A/N: *EDIT*

TROLLS ARE BACK.

Look at the reviews if you don't believe me.

I'm so very, terribly tired of them, but no one seems to care.

Well, no one seems to be reviewing, even though I posted this hours ago?

Yet the notification for the story only just showed up now apparently? What's wrong with the site?

Lack of reviews really hurts ya know, it tends to drive me right back into hibernation and away from everyone.

Well, I did take a break from my Fate stories for a bit. I Updated some Game of Thrones, a bit of Justice League, other odds and ends. And I got. Bloody. Bombarded. Complaints! Threats! Angry fan mail! Its only been three days! Yeesh! Fine, fine, here's another chapter. Aaaaaaaaaaand A Most Unlikely Drifter got shredded. On the plus side, recent updates have flushed out some of the actual trolls with an account, one of whom not only hit me with some nasty words, but blocked me and prevented me from replying to them. Then they turned right around and did it again with another account. Rude, much?

I got a bunch of them taken down in any case.

For the sake of decency-because I actually have some unlike these trolls-I won't give out their account name. I do not endorse or enclose harassment of any kind. I repeat! Do NOT harass them. None of that! Don't perpetuate the cycle of violence.

Let's all be kind to one another, eh?

On the other hand, I've also made peace with a few of my detractors. That's good.

To Someone*that's their actual tag*all is forgiven.

Now, then, I LIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

REVIEWS FEED MY ETERNAL ENGINE OF CREATION! Of course, you don't have to. They simply feed and sustain my humble existence.

Now onto your questions!

Q: How in the HELL are you updating daily like this?!

A: I may have sold my soul. Kidding, I'm kidding! I've actually cloned myself~!

Q: Is every "Unlikely" story connected?

A: Yup.

A: Who is the "Prime" Naruto? Where did this all start?

SPOILER Berserker is Prime!Naruto once the class shackles finally come off. This all started with him, and ends with him. SPEAKING of which, I am working on that chapter. I've had to scrap and rewrite it at least three times now, because those chapters are MONSTERS to write, not to mention the next chapter has events, deaths, and a large cast to work with. Oh, dear. Did I say deaths?

WHY, I BELIEVE I DID.

Q: How does Medusa know Naruto?

A: That ones simple. Medusa REMEMBERS Naruto from other incarnations. We deal with her Gorgon self in Saber, her Rider form in Caster, and-eventually-her ADULT Lancer form in another story that I ain't gonna name. Her little Lancer form is a direct reflection of all of them, memories mashed down into a singular class container.

Now then, off we go!

Obvious quote is obvious~!

So suspend your disbelief, and get ready~!

As ever, I own no quotes or references! None at all!

"I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me."

~An Unlikely Assassin.

A Most Unlikely Rampage

"How did you know my weakness?!"

Seriously? Just like that? He hadn't even been trying!

...I didn't." Naruto found himself confessing as his prey writhed helplessly beneath him. "It was just a lucky guess."

"W-Well!" Lancer sputtered, pale cheeks turning rosy as he continued his ministrations. "That doesn't change the fact that you-Mmm!-did it anyway!"

Naruto was absolutely done with today. Utterly, wholeheartedly done. Not only had his plan to taunt a gang of Servants gone awry-and wasn't that unwise to begin with?-but he'd nearly died twice. Throw in a swirl of mad memories that he was fairly certain weren't his, and he was about ready to just slip back into astral form and call it night. Of course, it didn't help that one such Servant was currently curled up in his lap, legs swaying over the side. This looked wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong. If anyone saw him like this they'd never let him live it down. As things stood he already wanted to bolt!

Indeed, little Medusa all but purred as he rain his fingers through the now-loose curtain of her hair, firmly yet gently stroking the stress from her scalp.

In the distance he could hear the other Servants going at it; Berserker had done something to gain Archer's attention, which meant Gilgamesh was now laying into him like now tomorrow. Rider and Saber-who would have thought the great King Arthur was a girl?-had struck up a conflict of their own, and Caster was likely down for the rest of the night, if not out for the count entirely. A grievous wound like that would likely force the sneaky witch to remain immaterial for quite some time, if not a week.

Which left the two of them here.

Hiding like cowards in the mist behind a fallen crane.

"As fascinating as this is," Naruto sighed, "It feels really awkward."

Lancer hummed as he patted her head, but those solemn eyes never wavered. "You don't remember me, do you, Assassin?"

Naruto's jaw clicked shut as another phantom pained stabbed at the back of his head. "No. Have we met before?"

The little Lancer considered him for a moment before her tiny shoulders drooped.

"Not...exactly. You're weaker than the Naruto's I knew. Wait, wait, wait! I didn't mean it like that!" At his thunderous expression the little Lancer flailed in his lap and held up her hands in her haste to explain. "The best way to describe it would be that I met an incarnation of you." when he didn't attack she hastened to explain. "We've met multiple times, you and I." her palms fell, balling up in her lap. First when I was Rider and you, an unorthodox Caster. Then again as an adult Lancer when you were Rider. Once more as Avenger and Saber. And finally...here."

"Right then," Naruto groaned, palming his face. "You lost me at Saber. I never used a sword in my lifetime. Ever."

Her nose wrinkled. "You didn't, Assassin, but in another world, another you did. Its not that hard to explain."

"Yes, it is!" he gave her hair a tug, eliciting a hiss from the petite warrior.

"Don't you understand multiverse theory, you dolt?!" Twin fingers snapped up to flick his forehead. "This is merely our most recent meeting! I suspect it will not be the last."

When he didn't interrupt her, she bulled onward.

"No, the last time we met you wielded a sword and I was...bigger." her head tilted, eyes squinting as she tried and failed to recall something. "I still can't remember how that war ended, for the life of me, but there you are. You left quite the impression on me. I shouldn't have remember you at all. But somehow those memories were carved into my soul." Her hand rose, cupping his cheek. "You really do have it rough, don't you? You're afraid; you can't remember because you don't want to; because you're afraid the memories might crush you."

"Wait, are you saying you met me three times already?"

Her head bobbed. "Indeed. Each was quite the memorable experience."

A blond brow rose. Was that the ghost of a smile just now? And did he glimpse scales on her arm?

"Just how big were you the last time?" he croaked. "Are we talking inches, feet, meters, what? Give me a broad explanation."

The smallest smirk plucked at the corner of her mouth. "MUCH bigger. If this war continues as it has, I might be able to assume that form again."

They dithered in silence a moment more, neither willing to speak, and so the pall remained unbroken. Were it not for the battle cries and the sounds of Gilgamesh's neverending supply of Noble Phantasms detonating one after the other, one might have called this moment peaceful. It didn't last of course. This was war. Such a thing could never last.

Sure enough, just as he was about to speak again, Lancer looked up.

"...it seems my Master is calling for me."

Naruto heaved a sigh. "I don't suppose you could tell him to fuck off?"

The ghost of a grin returned. "Not if I want to stay alive in this incarnation, no."

Naruto stifled a sigh as he stood. "Right, have to keep up appearances and whatnot. So, what are you-OW!"

Blue eyes narrowed as a her scythe flicked out; not a moment later a pair of thin cuts etched itself into his cheek. They didn't particularly hurt, but it did sting. He was just about to ask what the devil she was up to when she grabbed one of his knives and raked it across her right arm. The yelp she gave was entirely too painful to be fake. When he tried to reach for her wound, she slapped his hand away.

"Sorry." Medusa groaned, sliding off his lap. "Kayneth's a suspicious bastard. Had to make it believable."

Then, abruptly, she paused. "Although, while I'm here...I think I'll stake my claim anyway."

Before he could think to ask what she was planning-much less stop her-she darted in and kissed his cheek. She lingered a moment more, forehead pressed to his, hands holding his face. A strand of pale violet hair tickled his face and the whiskered warrior found himself stubbornly holding back a sneeze as Medusa's nose brushed against his.

"Erm...what are you doing?"

"Because I haven't yet told you in this lifetime," the small Lancer began sweetly, "Allow me to repeat the words you once told me." she hummed, gaze drifting shut for the merest moments. "Your legend doesn't define who you are, nor who you will be. You do. Your life has meaning, Naruto." She kissed him again, lips light against his forehead. "Because you saved me. You showed Mercy. You Acted." she looked at him tearfully. "You reached out for me in the darkness when no one else would. And for that, I fell in love you. In every life we meet, I will still love you, no matter what happens."

Aw, how cute. He was actually blushing.

At this angle Medusa could see his expression, see the way in which his words resonated with him, but Medusa-small or not-wasn't finished. Now was the time to drive her point home. He needed to believe her, needed to be prepared for the worst possible outcome of this war, for the threat that was coming. And he wouldn't believe anything less than the truth.

So she kissed him again, mouth full on his, and gave him as much of herself as she could.

Her world turned grey, and she stumbled, but it was enough.

"What did you do?"

"I gave you a parting gift," came the parting reply. "Take my energy and finish what you started. Oh, and do come see me again if I ever manage to get out of this class container and back into a proper adult form." Her lips brushed the outer lobe of his right ear and gave him a hard nip, imparting one last mark upon him before she retreated. "Who knows? If I do...

And quite suddenly, he found himself flooded with energy.

...I'll rock your world."

Then she was gone, vanishing into the mist.

Naruto swayed for a moment.

His body thrummed with barely contained mana; energy boiling at the seams of his body and threatening to burst forth at any moment. No, more than that. He was glowing. He couldn't see the full extent of whatever she had done to him, but he felt it all the same. He felt immortal. Invincible. It wouldn't last, of course. He could already feel himself burning through it, all the aches and pains of battle fading away, replaced by a supernatural calm he hadn't known for years.

And he smiled.

His body burned, blurred, barreled forward.

"ALRIGHT! I'm fired up! Where the hell is Berserker?!"

Needless to say, Lancelot was not prepared for what came next.

Lets take a moment to check in on our favorite screaming madman, shall we?

(...0o0o0...)

Where had his prey gone?

Try as he might, Lancelot couldn't find Assassin. That one annoyed him. That one had hurt him.

Saber and Rider were engaged in a running battle of sorts with Archer now that she's been distracted, and Caster was grievously wounded.

So.

Where.

Was. He?!

Contrary to popular belief, Lancelot wasn't as mad as he let on. So long as-ArThUrArThUrArThUr-was left out of the equation, he could fight quite well. Better than most, in fact. His instincts were unparalleled in combat, so wholly engraved into his body that he wouldn't lose them even as a Berserker. Anything he touched became his Noble Phantasm. He was destruction incarnate. Alone, he could tear down nearly any obstacle, almost any adversary, so long as he had the energy to do so.

A knife slammed into the dock at his feet, drawing a confused growl from the black knight.

So, Assassin had come out to play again, had he?

What point was there in announcing his-

And then it exploded.

FWOOM!

The ensuing explosion rippled Lancelot from his feet and hurled him against a shipping container, momentarily wedging him against the steel. That blood-red visor snapped up as another hail of knives descended upon his head, only to be batted away as a he ripped a sheaf of metal free from his prison and flung it at them. Sure enough the knives exploded, sending a wave of roiling fire howling over his position. They felt wrong somehow; not only was the backlash larger and stronger than it should have been, but it hurt. He felt it. The heat burned him.

Where was Assassin getting this strength?

Then the enemy in question was before him, bolting through the smoke like the grim reaper himself with knives in hand. A tiny part of Lancelot-the once noble knight that still clung to some semblance of sanity-applauded his courage if nothing else. Not so his tactics. Why was he facing him directly? Even were he empowered by a Command Spell he stood no chance whatsoever in a full frontal assault. Lancelot knew this. He might land the odd blow, hurt him perhaps, but he couldn't last. Their last clash had already proven this. Assassin was rushing to his death

Contemptuously, he ripped a lamp-post free and scythed it into the blond's body.

Instead his weapon found itself wedged in a hollow log.

...grrr?"

"You're about to have a bad time, pal."

An explosive note slapped against his armor, buckling it in another explosion.

Lancelot howled and chambered a kick into the smoke. A startle grunt greeted him, but Assassin didn't fall.

"Why, you ask?" Doubled over, the battered blond fell into a pointed crouch. "Simple. Because I'm filled with Determination."

And then there was only the blur of combat.

Berserker struck and Assassin bent at the waist, his back nearly parallel to the ground. From that angle he somehow managed to snap a fist into his face. Lancelot saw rather than felt the impression against his helm, but he was too busy attacking, even as his prey flowed back and out of reach. Even as he fell the blond tumbled into a handstand and crashed a knee into the back of the black knight's head. Armor yielded once more with an outraged screech, but even that paled in comparison to Lancelot's roar.

"RAAAARGH!"

When he lopped a shipping container at Assassin the blond bounded over it and went aerial on him, hammering half a dozen kicks through his guard to dent the armor without and the flesh within. Instinct compelled the mad knight to shield his face with one arm even as he fought back with the other, raking a clawed gauntlet across the blond's chest. Infuriatingly he turned to smoke. A pair of hands burst fro the docks and locked their way around his ankles, hauling the enraged warrior into the ground.

Something had changed.

Assassin wasn't fighting for himself now, wasn't fighting just to survive. He fought for someone else-no. More than that. It was as he'd said. He was filled with Determination. Whatever that was. No. It made no difference in the end. He would die. He would die. Yes, he would die die diediediedieDIE!

Writhing his way free, Berserker cast his gaze this way and that, seeking his tormentor anew.

Sure enough he found him waiting not a yard away, hands splayed against the ground, palms splayed intently.

He didn't attack. Nor did he charge. He just...crouched their. Menacingly. No matter. Lancelot stormed forward, ripping his weapon free.

Assassin couldn't hide behind his tricks forever, Lancelot knew this in his rotten heart; sooner or later this slippery blond would make a mistake. He'd slip up somewhere. Make a mistake. That was all it would take. Once his hands found his throat it would be over. And then he would die. Just as the others would die. All enemies would die.

And then his world went black.

There was no word.

No warning.

Just a sudden and abrupt darkening of Lancelot's surroundings all at once, a tidal wave of shadow stemming from Assassin to devour them both whole. Despite his own raging Madness Enhancement, the black knight held his position and ceased his advance. Something told him it would unwise to take another step. Sure enough, a pair of kunai skittered across his helmet only to vanish a heartbeat later. Then another. A third. A fourth. Yet a fifth. Tiny scratches unable to penetrate his armor, yet filling him with dread all the same.

"How do you like this world of mine?"

The voice came from everywhere; earth, void and air.

"My Noble Phantasm isn't much to look at now, is it? No, not at all."

Shadows ebbed and flowed around him, yet he could see naught but an arms length before his face. No matter where he looked-where he turned his gaze-all that remained was darkness.

"Its ugly. Unsightly. But it is my true form." Something slammed into Lancelot's back at blistering speed, throwing him off balance. "A corrupted legend, a world of lies and falsehoods perpetuated by rumors and slander. I don't like using it; because it renders me just as blind as my opponent. Reality is warped here. Truth is twisted here.

Enough.

With no weapon in sigh, he would have to reach for his true sword, Arondight-

It never came.

Rather than manifest in his grasp as it always did, Lancelot found himself clutching at empty air as the light sputtered and died in his palms.

"I don't think you understand what's going on." Once more, Assassin's voice admonished him when his beloved weapon failed to appear. "This is my world. "I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me!"

At long last Berserker glimpsed a brief glimmer of light in the dark, heard the clatter of a thousand knives being flung in a thousand directions. A cut opened against his armor and he spun, striking wildly into the black in all of his madness and power. Another tear opened across his back and he cried out, slashing wildly out to no avail. Dark laughter rippled out after him, fading away into murky silence. Wounds stinging, chest heaving, he searched for the source of it, to no avail. There was only wretched silence.

And in that silence, Lancelot heard a sound.

It began as a sursurus of whispers, a tiny whine of wind. Softly at first, but with every growing wrath. He couldn't sense it. Couldn't see it. Yet his instincts told him that something was undoubtedly there. His sixth sense shrieked a warning, howling at him to move, but with his eyes clouded he knew not which way to dodge. Lancelot could only gather himself into a crouch, ready to leap at the slightest provocation. At the first sign of any danger he would leap, roll, tumble, do whatever it took to dodge. He would not fall. Not here.

As if to make all his efforts, Assassin's voice rose from the black. "This hand of mine glows with an awesome power!"

And so he spoke.

Still the shriek rose higher still.

"Its burning grip tells me to defeat you!"

Where was it coming from?! Where? WHERE?!

"Take this! My love, my anger, and all of my sorrow!"

DODGE!

Lancelot felt the barest breeze against his blackened back and his very soul shouted at him; he leaped upward without a second thought. Something detonated explosively beneath him but he didn't care. He'd managed to evade certain death, to escape what would've been a horrible fate. Despite his insanity, Berserker released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He was safe. Even with his vision stolen away by this strange Noble Phantasm, he could still think. Still feel. Still hear. Compared to that, this temporary blindness was naught but a trifle.

Or so he thought.

Even as he sailed upward, the veil fell away.

Too late, he saw the world again, saw the light above.

Too late, the Berserker realized the fate about to befall him.

Too late. Always too late. Just as he'd been in his living life. Too late.

"RASENSHURIKEN!"

How had he gotten above him?!

In a last desperate act, Lancelot flung up an arm, trying to grab the attack and turn it away. Assassin's Noble Phantasm sheared that limb-armor and all-off at the elbow. Behind his blazing red visor, the mad knight's eyes bulged in pain, comprehension, and finally, understanding. He'd been outplayed. Here in his final moments, as the attack bore through what was left of his arm and slammed into his chest he did not feel pain, or madness or even the biting realization that he'd failed. He experienced only the sweet, blessed release of sanity.

At last...

He was free again.

And his world turned to light.

A/N: Yes, that was a reference.

Kudos to you if you recognize it, folks.

As ever, I own absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.

Berserkerlot IS dead.

No surprises, no coming back from the brink.

HE DEAD! HE GONE! HE AIN'T COMING BAAAAAAAACK!

It pains me to do that to our boy, but it was necessary for the overarching plot of this story. He was always going to die in this chapter, but in his last moments he found a tiny grasp of sanity. We'll see him again in another story, but I won't say which.

Now I'm hobbling off to work, and I look forward to reading your reviews~!

Reviews are fuel. Without them I'll just go back into hibernation.

I'm always willing to listen to what you have to say.

Sooooo in the Immortal Words Of Atlas...

...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?

It would mend help my heart.

And enjoy the preeeeviews!

The endgame is coming.

Hope you're ready.

Also, a homage.

(Previews)

All eyes turned toward him. He'd tapped himself out dealing with Berserker; even with Lancer's energy coursing through his veins he wasn't willing to face Rider and Saber together. Certainly not at once!

"Oi, your majesty! Get me out of this and I'll give you a treasure you've never seen before!" Gilgamesh twitched. Gotcha.

"W-Well, I suppose it cannot be helped." she muttered, recovering in an instant. "Yes!" her voice boomed, pride mollified by what she-falsely-believed to be a show of weakness. "It cannot be helped, Assassin! You're just not cut out for a battle like this! Allow me to help you!"

"Aaaand she's easily manipulated. Good to know."

In the ensuing chaos, he vaulted away.

"One Servant dead already? Impressive. Did they suffer?"

"No. I killed them as quickly as I could."

...well, that's good, I suppose."

Assassin quirked a brow.

"Why, Kirei~! I'm finally start to get through to you."

The priest absently flicked a black key at his Servant. "Shut up."

"Aha!" Naruto crowed. "I knew it! You do care! I'm finally getting through to you!"

"What is this, a meeting of the kings or something?"

Rider grinned. "Indeed! Join us, Assassin! We've save a place for you."

The whiskered warrior blew out a breath. "I don't have a say in this do I-GACK?!"

His sputtering protests died a quick death as Gilgamesh opened a portal beneath him and dropped him next to her.

Caster cackled.

"Doesn't it hurt, Naruto?! Isn't this pain lovely?!"

"You're insane!"

"Save me!"

"Tell me...what happens when you wound a noble soul? What happens when you force someone to face their faults and fears? Oh, you may have saved some, but not all. You can never save ALL of them. Hypocrite. For a man who seems to treasure life, you didn't hesitate to cut Berserker down, did you? What happened to kindness? Where did your mercy go then, hmm?"

"This is a war. I accepted that we Servants were going to die."

"Ah! But did she know that? She didn't did she?"

Naruto swore softly. "What did you do?"

The shadow of the Grail cackled as it dissolved. "Did you think I would let you have a happy ending so easily? No, yOu'RegOiNgToWoRkfOryOuRtRuEeNdInG."

Teasers are teasers!

R&R~!