AN: HEY! GUESS WHAT TODAY IS! It's the 2nd LtL anniversary! Remember I promised you guys a rewrite earlier this year? Well here it is!

To my new readers, thankyou for giving my story the light of day, I'm glad the summary intrigued you!

To my returning readers, welcome back, don't worry the plot of this story will NOT mirror the original—kind of ruins the point of a rewrite if I did that!

I have the whole story planned out this time! Beginning to Multiple Ends (Yes! I'm doing that again, you guys seemed to like it last time)! So, don't worry, my story won't go back to What the Hell Just Happened-Ville like the original.

While writing this chapter I had a lot of fun, the moment you've been waiting for folks, chapter one!

(Also, is it me, or Learning to Love: Rewritten sound so epic?!)

Chapter One: I Don't Want to Die

Bill hadn't let himself feel panic in a long time. And it was not just mild worry or surprise that he was feeling at the moment. No, it was not even simple fear, it was most certainly panic. Pure, raw, unfiltered panic.

The flames from within the memory came closer and closer and the failed use of his powers making him feel small and helpless.

I don't want to die! He screamed in his mind. I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

It was sad, really. Here he was, a trillion-year-old demon with powers and knowledge most could only dream of and this was how it could all end; being defeated by a bunch of outcast wannabe heroes that he hated beyond words could describe.

Quickly, he said the first thing that came to mind, "A-X-O-L-O-T-L Now's my time to burn, I invoke the ancient power so that I may return!"

It had to work he didn't want to die…he didn't want to be lost forever in the darkness.

Bill gazed at Stanley, and for a few seconds his sheer panic was overridden by absolute rage.

No, he would live. He'd come back and destroy everything that atrocious waste of DNA before him held dear, he'd tear him apart both emotionally and physically.

With that thought in mind, Bill reached forward towards his enemy. "STANLEY!" He shrieked.

Stanley said nothing, he clenched his fist and sent it flying towards him.

And with that, it was only darkness. Cold, cold, darkness…

It didn't work. He thought as the coldness seeped into him leaving him filled with pure dread. It didn't work, The Axolotl didn't save him—he was dead.

…But then how was he having this train of thought?

No sooner had he asked himself that when the cold was replaced with warmth and with it hope and delight. He was alive! The Axolotl heard him and helped him out!

The warmth closed in all around him and Bill's hope was quickly replaced with horror. It was too tight, too much…he didn't like this. The warmth became painfully hot and he could feel himself being squeezed from all sides.

Bill had been wrong; The Axolotl wasn't saving him, he was torturing him! Torturing him for all eternity all alone with just himself and his shattered mind.

And it was all the Pines' fault.

The rage returned tenfold; Bill's enraged scream coming out as baby sobs while light flooded behind his eyelids.

"Ooh! You're an angry one, aren't you, sweetie?" A voice above him chuckled before calling, "Congratulations, it's a boy!"

Bill couldn't see who had spoken, white light still blurred his vision, but he could hear and feel. He had legs, as he was kicking them vigorously in frustration, rage and confusion.

He didn't know what was happening or where he was or what he was for that matter—other than the fact that he had legs and a voice.

Still screeching, he was wrapped gently in something by—whatever creature these were—as his mind went back to his utterly embarrassing defeat. The more it replayed in his head the angrier he got, he couldn't stop with the "what ifs" and the "whys" and the most annoying, the "HOW?!s".

What if He had just turned all the Pines gold and kept a proper eye on them?

Why didn't he put a stronger enchantment on Mabel Land?

HOW didn't he realize he was being duped by the Stans?

"Why is he crying so much?" Another voice said. It was raspy and tired, with a hint of worry. It was so weak that Bill almost didn't hear it over his throat tearing screams.

"I don't know," the voice from before answered, rocking Bill back and forth. His arms pinwheeled and his screeches got louder. "He has no broken bones from what I can figure out, and he appears healthy."

"C'mere, I wanna hold him," the raspy sounding voice said.

Bill could feel himself moving as his eyes finally began adjusting to the light. He could now see and sense a bit more detail, the ceiling above him was white tiled and peppered with rectangular light fixtures, the room he was in smelled of a nauseating mixture of blood and cleaning products and the vague forms around him where covered in white.

There were light fixtures, meaning he must be surrounded by reasonably sophisticated beings, but he was still a bit too disoriented to tell what they were—until his small form found its destination.

His crying faded as he looked up, to what he knew for a fact was a human woman. Her long brown hair was plastered to her round face with sweat and slender ice blue eyes looked down at the former demon with an expression Bill couldn't quite place.

The two stared at one another for a while before a realization hit him. If the woman was human, then that meant—

Bill let out shrieking wail once more and the woman gasped and tried hushing the child to no avail.

"Let me see him," Another voice said, this one distinctly of a man. The woman complied, passing Bill's tiny form to the male.

For a split second, Bill thought he was looking at an older version of Pine Tree, his eyes a warm brown and a tiny bit of stubble upon his chin. Not to mention the soft looking curls that adorned the top of his head like a curly halo.

Good Cipher he was reincarnated as Pine Tree's son…

But then he realized that there was no Big Dipper birthmark to be found on this man's forehead; he had no bangs and a very large forehead.

So, which messy haired meat bag was this? And why did he resemble Pine Tree so much?

A tiny smile was on the man's lips as Bill continued to shriek, he reached for the baby's face and earned a heavy smack on the wrist from the ex-demon.

"He fights like a baby dragon!" The man cried, a hint of pride in his voice as his smile broadened.

Okay, who gave that guy the right to smile after he had obviously felt some sort of pain? That was Bill's thing! Also, why the hell was he being compared to a dragon?

The man, presumably the woman's husband turned to her once more. "Wanna hold him again?"

The woman hesitated before nodding and holding out her hands to accept the screaming demon.

As he squirmed in the woman's arms, she tilted her head to the side almost curiously, a hand settling gently on top of Bill's forehead, gasping lightly when Bill dug his tiny nails into her wrist.

"Shh," she said in a quiet voice, holding Bill close and singing

Bill didn't know what she was singing, but it sounded…nice. It was a minor song, with a tad of longing in it, which was strange since the lyrics where humoristic and ridiculous.

"I've got a damn ukulele

That I really can't play

It just won't work for me

Although I've practiced for many days

I hope I won't be playing, for far too long

Because even after all this time, I still can't find a song."

The inhuman rage he felt died down, and his sobs quieted. He felt fatigue assault his body, and slowly, slowly, his eyes closed, his last sight of the woman was of her taking deep calming breaths.

"I can do this…I can do this," she said as Bill fell into unconsciousness.

…A-X-O-L-T-L…

Bill opened his eyes slowly. Beneath him was something soft—presumably a mattress, and above him was the woman from before, a bright smile on her face and tired bags under her eyes. "Hey there, sleepy head," she said gently, tickling under Bill's chin.

Bill fussed, trying to move away but only succeeding in rocking side to side stupidly, eliciting the woman to laugh.

The demon did not like being laughed at.

He gave an indignant whine and kicked his chubby little legs.

"You are so cute," The woman gushed.

Bill took a good look at her; she was young, about in her early twenties. She had a slender nose long brown hair with ruler straight bangs and bright slender blue eyes.

She was pretty, he thought. But still infuriating.

This point was proven even more as Bill's new—mother tugged his legs back and forth like pistons and cooed at him with a grin.

"Mind if I record you?" She asked with a smile.

Bill blinked twice 'what?'

The woman left and returned with a camera, pointing it at herself and smiling. "April 6th, 1995!" She said cheerfully.

Bill was surprised by this information. Whatever the Axolotl did to him, he was in the past, sixteen years in the past to be exact. But what was the point? What was he playing at?

"This is my baby, finally awake and so freaking adorable! Say hi, sweetie!"

GO AWAY! Bill wasn't in the mood for human trash. He attempted a growl that sounded like a whimper, shifting in his crib and blinking at the camera. Stupid flesh suit baby form…

"As you can see…" The woman continued, moving the camera closer to the baby's face. "He has my eyes—sorta. They're a tiny bit darker, more of a robin egg blue, not sure where he got that from. Also, not sure where he got the blonde hair from. Anyway, my boy's goanna be a hottie, I can tell…!"

As the woman prattled on, Bill's new father ran into the bedroom wearing an apron and oven mitts. "Uh…sweetie?" he said. "I, um."

There was the sound of the fire alarm, the smell of smoke and some eldritch smell reaching Bill's nostrils. His body tensed in fear as the heat gave him the memory of his last encounter with Stanley.

His fear manifested itself onto his new form, the thin eyebrows on his forehead furrowed and he began to squirm, making sounds of destress.

The woman turned her video camera to the man. "What'd I tell you about putting your concoctions of horror in the oven?" She asked in an amused voice.

"I swore it'd be good this time! It's just I was waiting for it to finish, but then my buddy called, and he was like, 'hey, Emmett! Did you finish the new Harry Potter book?! If not, I'm going to spoil you as punishment' and so I spent a good few minutes begging him not to and—well you know the rest…BUT!" Emmett held up a gloved hand. "I will get that recipe right! Or my name isn't Emmett Pines!"

There it was again, that dread.

Pines? Surely, he didn't mean…? No, no, anything but this! As if being human wasn't enough! Emmett couldn't mean the Pines! The Axolotl wasn't that cruel! Maybe it wasn't them! Humans where derivative; unoriginal and bland, naming themselves after whatever thing made them go "ooh!". why wouldn't "Pines" be a common last name?

"His cooking skills are at least better than his Uncle Stan," The woman said, pointing the camera at herself again and putting Bill in the frame. "When you're old enough, sweetie. Stay away from both their cooking."

"Aw, come on, Ellie!" Emmett cried in a fake whine.

Bill didn't really hear his parents, he was too busy screaming again—both externally and internally.

Ellie gasped, quickly turning her camera off and running to her son. "Aw it's okay, shh!" She rocked him in her arms as Bill screamed louder, squirming in the tight embrace.

WHY?! Just drop me! Drop me on my head and let me die! Let me live in the cold empty darkness because I can't stand this! WHY!? I don't deserve this horror! How could The Axolotl be so cruel?! What sadist makes someone share their DNA with their enemies?! WHY?! LET ME DIE LET ME DIE LET ME DIE LETMEDIELETMEDIE! WHY?!

"What do I do?!" Ellie cried in panic.

"I don't know! Uh…uh…maybe he's hungry!" Emmett yelled back.

"The feeding blanket, quick, quick, quick!" Ellie cried as she and Emmett scrambled out of the room, the screaming Bill forced to accompany them.

I TAKE IT BACK AXOLOTL JUST KILL ME! KILL ME! I CAN'T TAKE THIS I CAN'T!

Ellie plopped down on the sofa as Emmett handed over the feeding blanket. The screeching continued as he was wrapped gently with it. Bill then felt something warm against his mouth that he instinctively latched on to with his newborn mouth and effectively stopped the screams.

Oh…this…this isn't bad. Bill decided as he bit lightly on whatever he was—oh. Bill paused his sucking and made a noise of discomfort. Gosh, he couldn't do this! He had more dignity than that, he was a demon! He was Bill freaking Cipher!

"C'mon," Ellie urged gently. "You're hungry, aren't you?"

As she said that, Bill's small stomach began to feel uncomfortable. Oh yes, the joys of human necessities. The necessities that included something as truly mortifying as this.

"There we go!" Ellie cheered as Bill continued his…feeding.

He didn't like this, he didn't like this at all and he still thought death was better…but maybe there was a bright side.

This was the past, Afterall. He had the ability to reshape the future, take back the crown.

Bill's melancholy mood slowly shifted as revenge plots filled his mind and he clenched his yellow feeding blanket in excitement. Oh, the endless possibilities of torment, nobody would know what hit them!

The demon's glee took the form of loud baby giggling.

"…I—he's laughing," Emmett muttered, voice laced with surprise. "Babies aren't supposed to laugh until—"

The man was cut off as Ellie screamed loudly and it took Bill a moment to figure out why. turning his head from his mother, he could see an electric blue flame—the matching color of his eyes—alive in his small infant fist.

The blue flames reminded him of his latest defeat, and once more the dread and fear came back. Bill went back to shrieking in horror.

Ellie patted Bill's fist in a panic as she tried to douse the strange flames and Emmett had ran out of the room to grab a fire extinguisher.

A second later, the flames disappeared. Ellie seized her patting and turned to her son with fear, dethatching him from her chest and placing him on the couch, away from her.

On the other hand, now that the horror of the flames had worn off Bill couldn't be happier. He still had his magic! He could leave this Axolotl forsaken body and restart his Weirdmageddon! Bill's baby form yelled with laughter while the brunette woman still staring at him looked on in with increased worry.

Quickly, the demon thought of his original form, triangular and dapper.

Nothing.

Bill's laughter faded slowly, and his utter disappointment was shown through a sad whine. Why couldn't he transform? The baby looked back at his flaming fist—pushing the queasy nervousness away, he willed the flames into existence. It won't burn, he consoled himself. The woman could touch it, it's just the flashy fire. A second later the flames reappeared, and Ellie gasped, flinching away.

Bill then mentally commanded the flame to extinguish itself. A second later, it did. So, he had his flames, at least the fancy deal-making non-flammable ones, but shapeshifting seemed to elude him.

Lovely.

Ellie stared at him, brow furrowed. It was then that Emmett barged in, fire extinguisher in hand. "It's gone?" He asked, seeing no more flames.

"I think…I think Matthew took it out himself," Ellie murmured.

Matthew? Bill mentally demanded. Who in Axolotl's name is…wait, is that me?

Bill furrowed his small eyebrows in annoyance once more as Emmett approached the two of them cautiously, still warily holding the fire extinguisher. Why Matthew? That blasted Axolotl couldn't have made them call me Bill?! Why not William, or Edward or something classy!? Why a biblical goody-goody name like Matthew?! Oh, the irony! I bet that damn lizard and Jheselbraum are laughing it up! Stupid Pines, stupid fate, stupid Axolotl, stupid EVERYTHING! # %^ !

The demon's mental rant continued, his babyish face contorting into an angry glare. The couple exchanged a glance.

"Ellie is—is he glaring at us?"

"He's glaring at us."

"I don't get it! Babies aren't supposed to be showing such complex emotions yet!"

Both adults turned to their son, Bill glared back at both of them with all the venom he could muster. If he could burn their stupid faces off he would have; but his flames didn't work like that in this new form—at least for now.

He supposed he'd have time to regain his strength though, he had what, four years? Yes, four years before he'd get to see the Pines Twins again. All he needed to do was wait patiently and his first act of revenge could be followed though.

With that thought in mind, Bill began to feel better. The adrenaline left his body and his newborn body was tired. As he sleepily blinked his eyes, he saw tiny frowns on his parents' faces.

Worried? Good. You should be. Bill thought with mirth. Baby Bill made a gurgling noise that caused his parents to jump as he slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

AN: And that's the end of the chapter! I want the next chapter to be posted next Friday so you won't be waiting too long! Every chapter will have an ending theme because why not?! The ending theme for this chapter is Taylor Swift's "Look what you Made me Do."

Anyway, the first change I did was give Bill a fear of fire. I think it makes sense, seeing as how he was surrounded by it before being defeated and of course the whole dimension thing. The next change I did was give the Pines Parents some personality, I even have character arcs set up for them!

Finally, I'm going to be drawing accompaniment pictures for this story, since I'm too broke to commission someone else to do it, I'll tell you when I'm done them!

Fantasy Fan OUT!