a/n: wasn't even sure about posting this one, but what does it matter, anyway?

one.

"Hello?"

"Um...hi. I-I feel kind of stupid for even calling this number, but I needed someone to talk to and I just thought that...maybe you could help."

"That's what we're here for, sir. May I get your name, please?"

"It's Leo," he whispered, casting a furtive glance at his bedroom door, as if it would be broken down any minute.

"Leo, are you alright?"

"Yes. No. I-I don't...I don't know. I thought I was but I'm not...anymore."

"What happened to not make you okay?"

"Well, I...I'm the oldest in my family, and I've got a lot of responsibilities. I had to grow up a lot faster than my brothers did so that I could take care of them if anything happened."

"Did something happen?"

Tears pricked at his eyes. He could still smell the coppery tang of blood on pavement. "Our dad died a few months ago. I took over as head of the family, and we were doing alright for a while, but earlier today, my brother got hurt."

"What do you mean by hurt?"

"I mean he fell, and it was my fault." It was a long drop, a gap between two buildings, and the youngest hadn't been watching where he was going - but then again, Leo hadn't been watching either. His sibling's thick carapace had taken the brunt of the impact, but his head slammed into the concrete and left him with a concussion and other, less severe injuries.

"Did you push him?"

"No, but I wasn't paying enough attention. He almost-" His breath caught in his throat and he swallowed. "He almost died today because I didn't do my job correctly."

"How old is your brother?"

"He'll be seventeen next Tuesday." Just a kid still. Just a kid, and Leo couldn't protect him.

"I think that sixteen years old is old enough to watch out for yourself. Your brother might disagree, but at this point in time he should be mature enough to take care of himself."

Leo laughed - a cold, harsh sound. "He's not mature enough. And my other two brothers, they- they don't care about keeping him safe like I do. I'm the only one who watches out for our family. They hate me for that."

"I'm sure they don't really hate you."

Nights of glares and icy indifference towards the eldest flashed through his mind and his shoulders slumped. "No, I'm pretty sure hate is the right word for it. They all blame me for Dad's death. Haven't said it explicitly but it's in their actions, and the way they look at me."

It was in Raph's harsh words and the way he constantly brushed by his older brother. It was in Donnie's refusal to talk to Leo at all, barring serious injury. It was in the tears Mikey cried every time he looked at the leader.

You should've been there. You could've stopped it! Screamed accusations that only added to the burden Leonardo was carrying.

He was tired, suddenly. So, so tired. But one good thing had come out of the conversation. He knew what to do. "I appreciate everything you've said tonight." Even if it didn't make him feel better, he'd made up his mind.

"Well I'm here to help."

Footsteps sounded in the hallway outside and he knew his time was up. "I have to go. Thank you for everything."

"You're- Leo, wait. Don't hang up the phone."

A shaking finger pressed the END CALL button. He quickly tossed the phone on the bed and made it look like he was just getting up from sitting at the desk.

"Dinner's ready," Raphael barked, pushing the bedroom door open. "Unless, of course, you think you're too good to join us."

"I'm not hungry," Leo whispered, his eyes stinging with tears.

"Suit yourself. But don't say I didn't invite you." The door slammed shut again and a quiet sob escaped the blue-banded ninja's mouth. He pressed a fist against his lips as if that would mask the sound.

He had to get out of here. It was long past time, and he was only causing pain for the people around him.

Carefully, quietly, Leo eased his door open and crept down the hallway, then right past the kitchen. None of his brothers paid him any attention - it was like he didn't even exist.

Ten minutes later, he was running at full speed on the surface, directly towards his chosen spot: the top of the Manhattan Bridge. The end was near. He could feel it.

The turtle reached the bridge and started to climb. In New York City in the wintertime, it was already dark at seven o'clock PM - which made it the perfect time to go through with his plan.

And yet...and yet, as he climbed to the top of the tower and perched there, he stalled. Something in him hesitated.

Weak, he heard Raph snarl in his mind. Pathetic.

"C'mon, Leo. Just get it over with. There's nothing left for you here." His voice cracked and he swallowed. The freezing wind bit into him but he didn't so much as shiver. The cold meant nothing to him anymore. Not when his whole world was shattering beneath his feet.

Cobalt-blue eyes stared down at the choppy waters of the East River. Another sob ripped from his throat and his knees gave out. He sagged to the concrete, inches away from the edge.

He couldn't do it.

He couldn't leave them - no matter how horrible they'd treated him lately, he couldn't just give up like this. Responsibility was ingrained in him like the very blood that flowed through his veins. He would never be able to give up.

a/n: please leave me a review to read...please?