Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon, and I never will. All rights go to DreamWorks, who made the movies and the series, and Cressida Cowell, the author of the books. in case you didn't read the summary properly, this is a modern AU fanfic. Enjoy!

A/N: This chapter was inspired by Multiple-Fandom-Writer, who thought that this would be a good idea. Thanks to him/her/them, you are now reading this.

Stormfly: Astrid, if Hiccup's coming over, does that mean I'm going to be kicked out of the house?

Astrid: Stop worrying about it so much, Stormfly. Mum and Dad already told you, that is not going to happen until you are eighteen.

Snotlout: Hey babe, how does your sister like her eggs in the morning?

Stormfly: (not understanding what's going on) Um, scrambled, I think.

Astrid: UNFERTILIZED, YOU CREEP!

For context, the girls are out shopping for clothes and see a dress for sale.

Astrid: Ew, what a tacky dress! I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that thing!

Stormfly: You'd have to be dead for six months to fit into it.

(Astrid then chases Stormfly around the clothing store until they are both kicked out by security.)

Astrid: Ugh, why is it that all the food I can't have because of this stupid diet seem so much more tempting.

Stormfly: I know a trick that can help you. Move your head to the left, then the right.

Astrid: How does that help?

Stormfly: You do it every time people try to give you bad foods.

Astrid: Why did I ask you for advice again?

Stormfly: Beats the heck out of me, dumbass.

Astrid, Stormfly, Ruffnut and Meatlug are walking together.

Snotlout: Hey look, it's the girl squad!

Astrid and Stormfly: At least we're a squad, and not some loser drifting around all alone.

Other girls: BURN!

Snotlout: (creeps away on the verge of tears)

Astrid: Oh my god, I'm running late!

Stormfly: (holds out a broomstick) Here, hop on; you just might make it after all.

Astrid: (takes the broomstick and hits Stormfly with it)

Stormfly: OW!

Hiccup: This soup needs spice.

Astrid: So does our relationship.

Snotlout: Hiccup, you look as thin as ever! Does Astrid not feed you enough?

Astrid: Unfortunately, we don't hire babysitters, so Hiccup will have to feed himself.

Hiccup: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BURN!

Snotlout: Hey, Astrid! Would you like some fries with that shake of yours?

Astrid: No thanks, Snotlout. I'm on an idiot free diet, and I can't afford to quit now. I've lost four morons already.

Scammer: Hello, is this the Hofferson household?

Astrid: No, this is Astrid.

(The scammer hangs up.)

Hiccup: Astrid, aren't you tired?

Astrid: Of what? Dealing with you?

Hiccup: Because you've been running through my mind all day.

Astrid: Well-played.

Snotlout: I typed the word 'joke' into Google, and I got pictures of your boyfriend.

Astrid: Since you seem to like jokes so much, I'll tell you one. Knock, knock.

Snotlout: Who's there?

Astrid: Shut.

Snotlout: Shut who?

Astrid: Shut up before I make you, you little prick.

Snotlout: Why can't you women appreciate my natural beauty?

Astrid: You look like something Hiccup drew . . .

Snotlout: Good! Everyone knows that Hiccup is the best at drawing.

Astrid: . . . with his eyes closed.

Snotlout: Dammit!

Strict teacher: Nobody leaves my classroom without a hall pass!

Stormfly: Fine. Here's my hall pass. (Pulls out a tampon.) Can I go now, sir?

Strict teacher: (embarrassed and blushing) Yes, you can go.

Arriving back from the toilets:

Strict teacher: Where did your hall pass go?

Stormfly: Where did you think it went?

Strict teacher: DETENTION!