride in knowing that the skills I was teaching 'D might buy him some time in an emergency situation and help him reach safety. Also, it felt good to spend more time with him, especially since our morning run had been quiet.

"Remember, 2D," I stressed. "These skills are for emergencies. If we encounter the Pill Suppliers again, you should let me take care of the fighting."

"But I can help out a little if things get bad, right? Like with that guy at the airport?" 2D tilted his head to the side with a grin. "I got lucky when I managed to knock him out while he was distracted with you, but now I think I might be able to hit someone correctly even if they weren't distracted!"

With a cold rush, I flashed back to the airport.

I remembered how swiftly the man at the airport had caught my first punch.

How his fingers had crushed my wrists.

I imagined 2D, yelping like a hurt puppy as a Supplier easily caught his swing and shoved him into a wall; helpless.

I could hear his wrists cracking as he screamed in agony.

"Noodle!? Noodle, What's wrong?"

I felt nauseous. Painfully, hideously, sickeningly nauseous.

"I'm fine, 2D."

His hands were on my arms, fingers hot against my damp skin. "You just got really pale!"

I took a deep breath, cursing in my head when I realized how shaky my breathing was. "I just have a little stomach ache. I'm going to go rest."

His eyes searched mine, brows bent in concern. "Do you want company? We could watch some television…"

His eyes were dark and earnest, imploring…

I imagined them bruised and bloody, whimpers streaming out of his mouth as a Supplier's fist raced towards his skull…

I closed my eyes tight.

"I'd just like to be alone for a while."

I knew he was watching me sadly as I walked away, but I could hardly bring myself to care as I fought my writhing stomach…

. . .

On Friday morning, I woke from a horrific nightmare.

I couldn't remember what it was about, but I found myself curling in nauseous pain, my heart thumping loudly, forcefully, as my phone alarm went off.

A low groan wheezed out of my lungs as I pressed my face into my pillow. I can't deal with this today…

My fingers rubbed the bedsheets, leaving sweaty imprints before I seized my phone. The bright light from the screen stung my eyes. I quickly shot a text to 2D. "Not feeling well. No jogging this morning."

Moments later, my phone buzzed with a response. "Do you want me to bring you medicine or anything?"

"No. I'll be fine. Just need rest."

I distantly felt Katsu brush against my side and meow softly as I squeezed my eyes closed, counting my breaths and hoping to fall back asleep.

. . .

A while later, Ace strolled in unannounced. He jumped when he saw me in bed. "Oh, I thought you'd still be out running – geez, Noodle, you look terrible!"

My voice was terse as I responded, "Ace, I'm not in the mood for this right now."

"What, did the jog go badly? Did you and 2D get in a fight or something?"

2D in a fight…

The details of the nightmare came flooding back.

My best friend was slumped on the ground in an L.A. alleyway, bruised and bleeding, shivering and crying as the suppliers surrounded him, one triumphantly holding a handful of pills in one palm and a gun in the other… One or the other… With a defiant screech, the battered singer flung himself towards the man just as the gun went off in his face…

Blood spraying…

A body falling…

My stomach heaved.

I rolled out of my bed, staggering to the floor and racing past Ace.

"Noodle –?"

"Get out of my way!"

I crashed into the bathroom, collapsing next to the toilet before my guts spilled. My stomach convulsed multiple times, each hack bringing a fresh stab of pain, and I could barely breath until, after a few moments that felt like forever, the vomiting stopped.

I could hear Ace cursing behind me. "Have you got the flu or something? What should I do? Should I call a doctor?"

"I don't need a doctor!" Pain and frustration wound through me like twin pythons, constricting around my insides and making my stomach feel tight and cold.

"Noodle, you just threw up! You're sick!"

"I'm not sick, I'm stressed!" I snapped, my knuckles blanching white against the toilet seat. "I keep thinking of all the terrible things that are going to happen to this band when the Suppliers catch up with us, okay? There's nothing you can do about it! Just leave me alone!"

I knew I was screaming at him, I knew it was uncalled for, but I didn't care. Dimly, I heard Ace leave the room. I was dimly surprised that he didn't put up a fight, or say something stupid to try to cheer me up.

He'd better not call a doctor. The band doesn't need extra attention right now.

My spike of nausea receded into a persistent throb in my stomach, as if the creatures winding around my insides were constricting and loosening in a cyclic beat. I realized that I was cold. My skin was clammy and prickling. It was like cold, wet scales were encircling my arms and chest, slowly sliding over more and more of my body.

Shivering, I leaned further over the toilet seat. My ears were buzzing. My head felt hazy.

Then there was something warm… Something pressing against my back.

"Noodle."

When did 2D get here?

His cockney voice was whispering softly into my ear. "Hey, it's okay… Ace sent me to come talk to you. I'm right here."

A strong shiver wracked my body. 2D's arms snaked around me securely, his warmth juxtaposing with my clammy skin.

"Sorry…" I was lightheaded, and I could barely hear my own hoarse voice. It was like speaking softly through a long tunnel. "I must have freaked Ace out when I snapped at him. I'll be fine in a bit, I just need rest…"

"You need to warm up." Firm hands rubbed up and down my arms.

His movements were rough but effective, the chafing of his skin against mine quickly creating patches of heat on my arms. I could feel my shivers receding with the warm bursts, my tightly-wound muscles going limp as I sunk backwards into his body. My breath escaped me in a sigh, and my eyes teared at the acrid scent of my own vomit clinging to my tongue.

"Noodle…" His fingers squeezed my arms briefly before continuing their long strokes against my chilled skin. "Can we please talk about what's making you sick?"

I groaned softly, trembling as a fresh wave of nausea rolled through my gut. "Did Ace tell you what I was worrying about?"

"No," 2D murmured in a soothing voice, his hands stroking me more gently now that my skin was warming. "He just said you weren't well, and I should talk to you." His warm breath puffed into the air near my face. "I've been seeing all these flashes of stress and fear in your eyes over the past few days. I can tell it hurts you. I wanted to help you, to talk about it, but… It seemed like you never wanted to talk. I thought maybe you were talking with Ace about it. You seemed more cheerful after spending time with him."

If I hadn't felt so terrible, I might've laughed. If only you knew what Ace and I talked about. "Ace helped distract me a bit from the stress, but I never told him much about it."

2D's arms tightened snugly around me. "Can you tell me about it?"

I'd already told him that I was worried about our trip, hadn't I? "This band is in a lot of danger. I don't want bad things to happen to us."

"Is there a reason this bothers you more now than it did when we were in Crawley?"

Because that was before the man at the Airport proved that I wasn't strong enough to protect us…

My stomach heaved again…

"Hey…" 2D's hand was in my hair, stroking it softly as he hummed in my ear. "It's okay. You know you can tell me anything, right? I know that you like to be strong… I'm not going to judge you for being afraid of something, Noodle."

I know you won't judge me. But you have so much confidence in my ability to fight, to keep us safe…

If I admit I might not be able to protect you…

I recalled the haunted look on 2D's face during the conversation about Murdoc, the way he shook as we discussed how someone he feared might come back into his life…

I don't want you to be afraid. I want you to trust that I can keep you safe from anything.

But what good is that trust if I can't keep you safe?

"Please talk to me," the singer whispered. His hand continued to caress my hair, I could feel his long fingers threading through the locks and tugging them gently.

I shuddered. I didn't want to talk about the man at the airport, about feeling insufficient to protect my friends. But 2D's voice and touch were so soothing, and I wanted him to keep comforting me… I wanted to tell him more about my dilemma, in spite of my fear. "I'm worried that I can't keep us all safe. This Monday is going to be a big risk… The closer we get to it… I just keep feeling worse."

The hand in my hair went still, pressing firmly, warmly to my scalp before resuming its soothing strokes. "We don't have to do it. We can call the video off…"

"No." I sighed softly, barely shaking my head with a gently twitch. Frustration twinged in my mind once more. "I don't want to let this fear hold me back."

"I don't want to push you too hard if you're not ready."

I leaned back into 2D's chest, letting his warmth pour into me. "I'll be ready."

He continued to stroke my hair, softly and soothingly, while his other arm wrapped snugly around my waist. "If you need more time to deal with your feelings before we go out in public, we don't have to go out on Saturday night."

And miss the chance to spend more time with the most comforting part of my life right now? Not a chance. "As long as we wear hoods and sunglasses the whole time, I'll feel fine."

"Alright," He hummed softly. "You feel much warmer now. Do you want me to help you get back to bed?"

A pang of loss shot through me like a bullet – I didn't want to lose his company. "Do you want to hang out in the sitting room and watch TV together instead?"

I could feel his gentle grin as he pressed hid face against my hair. "Sure."

. . .

Coming Up Next: What will Saturday evening hold for 2D and Noodle?