Dave Lister was bored.

Really bored. In fact he was so bored he was giving serious consideration to playing tiddlywinks showjumping, or having a chat with Talkie Toaster about the merits of toasted bagels, or maybe he'd just watch some of those ancient Japanese cartoons him and Petersen used to watch years ago.
Haven't watched them in years, he thought. God, we used to have brilliant drinking games doing it. One drink every a giant robot appeared and all that Some of them were just so screwed up though. There was that one in particular, what was it? Oh yeah, Evangelion. Oh, that show was so good, downing a shot every time the (what was his name? Shinbone or soemething?) kid apologised was the quickest way to get absolutely hammered. But there was something about that show, they'd even watch that one while sober, and have mad theories about it. even with those mental kids and their... oh...

Dave Lister just had an idea.

A utterly smeggingly brilliant idea, he thought. Only thing was he needed help, and hopefully a bit of good luck.

Three levels down, a series 4000 mechanoid was humming to itself, while doing some laundry, when the intercom buzzed.
"Kryten mate, can you meet me at Petersen's room in 5 minutes?"
"Of course Mr Lister sir, I'll be right up."

5 minutes later, Kryten walked in to see Lister going through a bunch of videotapes.
"What is it that you want, Mr. Lister, sir?"
"Kryten, you remember that photo developing fluid that went all weird, and allowed us to go into photographs?"
"Of course, but what about it?"
"I was wondering, do you think it'll work on videotape?"
Kryten considered this for a couple of seconds. "Possibly, but I'm sure I could tweak it to make sure of it. Do you wish me to try?"
Oh yeah, thanks mate" said Lister grinning, "Just don't tell Rimmer about it."
Kryten left the room, and Lister proceeded to put in the video cassette, open a can, and sit back to watch...

"Mr Lister sir? Wake up!"
Lister's eyes gradually focused and the first thing came to mind was an unfamiliar ceiling. Then he remembered, he was in Petersen's quarters. Oh yeah. I was binge watching Evangelion. 3 million years later and it's still smegging crazy. And I'm hungover. Oh smeg it.
"Right Kryten, I'm awake, anything happen?"
"No sir, just finished working on the formula - it didn't take as long as I expected."
"Oh? How long?"
"18 hours and 34 minutes, sir."
"Cheers, Kryten. Just leave it here for now, we can wait til my head stops feeling like someone's running over it with a loaded Morrison's shopping trolley.'
"Very well sir, anything else?"
"Nah, I'll give you a shout when I'm ready."

Some time later, Kryten got the call from Lister. As the mechanoid walked into the room, he saw Lister fiddling with a video camera "Alright Kryten, man, I think we're ready. I was thinking we'd start with something a bit safer. I'll use this video camera, and in a while, we'll-"
Lister was cut off as suddenly, as if out of nowhere, another Lister appeared. Kryten just stared.

"Where did you come from?" asked the Lister holding the camera.
"An hour from now" replied the other Lister. "This bit of filming you're doing? Well, I just decided to test if the developing fluid would work on the video that we just shot, and Hey Presto, here I am. Turning around, the new Lister gestured at nothing in particular, and said "Come on Kryten, see for yourself, it's safe!"
Before the other Lister could say anything, a second Kryten appeared in the room.
"Fascinating sirs, it appears to work perfectly." spoke both Krytens.
"Yes it does." replied the two Listers.

Just then, the four of them could hear a growing noise in the corridor, and they turned to see Cat walking past preening himself and humming to himself.
"Go!" said original Lister, and the future Lister and Kryten jumped through the portal back to their present.
Just before Cat stopped, backed up and stood in the doorway, nose twitching.

"Something smelt off, what are you guys up to?"
"Nothing" was the reply.
"No way Jose, you guys were up to something, you can't fool this nose, and something did not smell right - like there was some sort of concentrated Eau de Lister for a second, and that kind of odour doesn't just fade like that!"
"Are you saying I smell?"
"Well, I could be saying you don't smell, but I'd be lying. And I am most stylistically honest. No brutal honesty for me, nossir, I tell it with class! You smell, dude. When was the last time you took a bath?"
"What month is it?"
"September!"
"Already?"

At that point, another Cat appeared in the room. "See? I knew you were hiding something!"
Original Cat did a double take, took a sniff, and grinned widely . "What's this? Another me? it has to be me! Nobody else comes close to matching me when it comes to looking awesome!"
The newcomer matched his grin, "Oh yeah, past Me! You and me, we are the epitome of style!

And now twice the awesomness! Yaaaoow!" Kryten and Lister looked at each other. "Well sir, I guess we don't have to hide it from Mr Cat now. Or explain it."

"Or them." Future Cat sullenly muttered, pointing one finger in the vague direction where he'd come from, just in time for Future Arnold Judas Rimmer to enter the room, followed by Kryten and Lister, and another finger towards the door to the corridor, as the current Rimmer strolled in. "What is going on here?"

Cutting him off, Future Rimmer looked round the room."So this was your brilliant idea? To go back in time an hour, just to have a chat, and get drunk? I mean, could you not have done this for a more essential event, like for instance if we're attacked by more rogue Simulants, and we need to warn our past selves?"

Future and present jaws dropped.

Future Lister was first to speak. "Smegging hell, I cannot believe I'm going to say this, I'd rather iron my tongue with a tarmac laying machine, but Rimmer, that is a brilliant idea! We just keep this video and if something does happen, Hey presto! We just go back to here, and let you guys know what's going to happen."

Smug Rimmers were smug. Past Rimmer was the first to speak. "Of course, Listy, I wouldn't expect you to consider thinking anything-"

At this point, another Dave Lister came charging through the portal. "Guys, guys, you've only got a few minutes to do this, or we're all going to die! "

"When are you from?" asked both Listers.

"An hour and ten minutes in the future" came the panicked reply. "We need to jettison both Rimmer's hard light crystal into space right now, or we're done for! Turns out we never got fully rid of Rimmer's holo-virus, the time travel thing re-activated it, and in the last few minutes Mr Flibble's killed everyone else!"

Both Rimmers went pale, and both started sputtering "B-b-but there's no-w-way, I mean" in perfect synchronisation.

"Gotcha!" Future Future Lister grinned. "Couldn't resist it after you had the idea about the sending back future warnings. Right, see ya!" and then vanished again.

At this, everyone in the room cracked up, apart from two irritated Rimmers. "Even in our future, you're an unfunny oik, Lister."

"You're just sore you didn't think of it first."

Future Lister was next to speak. "Well, it works, so we'll toddle off back to our present, and we can get on with the fun later on. Later guys!" and with that the future Dwarfers vanished through the portal.

"Fun? Whatever on earth were he/you/they talking about? How did ostensibly future versions of us show up here? I want answers, Lister."

"Whatever, Rimmer." Lister shrugged and proceeded to tell him the whole plan.

Rimmer's reaction was predictable. "You want to enter a cartoon. One of those pretentious" Seeing Lister about to speak, he just raised his voice "Ah-Ah-Ah! No interruptions, I have heard of this one, it made zero sense even by normal standards. And by normal standards I mean those Czechoslovak People's Board of Animation cartoons Channel 4 used to show in the 1980s. And the reason you want to enter this cartoon is because one of the characters is a drunken slob. And you want to party. This is the most ridiculous plan you have ever come up with. Even more ridiculous than the night you decided to dress Kryten up as a Gelf. As supremely idiotic as he is, even Cat would not be able to come up with a plan as ridiculous as this one."

"Thank you! Wait, what?"

"Fine, stay here, we're still going to go ahead with it. If nothing else, we get to see and walk on an Earth, fresh air, blue skies, giant robots, murderous aliens and secretive cabals trying to bring around the end of humanity. And new lagers to try. What could go wrong?"

Rimmer snorted. "How many are the ways..."

Lister picked up the Evangelion tape, handed it it Kryten. "Right mate, you know where to set this to? Right? Let's do this."

Kryten pushed the tape into the VHS machine, and hit fast forward. Watching the counter scroll, he hit play, and as Evangelion played out on the screen, they all walked forward, and into it.

Into Tokyo-3.

"Why's it so dark? Did we arrive at night?"

"It's dark because I find the subdued light lends a suitable weight to the proceedings in my office." was the reply, followed by the sound of what appeared to be a silenced gunshot.

Followed by Rimmer moaning."Somebody just shot me." Rimmer turned round just in time to see the gun fire again. "And again."
At that point the room brightened slightly, and a man sitting behind a desk became visible, holding a gun.

Most people would be silent at this, but not Rimmer. "What exactly is your problem, apart from the fact you're wearing stupid looking sunglasses in a dark room?" which was met by another shot.

The reality of their situation quickly dawned on Lister. "Aww no, Kryten, you paused it at the wrong scene. We're in Gendo's smegging office. We're going to have to go back and try again".

The man known as Gendo paused, staring at Rimmer. "Interesting, I have shot you three times, you do not appear to have been harmed, yet there is no sign of an AT field. I'm afraid I will just have to shoot you again, unless you care to inform me of your identity and purpose."

Lister answered him. "Sorry Gendo mate. You can fire all day if you want, bullets won't affect hard light holograms. Sorry about that. But feel free to fire a couple more rounds into Rimmer if you like - he did insult your choice of eyewear."

An outraged Rimmer only had time to shout "You smegging-" as another few shots bounced harmlessly off him, much to Gendo's and Rimmer's annoyance. "Why do you keep shooting me, and not them?"

"I must admit, there is something especially shootable about you." was Gendo's reply, drawing laughs from Cat and Lister.

"That is a truly amazing skill you have there, Rimmer," Lister mused. "No matter where you go Rimmer, everybody hates you."

"So, who is that dude anyway?"

"That's Gendo Ikari, boss of this place and the bad guy, treats everybody like pawns, thinks he knows best and has all these mad complicated plans. All designed to lead to the end of humanity."

"Oh, so he's basically a better dressed living goalpost head then?" Cat said, with a knowing grin.

Before Rimmer could object, Lister continued on. "Yeah, he really is a right tosser, for some strange reason he thinks that causing the end of the world will reunite him with his missus. Boy, is he in for a surprise."

"I'm still here, in case you'd forgotten", interjected a by now utterly mystified Gendo, frantically trying to piece together what was going on. 'How does he know of the scenario? Holograms or not, I must find out.'

"Man, I gotta admit, you are one sharp dressed man, almost as sharp as myself, but you really gotta lose those shades. they're making you look like a reject villain from a Bulgarian James Bond knock off film."

"Enough!" shouted a quickly losing patience Gendo, hitting a button. "Fuyutsuki! Delta 32. My office."

"That's our cue to go, c'mon!" said Rimmer as he jumped through the portal back to Red Dwarf, followed by Cat and Kryten. Just before he followed them, Lister turned round, looked Gendo in the eye, and said "Don't you be starting now, Gendo. You hear me? Stop starting! Oh, and yer mum's a slaaaag!", burst out laughing, and jumped.

Just as Lister went through, the door burst open, and a group of heavily armed men charged into the room, guns drawn, followed by an elderly man.
"What's wrong Ikari?" asked Kozo Fuyutsuki.
Gendo, by now examining the area where the Dwarfers had disappeared, turned to Fuyutsuki, and said "I don't know." which drew a few looks from the Section-2 detachment. Turning to them with a scowl, Gendo addressed the squad leader "I want the security tapes from my room on my monitor within 2 minutes, and I want Doctor Akagi here within 5. Do I make myself understood?"

"Yes sir!" replied the squad leader as he left the room as quickly as his legs could take him.

Fuyutsuki wondered what had rattled Gendo so much, but rather than asking, he waited for Gendo to tell him.
"I had the strangest of visitations, Kozo. Four holographic characters, two human-like, one robotic and the fourth appeared to be semi-human. They appeared to have knowledge of me, our work and the scenario. And then they left." He paused.

"After insulting my mother."

Just then the door opened and a blonde woman walked in. "You wanted to see me Commander?"
"Yes Doctor, I need you to watch this security footage and run some scans of my office. I had some unwelcome visitors and I want to find out how they got here, how we can track them down and how to prevent further incursions."
The three of them proceeded to watch the footage, repeatedly rewinding and forwarding without comment.
Fuyutsuki was the first to break the silence. "That was bizarre. Clearly your bullets had no effect on them, but yet they appeared to have mass."

Ritsuko Akagi was fascinated with the footage. "He said they were hard light holograms. The very idea that holograms that can actually have a physical presence in our world but without being damaged exist is unheard of, but there it appears to be. Imagine if we could adapt this to use as anti-Angel weaponry? An indestructible Angel killer."

Turning to Ritsuko, Gendo gestured at the area where the Dwarfers had vanished."That area is where they entered. I want you to perform whatever scans you can to find out how they got here."

"Yes Commander" came the reply. "Oh, before I go, were there any other effects of their arrival? Noises, lights, physical sensations?"

"None, Doctor. One moment there was nothing, then they appeared as if walking through an invisible door. Oh, there was a stench also, like a mixture of body odour, alcohol and spices."

'Body odour, booze and spices?' thought Ritsuko, 'sounds like Misato's apartment.' "I'll get to work right away sir."

Back on Red Dwarf, Rimmer was already complaining. "It'll be fine, it'll be a blast. Six blasts in fact. And those bullets were real. I thought this was just a cartoon?"
Lister had a similar question for Kryten. "Kryten, what was going on? Gendo looked like a normal human there, and not a cartoon character."
"Normal humans do not dress like that, dude. Those tinted sunglasses? Crimes against all fashion!"
Kryten shrugged off Cat's critique of Gendo Ikari's style. "I don't know sir, maybe it's a byproduct of the fluid, in order for us to be able to exist in the show, it converts their world into 3-D, or maybe we're compressed into two dimensional characters, so everything looks normal either way. Perhaps I should carry out more tests?"

"Forget it, just make sure we pick a scene where we end up in Misato's apartment, and we'll try again."
"Does she carry a gun too? I really don't want to get shot again"
"Shut it, Rimmer."

As Ritsuko walked into the bridge, she was met by a purple haired woman, who had a question for her. "Hey Rits, any idea what all the commotion was about?"
Ritsuko decided to play the "I Know Nothing" card. "Hmm? Commotion? What commotion?"
"Yeah, the one where the Section-2 goons all made a beeline for the Commander's office? The office where you've just come from?"
"Oh that? Just an exercise. The Commander wanted to run an unscheduled alert, to see how they'd react."

Misato Katsuragi just grinned. "And how many of them had their employment 'terminated' as a result?"
Rolling her eyes, Ritsuko just looked at Misato. "You really think the Commander is like a Bond villain, executing his minions for the slightest error? Come on Misato..."
By now Misato was struggling to keep from bursting into laughter. "Probably just as well for you Rits. If he was, he'd have 'requisitioned' your cats, Blofeld style."

Even Ritsuko couldn't but smile at the thought of a bald Gendo Ikari, stroking a cat on his lap, as he plotted Third Impact. "You are insane, Misato, utterly insane. Now if you'll excuse me, I have tests to run and you should have gone home long ago."

With that, she turned and left the room, only to hear "Noo, Ritsuko-Oh-Seven, I expect you to die." in a bad European accent followed by hysterical laughing as she left.

"Blofeld, seriously?" asked Shigeru Aoba, "I would have figured the Commander to be more in the vein of Hugo Drax."

"Naah, he'd be a shoe in if they were looking for a new Dr. No." was Maya Ibuki's offering.

"Don't you mean Dr. Evil?" asked Makoto Hyuga, to be met with shaking heads.