Phoenix: Hello world and all who inhabit it.

V.C.: We are here to bring you all dooom!

Frostwing: Okay… No more Invader Zim for him.

K.N.: Would you rather we go back to Rick and Morty?

Phoenix/Frostwing: NO!

V.C.: MWHAHAHA! Then all shall bow before the Almighty Doom!

Frostwing: ALRIGHT ALREADY! WE GET IT! DOOM! NOW SHUT UP!

K.N.:(Playing a Game Slave) Who cares? As long as we're here the world does not matter.

Phoenix: Can I kill him? Please say I can kill him.

V.C.: No! He is necessary for my plans!

Frostwing: What did I say about shutting up?

K.N.: Oh will all of you just shut the hell up! I lost my game of Vampire Piggy Slayer cause of you! Now you die!

Phoenix:Well folks... Looks like we gotta run. On with the story!

Disclaimer: We do not own Invader Zim. If we did there would be more episodes and a full length movie. Enjoy!

Troubles of Irken Romance:

Chapter 1: The Doom Begins

The story begins in an odd house in an odd town. In this large, very strange looking house lived a humanoid creature with green skin, no ears or noses, crimson red eyes with no whites or pupils, and antenna. He was currently standing in his doorway instructing a robot disguised as a small green dog to protect their home while he was away.

"Gir! While Zim is away at skool be sure that no human worm babies enter Zim's glorious base! Is Zim understood?" The odd creature, named Zim, glared down at his robotic servant. Gir smiled and nodded wordlessly. "Good! And stay out of Zim's lab! We do NOT want a repeat of the zombie weasels incident!"

"Okie dokie." Gir simply answered with a dopey smile and both hands having their fingers crossed behind his back.

Zim kept his narrow gaze on the robot for a minute longer before sighing. "Fine, I shall be off then." He muttered something else afterwards but most would not have been able to hear him. Except that Gir heard it clear as day and grew worried about his master. However, it was too late for the robot to ask as Zim was already gone.

"Uh-oh," Gir said to no one in particular. "Mah mastah is feelin' all lonely...I know what ta do!" With that he sprinted off for the entrance to Zim's secret laboratory.

Meanwhile:

The view focuses into a large red alien warship floating in the dark void of space. Inside were many green poking from their green skinned creatures with no ears or noses, eyes with no whites or pupils, and antenna Sitting in the captain's room were two of the tallest members of this odd alien species.

One of them had red eyes and wore a red combat suit, his name was Red. The other next to him had purple eyes and wore a purple combat suit, his name was Purple. They were both sitting around lazily, occasionally throwing a donut into their mouths. Their laziness was interrupted by an incoming transmission from Earth.

Red sighed. "Ugh, I really hate it when Zim interrupts our relaxation time."

"I guess we better accept it," Purple shrugged while throwing another donut in his mouth. "I mean, if we want to keep this dumb ruse going. Though you'd think he'd grow a brain and see through our little game."

Red chuckled in agreement before turning to the screen and accepting the transmission. However, instead of the short defective Irken they were expecting to see, the duo saw a small robot with cyan eyes and a goofy smile on his face.

"Hi dere!" The small robot shouted out at them both. His eyes then suddenly turned crimson red as he entered Duty Mode. "I am Gir, S.I.R. unit of Invader Zim of Earth." Gir then switched back at random. "An' do I have somethin' to tell ya!"

"What do you want?" Red asked in annoyance.

"Mah mastah is really lonely," The small machine reported to the duo. "I think dat he wants a pretty lady in his life. He tells me all da time dat invaders need no one, but he nevah actually says he don't like somebody. I think he's just afraid of the laws youse have."

Red and Purple glanced between each other. They would normally become furious at the thought of any of their soldiers feeling such emotions. Purple went to say just that when Red had a brilliantly evil idea. He pulled back Purple and spoke to the small S.I.R. unit. "I see...well then, I believe I know just the thing for our dear friend Zim."

"Could you give us a minute?" Purple asked the malfunctioning S.I.R.

Gir switched back to Duty Mode for a brief moment. "Yes My Tallests."

Red and Purple went to a corner where the robot could not hear them. When they were sure they were far enough away, Purple began questioning his friend. "Red what on Irk were you thinking? I know that tone you had, it's your 'I'm plotting' tone. So tell me what your thinking."

"Oh Purple, don't you see the opportunity to have some fun here?" Red's eyes shone with mischief. "We can use Zim's pathetic feelings of longing to create a new source of entertainment. We'll hold a 'competition' for Zim among some random female Irkens and allow the hilarity to make itself."

"Hmm." An evil smile spread across Purple's face as he couldn't help but laugh at the idea. He turned back to the screen where Gir was waiting with a bag full of tacos by his side. "Gir, I think we have a solution to your problem. As soon as Zim is available, have him contact us."

Gir smiled his usual goofy smile. "Okay!" With that the transmission ended and Gir devoured a taco whole. "Mastah is gonna be so happy when he comes home."

Later:

Zim entered his home to see it was perfectly clean. "Something is wrong here, GIR!"

"YES MASTER!" Gir shouted while in Duty Mode.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"Nooothing." Gir exaggerated, returning to his normal self. "Oh yeah! Da Tallests wanna talk to ya!"

"I see." Zim paused for a moment before his eyes flashed with fury. "Wait a minute, why do the Tallests wish to speak to Zim?"

"Um...well...ya see…" Gir smiled sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head. "I mighta called dem while youse was in skool."

Zim felt pure rage all throughout his body as his eyes twitched and his fists curled. He was about to lung at the robot with full intent on smashing him into tiny bits when the transmission receiver activated. "INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM THE TALLESTS!"

"Gah!" Zim jumped in surprise and fear as he quickly accepted the call. "M-my Tallests...what do I owe this honor of being called upon for?"

"Zim," Red spoke evenly. "We received a call earlier from your S.I.R. unit expressing that you feel lonely by yourself on planet Earth. Therefore Purple and myself have decided to organize a little 'competition'."

"C-competition?" Zim stuttered. "Invaders need no one! I, The Almighty Zim, need no one but myself and the despair of my enemies!"

"That's not what the robot was saying." Purple piped up. "Besides, you have no choice in this matter. We already got everything set up for the competition and plan on airing live as soon as possible."

Zim sighed in defeat. "Very well then, what is the competition about?"

Both Tallests grinned wickedly as they shared a glance before turning back to the small Irken. "You see Zim," Red started with glee in his crimson eyes. "It's about you, seven girls will fight for the grand prize of being your mate."

"But I thought only the Tallests were allowed to have mates." Zim pointed out, not wanting anything to do with this. "Besides, a mate signifies the ugly disease known as love. I would never-."

"We are making an exception for our 'favorite' invader." Red said with a small amount of difficulty. "Surely you wouldn't spit upon our request."

"Never!" Zim shook his head violently. "I will take part in this game!"

Red grinned evilly. "Then let the game begin! The girls will be at your base shortly, so try to prepare to the best of your abilities while we prepare everything."

"Certainly My Tallests! Invader Zim out1" With that the transmission cut and Red and Purple immediately burst out in laughter.

"That fool took it!" Purple gawfulled while reaching for a nearby box of donuts. "And that part of him being our favorite...perfect! But I do have one question Red."

"What is it Purple?"

"Where are we going to find girls willing to do this with Zim?" Purple asked, fearing that they may have made a small mistake.

Red paused for a moment in realization before shrugging. "I'm honestly not sure. I didn't really think that far ahead."

Purple thought it over for a minute then had an idea. "We could always just put out an ad in the IrkenWeb and see who takes it."

"Eh, why not? What could possibly go wrong?" Red shrugged while grabbing a donut from Purple's box.

"Well, I dunno. What if this all blows up in our faces like Impending Doom?" Purple asked while holding the donut box to his chest protectively. "And quit takin' my donuts!"

Red ignored his friend and turned to one of the many servants aboard the ship. "You there! I want you to put an ad in the IrkenWeb for our new comedy show-I mean competition for Zim!"

A Few Days Later:

Zim was sitting at his base wracked with nerves. He had received another transmission the day before saying that the Tallests would be there tomorrow with the contestants. He was shaking with fear because all throughout his life he had only interacted with one female of his species and that was Tak. 'That wretched Tak-beast has quite the honor there. But still, I almost wish she were here to help me figure out how to handle other females of our race.' He blushed at that thought.

However, the ground began to violently shake before anything else could happen. Zim was wondering if this was the cause of an earthquake for a minute but quickly realized otherwise as he looked out his window. Above his base was the Massive itself. In a nearby house, a boy with an abnormally large head looked outside and immediately fainted from the sheer presence of such a marvelous sight.

A flash of light appeared in Zim's base that died down to reveal Red and Purple along with seven different Irken females. However, to Zim's surprise, and dismay, he actually recognized who one of them was. "TAK?!"

"Hello Zim." Tak grinned evilly at her former enemy.

What Zim said next shocked the group. "Zim must say you surprised him with your appearance. Zim will have to try harder not to be distracted by you again, although Zim must know why his greatest rival is doing here."

"What do you think I am doing here?" Tak arched a brow while smirking. "I am here to compete in this competition the Tallests set up."

"You are aware that the prize is that you become my mate correct? Zim means that mate and kill are two separate terms and Zim would hate it if you had confused them."

"Of course I know that you twit." Tak smacked his arm while grinning. "Who says I do not want to become your mate?"

"You mean besides all the attempts on my life?" Zim growled, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

Tak giggled while rolling her eyes. "Oh come now, that was in the past-."

"That was last week."

"First off, do not cut me off while I am mid sentence!" She glared at the Irken male before her. "Second, I was hurled into outer space in an escape pod! Can you blame me for being a little angry?"

"My apologies for interrupting, I simply could not control it. It was very unbecoming of me. I must know though why you of all Irkens would want to be my mate?"

"Well," Tak blushed a bright crimson. "While up in space, I had a lot of time to think things over. At first, I thought about how angry I was at you, but eventually I started to think about you in a different light. I tried hiding it by focusing on my anger, so as to not get deactivated by the Tallests for feeling positive emotions," She glanced away from the Irken male before her. "But I heard about this and decided this was my chance."

"So you are saying that you, my greatest rival and one of the most beautiful Irkens I know, want to be my mate because you actually like me?" Zim was shocked beyond anything that had shocked him before.

"Yes Zim, that is exactly what I am saying." Tak nodded in clarification.

However, before anything else could be said between the duo, Red cut them off by clearing his throat. "Zim, I believe that you have other women to meet and converse with." He motioned to the other girls behind him and Zim blushed before going to introduce himself to them all.

To Be Continued...