I've been pretty absent from posting anything due to working on my One Piece Big Bang fic - this is a scene that I had wanted to use somewhere in the fic, but ultimately it doesn't fit anywhere in the story, so here it is as a standalone little drabble. Enjoy. I don't own One Piece.

"Hey beautiful, what's your name?"

The catcall was met with icy silence, much to the man's outrage.

"Hey, you ever heard a fucking a compliment, bitch?" he snarled grabbing the woman's arm. "How about you fucking smile."

Her arm slid free like butter, to the man's bewilderment.

The punch sent him reeling into the brick wall of the alley with a broken nose and jaw, a pair of teeth spouting from his mouth.

Alvida could heft her mace with one arm. Her hand was strong enough to crack a jaw.

The man immediately found the barrel of a pistol in his bloody mouth.

"I know I'm beautiful," she hissed, jamming the flintlock as far into his mouth as she could. "So I don't need pigs like you trying to flatter me with your bullshit idea of what makes a 'compliment.' Don't you ever speak to a woman like you just did ever again. I ought to execute you right now, I'd be doing the world a favor."

The man gurgled, his face white, and fainted.

"Trash," Alvida muttered.

"Ma'am are you alright?!"

A pink haired boy in a Marine uniform came skidding into the alleyway.

"There were several reports of a man stalking and harassing women in this area," he said breathlessly. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, that would probably be him then," said Alvida, coolly tossing her hair and glancing down at the unconscious body. "I took care of it."

The boy gaped that the man, passed out in puddle of bloody salvia.

"Oh. Um…it certainly seems you did ma'am," said the boy, clearly taken aback. "Well ma'am, the Navy thanks you for your assistance in this matter. Thank you! You made my job easy!"He beamed.

"Happy to perform a civil service," purred Alvida, pressing a hand to her chest in mock humility. The boy was cute.

"I'm happy to take charge of him from here," said the boy. "Can I just get your name for our report?"

Alvida raised her eyebrows.

"Hmmm, well as much as I adore the limelight," said Alvida, casually tucking her flintlock into her belt. "What would you say to putting me down as an 'anonymous concerned citizen?' And we can call it even, Marine?"

Alvida watched the boy's gaze flit to the pistol, and his eyebrows likewise raising knowingly. She couldn't help but feel the tiniest sliver of relief she'd left her mace on the ship.

"I…see…" he said slowly, before grinning. "Well ma'am, I suppose I can let you off the hook today as you've performed such a valuable public service for us. And I've certainly got my hands full with this fellow here, I hardly have time to go looking up the files of any, um…. pirates who just, might just happen to be loitering around coincidentally."

"Much obliged, sailor boy," said Alvida, winking.

"Now don't let me catch you out at sea!" said the boy. "Or I may actually have to arrest you then, understand?"

"Naturally," said Alvida, tipping her hat. "Though if I ever happen to run afoul of the Marines out in the New World, I'll hope I'm lucky enough to merit a reunion with such a dashing young man."

She pecked him on the forehead and sashayed out of the alleyway, giggling as he flushed as pink as his hair.

Reviews are always appreciated for a tired old author like me. I look back at the old garbage in my profile and realize I've been at this Alvida thing for well over a decade. Just bring my wife back Oda...

Thanks so much for taking the time to read a niche little side character drabble!