Mazohyst of Decadence

Rated: R

Warnings: Yaoi, lime, mild violence, blood, fluff, angst and very mild non-graphic lemons (White Oleander style as I would say).

Pairs: Seto/Jounouchi and eventually Jounouchi/Yami/Yugi

Yu-gi-oh, the song "Dead Souls" by Nine Inch Nails, and the title of this fiction belong to their original owners, not me.

AU, Vampire Fic, Jounouchi's POV. You must read the three fics that come before this. They're not hard to find, the titles are "Embracing Blood", "Death Whispers" and "Deity". I hope everyone is happy with my decision on the second pairing. Lyrics are going to be at the top of each of the five chapters of this story. If there's more then only the first five will have lyrics. I will be posting a new chapter ever week unless some evil killer flu takes over me.

Dedicated to Angel-Belle and Kitsune Hashiba.

Chapter One: House of Flies
Someone take these dreams away
That point me to another day
A duel of personalities
That stretch all true reality

A vampire, that is what I am; a child of darkness. This eternal life, I had brought it and all that comes with it upon myself. The unnatural lust for blood hitting my lips, my tongue, the constant feeling of emptiness. All of it was my doing. I became a vampire because I was (and still am) obsessed with one.

I had known my addiction to Seto would be the death of me, but I had no idea it would damn me. The simple longing to know what it felt like to partake of his blood was my undoing. I found later that the exchange of blood in such a way is what made vampires. Had I done it when he had not been drinking from me, I would still be human. A dead human, but a human nonetheless

Seto, he was so angry with me. He thrashed about my living room, destroying everything. I wasn't meant to become a vampire, I know that. It's completely understandable that he was angry with me, but he was with the both of us. He was angry with me for, well, obvious reasons, and he was angry with himself for letting me become too attached to him.

Since then, he has distanced himself from me. I never knew much about him, just the way he acts around me, his name is Seto Kaiba and he's a vampire. Considering the fact that I've been practically living with Seto for a little over a year now, it's a pretty sad. I just know that whatever I knew about him then, I know less now.

Now he sits there, his eyes blank, glazed over, looking off at something that I can never see. That's one of the perks to being a vampire. You can stay completely still for two hundred years, and it doesn't even matter. It's not like you're going to die anytime soon. Even saying that, it doesn't change the fact that watching him sit there nonstop is utterly annoying.

"Seto?" He's sitting on the other side of the room, looking at the same window he always does. I get no response from him. It irks me. At least when he's reading he has an excuse to not answer me, but not it's just aggravating.

I poke the back of his head. He twitches, his head falling forward a bit from the small push but there's still no answer. "Hey, robot-boy, answer me already!" I almost yell into his ear. Even that doesn't faze him. Honestly, he's being such a pain in the ass. What do I have to do to get him to even look at me, cut my arm off and beat him with it? Sorry, but I'm a little attached to both of them.

Luckily for me, I don't have to go to such drastic measures. I cup the sides of his face, turning his face to look at me. Well, really I grabbed his face and jerked his head so he would look at me so fast that his neck popped. Sounded like it hurt too. "What?" He snaps, glaring at me. He's refusing to look me in the eyes so it's at my chest.

Yes, Seto! Watch me quake with fear as you glare fiercely at my chest! "Stop moping around already! It's getting old!" I order him. I think I'm shaking now. If I were human I would be afraid for my life. Undoubtedly I'm pissing him off right now.

He glares harder at my chest, but he doesn't say anything. I'm surprised I was at least expecting a sarcastic remark of some sort. Must you deny me of everything? "Look at me, Seto," I meant to say it as I had the last thing. Whatever bravery I had found before had left me. It sounded more like a plea then an order.

I'm most defiantly shaking now, my hands trembling along with my lip. I can feel a lump forming in my throat and tears sting the corners of my eyes. "Please," I whisper. I can't take this anymore. I hate talking to him when he's like this. A wall is more responsive then he!

My legs give out and I collapse against him, pathetically clutching onto to the fabric of his black trench coat. I cry. I don't want to cry, but I can't help it. It hurts me to see him broken like this. He was so strong, impenetrable and I broke him with such an idiot mistake. I hate myself for it.

"Why won't you look at me?" I scream at him. My hands ball into fist. I raise one of them to strike him, but he catches it. He uses his other hand to pull my face upwards. Our eyes meet, but just for a second. It's hard to see the beautiful shade of blue swollen and red along the outside. He looks like he's about to cry, but he looked at me. He actually looked me in the eye.

"It hurts to look at you, Katsuya," he says. His voice was soft, not hard like I'm so used to. It sounds frail, like that of young boy who had just lost his parents. The overwhelming amount of sorrow drenched every bit of it. The words he said only made it worse.

"When I look at you, it only reminds me of what a failure I am," He continues. I want to yell at him to stop. What right do I have? I'm the one who wanted him to speak in the first place! I'm the one who wanted so badly for him to look at me! Now that he's done it, all I can think about is how much it hurts. "I have damned you to the same life I damned myself. I am a disgrace. I deserve to die for what I have done to you, for what I have done to everyone I've come across. I am a monster."

A monster? This creature before me with the deep blue eyes, the snow-white skin and the soft chestnut hair, the one in which has cared for me after all of my friends disappeared. Ha! Hardly what I would call a monster! How could he say that about himself?

"You did not damn me Seto." I kiss his chin. "I damned myself and if I had the choice, I would do it again."

He looks at me, face completely blank, hard, like the way I'm used to. "You would choose such a life for yourself?" He asks me. I nod. He pauses for a second, looking off to the side. "Then you are more of a fool then I thought you to be."

Seto's got some nerve. I'm sitting here, trying to cheer him and myself up and even though I'm not doing that great of a job, he insults me! I slap him; right in the middle of his cheek with such a force his head turns to the other side. Real manly Katsuya, couldn't you at least punch him? I guess a slap will have to do. "You're such an ass."

I shouldn't have done that was the only thing I could think when I felt his hand wrap tightly around my wrists. He had this fire in his eyes, fitting for the shade. Blue fire always burns the most. He flips me over onto the floor, using the ball of his heel to keep me down. He was acting as if my slapping him snapped him out of his trance.

He stops after that, just looking at me with this unreadable expression his face. The fire is still there, nonetheless. A few more minutes pass by, and he still looks it me. It's kind of creepy really; make me glad when his foot finally moves. I let out a large sigh of relief, something I still don't quite understand.

How can I be dead but still breathing? My would-be contemplation of my vampire existence is stopped short. Next thing I know I'm pinned up against the wall, Seto's knee in-between my legs, holding me up along with the two arms pressed harshly against the wall.

"You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, mutt," he snarls giving me one of his dog insults. They never fail to make me want to snap his neck. Not that I could even if I tried, but that doesn't mean I don't want to.

My eyes widen when I feel his lips upon my own. How long has it been since Seto's last kissed me? I've almost lost track of the days. It's been almost six months since I've become a vampire, and he hasn't given me but the slightest glance since then. Does he know what that feels like?

I want to make him suffer the way he has made me, but I can't bring myself to do it. My hands have already unconsciously slipped their way into his hair, grasping firmly onto the brown tresses. My lips are going against my will, returning his kiss. There's no use fighting it. Why must I betray myself so? I want this more then he could ever begin to imagine. I missed this, and in that lay my self-betrayal.

He pulls away. Both of breath is heavy now, just shy of panting. I can feel my blood boil, my skin heat, but I know both are still cold as ice; as cold as Seto's skin is right now. I looked into his eyes, their bright blue fire intensity swallowing me. He is fiercer then I remember him, but I suppose that could be just the lack of him exaggerating his excellence. I can't help but wonder though, despite the lively gaze, will he remain the same as he is now, tomorrow or will he return to the broken doll by the window?

Does it even really matter right now? I ask myself as I lean in to steal another kiss from him. He meets me halfway, his tongue pushing past my half-parted lips. He runs it over my fangs before letting his azure eyes slip close. I can hear my heart beating my head, but I can't feel it in my chest. I can hear Seto's too, beating just a millisecond after mine.

I move my hands to his trench coat, pushing it off with ease. It falls to the floor with the softest of thumps. I'm sure he looks shocked right about now. I'm not usually the one to take charge at times like this.

He pulls away from me, looking kind of dazed. The arrogance I am feeling shows in my face, I know it. I put it all into one cocky smirk before claiming his lips in a zealous kiss. Before too long I pull away moving to kiss every nook and crane of his face. The only break I take is when he pushes my t-shirt over my head. There's no need to for his, it's button up or at least it was before I tore them all off. I don't think he was too happy about that.

Before too long both of us where ride completely of our clothing. My back was pressed against the wall, helping Seto hold me. My legs where wrapped around his hips. I was still kissing every part of his face, adding in his neck, shoulders and parts of his chest. I couldn't, can't get enough of how he tastes. It's like a forbidden fruit but oh-so-much better and sweeter.

"I love you," I whispered against his lips, so ever word brushed lightly against them. I reclaimed his lips in one more kiss, passionate but slow, bittersweet and everything in-between. I had never said it to him before, I realized. And right then had seemed like the perfect moment, a moment in which felt like if I didn't say it then, I would never get a chance or the words would loose their meaning somehow.

We ended up on the ground in a big mess of arms and legs with our fingers intertwined and our foreheads pressed together. I could feel his breath upon my chest, chillingly cold just the way I like it.

How long did we lay there? Minutes? Hours? It didn't really matter; we could stay like that literally until the end of the world. Of course we would both shrivel up like prunes from lack of blood in our system, but that's beside the point.

"I used to have a younger brother," he said just above a whisper. It had come so suddenly all I could do is push back a little and gawk. Am I imagining things or is Seto actually opening up to me? "Close your mouth before you get drool over the carpet, dog." Okay, moment ruined.

He's silent for quite while afterwards. His eyes closed contently. It was starting to bother me so I had to say something. "Well?" That's the best I can think of right now.

"Well what?" He asks me, sound a little bit on the annoyed side though not as much as normal.

"What happened to him?"

He shifts uncomfortably then stays silent for a bit again. I'm seriously starting to believe he does it just to annoy me. Just before I could say anything again, he finally answered, "He died." He turned over so his back was facing me. I didn't quite understand why. "More correctly, I killed him." Until he added that last little bit.

What is one supposed to do when you hear someone killed his or her own younger sibling? Not much. So I did the only thing that came to mind, I crawled over him, so I we were facing each other again. I stroked the side of his face while my other arm snaked around him. "It was only my second night as a vampire, as you know the thirst for blood is overwhelming during the first weeks," he swallowed, hard, I kissed his head wanting to tell him that it was okay if he didn't say anything. How many years had he kept it in? It would probably do him some good to tell someone, so I said nothing. "I didn't know what I was doing until Mokuba was already dead."

I held him for a while still not sure about what I should do. He doesn't seem to mind that I don't. He just rested there, completely helpless. It was a way I had never seen Seto before, venerable beyond definition. I was afraid then. What am I supposed to do when the strongest person I know breaks down right in front of me?

There really was nothing that I could do.

"Katsuya," he smiled sadly at me, his azure eyes the deep blue sea trapped between rejoicing and mourning. "I love you too." He kissed my forehead and suddenly, everything in the world didn't matter anymore.

It reminded me of what it felt like to be mortal. The fluttering my heart had done when he spoke the words, the quickened beat and the heavy breathe. It was like I wasn't a vampire anymore. Though I knew deep inside, I was still dead in body and my mind and heart where slowly going along with it.

I knew that I was going to have to leave him soon. For how long, I wasn't aware of. I just knew that I would find my way back.

~*~*~

For those of you who have not read this previously, I edited out a few words and added another paragraph. Previously it was a little on the lemon side. I decided that it dissatisfied me so I changed it to where it is now undisruptive citrus but just enough to let you know what's going on.

Tell me what you think!