distance

It's been a week since they returned from Camelot.

One week, spent in trying to find a way to recall the six that are gone from their memories. And for Killian, it's been one very long, exhausting week filled to the brim with research, pent up frustration that he's probably not as good at hiding as he thinks he is and little to no sleep.

Killian stares at the open book in front of him, eyes glazed over, trying his best to keep focused. It's a losing battle. He can barely remember what the book is about, the words seem to be spinning and there's darkness, just little tendrils of it at the edges of his vision, creeping in slowly, threatening to swallow him whole-

"Killian?"

The darkness vanishes and Killian thinks he must have imagined it. Blinking slowly, he looks up at Belle, whose face is a mixture of confusion and worry.

"You've been staring at the same page for the past ten minutes," Belle says, concerned. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, lass," Killian assures her, but it's rather half-hearted. "I'm just a little tired."

Little would be an understatement. Killian has spent the last few nights wide awake in his cabin, unable to go to sleep no matter how tired his body feels. Even drinking doesn't help.

"I'll say," Belle murmurs. "You look terrible."

"Come now, love. I look as devilishly handsome as always." Belle looks unamused at his poor attempt at humor.

"I'm serious, Killian," Belle insists. "You look like you haven't slept in days." Killian winces at her all too accurate assumption. "Go back to your ship and get some rest. I'll finish up here."

"Are you sure?" David and Mary Margaret are with Regina, trying to find a way to restore their memories. If Killian left now, Belle would be alone with the research.

"Yes," Belle says firmly. "I'll be fine. Go."

Killian leaves the library, but he doesn't return to his ship. Instead, he finds himself wandering in the direction of the house Emma has taken up residence in.

He pauses outside the fence, looking at little wistfully at Emma's car parked in the driveway, before diverting his attention to the house itself.

Killian needs to see her. He knows their meeting on the Jolly Roger ended badly, the stunned and hurt expression on her face still haunts him. He still needs to see her. To say what, he doesn't know, but…

Killian almost knocks on the front door but then thinks better of it, knowing she probably won't answer.

The door is unlocked and he goes in.

Stepping into the living room, a shiver runs down his spine. The air reeks of dark magic. Killian isn't sure of how and why he can feel it, but he just can; the darkness assaulting his senses like thousands of sharp, unforgiving needles.

Killian glances around cautiously. Emma is nowhere to be seen and she doesn't appear out of thin air the way he expected her to when he entered her personal space. Somewhat relieved and saddened at the same time, Killian moves towards the mysterious locked door he'd seen before, when a flash of pink catches his eye.

There's a single, pink middlemist rose lying on the mantelpiece.

It's only a simple flower and Killian should really be diverting his attentions to other important things, but he finds himself inexplicably drawn to it. He grips the rose gently by the stem, twirling it absently as he tries to remember where he's seen it before.

Killian shudders slightly, feeling the dark magic that cloaks the flower, preserving it perfectly. Every instinct in his body is screaming at him to drop the flower and get the hell away from this place, but he can't.

He needs answers.

And then Killian hears her voice, breaking the oppressive silence, warming and chilling him at the same time.

"Killian."

The minute he steps into the house, Emma can instantly feel it.

Killian's presence washes over her like a wave, calming her and quickening her heartbeat simultaneously. Emma's hands around the hilt of Excalibur tremble violently and she sets the sword down hastily.

For a moment, she contemplates staying down where she is, in the dungeons below the house. If Killian can't find her, he'll leave and maybe that's for the best. His words from before still hurt terribly. And then again, doesn't she deserve it?

Emma feels for the chain around her neck, hidden under the collar of her dress. She grips the ring Killian gave her through the cloth and takes in a shuddering breath, remembering the moment he gave it to her.

"It's a reminder, that you've got a piercing eyed, smoldering pirate here, who loves you."

What he said then was such a contrast to what he said just a few days ago.

"I loved you."

Go to him, the darkness urges. Punish him for what he said, rip his throat out. Oh, wait… the darkness lets out a terrible high pitched chuckle, sneering at her. That won't work, will it?

Shut up, Emma snarls back, but it simply laughs at her.

Emma sighs and glances at Excalibur.

Before she can second guess herself, she quickly magicks herself to the living room.

Killian stands with his back to her, holding the middlemist rose. Emma's heart clenches painfully at the sight and a lump rises in her throat. In the field where he gave her that rose, he chased her demons away and comforted her. And in the same field, he'd almost bled to death while she begged and sobbed for him to stay with her.

You failed, dearie, the darkness says maliciously. You failed him and the rest of your family. If you had been stronger, this wouldn't have happened. I know what you're thinking. You're wishing you were the one who died in that field instead, aren't you?

Emma's nails dig into her palm as she tries her best to ignore the voices. In Camelot, Killian and Henry helped her block out the darkness, doing everything they could to help her resist it.

But she had given in.

The darkness is right

She has failed everyone.

She should have been the one to have gotten nicked by Excalibur. Not Killian.

"Killian," Emma whispers and sees him stiffen, his shoulders tensing before he turns to face her.

"Swan," Killian replies, his voice tight and his eyes guarded. Emma aches at the distrust in his voice and longs for those few, beautiful days in Camelot; where he looked at her with love and tenderness in his face, when he stood by her every step of the way, when he pressed his brother's ring into her hand and implored her to stay safe.

She longs for the time when he loved her.

He loves her.

The moment their eyes lock, Killian can feel it, can feel the intense love that rushes through his body, spirit and soul at the sight of her. He knows he's being irrational. She isn't his Emma, it as clear as day. The gold in her hair has faded to silver, the jade of her eyes to a dull black. Gone are the red leather jackets and jeans, replaced by silk and satin that's as dark as night. Her warm, bright smiles have turned into calculating; knowing smirks and the light in her magic has turned to darkness.

She isn't his Emma.

But gods, he still loves her.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Emma murmurs, jerking her head in the direction of the rose. Killian glances at it and nods.

"Aye. I'm surprised that you're keeping it around, though."

Emma raises an elegant brow. "And why is that?"

"Dark Ones don't care much for beauty. Or anything that represents life," Killian challenges. "Do they?"

An emotion he can't quite place flickers over Emma's face but then her lips stretch into a predatory smirk as she strolls over to him, her movements graceful and cat like.

"Well, it depends…" Emma says lowly, reaching up to trail her fingers over his jaw line. Killian stares at her defiantly, determined not to reveal how her touch affects him, even now.

And yet, he knows. He can recognize the flirting for what it is: a self defense mechanism. It's what he used to do back when they had first met, after all. Killian has always been able to read her like a book and now's not any different.

"After all, you are quite pretty," Emma continues. She leans in, her breath hot on is lips. Killian's heart almost stops as he wonders if she'll kiss him and hates himself for the desire that sparks under his skin.

But then Emma pulls away, something dark and bitter in her smile before she turns away from him.

"Too bad you don't care about me anymore," she says flippantly and the forced light hearted cheer in her voice is almost too much too bear.

"I apologize," Killian says lowly and Emma spins around to face him, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"For when you refused to accept me or for when you said you did not love me?"

"For both," Killian says truthfully. "But tell me, love," the endearment slips out without him noticing and Emma's face softens. "What happened in Camelot? How did the darkness consume you?"

"Who says it did?" Emma asks silkily. "Maybe I just liked it."

"Liar."

Emma jolts at the loudly spoken word and stares at him in disbelief. And yet, it shouldn't surprise her, after all this time, how well he can read her, how well he knows her.

"Lying, am I?" Emma sounds far bolder than she feels. "That's funny, coming from a pirate," she hisses the word like an insult, but even her deliberate way of making Killian run doesn't faze him.

"'The Dark One lies, the Dark One tricks,'" Killian quotes and this time, he's the one who steps forward, encroaching her space. Emma's breath hitches at his proximity and her gaze darts to his lips for a moment. It's been far too long…

"You done nothing but lie to me for the past week, Emma," Killian continues and she winces, digging her nails so deep into her palm that she draws blood. "And I'm sick of it," he adds furiously. "Tell me the truth. Tell me what happened in Camelot. Tell me what we-what I," his voice cracks on the syllable. "Did to fail you."

Emma sucks in a breath sharply. He couldn't be any farther from the truth. She was the one who had failed them. She was the one who had made so many mistakes.

This is her mess and she has to clean it up.

"You didn't fail me," Emma says quietly and Killian looks surprised.

"But everyone else did?"

His blue eyes bore into hers and a shiver ripples down Emma's spine at the intensity of his gaze. She wraps her arms around herself and turns away, her voice defensive when she speaks.

"Why do you care? After all, you don't love me anymore."

"That was a lie," Killian's quiet admission makes her whirl around, eyes wide in shock.

"I was lying," Killian continues. "To you and to myself."

Tears burn brightly in her eyes and Emma ducks her head, doing her best to blink them away. "If you knew what I have done," she says, her voice breaking a little. "You wouldn't be saying that, then."

"Let me be the judge of that," Killian insists. "Emma, look at me."

She does and is almost blown away by the love and gentleness she sees in his face. The guilt washes over her once more and she thinks wildly that he wouldn't be looking at her like this, not if he knew what had happened in Camelot-

"Emma, meeting you taught me one thing," Killian says. "It taught me that all sins can be forgiven when someone loves you. And I love you, Emma Swan, not matter what you've done."

Emma doesn't notice the tear the spills down her cheek until Killian tenderly brushes it away with a swipe of his thumb. His touch on her skin burns and Emma closes her eyes, leaning into his touch.

"Tell me what happened, my love," Killian whispers, resting his forehead against hers. He entwines their fingers and presses their joined hands to his chest. "Tell me what happened, so I can help you."

Emma kisses him, then and Killian responds immediately, his hand cradling the back of her head. Emma sighs into the kiss, fire roaring through her veins when his tongue darts out to tease the seam of her lips.

She pulls away, then and smiles lightly and the wrecked look on his face.

"Are you going to tell me the truth, now?"

Emma sighs softly and steps back, releasing their hands. "It might be better if I just show you."

Her heart pounds fiercely as she summons Excalibur. The sword appears in a cloud of black smoke. Emma grips the hilt and shuts her eyes, trying to brace herself.

She'll tell him the truth and he'll probably be angry at her, but its okay.

As long as he's alive, it's okay.

And he'll forgive her eventually, because he loves her and they'll defeat the darkness.

Together.