A/N: And now for the next thrilling, totally legit chapter from this totally not hack fraud writer.

Special thanks to Discordence and Jodasgreat for betaing this... thing. I wrote this whole thing in like two hours last night, and I doubt they were particularly pleased to see it sliding into their DMs.

Omake 1- We're Running This Idea Into The Ground

Nui Matoi stood under the shadow of Honno City, long, drilled pigtails flowing in the breeze as she tilted her head up to take in the majestic sight. The comfortable Japanese homes of the lower levels gave way to villas, then towering skyscrapers, and finally, vast mansions as Honno City spiralled up into the sky, like a giant spinning top that had been flipped upside down. It was a mesmerising display of reds and blacks, intersected by vast systems of roads and tramways that rose up alongside the city, all of which converged on the city's centerpiece: Honnouji Academy. Much of it remained hidden behind the school's walls, but from the tip of its tallest tower a bright light could be seen, bathing Honno City in its crimson glow.

A smile grew on Nui's face, drilled pigtails bobbing as she rested her chin against her parasol, it's tip planted in the ground. "This place looks like a lot of fun! I wonder if I can find my ans- oof!" Someone suddenly bumped into her back, and she swivelled around, pouting up at the taller, dark-haired girl who stood before her. "Geez, talk about rude! I'm trying to introduce my character here!"

The tall girl glared down at Nui, her messy, long black hair flowing in the breeze, with one strange lock of blue peeking out through her bangs. She wore a boys' uniform, likely stolen, and had a metal guitar case strung over her back. "Oi, outta my way, doll, I gotta find out who killed my dad."

Nui giggled, her hands resting on her hips as she continued to block the tall girl's path. "Ooh, how convenient, I'm here to find out who killed my dad too."

One of the tall girl's excessively thick eyebrows rose. "And who are you?"

Nui did a fancy little pirouette on the spot, laughing as she pulled her purple scissor blade out from within her dress. "Ta-dah! I'm Nui Matoi, Isshin Matoi's daughter, Nudist in-training, and soon to be the cutest little bane of Kiryuins everywhere!"

[TRANSFER STUDENT: NUI MATOI]

[ISSHIN MATOI'S DAUGHTER]

The tall girl glanced up at the enormous, floating pink subtitles above her, then snorted. "Oi, you're talking rubbish now! You're not Isshin Matoi's daughter, I'm Isshin Matoi's daughter!"

[TRANSFER STUDENT: SATSUKI MATOI]

[ALSO ISSHIN MATOI'S DAUGHTER]

Nui's smile quickly dropped, and she cocked her head to an almost unnatural angle. "Eh? I think I'd know if I had a sister, especially if she was some boring old stick in the mud like you, silly little fibber. My dad only had one precious little girl to look after, and that precious little girl was me!"

Satsuki just smirked. "Doubtful. Father was a good man, I refuse to believe he'd raise such an infuriating, bratty piece of shit as his daughter."

"BRATTY?" Nui snapped, one of her eyes twitching a little as she brought her scissor blade to bear. "Oh, that does it, you naughty little liar, I'm gonna carve you up into so many little ribbons."

In one smooth motion, Satsuki pulled out her own blue scissor blade, spinning it around above her as a cocky grin crossed her lips. "Bring it on, doll, I'll kick your pale ass any day of the we-oof!" This time Satsuki found herself on the receiving end of a firm bumping, and she staggered forward, before turning a fierce glare on the short-haired girl who'd dared to walk into her. "Who the fuck are you?"

The black-haired girl, with a strange bang of red that matched Satsuki's blue, snorted, her hands deep into her pockets. "Who the fuck am I? Bitch, I'm Ryuko Matoi!"

[TRANSFER STUDENT: RYUKO MATOI]

"I'm also Isshin Matoi's daughter."

[ALSO ALSO ISSHIN MATOI'S DAUGHTER]

Satsuki blinked. "What?"

Peeking out from behind Satsuki, Nui slowly raised a hand. "Okay, I'm a little bamboozled right now. Who are you and why are you also claiming to be my dad's daughter? I mean Daddy was a little clumsy at times and I know he might have dropped me down the stairs one or two or maybe ten times, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember having both a stick in the mud and a Shadow the Hedgehog cosplayer as my sisters."

Ryuko snarled, clenching her fist as she took a threatening step forward. "Who are you calling Shadow the Hedgehog, bitch?"

"Uh, you, of course", Nui smiled, pointing a well-manicured finger at Ryuko. "The only other person around is her royal dullness, Satsuki, here, and she'd make a terrible Shadow the Hedgehog. She's more like a really shallow Sasuke clone."

Satsuki barked out a laugh. "So says the girl ripped out of a Powerpuff Girls show."

"Ooh, I love the Powerpuff Girls though!"

Ryuko let slip a long, incredibly exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Look, we're kinda getting off track here. Why the hell are the two of you claiming to be Isshin Matoi's daughter?"

"Because I am Isshin Matoi's daughter!" Both Nui and Satsuki cried out in perfect unison. Satsuki turned a fierce glare back towards Nui, but the smaller girl just giggled, blowing a raspberry right back at her.

"No you fucking ain't, I'm Isshin Matoi's daughter!" Ryuko snapped, stepping right up into the other girl's faces. "I watched him die right in front of me, stabbed in the gut by his own blade! I saw his murderer running off like a goddamn coward, and now I'm here to find the fucking answers I want!"

Silence reigned for several long moments, then finally Satsuki said, "Same with me."

"Yep, me too", Nui nodded, pigtails bobbing as she peeked over the taller Matoi's shoulder.

"Me three!" All three girls snapped their heads around to find a short, brown-haired girl- with the customary bang of eccentrically coloured hair, this time being white- standing right behind them, a joyful, carefree smile across her face. When she finally noticed their stares she blinked, her smile faltering a little. "What, I'm Mako Matoi, and I'm also also also Isshin Matoi's daughter!"

[TRANSFER STUDENT: MAKO MATOI]

[ALSO ALSO ALSO ISSHIN MATOI'S DAUGHTER]

The only noticeable reaction to that revelation, other than a mixture of sheer bewilderment and utter disappointment, came from Satsuki, who slapped herself so hard across the forehead it left a bright red palm print. Mako didn't seem to notice, however, wrapping all three girls in a very tight hug. "Oh, this must make us like long lost sisters then! And we've got matching scissors too!" she cheered, yanking out her brown scissor blade from deep within her shirt. The other Matoi girls grimaced, leaning back as they watched a thick layer of slimy oil drip down the length of the blade, the result of Mako having used it as an impromptu kebab stick for her strange, pulsating croquettes. "This'll make our story way easier, not to mention way cooler too! We'll be like the four musketeers, kicking names and taking a whole lot of ass!"

"There were only three musketeers", Satsuki flatly corrected her, forcing her way out of Mako's ever-tightening embrace, much to the other Matois' disappointment. Ryuko and Nui did likewise, and all three girls were grimacing to varying degrees as they wiped themselves down of whatever greasy, fatty croquette oil had managed to drip its way down onto them.

Mako quickly found her enthusiasm again though, pumping her fists in the air. "That doesn't matter, we can be the new four musket- no, wait, the four Matois! Yeah! Four Matois with badass swords and a grudge to bear, it's gonna be the greatest anime series of all time!"

"Make that five Matois!"

"Oh, come on!" Nui moaned, and they all turned to glare at the fifth Matoi- save for Mako who simply cheered at the latest addition to her ever-growing 'family'- a diminutive girl with bright pink hair, alongside lone bang of black hair, of course, and a conductor's hat cocked up over her head.

"Hey, I ain't any more pleased about this than you are!" the latest Matoi shrieked in a horribly shrill voice.

Satsuki just deadpanned. "Let me guess, you're another wannabe Matoi?"

"I ain't no wannabe, I'm the real fucking deal. I'm Nonon Matoi, Isshin Matoi's real daughter!"

[TRANSFER STUDENT: NONON MATOI]

[ALSO ALSO ALSO ALSO ISSHIN MATOI'S DAU-

"Uhh, excuse me, sweetie, but I called dibsies on the pink subtitles first!" Nui interrupted, pushing the offending subtitles aside before they could finish appearing.

"What? You can't call dibs on an entire colour!" Nonon snarled, petulantly stomping her foot. "Besides, if either of us should be allowed to call dibs on it then it should be me, I'm older than you!"

Nui cocked her head. "How do you know that?"

"'Cause I read the wiki- Uh, 'cause I just know, deal with it!" Nonon snorted, folding her arms and tilting her head away from the other four Matoi's.

Somehow, Ryuko's sigh was even longer and more exasperated than the last one. "Look, girls, this shit's giving me the biggest goddamn headache of my entire life. I don't know about you all being my dad's daughters as well as me, but we all came here to do the same thing; find out who killed my da… our dads. Figure we're all in agreement that that's the bigger issue at the moment, so can we just stop bickering for five fucking minutes and sort that out first?"

There was silence for several moments as the various Matoi daughters glanced at one another, and then, finally, Satsuki turned back to Ryuko and nodded. "Agreed. We can sort this mess out later."

"Yeah, and they won't be able to stop all five of us", Nui cheered, wrapping one arm around Satsuki and the other around Ryuko. "Let's pummel those clothes-loving freaks into dust!"

Mako jumped up onto Nui's back, joining in the impromptu hug. "Yeah, 2014 is Kill la Kill's year!" When the other Matoi's turned bemused glances her way, Mako blushed, ducking her head down a little. "I mean, go Team Matoi! Or is it The Five Matois now? Oh, or should I just say 'Go sisterpower' instead? Or maybe..."

Nonon meanwhile sighed, shaking her head as she stepped forward. "Fine, but don't expect me to be hugging any of you. I ain't no lesbo!"

"I'll take that hug then!" The colour instantly drained from every Matoi girl, and they all slowly turned their heads until they saw a tall, excessively buxom woman standing right beside them, a brilliant rainbow of colours peeking out from the underside of her white, flicked out hair. She was also wearing a school uniform that was far too small for her. "I love long, warm, tight hugs, especially from family members!"

"You ain't another daughter of Isshin Matoi, are you?" Ryuko tentatively asked, though only after several moments of tense silence.

Nonon snorted. "Un-fucking-likely, look at her! She's way too old to have a dad that's still living!"

"Aren't our dad's dead as well though?" Mako raised the question, but all that brought her was a harsh glare from Nonon.

"Shut up, you know that ain't what I meant!"

The older newcomer cut them all off though, letting slip an amused laugh that sent shivers down their spines. "Oh no, I'm not Isshin Matoi's daughter, sillies!"

The five Matoi daughters let out a collective sigh of relief. "Okay, that's good to hear, for a second there I was worried-"

Satsuki was suddenly interrupted as the newcomer added, "I'm actually Ragyo Matoi, Isshin Matoi's dear, beloved wife, and I'm here to find his killer!"

[TRANSFER STUDENT(?): RAGYO MATOI]

[ISSHIN MATOI'S WIFE]

Satsuki visibly deflated. "... Goddamnit!"

"This is fucking ridiculous!" Nonon shrieked, tearing at her hair.

"Four weirdo sisters and now one creepy mama too? This is why Daddy always warned me about talking to strangers, isn't it?" Nui babbled, breaking out into an almost deranged fit of giggles.

Ryuko, meanwhile, just slumped to the ground, huffing as she propped her chin up with a hand. "All I wanted to do was find out who killed my dad! That's all I wanted to do! Why's it gotta be so hard?"

Mako flailed a hand about in the air, looking incredibly alarmed. "Uh girls, I know I was excited and all, but five Matoi sisters and a Matoi wife is way too many hot main character chicks for one anime! If we're not careful our show's gonna get rebranded as a harem!

Ragyo's creepy laugh echoed across Tokyo Bay once more. "Oh don't be so silly, dear, there's no way…" She paused when she noticed the horrified looks across her maybe kinda sorta daughters' faces, and turned to see a tall, ludicrously buff boy standing right by her side. Much to her own horror, he looked very edgy, and very, very American. "Oh, uh, hello there. And you are?"

"Hey bitches!" he muttered in his dark, gravely voice, flicking at his short, spiky, raven hair.

"Oh god…"

"Please no…

"Kill la Kill is ruined forever!"

A smirk crossed his edgy face. "My name's American 'Lighting-Bolt Zandatsu Sharingan' McGee, and I'm here to romance you all!"

[AMERICAN 'LIGHTNING-BOLT ZANDATSU SHARINGAN' MCGEE]

[YOUR NEW PROTAGONIST]

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Meanwhile, high up in the Student Council tower, Ryuko Kiryuin observed the unfolding insanity with growing unease, sweating a torrent of bullets as she struggled to take it all in. "This is getting out of hand, now there's five of them, and a goddamn edgy OC to boot!"

"Six if you include the old lady!"

Ryuko froze, and then, ever so slowly, turned around to find Nui standing right behind her. Horrifyingly, she was wearing Junketsu, and had a stern expression on her that really didn't suit her character.

"Please don't tell me…"

"Yep, I'm Nui Kiryuin."

[STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT: NUI KIRYUIN]

Ryuko's mind finally shattered, and she collapsed to the ground, wailing over the horror of it all. "AHHHHHHHH-"

"I'd suggest holding off on the screaming for the time being, sweeti- I mean, you dirty pig, there's another five Kiryuins coming up in the elevator."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

A/N: And then the world imploded, and Kill la Kill never saved anime.

On a completely unrelated note, happy 1st of April everyone! Be sure to keep a vigilant eye out though, there's always a couple of hack fraud writers updating their stories with pointless April Fools Joke chapters. Honestly, who would do such a thing?

(Sorry, not sorry. Real chapter coming out soon enough.)