A/N: By popular demand (okay, 3 or 4 people politely requested), here is the sequel to "Agent Idiot". You don't have to read "Agent Idiot" for this to make sense, but it might help. Hope y'all like it.

Again, dedicated to the inspiration for this fic, Ms. Catherine Nelson a/k/a CackyMN! Smishes to you, my dear friend!

"An Idiot's Guide to Gibbs"

(or "What The Actual Hell?")

Tony woke with the rising sun to find himself trapped in some bizarre parallel universe, or maybe he was dreaming that he was stranded on "Fantasy Island". He could have been beamed up to an alien spaceship for all he knew! Those were the only plausible explanations why a very naked and somewhat aroused Leroy Jethro Gibbs was asleep in his bed, spooned up behind him murmuring his name.

The yelp he bit back after pinching himself caused his bed mate to roll onto his back and mumble something unintelligible. 'Okay, not dreaming'. Tony lay stock still and waited for Gibbs to settle back into sleep. He needed to think, but first he really needed to pee. Free of Gibbs' hold, and with as much stealth as he could muster, Tony slid out from under the covers mortified to find that he was also naked as the day he was born.

"What the actual hell?" Tony pondered as flashes of fantastical memories began to trickle in. He looked down at a supine Gibbs, who managed to look both smug and sexy. Bastard! A bashful smile grew on Tony's lips; indeed, something amazing happened.

He tiptoed the short distance to the bathroom and closed the door with the slightest snick possible. Blinking against the harsh blaze of the overhead vanity lighting, Tony dialed the dimmer down to a less painful setting. After a brief stop to relieve his bladder, he turned and gasped upon seeing his reflection in the mirror.

Tony was used to extreme bed head with his hair sticking up all over the place. It was the price he paid for using quality styling products. He was also used to the dark whiskers, with a few hints of gray sprinkled in, that sprouted on his cheeks and chin during the night, but what he saw in the mirror this particular morning was definitely out of the ordinary. Angry purple hickeys and a few very distinct bite marks peppered his stomach and one deeper bite mark stood out in sharp relief on his inner thigh. Pivoting left then right, he was introduced to a matching pair of love bites just below his collar bone on each side.

His hand flew up to check his carotid pulse. Feeling the rapid flutter beneath his fingertips, Tony only knew one thing for certain; Gibbs was NOT a vampire! After a splash of cold water to his face, Tony leaned over the sink and stared at his reflection, hoping somehow it had answers to the questions bouncing around in his head. His reflection remained mute and blinked back at him as water dripped from his chin into the basin.

As much as he wanted to return to his warm bed for a few more hours of sleep or cuddling or whatever the hell Gibbs had planned, Tony opted instead to take a long hot shower. He really needed to think.

Stepping back from the mirror his eyes landed on the patch of gauze on his right calf. He carefully peeled off the dressing and examined the neat little line of sutures. How could he have forgotten nearly having his leg blown off? He chalked it up to McGee dosing him with the painkillers he had not planned on taking. In the grand scheme of things it was a very minor injury. Paper cuts hurt worse, but had the young gunman had better aim, or aimed at all, he may not have gotten off so lucky.

Standing under the cascading water, Tony closed his eyes and let his mind take him back to last night. Once again it had been Gibbs to the rescue, only this time it was to save him from himself. Tony tried to make sense of yesterday's fragmented timeline of events, but a few pieces of the puzzle were missing. The evening had gone from being sure that Gibbs was there to fire his drunk ass, to Gibbs sobering him up and offering him everything his heart desired, to falling into bed and being thoroughly and completely possessed by the man. In the span of two, five, ten, who the hell knew how many hours, his whole life had been turned upside down.

The pulsing massage of hot water soothed his aching muscles as he ran a body wash covered cloth over his skin in a lazy, well-practiced pattern. A snorted laugh escaped as the realization that he was in way over his head set in. He also knew that he owed McGee the mother of all head slaps, and quite possibly a five-star steak dinner.

Startled, Tony nearly slipped on the wet tile when he heard the bathroom door open followed by deliberate footsteps and the unmistakable sound of the toilet lid hitting the porcelain tank.

"Oh shit!" he yelped, managing to steady himself to avoid potential disaster.

"Just me, DiNozzo," Gibbs announced, with nothing in his gravelly morning voice to indicate even a modicum of awkwardness or embarrassment.

Humming nervously, Tony quickly shampooed and conditioned his hair while trying not to think about Gibbs taking a piss just a few feet away. He let out a pronounced hiss as the water turned painfully hot when Gibbs flushed the toilet. Tony quickly turned off the shower and yanked down the towel hanging over the frosted glass shower door. He heard Gibbs at the sink washing his hands.

"Want breakfast?" Gibbs asked on his way out of the bathroom, still sounding like barging into Tony's bathroom stark naked while he was in the shower was the most natural thing in the world.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks, Bo..., um, Gibbs. Be out in a sec," Tony replied, trying to hold onto a shred of modesty. He was a hedonist, not an exhibitionist. Tony paused for a second to piece together fragments of their late night pillow talk. Wait, didn't Gibbs say something to him as he drifted off to sleep about breakfast in bed, and ... oh Lord!

Hair styled, leg wound redressed with a dab of Vaseline, gauze, and a Band Aid, clad in his favorite worn and comfy jeans and a dark blue sweatshirt with "NAVY" emblazoned across the chest, Tony padded out to the kitchen a few minutes later with a pair of tube socks clutched in his hand.

Much like Gibbs making himself at home the night before, lounging in his chair and drinking his top shelf scotch, Tony was taken aback by how comfortable the man seemed to be rummaging around in his kitchen. He leaned over the island, resting his forearms on the granite top, and watched as Gibbs perused his cupboards and fridge. For what exactly, he had no idea.

"Uh, looking for something Boss?" Tony asked, scratching the itchy whiskers along his jawline.

Gibbs let the fridge door slam shut and turned to Tony. He cocked his head and leveled a grin at him. Tony's eyebrows shot up at the almost predatory look on his face.

"Thought I'd fix us some breakfast, but that's gonna be a little hard to do without any food in the house. Grab your gear and we'll go out. My treat," Gibbs declared.

Tony blindly thumbed over his shoulder in the direction of the hall.

"Don't you wanna grab a shower first?"

Still grinning, Gibbs rounded the island and came to a stop well within Tony's personal space. Tony's stomach growled.

"Nah. I'll grab one later. Right now, I need coffee, and by the sound of it I'm guessing you need pancakes."

He pecked Tony on lips and headed toward the door whistling a little tune and jingling his car keys in his hand.

"This has got to be a joke," an astonished Tony mumbled under his breath as he pulled on his socks.

Tony shook his head then turned and followed; on Gibbs' six as always, without question. He stopped at the entryway long enough to slip on his running shoes; he'd tie them in the car. He caught up to Gibbs just as the doors to the elevator at the end of the hallway opened.

The IHOP was only a ten minute drive, but to Tony the ride felt like an hour. He was having trouble with how Gibbs was acting like it was any normal day, while he sat there staring out the window trying to think of something semi-intelligent to say. Was he overthinking what happened? After all, it was Gibbs who made the first move. The man didn't do anything by half measure, so Tony couldn't help but wonder if last night was truly the beginning of something wonderful and beyond his wildest dreams. His numerous erotic fantasies had been put to shame by the heat, the passion, and Gibbs' seemingly single-minded determination to possess him body and soul. Tony felt the heat rising on his cheeks and a familiar stirring south of his belt buckle.

Gibbs switched off the ignition and unbuckled his seat belt. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the look of wonder on Tony's face. It wasn't pensive or guarded. Tony looked almost bashful, but for the first time in a very long time he also looked happy. It was a good look on him.

"Hey!" Gibbs said quietly. When he had Tony's attention, he cocked his head and furrowed his brow. "You okay?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah - m'fine. Just, you know, thinking," Tony replied.

Gibbs cracked a half grin. "Don't think too much." Jerking his head toward the restaurant, he said, "C'mon."

Denise, a perky young redhead, poured them coffee and took their orders; steak and eggs with a side of hash browns for Gibbs and, as promised, a stack of buttermilk pancakes, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, with an extra side of bacon for Tony. Gibbs rolled his eyes when Denise coquettishly tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and batted her eyelashes at Tony over her shoulder as she walked away. Tony shrugged.

Sipping their coffee with the clanking of dishes and muted chatter surrounding them, the new lovers shared a surprisingly comfortable silence. They had a lot to talk about, but both men seemed content for the moment to stare out the window and watch the traffic go by.

After hazarding a look around to make sure they were alone, at least for the moment, Tony was the first to break the silence.

"Hey Gibbs, can I ask you something?"

Gibbs took a long sip before nodding in the affirmative.

"You can ask me anything. What's on your mind?"

Tony slid forward in his seat and leaned closer to Gibbs over the booth's Formica table.

"Couple of things, actually. One, why did you come over last night? I mean, it's not like I needed concussion checks or anything like that. And, even if I did, McGee was already there. And two, are you sure about this?"

Gibbs took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He needed to choose his words carefully. With Tony's insecurities rising to the surface, nothing but total honesty would get through to allay them. Anything less, and there was a good chance that Tony would bolt.

"Abby called me. Said McGee needed my help because you were having a panic attack. They were both worried about you."

"Panic attack. There's an understatement," Tony groused.

Gibbs chuckled.

"And it's a damn good thing I showed up when I did! I know better than anyone how you are on painkillers. Been there enough times. Not sure McGee could have handled you."

Tony dropped his head in his hands and groaned. He had heard a few horror stories about past lewd conduct when he was heavily medicated. It was a well-known fact that strong narcotics and Tony did not mix! Poor long-suffering Gibbs, always the one called in to deal with him whenever he was in a drug-addled state. All of Tony's most adolescent, sexually charged antics were brought to the surface, magnified by a power of ten.

When he finally looked up, Tony found himself being assessed by a pair of calm cobalt blue eyes. They held no judgment, only twinkles of affection. They ended up locked in a staring contest until Denise showed up with their orders and a thermal carafe of fresh coffee. Her gasp broke the spell. Obviously aware that she was intruding on an intimate moment, Denise stammered out an apology as she placed their breakfasts in front of them before scampering away.

"Didn't even get to say thank you," Tony said with a chuckle, while pouring a generous amount of warm maple syrup over his pancakes.

Gibbs allowed Tony to take a few bites before speaking.

"And to answer your second question, yes - I'm sure. As for what happens next, I guess that's up to you."

Tony dropped his fork and looked Gibbs dead in the eye.

"Me? I told you I'll take whatever you can give me. At least that's what I think I said. A few things about last night are still a little fuzzy. But you didn't run for the hills last night or this morning, so ..." Tony said with a shrug. He picked up a strip of crispy bacon and bit off half of it.

"And I told you that I wasn't looking for a fling. When I said I could give you everything, I meant it. We don't have to decide anything right this second. But, if last night was all you wanted or needed from me ...".

Tony interrupted before Gibbs could finish.

"No! I want more, a lot more. I want you, now and for as long as I can have you. I just need to make sure we're on the same page here. McGee, that silly son of a bitch, called me out saying that I was crushing on you. That's why I had the panic attack in the first place! Everything happened so fast after that; you showed up, and I gotta say I'm still a little freaked out. So, um, where do we go from here?"

Gibbs' hand shot across the table and grabbed Tony's in a vice-like grip before he could pull it away.

"First we finish breakfast, then maybe, I don't know, spend some time together this weekend? Your place, my place, I don't care where. I don't care what we do as long as we talk. After that, we take it one day at a time," Gibbs replied, rubbing his thumb gently over Tony's knuckles.

With his voice barely above a whisper, Tony asked, "And Monday at work? I don't know about you, but there's no way I can just walk in and act like nothing happened and nothing's changed; that I'm not the luckiest guy on the whole damn planet. I mean, McGee's gonna have a million questions, and Abby ... oh Christ, she'll know - she always knows!"

"Ducky, too," Gibbs confessed just before a forkful of golden hash browns disappeared into his mouth. At Tony's look of horror, he chewed, swallowed, and said, "Calm down, he's known for a while."

Tony couldn't stop a nervous laugh from erupting, but it was okay - neither could Gibbs.

Shaking his head, Tony asked, "Have we been that obvious? You know there's no way we can avoid them forever."

"Yeah, well we'll have to tell them something. We agreed last night not to announce anything, at least for now, but I'm not going to lie to anyone or hide from this. If anyone asks we can just tell them that we're together or dating, and that's all they need to know," Gibbs stated simply.

Tony smiled and the butterflies in his stomach took flight. Maybe this was the warm and fuzzy feeling Abby always talked about. He picked up his fork and pointed at Gibbs with it.

"You know, McGee's probably at Abby's place right now. You wanna drop in on them for a little chat? You know, a preemptive strike to buy their silence or threaten them or something? Hey, we can stop and pick up McBusted's favorite donuts or something on the way, you know, to bribe him!"

Tony was right. McGee's Porsche was parked in front of Abby's house. Gibbs cut the engine and coasted to a stop behind it.

"You sure about this?" Gibbs asked, wanting or maybe hoping that Tony had changed his mind. He knew that Abby would be over the moon, but he also knew that she would demand all of the sordid details.

Tony leaned across the bench seat to peer out the driver's side window, looking for any signs of activity in the cozy suburban cottage Abby called home. Gibbs took the opportunity to breathe in the scent of his shampoo. Tony slid back into his seat when a flannel robed McGee, looking like he had just rolled out of bed, opened the front door to retrieve the newspaper from the walk leading to the street.

"Too late to back out now," Tony said in response to a gaping McGee's wave in their direction.

Tony followed Gibbs up the walk. Half way to the front steps they encountered McGee, who nervously shuffled his slippered feet and appeared to be looking for an escape route.

"Uh, morning Boss, Tony," McGee stammered, squinting against the bright morning sun, as he tucked the Saturday morning edition of the Post under his right arm.

"McGee," Gibbs replied in a dangerously low register.

"Good morning, Probie," Tony chirped. "Here. We brought donuts."

Tony shoved a pastry box into McGee's hands, then clamped a firm hand down on his shoulder. He turned McGee and gave him a gentle shove toward the steps.

"Get your ass in the house. We got a few things to talk about."

Gibbs chuckled at McGee's expression of terror until he saw Abby, wearing only a long black Brain Matter t-shirt, watching the trio approach from the other side of the screen door. He fixed a murderous glare on McGee, who tripped up the steps in his haste to get to safety. Abby fumbled to put on and belt a short silk robe.

Tony being there was the only reason McGee wasn't currently lying unconscious on the front lawn. Gibbs knew that Abby and McGee were off-again on-again lovers, but that didn't mean he wanted to see McGee anywhere near a half-naked Abby!

Abby excitedly waved the trio inside, sure that several of her nosy neighbors were watching. The neighborhood ladies, the church pastor's wife among them, were a tight knit group of canasta and bridge players that had a Bible verse for every occasion. Witnessing three men entering Abby's house together would provide plenty of fodder for their next gossip-filled coffee klatch. They were a prim, proper, judgmental, and quick to condemn bunch of self-righteous harpies that lived to gossip.

"Get in here before they see you," Abby implored.

Closing the front door to block prying eyes, Abby flung herself at Gibbs and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek. Tony was able to sidestep and avoid being subjected to a similar assault. McGee couldn't have looked more uncomfortable if he tried.

"Good morning, Gibbs … Tony," Abby greeted, looking every bit the picture of innocence. "What brings you here, together, on a Saturday morning? You got a new case or something? You could have just called, you know. Are you feeling better today, Tony?"

"You know damn well why we're here!" Gibbs barked. Tony snorted.

Gibbs continued to shoot daggers at McGee, who made a break for the kitchen with the box of donuts. With McGee gone, he turned his attention to Abby and gave her a disapproving fatherly look.

Tony decided to leave Gibbs to deal with Abby and went in search of his intended mark. He strode into the kitchen to find his quarry fumbling to set up Abby's Mr. Coffee. A tap on McGee's shoulder had him nearly jumping out of his skin.

"Jesus Tony! What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?" McGee yelped, clutching his chest.

Tony backed McGee up against the small kitchen table. In the most menacing voice he could muster while trying not to laugh, Tony said, "Call it payback, McDumbass."

When Tony took a couple of steps back, McGee managed to scamper a few feet only to find himself literally backed into a corner. McGee knew that Tony could kill him 10 different ways right then and there, and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Accepting his fate, he offered up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay, okay! Look Tony, I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm really, really sorry," McGee stammered.

"You're sorry? Sorry for what, McGee? For dosing me or for calling Gibbs?"

"Yes, both, I guess. I dunno. What do you want me to say? You looked like you were in pain so I gave you your meds. And yeah, I guess it was the wrong thing to do since you did have a couple of drinks. Gibbs already chewed me out for that, but I'm sorry anyway. Then when you freaked out and couldn't breathe I got scared. I didn't know what else to do, so I called Abby. She's the one who sent Gibbs over, not me!"

Tony fought with all he had to keep a smirk from breaking out on his lips. He failed. McGee stood like a deer in the headlights. Tony clamped both hands down on his shoulders and grinned.

"Oh Probie, Probie, Probie. What to do with you? Gibbs won't let me shoot you; I asked. So, how about - you do all of my reports for say the next three months? And you get to buy me a large coffee every morning, and I don't mean the crappy break room stuff. I want my usual from Starbucks or the coffee kiosk at work. You know how I take my coffee. That sound fair? To be honest, I think I'm going pretty easy on you. Or, we could put on the gloves, get in the ring, and I could beat the shit out of you. Your choice."

McGee's eyes went wide and he swallowed hard. There really was only one right answer. He cleared his throat and mumbled out, "Fine. I'll do your reports - and bring you coffee. But dammit Tony …."

"No, no, no! You don't get to 'but Tony' me," Tony retorted. He loomed over a cowering McGee and snarled, "And if you ever even think about doing something stupid like dosing me again, well, even Gibbs won't be able to keep me from killing you. You hear me?"

Tony stood up, looked to his left, then back at McGee with a smirk. "Coffee's ready."

"So, tell me everything. I want details, Gibbs," Abby requested in her sultry, teasing voice.

Gibbs backed her down with a glare and a slow shake of his head.

"You will get nothing and like it," he chided.

"Oh come on, Gibbs! I know you and Tony spent the night together. Why else would you both be here early on a Saturday morning? Huh? Something happened, and if you don't tell me Tony will. I have ways of finding these things out, you know," Abby replied proudly.

"I'm not telling you a damn thing," Tony announced as he walked into the room with McGee, still clutching the box of donuts, lagging a safe distance behind and handed Gibbs a large mug of coffee.

"Here. McGee made it, so if it sucks yell at him."

Gibbs half-grinned at Tony in lieu of a thank you. It still had the same effect; Tony beamed back at him. A few feet away, Abby bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, clapped her hands, and squeed.

"Oh my God, you guys are so totally adorable!"

Gibbs and Tony groaned. McGee rolled his eyes and bit into a raspberry jelly filled donut.

Forty five minutes and two pots of coffee later, McGee, shaking from the effects of too much caffeine and sugar, and Abby were swearing on all they held dear that absolutely no one would find out from them what transpired last night or that Gibbs and Tony were now, officially, involved.

Gibbs wasn't shy about breaking the news to them that he and Tony were now dating. Even though Abby pressed for details, the x-rated parts were left out.

"What Tony and I do or don't do is none of your or anyone else's damn business. Just leave it alone, will 'ya?"

"But Boss, what about work?" McGee asked.

"What about it?"

"Um, um, um …"

Abby interrupted. "Gibbs, I think what Timmy is trying to say is, will things change at work now that you and Tony are sleeping together?"

"Oh dear God," McGee said with a pained groan.

Tony got up and retrieved some paper towels to blot up the coffee he spit out all over the table.

To everyone's surprise, Gibbs just grinned over the rim of his coffee mug.

Regaining his composure, Tony spoke up.

"Nothing, not one single thing changes at work. Gibbs is still the boss and I'm not expecting any special treatment. In fact, I suspect I'll be getting smacked even more than usual. And as far as everyone knows, and dammit Abby I mean it, everything at work is the same as it was yesterday. That means you don't tell anyone anything, especially Ziva or Vance, and you two don't discuss us at work - ever. No one needs to know anything, and so help me if I find out either one of you blabs to anyone I will beat the living shit out of 'Timmy'!"

That got a chuckle out of Gibbs.

"Now, anything either of you two want to say? If you have a problem, this is your one and only chance to speak up. Won't change anything, but let's hear it," Gibbs offered.

McGee noticed that both Tony and Gibbs were looking intently at him, so he responded, "You don't have to worry about me. I'm not saying anything - not that anyone would believe me anyway. Look, as long as it doesn't get in the way of us doing our jobs, I'm cool and I'm happy for you. Really. No problem. But I guess now maybe Tony can stop accusing me of being gay all the time? Seems kinda like projection now, don't you think?" He glowered at Tony.

"Fair enough, McGoo. No more jokes about you using feminine body lotion or getting manicures," Tony replied with a smirk. "And for the record, I'm not gay and neither is Gibbs. I think the word you're looking for is bisexual."

Abby raised her hand and waited to be called on.

"Yes, Abby?" Gibbs prompted with a tired sigh.

"I just wanna say that it's about time you two finally got together. We all think so, or at least Timmy and I do. I've always thought you would be incredibly hot together, but now seeing you like this, well, it's kind of adorable. Sorry it took Tony getting shot for you two to figure it out. Promise me you'll be good and not hurt each other? Seriously, I love you both and I want you to be happy. So, do me a favor and don't do anything to screw it up!"

"Oh my God! Ha ha ha … did you see the look on McGee's face? I was sure he was going to wet himself," Tony said amid a fit of giggles.

Next to him, Gibbs had a death grip on the steering wheel and his right foot mashed to the floor. The needle of the speedometer spun clockwise while trees and utility poles passed by in a blur. Tony absently checked his seatbelt to make sure it was snug, and kept a tight grip on the "oh shit" handle.

He rambled on about everything and nothing the entire 20 minute drive to Gibbs' house, and he was still talking when the Challenger came to a rather abrupt stop in the driveway just inches from the back bumper of Gibbs' old Ford pick up truck. Gibbs remained mute as he lead Tony up the front steps and into the house.

As soon as they were inside, Gibbs kicked the door shut, grabbed Tony by the arm, spun him around, backed him up against the door, and kissed him soundly before he could say 'boo'. By the time Gibbs finally released him, Tony was dizzy but quiet. If possessive kissing is what it would take to shut him up, Gibbs was completely on board. So was Tony.

"Wow Gibbs," Tony declared dreamily.