Nadia dipped her hands into the cold sea and let the water wash the clumps of sand that were sticking there.  She rubbed her hands dry on the skirt of her dress and offered one of them to her father, who gratefully took it.

            "What next, Papa?" the girl wondered.

            Riku smiled down at her curious expression.  "Let's walk a little."

            They strolled down the beach, small hand in big hand.  Nadia skipped at times, dancing around the waves.  The sea was an enormous sheet of gray glass reflecting the blanket of dull sky, but the girl was a bright sun shining at his side.

            "Papa, I want to fly!" Nadia announced, holding her arms wide out in front of her.

            Riku knelt before the girl.  I honestly don't feel strong enough, he admitted to himself, but he, as Kairi had observed many times, would never deny his daughter anything.

            "Okay," he said, grabbing her waist firmly in both hands.  "Let's fly."

            The girl was so small, even for her age, and so light, even in his weakened state.  She grinned as Riku began to turn in slow, sweeping circles.  Up and down and all around they went.  Her giggles pierced the crisp morning air.

Farewell…my beloved, my precious

The tears that fall change to snow

Farewell, the me that cried until yesterday

Quietly I close my eyes

            He slowed down a little and clutched Nadia closer to him.  Her face was on his shoulder and her legs were out free, kicking the air.  They spun slower and slower.

            Dizzy…  He felt…dizzy…

            "Papa!" screamed Nadia as they began to fall to the ground.

            Riku realized what was happening and manipulated his body so Nadia would not land beneath him.  She bounced off his chest and into the sand.  His back hit some rocks and they ruthlessly tore at his shirt and skin.  But this pain was nothing.

            "Papa…!"  Nadia was kneeling beside him when he next could see, her innocent eyes big and bright and anxious.

            He groaned and propped himself up on skinned elbows.  "Nadia…"

            "Papa," she whispered, placing her hand on top of his.

            Riku gazed into Nadia's face, that face that looked so much like Kairi's.  He could see everything all at once.  The emotions from each experience were born anew within the depths of his heart.

            He was a small boy without a mother, then, in another second, a child racing down the beach with other boys and girls.  He was a jealous teenager lashing out at those who cared for him.  He turned friends into enemies.  He was misguided and angry, siding with evil.  He was lost, alone in the dark.  He was found, but the light was dim.  He was lost again with no family left.

            The light grew brighter.  He was in love, so in love it hurt.  He was so in love he took the girl to bed, so in love he created a child.  He was a father, he had a baby.  He cared for that baby more than anything, more than anything.  He was rejected, he was out of love with the woman, out of favor.  He was a father, a father…  He had to give up the woman, but the child was his.

Casually, you brushed me aside

Leaning by the window

Acting a bit shy

I was smiling

            Nadia squeezed his hand and took him back to the present.

            "Papa?"

            "Don't be afraid, Nadia."

            "Papa!" she screamed, falling into his arms.

            "Nadia, you mean the world to me, you know that?  I love you…more than anything."

            "'Love you too, Papa."

            Riku fell back, slow and easy, his last view of reality Nadia's worried face as she crouched next to him.  He closed his eyes and imagined himself with his arms around Kairi and Nadia.

            A true family.  Riku smiled.

            His head exploded with pain for the last time.

~*~

            Was he asleep?

            Nadia trembled.

            "Papa?"

            She touched his hand.  It still felt warm.

            "Papa?"

            She could see dark blood pooling in his ear.

            The screams began.

~*~

I was always watching you

You kissed my cheek

And walked away

            Sora, in surprise, had clenched his fingers deep into Kairi's arms.

            Kairi, upon hearing her child so frantic, wrenched free of him and bolted for the door.  "Nadia!"

            Sora followed Kairi as the woman sprinted across the beach to where Nadia was standing.  The girl trembled in fear, and her mouth would not close.  She just kept shrieking.  Her cries pierced the crisp morning air.

            As soon as she saw Riku sprawled on the rocks, a small amount of blood in his ear, Kairi fell back into Sora.

            She wanted to scream too.

            Sora pushed Kairi to stand on her own and went and placed two fingers on Riku's neck.

            "No pulse…" he said from the state of shock.

            Kairi threw both hands in front of her mouth, stumbling back in sheer horror.  Her blood ran cold and her heart squeezed hard inside.  "Riku…"

            Selphie appeared from over the hill.  "Oh my God," the woman whispered when she was close enough to see.  "I heard the screaming, but…"

            Sora jerked his head toward woman.  "Get Nadia away from here."

            She nodded and ran up to block the child's view.

            "No!" Nadia shrieked, trying desperately to push past her.  "I want Papa!"

            "No, Nadia," Selphie commanded, pulling the girl into her arms and carrying her away.  Nadia proceeded to kick and scream, the tears pouring from her eyes freely and hotly.

            "Papa!"

            Kairi fell to her knees.  "Riku!"

            Sora looked at her.  His face was almost white.  "He's…dead…"

Farewell…my beloved, my precious

The tears that fall change to snow

Farewell, the me that cried until yesterday

Quietly I close my eyes

            "You're lying!  He can't be!"

            "Why the hell would I lie?  He's gone, Kairi…"

            She shook her head furiously.  "You're wrong!  I just talked to him last night!"

            "So did I!"

            Everything became clear to Kairi then.  She was so traumatized…she could not even cry.  "My God, that means…"

            Sora turned his face to that of the man lying on the sand.  "Riku…"

            "He knew…"

            Kairi collapsed on herself, beginning to weep into her hands.  "That's why he…"

            "He knew he was…  Oh, God, he knew he was dying and he didn't tell us!"

            Why would he have told us?  He wouldn't have done anything to upset me or Nadia.  I know that…  Riku, why did this have to happen?  Why am I so selfish?  I shouldn't have let you refuse the doctor—I shouldn't have listened to you when you said you were fine.  I'm so selfish.  I let you take care of yourself because I was too worried about my own problems…

            "Kairi?" Sora asked cautiously.

            "I'm so selfish!"

            Sora kept staring at Riku's peaceful face.  "We both are."

            Kairi stumbled halfway to her feet, tripping across the sand to kneel on Riku's other side.  She began to plead in whispers.  "Please wake up, Riku.  You have to!"

            "There's nothing we can do, Kairi," Sora told her firmly, gripping her shoulder.

            "No, no!"  She kept shaking her head, tears flying from both eyes.

            Sora released her and stood.  For a moment, he put his head down and closed his eyes.  Was he praying?

            "I'll give you some time," the man told her somberly.  "You…you were the one closest to him."

            "Thank you."

            "Remember, Kairi:  he's at peace now."

            Kairi didn't watch Sora walk away.  She rested her eyes on Riku's strong features, all relaxed now.  She touched this face, this face that had looked down on her with love and tenderness so many times.

            It still felt warm and soft.

Only in our dreams

We feared nothing

Even the future we could not see

            "Riku…"  She began swiftly, and then stopped just as fast.

            I can't say goodbye to him!  I don't want to!

            "Riku, I'm so sorry," she murmured, stroking his silver-blue hair.  "I'm sorry I was so selfish.  All those years I thought I was doing the self-sacrificing thing by waiting for Sora…  I was blind to your pain.  I guess, somewhere inside, I always knew that you still loved me.   And I depended on that love—even though I could never return it!"

            Hot tears burned freely from her eyes, pouring down her cheeks like lava flows.

            "Even now I don't want to say goodbye to you, Riku…  How selfish can I get?  Those headaches…  You were suffering, but you said it was nothing.  You…you knew…"

            Selfish!  Selfish!  Selfish!

            "I hate myself," she whispered.  "How could I have done this to you?  I'm so sorry…!"

            She noticed Riku's skin growing colder as the morning chill began to settle in around his lifeless body.

            "You're…really gone…"

            But no farewell would leave her lips.

I quietly watched you

And you seemed happy

~*~

            Nadia watched from the crest of the hill as Kairi prayed over Riku's body and then folded his arms over his chest.  The woman swayed as she walked up the hill and gripped both hands over her heart, tightly balling the blue fabric of her dress between pale hands.

            The little girl had cried long and hard and now could only watch as an era of her life drew to a close.  She, like the others, was hopelessly unaware of what had stricken Riku and brought down such a strong man in such a short time.

            She would never know that a monster had lodged itself in his mind and quickly began to grow, greedily sucking up the brain's resources.  Sometimes it announced its presence to a powerless Riku, swelling and causing intense pain that could cause the man to lose consciousness.  Once in a while, it took part of Riku's personality, throwing him into intense mood swings or making him act quite unlike himself.

            Nadia watched now as her mother reunited with that man, that man who had shown up on the island just in time to ruin everything.  Kairi collapsed into his arms now and cried.

            All Nadia knew of him was that, before his arrival, she had had a happy family.  Now her beloved Papa was gone and Mommy fell into a stranger's arms for comfort.

            The girl glared daggers at this man, this man that had taken her Papa away.

            She would never forgive him.

Farewell…my beloved, my precious

The tears that fall change to snow

Farewell, the me that cried until yesterday

Tonight is quiet, isn't it?

~*Dreams Before Yesterday:  End*~

Lyrics used here are inspired by many translations I looked at for the song "Sayonara" by Gackt on his album Rebirth, and are by no means a transliteration.  I highly recommend getting the song and listening to it (perhaps while re-reading this chapter!  I tried it myself and it makes things very sad, I tell you!)

Oh, by the way, I have one word to say about Riku's fate:  sorry.  (I always manage to kill off major characters…!)  I had it planned for a long time, and wasn't very covert with my foreshadowing, either…  I need to improve on that…  Actually, I need to improve on a lot of things.  Hee hee.

Thank you for reading Dreams Before Yesterday!  School is out now, so I will soon be starting up the sequel, which should be almost as angsty as this baby.  It will feature Nadia, as I said, but I fear she'll have been transformed from her cute seven-year-old self—hm, probably shouldn't give away any more plot.  Look for it soon, probably within the next week (ha, I have no life).