A/N: Alrighty, I'm back. So, a little story time, this was originally a one shot. A very, loooong, one shot. But then I realized, I need this to be two. So, please enjoy part one of two in this little story I wrote. Disclaimer, I own nothing and that's fine I would probably mess these characters up anyway to fit my agenda. And ALSO, these versions of the characters (especially Sheldon) are extremely OOC, but it's ok because it's fanfiction and that is the whole reason FF was created. For stories like these.

No one had expected him to take the break up so hard. In fact, when the news broke of Sheldon and Amy's split, everyone rushed to the aid Amy faster than they did Sheldon. His friend's reaction hadn't surprised Sheldon in any way, however, Sheldon's emotions were always so ambiguous, that it was nearly impossible to tell what the man was feeling.

So, when he locked himself in his room for hours on end and didn't blink an eye when Leonard abused the roommate agreement, the group of friends were taken aback. It was then that they took note of all the little things that were going on that they had neglected to notice before. Sheldon's total disregard for personal hygiene, his lack of interest in conversation at dinner, not to mention he decided to use his over two years of sick time and took every day off since Amy ended their relationship.

Now, it was a month later and the gang was gathered in the living room, both Sheldon and Amy absent from the group.

"So, what are we going to do about the Sheldon and Amy break up situation?" Penny asked quietly, aware of the fact that Sheldon and his Vulcan hearing was only a few feet away in his bedroom.

"What is there for us to do?" Howard shot back.

"I don't know what we can do to fix their relationship, but all I know is that Sheldon is slowly killing himself it's getting hard to watch," Leonard told them, keeping his eyes cast down to his food.

Penny nodded her head in agreement. "He's not even verbally communicating anymore. The other day I asked him a question and it was like he didn't even hear me. He just walked back into his room."

"Have you considered talking to Amy about any of this?" Raj asked from his spot on the couch.

Everyone turned to him. It made sense, Amy was the only one that really understood Sheldon that lived in the state of California. However, Amy was also the entire reason that Sheldon was in pain in the first place.

"Raj, what good will that do? It's only going to hurt them both more than they already are," Penny pointed out.

"Yes," Raj quickly reasoned, "but it would also do them both some good. Amy loves Sheldon and Sheldon loves Amy. If they both saw how much pain this break up has caused the two of them, they would probably be quick to get back together."

"For Amy maybe, but not for the other party involved," Howard scoffed.

"Howie, you don't know that," Bernadette spoke softly. "None of us thought that he would take the break up this bad, but here we are discussing it anyway."

Howard shrugged. "Yeah, ok, but we shouldn't drag Amy into this any more than she needs to be."

Everyone knew that Howard and Amy were close in a way that could only be described as a sibling relationship. So, while the rest of the group rushed to the aid of Sheldon, he remained at Amy's side, firmly letting everyone know that he was taking Amy's side in the breakup.

Howard continued, "Sheldon was a terrible boyfriend, and I know he's hurting too, but all that pain he is feeling right now is not going to make up for the over five years that Amy had to put up with him."

Penny set her plate down on the coffee table with a sigh. "Guys, arguing about which party is taking this harder, is not going to solve anything," Penny said, folding her arms over her chest.

"Fine, then what do you purpose we should do?" Leonard asked, a little exasperated.

Penny scoffed. "Hmm, I don't know, maybe instead of sitting on our asses talking about what we could do, we could actually do something and help our friends," Penny exclaimed, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Leonard shushed her, motioning in the direction of Sheldon's room. "Seriously do you want him to hear us?" he asked her, annoyed.

"Maybe I do, because maybe then he will talk to us."

"What makes you think us talking about him behind his back will- "

"Guys!" Howard yelled, breaking up the ensuing fight between Leonard and Penny. "Us fighting is not going to help Sheldon or Amy, so knock it off."

Leonard made his sorry face and sat back in his chair. "You're right," he sighed. "Anyone have any other ideas?"

The group seemed to have reached an impasse. And for the first time in a long time, they could not come up with a game plan.

"Maybe we should sleep on it, no plan we come up with is going to work overnight," Bernadette said, breaking the silence.

The rest of the group nodded their head in agreement, dropping the matter and moving onto a more pleasant topic of conversation. However, all of them were distracted by the crisis that their friends were in.

The group hadn't seen each other all day. The boys were too distracted to eat lunch with each other in the university cafeteria, and the girls canceled the lunch that they had plans with the excuse that they "were too busy". However, none of them had intentions to cancel their dinner together, which was set to be at the Wolowitz.

Leonard and Penny were getting ready to leave, when Sheldon exited his bedroom, padding out in his Monday pajamas. It was Thursday. Silently he walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, never acknowledging his roommate's presence.

When he started to head back to his room, Leonard spoke up, stopping him. "Hey, Buddy," he said, and Sheldon turned around to stare at him. "We're going to have dinner at Howard and Bernadette's, why don't you come with us?"

"Why on Earth would I want to do that?" Sheldon responded, incredulously.

Leonard and Penny looked at each other. Penny's features were contorted with worry and no doubt Leonard's were the same. They spoke a silent conversation with their eyes, telling each other to do something.

Leonard turned back to Sheldon and approached him. "You haven't been eating with us lately, I'm sure your friends would love to see you."

Sheldon went pale, like the thought of seeing his friends made him physically nauseous. "I'm not hungry." With that, he stormed back into his room.

The couple knew there was nothing that they could do to convince the physicist to come with them, defeated they made their descent down their building in silence.

"Leonard?" Penny asked once the pair made it to the car.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think Sheldon will be ok?"

Penny heard her husband sigh. "Honestly? No."

This answer took Penny by surprise. "No? Why 'no'?"

"Penny," Leonard sighed. "Sheldon isn't going to be able to find someone like Amy. There certainly not another woman that will put up with his crap for quite as long."

"Isn't that what we said about Amy when we met her? That she wouldn't be able to put up with his "crap"?

"It's not just that," Leonard defended. "Sheldon doesn't want to find someone else. He loves, Amy."

"Yeah, but eventually she'll move on, what's he going to do then?" Penny asked, crossing her arms.

"Make his peace."

Penny smirked. "Sheldon doesn't 'make his peace'."

"When Sheldon was with Amy, he did a lot of things we thought he would never do. Like, willingly kiss a woman, hold her hand, say 'I love you'. Just to name a few." Leonard shot back, looking at his wife, then back to the road.

"Ok, fine, but what if he runs away again?"

Leonard's eyes filled with tears, if he ran away again he wouldn't come back. He would lose his best friend for good. Unfortunately, with the way things were going, he could see that happening. "That very well may happen."

Penny's heart clenched, and she turned her gaze to stare out the window. "I don't want to lose Sheldon," she said, a few tears falling from her eyes.

"Neither do I, sweetheart, neither do I," Leonard spoke, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

They pulled up to the Wolowitz residence and parked in the driveway right behind Howard's car. They sat in silence for a few moments.

"I guess we should go in," Penny said, wiping a few tears from her eyes. Leonard nodded in agreement and took her hand.

"Hey, it's going to be ok," he told her.

By the time the couple made it to the door, all traces of tears were gone, and they put on their happy faces, ready to face their friends.

Leonard rang the doorbell and within seconds Howard was at the door. "Hey, guys!" He greeted. "Come on in."

Walking into the living room, the only other person in the room was Raj.

"Where's Bernie?" Penny asked, setting her purse down on the couch.

"In the kitchen with Amy," Howard answered casually, taking his place in the armchair.

Penny did a double take. "Amy? Amy's here?"

Howard looked at her like she'd grown another head. "Yeah?"

With that, Penny bolted to the kitchen. Having only talked to her on the phone, Penny was anxious to see Amy. However, she hesitated when she made it to the kitchen door. Amy was a mess when she saw her last, but the second that she had seen how Sheldon she dropped everything to stay by his side. She worried Amy might hold a grudge for her running to the aid of her now ex-boyfriend.

She entered timidly, slowly opening the door and stepping through, watching two pairs of eyes look her direction.

"Hey, you two," she greeted, softly.

Approaching the table, she couldn't read Amy's expression. It was like she had gone numb. Her facial features were relaxed, and eyes no longer held the spark that lit up Amy's face. Her smile of greeting was forced like it took all her energy to generate one smile. But something else was different.

She'd done what Penny had done after some of her toughest breakups, change her style. Instead of her normal heavy-duty skirts, she had opted for a lighter cotton skirt that seemed comfortable, yet hugged her curves nicely. There was not a cardigan in sight, only a loose-fitting t-shirt that was easily two sizes too big. Her hair was not straightened, nor was it simply draped over her shoulders, it was left in its natural state which was curly and placed laid-back ponytail atop her head.

"Sorry Leonard and I were so late," Penny apologized, taking her place at the kitchen table.

"Don't worry about it, dinner is still in the oven, you'd have to ask Raj how much longer till we eat," Bernadette shrugged, and Penny felt like a weight was lifted off her chest. She hated to be late for things, a trait she probably picked up from Sheldon. "We were starting to wonder where you were though."

Penny glanced over at Amy, who was keenly focused on her water bottle. "Oh…um." Penny was unsure of what to say. She didn't know if it was a good idea to mention Sheldon or not but seeing how sad Amy was enough to decide against it. "Leonard and I had to talk about some things, time just got away from us." Well, at least some of that is true, Penny thought to herself. "Anyway… Ames, what's been going on with you? I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks," she said, regretfully, looking at her friend with the same compassion she had shown Sheldon less than an hour prior.

"Ok, I guess," Amy said, fiddling with her hands in front of her on the table. "It's a hard adjustment to make. I mean, I was with Sheldon for five years, I guess I just forgot how to be single." Leaning forward to rest her head in her palm, she continued. "Like tonight, it would've been date night… and I don't know what happened, all of the sudden I was crying in the shower. Like I had bottled it all up and it all just came pouring out. I don't think I realized how much I would miss him."

Penny and Bernadette shared a glance, both aware of just how much Sheldon missed Amy.

"You know," Penny said, taking Amy's hand in her own. "It does get easier."

Bernadette nodded in agreement.

Amy still looked skeptical. "Maybe you're right, I just wish I knew if I made the right decision."

"But you did, Amy." Bernadette consoled gently. "You needed to step back and take care of yourself for a while, and after five years with Sheldon, I think you deserve that," she added.

Amy turned to Penny as if to confirm what Bernadette was saying.

Penny's mouth opened and closed a few times, searching for the right words to say. "I think what Bernadette is trying to say is that… sometimes, maybe, you need to step back from a relationship before it suffocates you."

That seemed to strike a chord in Amy because all she could do was simply shrug.

An uncomfortable silence passed over the group.

"You know what!" Penny exclaimed suddenly, slapping her hand on the table. "We're a group of successful women, we shouldn't be talking about boys," she reasoned, only to be met with blank stares.

"What do you purpose we should talk about?" Bernadette asked.

"I got offered a job at Princeton."

Back out in the living room, Leonard finished telling Raj and Howard of what happened with Sheldon shortly before they arrived.

"So, got him to talk… that's progress… I guess," Howard said, stumbling to find the right words to say.

"Let me get this straight," Raj began. "He comes out in Monday's pajamas, and he hardly speaks and were just going to do nothing!" he quietly exclaimed, trying to not let the girls hear them.

"What can we do?" Leonard asked, "he's a grown man going through a really tough break up. I've been where he's at, sometimes the best thing to do is let them figure it out themselves."

"Leonard, it has been over a month and how many meals has he eaten?" Howard asked, annoyed, pursing his lips.

"Not enough."

Howard continued, "so, what you're saying is that we're just going to stand by and watch as our friend kills himself?"

"Didn't we all try to think of something to do last night and no one could come up with anything?" Leonard shot back, his voice raised slightly.

"Yeah, and we came up with something, but it was firmly shot down," Raj pointed out, glaring at Howard.

Howard rolled his eyes. "We are not bringing Amy into this."

"Amy already is in this!" Raj exclaimed.

"Hold it!" Leonard nearly shouted. "Raj is right, Amy is half of the equation, and Sheldon is the other. None of us are even a variable, so for us to be arguing over something we have no control over… we're just wasting our breath."

"You say that now, but at this point, Sheldon is going down a path where we have to step in," Howard said, almost in a pleadingly. "Leonard, if something happens to him and you could've done something to prevent it, you will never forgive yourself."

"Fine," Leonard said, defeated. "But we can come up with a plan without arguing." The other two men nodded their heads in agreement. "Now, Howard, I know how you feel about bringing Amy into this, but- "

"For the last time, no," Howard said through clenched teeth. "Dragging Amy into this anymore will only cause her more pain, and I don't think that is fair to her."

"Howard," Leonard sighed. "You just said that if I didn't do something then I would regret it for the rest of my life. How do you think Amy would feel if something happened and she didn't know what was going on? She loves him, it would hurt her a helluva lot more than it would hurt us."

"I know you want to protect her," Raj started, but Howard stopped him before he could continue.

"She's like the sister I never had, I don't want to see her in any unnecessary pain."

"I know you want to protect her," Raj repeated. "But this is something that she needs to decide for herself. If she wants to know, then she is entitled to know."

The three men sat in silence, looking at each other. Raj was right, even though they all wished he was wrong.

"Dammit!" Howard cursed under his breath. "You're right…" He sighed, defeatedly. "I can't make decisions for her."

"So, does that mean we all agree?" Leonard asked.

"Yeah" "Yes"

Just then Leonard's phone pinged. 'Who could that be?' He thought.

It was Penny.

Amy got offered a job at Princeton.- P

Leonard read the words repeatedly to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. Amy. Job. Princeton. This didn't change the fact that they were going to spill the beans on Sheldon's recent behavior. However, if Amy had taken the job, would she view it as a ploy to get her to stay?

Leonard replied to his wife's text.

is she going to take it?-L

He waited a few seconds for a response.

She said she's seriously considering it… she has to have an answer by 5 tomorrow- P

5 tomorrow. That was less than twenty-four hours.

Seriously considering it. Unless they could give her a good reason to stay, she would take the job.

Leonard thought back to when Sheldon first introduced Amy into their social circle, and how he simply didn't want her there. She was Sheldon if Sheldon had taken female form. However, Amy seamlessly eased her way into their small group of friends. As if she had always belonged there. She was family.

Leonard didn't know what to say. He considered both his family, he wanted what was best for both of them. Yet, he hesitated. He thought back to the conversation he had shared with his wife less than an hour before. How both of them admitted to their fear of Sheldon running away again and not returning.

That possibility seemed to double in Leonard's eyes.

Coming back to reality, Leonard looked up at Raj and Howard's concerned faces.

Leonard masked the most convincing smile he could and said: "Everything's fine."

"You sure? Cause' that didn't look 'fine'." Howard retorted.

Leonard held up his hand in protest. "I'm serious, it's all good."

Raj and Howard looked at each other, both of them more than slightly confused. Leonard just stared at his screen for a good two minutes, not doing a single thing. Now everything was simply peachy, with roses and cherries? But if Leonard wanted to drop it, fine, they would too.

Sheldon was well aware of the five stages of grief. Denial, Anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Even when he lost his beloved pop-pop, Sheldon knew what he was going through, he was smart enough to figure it out.

Yet, even though all he had all his years of education under his belt, and his years of listening to his friend's opinion on the matter, he never understood just how hard this type of grief could be.

Denial. He'd pestered her for days on end after the breakup. Not fully comprehended what being broken up meant. Leonard and Penny had told him what he was doing was not healthy, but there was no way of stopping him. The relationship was not over to him.

Anger. A stage that was enhanced by his inherited rage from his father. He'd lashed out, not only at his friends but at himself. Constantly yelling at himself for being the one who messed up in the end, for being so incredibly stupid to not realize just how inconsiderate he was being of her.

Bargaining. He'd beg Penny to let him see her, take him to her, call her so that she would pick of the phone and talk to him. Just so he could say he would never mess up again. So he could say that he would treat her like an idol made of stone that deserved the highest praise from the lowly slave boy. But Penny, even Leonard, never budged even when he was on his knees crying and begging them.

Depression. His current state. The combination of all the previous stages. Except now he felt empty. Empty and alone. He couldn't remember the last time he ate a full meal, he was never hungry. The last time he went into work, he had over two years of sick time. The last time he saw all of his friends, he never showed his face at their gatherings anymore. He couldn't remember anything from after Amy broke up with him.

He hoped that acceptance would come soon, he hated this. He hated that no matter how hard he tried, his mind would always find its way back his vixen. The one who had taken his heart and stomped all over it, even if she hadn't meant to.

He hoped she hadn't meant to.

For what seemed like the 20th day in a row, Sheldon was spending his evening in bed. In his bedroom which was far from how Sheldon normally kept house, but he couldn't care less. He barely had enough energy to use the restroom more or less clean his room.

But Sheldon did still have the sense to know when to eat, even if was a handful of almonds. Reading the clock on his phone, he sighed and flung his legs over the side of the bed and trudged toward the door.

'Maybe today is the day I will 6 almonds instead of 5,' he thought, sarcastically.

Padding his way down the hallway and into the kitchen he briefly heard to sound of the front door open. Automatically assuming that it was his roommate he ignored it and headed for the cabinet.

That's when he picked up on it.

He picked up on her.

How the room seemed to get warmer, a feeling he only got when she was around. The smell of apples, green apples, because that was the scent of her shampoo. The heavy weight of her presence.

"Sheldon."

Her soft voice echoing in his ears.

He turned and there she was. His vixen. His little lump of wool. Standing in his apartment after months of not seeing her.

He thought that his eyes were deceiving him, that her presence was merely a taunt from his emotionally wrecked brain. Even in his imagination, she was beautiful… he hated that.

"Sheldon?" Her voice called out again, ringing in his ears as a cruel prank to his already wounded heart. He saw her stride across the room toward him, but he still refused to believe that she was real.

"No," he denied. "You're not real… you wouldn't be here if you were real."

He watched her face contort with worry, it was etched in her features. But still, he denied her.

"I'm real," she insisted, reaching out for his hand that had a firm grip on the kitchen island.

Her touch felt like fire, and in that moment he knew she was real. Imaginary Amy could never make his blood turn to lava, or his nerves spark at the simple touch of the hand. It was so soft, so loving. It was the touch that he had be yearning to feel since the day they broke up.

Amy flashed him a smile, "I'm real."

Sheldon felt like he should cry… hell, he'd been doing it since they broke up. But his eyes were dry, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel. "Why are you here?"

"Our friends told me everything," she said sadly. "I didn't want to believe them, but by the look of things, it seems they were right."

Sheldon took a step back, he needed to get away from her. "Look," he said, holding up his hands defensively. "I don't know what they told you, but I'm fine," he snapped at her, and started to walk towards the couch.

"If this is fine, I don't want to see you at your worst," Amy deadpanned, watching as he fell into his spot on the couch. "Come on, Sheldon, you aren't stupid. You know what you're doing is not healthy," she continued, almost beggingly.

"Why do you care?" He asked incredulously.

Amy sighed heavily and bit her bottom lip. "Sheldon, just because we're not together anymore, doesn't mean I don't care about you."

"Oh, spare me!" He spat viscously.

Amy had known Sheldon a long time, but she's never seen him this hostile… with anyone, much less her.

She threw her arms up in defeat. "Why are you being like this? I genuinely care about you and you're just treating me like garbage."

"I'm protecting myself."

"From what?!"

"FROM YOU!" He bellowed. "You tore my walls down, Amy!" he continued to shout. "You got kisses from me, you got 'I love you' from me, damnit you almost got an engagement ring out me!"

Amy's mouth dropped to floor, shocked at this newfound information. She wanted to say something before it got out of hand, but Sheldon didn't stop.

"And now you expect me to sit here and listen to you lecture me about my behavior, when I am trying to piece back together what you broke!" He yelled, his voice cracking near the end, his eyes filling with tears. "This, this is me grieving. And I've been telling myself that if I ever got the chance to apologize to you I would get down on my hands and knees and beg, but I can't do that. I can't keep opening up to you like I'm doing right now and then have you leave again. It will destroy me," he said, tears now freely spilling over his cheeks.

Amy stood stunned before him. Never in their five years of dating did he ever open up to her in such a manner. Yet, seeing him so vulnerable, and his emotions so exposed almost made her glad that he hadn't.

"Sheldon, I," Amy began, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over her cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she quivered, bowing her head to hid her face.

Sheldon, through the glaze of his tears, watched her body shake violently with ones of her own. His heart clenched. The entire time he hadn't considered her pain, he just assumed that because she ended the relationship she wouldn't be hurting as much. But here she was right in front of him showing her emotions to him bright as day. And they were intense.

But then he felt guilt. He did this to her. He drove her away, played with her emotions until she simply couldn't take it anymore. Even in that moment when she was standing in front of him, her shoulders hunched and her body wracking with tears, he knew he was the cause. Her intentions were good, they were always good, it was him who was malicious. He couldn't even give her the benefit of the doubt and let her help him, no, he pushed her away the first chance he got.

Not finding any words that would be of any comfort, Sheldon tenderly approached her, cautiously wrapping an arm around her shoulders. The gesture was so simple, but it spoke a thousand words.

She looked up at him, her tears still fresh on her face. Looking at her expectantly, he waited for a response from her, slightly knowing that he wasn't going to get one. But she surprised him, when instead of pulling away, she wrapped her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly.

He knew better than to pull away, after all it was all he dreamed about since the moment they broke up.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her in closer. "I'm sorry," he gently whispered in her ear. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

He felt her shudder against him, more of her hot tears fell onto his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Amy." His second apology wasn't for yelling, and she knew that. That was for every snide remark, cruel taunt, or false truth he ever provided her with. For the five years of hell he put her through, and for the living nightmare she had clearly been living the last few months. He needed to atone for all of it. Unfortunately, he knew that one simple I'm sorry wasn't going to be enough.

She pulled away from his embrace, her face full of sorrow. "I, uh," she croaked. "I should go."

Panic began to grow in Sheldon. Because he sure as hell was not going to let her walk out that door again. Not again when he knew damn well that it would be that last time. No way. Not until hell froze over.

Amy managed to pry her way out of his grasp and make her way back towards the door. But a hand on her wrist stopped her.

"Amy, no wait," he begged as he tightly held onto her wrist. "Can we please talk?"

A/N: Reviews are like fuel to my writing fire ;)