A/N: Surprise! I bet you all didn't expect to see this, did you? You're probably all also wondering just what "this" is. Well, it's an anthology collection, and you can thank my friend and fan The Cowardly Christian for its existence — for quite a while now, he's been sending me ideas (complete with full plot outlines) for IZ stories, which he trusts me to write more than himself. I've done a few of them, and will probably do more in the future, but the thing is, a significant number of them have been written to include characters from The New Adventures of Invader Zim. And while I don't mind suggestions for that series, CC's story ideas are all more on the M-rated side, whereas I keep TNAIZ squarely in the T-rating. And while I was able to tone down one of those ideas enough to write what became Season 1 Episode 15, I doubted I could do that for the rest of CC's suggestions, even as I still wanted to write them.

And so, that brings us to this. The first, and very much non-canon, spinoff of The New Adventures of Invader Zim!

A few things before we start, though. For starters, to reiterate, the stories in this collection will be ENTIRELY NON-CANON. There's several reasons for this, the primary one being that CC's story ideas tend to leave the characters in situations where it's rather hard to justify a return to status quo afterwards. So, unlike the main series of TNAIZ, for this collection I'll be adopting a policy that leans more towards canon Invader Zim's loose continuity. Not matter what condition the characters are in by the end of each chapter, assume the reset button will be hit by the time the next chapter comes out.

The second major point is that, in order to justify (to myself at the very least) some of the stuff that'll happen in these stories, ALL CHARACTERS ARE OLDER. Well, the human ones are, anyway, since Jhonen's already claimed Zim's older than any human alive and the other Irkens are probably in the same range. In any case, whereas in TNAIZ my head canon is that the main human characters are all 11-12 years old, here they're all 18 (let's assume Gaz was born exactly nine months after Dib).

Finally, I'd like to say happy birthday to The Cowardly Christian (hope you enjoy this present), and at his request dedicate this first chapter to his recently deceased Aunt Beverly. And, though he didn't ask for it, I'll also throw in an advertisement for his published novel "13/13/13" (I haven't gotten around to reading it myself yet, but it's next on my list).

Now then, all that out of the way, read on!

Disclaimer: I own the OCs, but everything else belongs to the one and only Jhonen Vasquez.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

New Adventures: Mature Edition

Entry 1: Two Girls In The Woods

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It was a bright, warm spring's day in Doomsville, and in the neighborhood of the Membrane family, a visitor was slowly approaching the family's house. Specifically, it was Viera, who was lugging a large bag over her shoulders as she made her way down the street.

"Of all the days for the house to need to be fumigated," she muttered in annoyance to herself, thinking of her own house, which was currently sealed up tight as it was gassed to deal with a particularly bad ant infestation, "Because of course, just when I make a major magical breakthrough that requires quiet and focus to make work right, I have to cram into a tiny motel room with the whole family, where I can't even hear myself think."

A part of Viera pointed out that she could just wait a few days until the fumigation was finished and she was allowed to return to the solitude of her own room. But she shut that down, as she knew that this was probably the only time she'd have the spare time to do any experimenting — Hi Skool was out for Spring Break, and Zim and Tak were spending it locked up in the Underground Classrooms for annoying Miss Bitters by having one of their arguments in class and not shutting up right away when she told them to. So, for a brief period, Viera didn't have to worry about schoolwork or fighting insane aliens, and she wasn't going to waste the free time and energy that gave her to carry on her magic research.

Hence why she was going to Dib's house. She didn't have access to her own, and even with Steve's help she doubted she'd be able to get enough privacy from their parents in the motel to work on the spell, but she was sure Dib would let her use his place, especially once he learned just what she was working on.

Speaking of which, she looked up and realized she'd reached Dib's house. Walking up to the door, she knocked, and was surprised when the door opened right away, and she was even more surprised to see that most of the living room was covered in plastic, with a plastic sheet and yellow caution tape sealing off the kitchen and the door to the basement.

"Uh, hello?" she called out, blinking in confusion. In response, a floating vid-screen displaying the image of Professor Membrane floated into view.

"Welcome, you can just- wait, you're not the medical disinfectant drones. Who are you?" the Professor asked.

"I'm Viera. Dib's friend? We've met like a dozen times, Professor," Viera responded with a sigh; it was the same every time.

"Really?" the Professor blinking behind his goggles as he looked Viera over, before shrugging, "Well, I'm a very busy man — even a genius like myself can't be expected to remember every single person I meet. Anyway, sorry to disappoint you, young lady, but if you're here to see Dib, he's currently in quarantine."

"Quarantine?"

"Yes, quarantine! To deal with his horrible illness!" the Professor exclaimed, while the screen split to show an image of Dib lying in bed. He was pale and clammy, with bags under his eyes, a hot water bottle strapped to his head and a thermometer stuck in his mouth, while a large robot labeled "Auto-Doctor" loomed next to him.

"Dad, for the millionth time, it's just a fever!" Dib protested around the thermometer.

"Now, son, who's the REAL scientist here?" the Professor replied, "And I can't risk having your disease contaminating the house and possibly spreading to me! What would the world do if I got sick for even a day?"

"As much as I think he's overreacting, you do look like crap," Viera commented, earning a deadpan glare from her friend.

"Gee, thanks," he said flatly, before noting the bag she was carrying, "What's all that, anyway?"

"Ingredients for a new spell I was gonna try out," Viera replied, ignoring the arched eyebrow the Professor gave in response to hearing that, "But my house is being fumigated and I don't have enough privacy at the motel, so I was hoping to use your place."

"Well, that's obviously not going to happen. Sorry," he said with a shrug.

"Wait," the Professor spoke up, "So, you're a girl who believes in all this paranormal craziness as well? Hmm, I didn't think that was a thing."

"The hell does me being a girl have to do with it?" Viera asked crossly, only to be ignored.

"Still, I see you two appear to have bonded over this nonsense," the Professor mused, "And I do want to have grandchildren to carry on my legacy some day…"

"DAD!" Dib practically shrieked, face turning red, while Viera's eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"Beggars can't be choosers son!" the Professor replied, completely misjudging the cause of Dib's reaction, before turning back to Viera, "I wouldn't normally do this, but if it gets you to consider Dib as a potential husband, I'll disable the defenses in Gaz's room, the one place he hasn't been and doesn't need decontaminating, and you can go be crazy in there… my word, I'm having mixed feelings about this, but again, beggars can't be choosers."

"…Thanks. I'll go do that," Viera replied, blushing brightly and feeling beyond utterly mortified. Barely waiting to watch the Professor enter a command onto a pad, she practically bolted out of the room and ran up the stairs to the upper floor. Blush actually managing to increase as she caught sight of the door to Dib's room, she forced herself to look away from it and instead opened the door to Gaz's room, hesitantly entering it. Gaz's creepy robot dolls stared back at her, but made no move to attack, indicating that they actually were disabled.

"Still creepy as hell, though," Viera mused, shuddering as she looked the dolls over. But deciding to ignore them and focus on getting her experiment over with so she could get out of here, she sat down and opened her bag, emptying its contents onto the floor. She lay out a black quilt with runes drawn on it in purple thread, and placed a miniature cauldron in its middle, with a small bunsen burner heating it up from below, and began pouring the contents of several glass vials into it.

Meanwhile, downstairs, the front door opened again and Gaz walked in, gaze as usual focused on her Game Slave as she expertly dodged the various robots also entering the house and beginning the process of cleaning and decontaminating every inch of the place.

"Welcome home, daughter!" the Professor greeted, receiving a grunt of acknowledgement in return, "If you're going up to your room, try not to disturb your brother's lady friend."

Gaz froze mid-step as she heard that, and her head slowly creaked around to stare at her father in disbelief.

"What?" she asked flatly.

"Yes, she needed a space to use for some crazy thing, so I deactivated your security systems and let her use your room," the Professor replied, utterly oblivious as Gaz's disbelief morphed to rage, before she took off running for the stairs.

Back up in Gaz's room, Viera had finished mixing her ingredients, which were bubbling and boiling in the cauldron, beginning to glow as Viera chanted softly to prime the magic. Now, all she had to do was wait for the mixture to hit its optimal state, then she'd spill in on the quilt and that would trigger the spell. And then-

SLAM!

Viera jumped in surprise at the sudden sound. Looking up, she cursed lightly as she saw that Gaz had kicked the door open and was now glaring at her.

"What the fuck are you doing in my room?!" the violet-haired girl demanded.

"Hey, I don't want to be in your creepy-ass room, but I needed a place to work and your dad said it was okay," Viera replied.

"Like hell it is! Get your crap out of here!" Gaz snarled, marching over and kicking the cauldron over.

"Hey! Are you crazy?!" Viera shouted, jumping to her feet, "This is unstable stuff! You can't… uh-oh."

Viera trailed off as she noticed that the runes embodied on the quilt, which she and Gaz were both now standing on, had started to glow brightly as the unstable potion triggered it. Before either girl could react, there was a blinding flash of light that filled the room. When it cleared, both girls had vanished, leaving no sign that they had been there at all, aside from the potion-drenched rune-quilt, Gaz's dropped Game Slave… and two piles of now discarded clothing.

XXXXXXX

As the spots cleared from Viera's sight, she blinked, both to clear her vision in confusion. From what she could see and feel, she was pressed face first against a tree. Also, there was something tied around her wrists, and oddly, there was a strong draft all over her body.

"What the hell is this?" an annoyingly familiar voice said, from very nearby. Pulling back from the tree as far as she could — which wasn't much, given whatever was tied to her wrists was pulling her pretty tight — Viera craned her head to look around the tree and was greeted by the sight of Gaz doing the same. The two glared at each other, before their eyes widened as they each registered the state the other was in, before looking down at themselves to see if it was the same for them. Upon doing so, they both had the same reaction.

"GAH! We're naked!" they screamed in unison, both blushing brightly.

Indeed, both girls were utterly and completely naked, the only thing artificial even touching their bare bodies being the ropes wrapped around their wrists and tied to each other, turning each girl into a living anchor for the other and keeping them pressed spread-eagle against the tree trunk. And to make matters worse, they were rather high up a rather tall tree, both of them barely balanced on top of a pair of large branches. And the tree appeared to be in the middle of the forest, with no sign of people or buildings anywhere close by.

"What the fuck?!" Gaz screamed, looking around in shock, "Where are we?! Why are we naked?! Did you do this, you bitch?!"

"Hey, don't blame me!" Viera snapped, "That was a simple long-distance teleportation spell that was supposed to take me to a pre-planned spot in the city park, not wherever the hell this is. And it sure as hell wasn't supposed to leave my clothes behind, and I have no idea where these ropes came from. All of which wouldn't have happened if you hadn't interrupted the spell!"

"You're saying this is my fault?" Gaz demanded, tugging uselessly at the ropes, "You shouldn't have been in my room to begin with!"

"Well if you'd waited five minutes, I'd have been out of your hair!" Viera snapped back, also trying to pull her hands free, to no avail, "So yeah, it is your fault!"

"No, it's yours!"

"No, yours!"

"Yours!"

"Yours!"

And so the girls let the stress of the situation get to them, overriding their common sense and driving them into a pointless name calling argument. This went on for quite some time, until they both finally grew tired of it and turned their attentions towards trying to free themselves. Nothing worked, however, and before either of them knew it, night had fallen. It was, fortunately, a warm night, but that was little relief for the girls, as their current condition left them very vulnerable to even the slightest chill, and every gust of wind, of which there were many.

As such, the girls spent the night just barely avoiding freezing, while growing stiff and sore from the positions they were stuck in, all of which together meant that they were naturally unable to get any sleep. By the time the sun finally rose again, both girls were shivering and exhausted.

"Okay," Viera said hoarsely, as soon as her teeth stopped chattering, "I don't know about you, but I'm willing to work together until we get out of here. So, truce?"

Gaz only snorted noncommittally, to Viera's frustration.

"Listen, you stubborn bitch," Viera growled, "You really think we'll survive another day like this? It's a miracle we haven't died of exposure already, and even if that doesn't kill us, eventually we'll starve to death. We have to work together and get out of here or we're both dead!"

"…So what do you suggest?" Gaz asked reluctantly.

"See that broken off branch up there?" Viera gestured with her head at a broken branch nub a few feet up the tree trunk on her right side and Gaz's left, "If we can shimmy up there and get the rope on that side on it, we can saw through the rope. Once it's cut through, we'll be able to use our free hands to untie ourselves, and then we can climb down and figure out what to do next once we're on the ground."

"Fine," Gaz grunted. For the next several minutes, the girls managed to, just barely, coordinate their efforts and climb up the tree trunk, and slip the relevant rope over the broken branch, and begin moving it back and forth over the branch in a sawing motion. After a few more minutes, to their immense relief, the rope frayed and snapped. They then quickly shimmed back down to the branches they'd been standing on before and, upon bracing themselves, went to work untying the still intact rope and the remnants of the broken one from their wrists, letting them all fall to the ground far below.

The girls then spent several more minutes carefully climbing down the tree, and upon reaching the ground collapsed in relief.

"Okay," Viera said after more than a few minutes of rest, "Now we need to figure out how we're going to get back to your house without anyone seeing us like this."

"What makes you think I'm letting you come to my house?" Gaz growled.

"Because my place is still being fumigated, and I'm not showing up at my family's motel room like this!" Viera snapped back, turning to glare at Gaz, only to blink in surprise as she took in the other girl's exposed form for the first time. Gaz normally wore very baggy, concealing clothes, and now Viera could see that what she was concealing was… not a whole lot, actually.

"God damn she's flat," Viera internally mused, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think she didn't even have breasts. And she definitely doesn't have any other curves to brag about, but I guess you could at least explain that with the fact that all she does is eat pizza and sit around playing video games all day every day."

"And how are we even supposed to figure out where my house even is from here?" Gaz ranted, bringing Viera back to the present, "And how are we supposed to avoid being seen on the way?"

Frowning and shaking her head to clear it, Viera got to her feet and started pacing, trying to think of what to do next. Looking around at the leaves of the various plants surrounding them, she said, "Maybe we can fashion some cover from these leaves, some makeshift clothes."

"Do you even know how to do that?" Gaz asked.

"No, but we have try something," Viera snapped back.

"Fine," Gaz said, giving Viera another glare, "Of course, you'd probably need a whole bush to cover those ridiculously huge breasts of yours. It ever bother you that you have a pair of grapefruit on your chest?"

"Excuse me?" Viera asked, returning the glare, "My chest is perfectly normal, thank you very much. Whereas you wouldn't even a top cover — we can just make you a grass skirt and everyone will just assume you're a boy!"

"What?!" Gaz screamed. Giving a primal cry like a banshee, she suddenly charged at Viera, who wasn't able to react in time before Gaz slammed into her. The blow sent her flying backwards, carrying Gaz with her. They flew into and through a bush, bursting out the other side… which was overlooking a steep hill. Before either girl realized it, they were falling and rolling down that hill, until-

SPLASH!

-they landed in a river, the current grabbing hold of them before they realized what was happening. By the time they burst back through the surface, gasping for breath, they'd already been carried several yards.

"Great, just great," Viera spluttered, while kicking hard to stay afloat, "That's just what we need on top of everything else, to be completely soaked. Thanks a lot."

"You should have just kept your mouth shut!" Gaz snapped, "This is your fault, not mine!"

"Let's not start that again, please," Viera muttered, "Let's just try and get back on land."

With that, the girls started steadfastly ignoring each other, focusing instead solely on trying to beat the current and get back on shore.

XXXXXXX

Some time later, the girls had managed to pull themselves out of the river and back onto dry land. Now with even less of an idea where they were, they had picked a random direction and started walking in it, hoping to find help of any kind. So far, all they had to show for it were sore feet, as there continued to be no sign of any kind of civilization or other people. And, to make things even worse, they'd tried to pull off Viera's earlier idea about making makeshift clothes from leaves, only to meet failure; it turned out that was harder to do that from scratch in real life than cartoons would have one believe.

They were also still steadfastly refusing to speak to, or even look at, each other if they could avoid it, each quietly continuing to blame the other for their situation. However, that didn't stop either of them from noting how far the sun was climbing in the sky as the hours ticked by, both realizing that it wouldn't be long before the day was over and they'd be back to being naked in the woods at night. They needed help and fast, but where could they find it out here in the middle of nowhere?

"Wait, do you see that?" Viera suddenly asked, stopping short as something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Gaz grunted at her, but also paused and turned to see what Viera was looking at. There, off in the distance, was the vague motions of a figure in movement. They were too far away to properly see, but the girls could just make out a long scythe-like hairdo, atop what seemed to be an overly large head.

"What the- is that Dib? What is he doing here?" Viera asked, blinking in surprise, "I mean, even if he'd recovered by now, why would he be in the middle of the woods?"

"Who cares?" Gaz snapped, "That idiot is about to finally be useful for once in his life. Come on."

"Er, right," Viera said, blushing brightly as the implications of the current situation hit her, "Look, you're his sister. It'll probably be less awkward if you approach him on your own and explain things so he can go get us both some clothes."

Gaz snorted, rolling her eyes at how timid Viera was suddenly acting.

"What's wrong? Worried about how your boyfriend will react if he gets a look at your future back-spasms waiting to happen?" she asked derisively, gesturing to Viera's breasts, earning a glare from the other girl.

"At least I actually look like a girl, Miss Flat Chest," she snapped. As Gaz growled and tensed at that, she quickly added, "And don't even think about attacking me again! We don't have time for this shit!"

Gaz grit her teeth and continued to glare at Viera for a moment, before huffing and turning to start stomping in the direction of the figure she assumed was her brother.

"Stuck up bitch," she mentally snarled, "Who the hell does she think she is, talking to me like that? Especially since this is all her fault, her and her magic crap. When we get out of here…"

Gaz paused for a moment as that thought triggered another, and she smirked nastily.

"Actually, now that I think about it, who says we're both going to get out of here? After all, this has been such a traumatic experience, maybe I completely 'forget' to tell Dib that that bitch is out here too," she thought with a chuckle, "Such a shame she'll be stuck on her own out here, but them's the breaks, I guess."

Still chuckling as she decided on her course of action, Gaz continued walking towards the figure, who disappeared behind a copse of trees just as she got close enough to start to see them clearly. Her good mood at her plan interrupted by this momentary delay, Gaz frowned and picked up the pace, practically sprinting around the trees to come around the other side just as the figure reached it.

"Hey, you idiot, stop…! What the?" Gaz shouted as she rounded the trees, only to come up short in surprise. The figure, as it turned out, wasn't Dib after all. It was, in fact, a rather stereotypical old woman, complete with frumpy clothes, a cane, and glasses dangling on a chain around her neck. The only things out of the ordinary were the fact that she had a large head and a hairdo oddly similar to Dib's.

"Eh? Who's there?" the woman asked, narrowing her eyes and looking around in confusion, apparently too near-sighted to actually see Gaz standing right in front of her. Gaz, who had been staring in confusion at the old woman's presence, snapped out of it; this wasn't what she was expecting, but she could still make it work.

"Look, lady, I need you to focus," she said, "I don't know why you're here, but-"

"Hold on, hold on, let me get my glasses so I can actually see you," the woman said, grabbing her glasses and bringing them up to rest over her nose. As she adjusted them into place, she squinted through them at Gaz, her eyes widening in shock as she registered what she was seeing.

"Yeah, see?" Gaz asked, "I really need-"

"Eek! A naked boy!" the woman screamed, Gaz blinking in surprise at that, before scowling.

"I'm not a boy, you blind old-OW!" her indignant response was cut off as the woman suddenly hit her over the head with her cane.

"Help! Police! Pervert!" the woman screamed, hitting Gaz repeatedly over the head and upper chest, "Why are you streaking in front of old ladies? Don't you have any shame, young man?!"

Not far away, Viera watched all this unfold from behind a tree. Despite fear of the humiliation that might come from Dib potentially seeing her naked, she also hadn't trusted Gaz not to leave her behind, so she'd followed behind at a distance to monitor what happened. She'd been surprised when the figure turned out not to be Dib but an old woman, and watched in mixed surprise and amusement as she'd started wailing on Gaz with her cane.

Now, as a battered Gaz fled the old woman and stumbled over to where she was waiting, Viera muffled her laughter with a hand, before looking at Gaz with glee in her eyes.

"You alright, 'young man'?" she asked with a smirk.

"Shut the fuck up!" Gaz snarled, wincing as she felt the bruises forming on her head and shoulders, "How the hell could that old bitch think I'm a boy?!"

"I can't imagine," Viera replied dryly, glancing at Gaz's flat chest, "But hey, what do you say I give it a shot before she wanders off?"

"Go ahead, maybe she'll do me a favor and crack your skull," Gaz muttered. Viera glared at her, but chose to ignore it and started walking towards the old woman, whose back was currently to her.

"My goodness, what is this world coming to? Streaking boys flashing old ladies," the woman was muttering to herself, before pausing and apparently looking around, "And where am I? How did I manage to wander this far off the path? Oh well, that's what I have the EHRU for."

Just as Viera reached the woman, but before she could say anything, the woman pressed a button on her belt. In response, a harness suddenly burst out from nowhere to surround her torso, from which two large wings with rocket pods attached emerged. The pods ignited almost immediately, and soon the woman was zooming off into the distance, disappearing from view and leaving a stunned Viera staring after her.

"…What the hell was that?" she finally managed to ask after a moment.

"Elderly Home Return Unit," Gaz replied with a frown, "Something my dad invented to help lost old people get home."

"Great. That's just…" Viera started to say, only to trail off with an annoyed sigh, "Come on, let's just keep walking."

Gaz didn't respond, still rubbing the new bumps on her head, and followed as Viera started walking in the direction they'd been heading in the first place.

XXXXXXX

A few hours later, the girls' situation hadn't improved any. Their surroundings had hardly changed, with still no sign of civilization of any kind. They were still lost, they were tired and sore (especially Gaz, after the beating she'd received), and tensions between them weren't exactly easing up any. In fact, probably the only reason they weren't coming blows was because they were too exhausted to work up the energy for it.

As such, it was something of a blessing when they spotted a clearing in the distance. One that had numerous tents set up, and several columns of smoke rising from in-use campfires.

"Finally," Viera breathed in relief, stomach rumbling in reaction to the smells drifting from the campsite, "And thank God, they've got food. I'm starving!"

"Me too," Gaz muttered, absently patting her own grumbling stomach, "So go over there and get me some."

"Wait, just me go over there?" Viera asked, giving Gaz a skeptical look.

"I went first last time," Gaz said, glaring at her and tone booking no argument.

"Fine," Viera said. Huffing in annoyance, she started walking towards the camp.

"Yeah, that's right. It's your turn to get beaten up," Gaz muttered, watching the other girl walk away.

Viera, meanwhile, was growing increasingly nervous as she approached the camp. She was already blushing, arms having instinctively moved to cover herself as much as possible, as she tried to figure out what she was supposed to say to explain her situation to whoever was camping here. She obviously couldn't tell them the truth; they'd never believe it, and instead of helping her would probably call the cops on her instead.

"Animal attack while I was bathing, maybe?" she pondered a cover story, "That sounds pretty far-fetched, but a fire would probably have been spotted, so that's out. And I can't think of a single other story that sounds even remotely believable. Ah hell, let's hope they buy the animal attack."

Pausing just at the edge of the clearing, Viera took a deep breath to try and brace herself. She then hesitantly continued walking, entering the clearing and preparing to say something to gain someone's attention, only to freeze as she took in her new surroundings. Two things immediately registered with her, the first being that all the people milling about around the various tents were girls. The second, and by far more shocking, was that they were all just as naked as she was.

Viera stood there, slack-jawed, as she tried to process the bizarre sight of a campsite in the middle of the woods full of young girls, most in the late teenage-early 20s age range, wandering around utterly nude. Then she spotted a banner hanging from a flagpole in the middle of the camp, which read "Fifth Annual Doomsville All-Female Naturalist Retreat".

"You've gotta be kidding me," she muttered, "What the hell are the odds of this? Still, better not look a gift horse in the mouth — at least now I don't have to worry about being humiliated. Not quite yet, anyway."

Shaking her head to clear it and refocus on why she was here, Viera took another look around the camp and spotted a group of girls nearby roasting hot dogs over a fire. Stomach growling again, she quickly decided that was where she was going to go, and quickly walked over, forcing herself to stop covering herself with her arms, as that would just make her stick out at this point.

"Uh, hi?" she said awkwardly, trying to get the group's attention.

"Hi! I haven't seen you before. Are you new?" a blonde asked perkily.

"Um, yeah. This is my first time at one of these things," Viera replied, noting with irony that that was entirely factual, "Hey, listen. Not to impose or anything, but I've, uh, been dieting a lot lately and I'm starving. Would you mind…?"

"Nope, help yourself," a brunette responded, grabbing one of sticks that were being used to hold the hot dogs over the fire and handing it over to Viera, who eagerly took it and happily bit down on one of the hot dogs impaled on it. As she had her first meal in more than a day, Viera felt nothing but relief, confident that her luck had finally started to turn around.

Meanwhile, Gaz had discreetly followed Viera from a distance, not trusting that the other girl wouldn't try and cut her out of whatever help she found, the way that she herself had tried to do earlier. And as she watched Viera mingle with all the other naked girls from where she was hiding behind the tree line, she couldn't help but stare in disbelief.

"Seriously?" she practically snarled, "I get beat up by an old lady, but she gets help handed to her on a silver platter? What the fuck?! Grr… fine, whatever. Now that that bitch has softened those morons up, I should be able to go over and make them help me. They must have clothes stored around here somewhere for when they want to go home. I'll make someone give me some."

With that, Gaz started to walk towards the camp. Meanwhile, Viera had rapidly finished her first hot dog and was more sedately making her way through a second one. With her hunger satisfied, she had been able to put more effort into deciding what she was going to say to get some help with her other problems, and she was pretty sure she'd come up with a simple solution for at least one of them.

"So, listen," she spoke up, catching the attention of the nearby girls, "This is kinda stupid, but I think I got turned around on my way here, and I'm not quite sure how to get back to town."

"Oh, that's simple," one of the girls said, pointing to the west, "Just head that way about five or six miles, and you'll end up right on the freeway outside of the city limits."

"Five or six miles?" Viera echoed flatly, trying to hide her wince, "Er, I mean, wow, guess I didn't even notice. Uh, isn't that kind of excessive?"

"Well yeah, but it has to be," the blonde said, "Otherwise we'd have to worry about perverts crashing the party. This way, they're not likely to want to spend so much effort to come all the way out here."

"Same with those cheapskates who think they can show up without forking over the attendance fee," the brunette added, "They're not going to come all this way just to get in trouble for not paying up."

"Heh-heh, yeah," Viera said, fake smile plastered on her face as she wondered what they'd do if she realized she was here without having paid; from their tones, they probably wouldn't give her a chance to explain. But in any case, maybe if she admitted her situation, she could borrow some clothes and hitch a ride home, then she could pay up afterwards. After all, the worse consequence was probably just being charged a fine, right?

Oh, and she should probably also get some help for Gaz, too, shouldn't she?

"Hey!" a familiar voice called out.

"Speak of the devil," Viera thought, looking towards the tree line as Gaz emerged into sight, the rest of the camp turning to look at her as well. Seeing that she had everyone's attention, Gaz opened her mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by a sudden shriek from one of the campers.

"AH! A boy!"

"What?" Gaz asked, blinking dumbly, not comprehending how a group of young girls could possibly be making the same mistake as the old lady had. If she'd bothered to look down, she'd have realized the answer — she was standing behind a bush that came up to just below her waist. With only her top half being visible, and it being so unfeminine in appearance, her actual gender wasn't apparent.

Not being aware of this, she was only confused, which quickly turned to anger, and she glared at the girl who'd cried out.

"I'm not a boy, I'm-OW!" she started to yell, only to be cut off by a rock suddenly flying through the air and smacking into her head. And before she could react to it, virtually every girl in the camp except Viera rushed forward and descended on her, many of them carrying rocks and sticks.

"Get the pervert!" one of the girls shouted, the crowd surrounding Gaz and knocking her to the ground, raining blows down on her. Viera watched all this in shock, before slowly putting down the stick and half-eaten hot dog she'd been holding, turning around, and bolting out of the camp in the opposite direction, which luckily was the one she'd been told led back to the city.

A small, small part of her felt bad about leaving Gaz back there like that. But there wasn't anything she could do to help her in her own current condition, and in any case, she didn't want to find out what they'd do to her if they found out that she had come with Gaz and also hadn't paid those attendance fees they'd mentioned.

And so, leaving Gaz behind, she ran back into the woods.

XXXXXXX

Some time later, an exhausted Viera finally stopped running, the adrenaline-induced burst of speed and energy finally wearing off. Slumping over and panting, she braced her hands on her knees for a few minutes as she caught her breath. She knew she was going to have to pace herself, seeing as she still had a long way to go, if the information she'd received at the campsite was correct.

"Of course, with my luck, those girls were probably wrong and I'm going the wrong way," she muttered, head rising to look around and take in her current surroundings. And then she blinked in surprise, as she saw that not too far away, just off the path she was standing on, was a log cabin. It was moderately-sized, and looked like it hadn't been used in a while, with the door hanging half off its hinges, its windows boarded up, and holes in its ceiling. Still, it was a sign of civilization, and she wasn't going to pass it up.

"Please don't be a serial killer's hideaway," Viera said, half expecting it to be the case. Even so, she hesitantly approached the door and knocked on it… causing it to fall off its remaining hinges and collapsing onto the interior floor, kicking up a cloud of dust.

Coughing as she waved the dust away and stepped inside, Viera took in the interior of the cabin, which was just as run down as the exterior. The main room she was in only had few pieces of furniture — a few chairs, a couch, a couple of small tables, and a few bookshelves — all of which were rotted through from water damage and covered with mosses and mold. The kitchenette set off to the side was likewise dilapidated, and the old-fashioned stove furnace in one corner was completely run through with rust. Only the door in the back of the room, presumably leading to a bedroom, was in any kind of decent condition.

"Well, this is disgusting. Still, could be worse I guess," Viera commented, looking the place over. She started to walk towards the other door to check out what was beyond it, when a sudden wind picked up out of nowhere. Well-honed paranormal investigative instincts kicking in, Viera jumped back in a defensive posture, ready to bolt out the front door in needed, while waiting to see what was going to happen.

She didn't have to wait long. The wind formed a mini-twister in the middle of the room, eerie blue lights sparking around it for several moments, before bursting in a near-blinding flash. When it cleared, there was now a ghost floating in mid-air, in the translucent pale blue form of a slightly fat young woman wearing glasses and a dress that looked a few decades out of style.

"Who dares disturb the quiet haven of my home?" the ghost demanded, before pausing as she actually took in Viera's appearance. Cocking her head to the side in confusion, she added, "And why in the world are you naked?"

"That's a long story," Viera replied, blushing slightly and quietly counting her blessings that the ghost was at least female, "So, listen. Assuming you're not a poltergeist, banshee, dybbuk, or some other kind of malevolent spirit, you think you can help me out a little?"

"Oh, sure," the ghost said after a moment's thought and gesturing towards the back door, "There's some clothes in the bedroom closet. They won't be in good condition, but I gotta figure anything's better than being naked."

"Amen to that," Viera agreed, walking over to the door, "And thanks."

"No problem," the ghost replied, floating after her. Reaching the door, Viera opened it and entered into a large bedroom. It, as well as the small bathroom she could see through another door off to the side, were in the same condition as the main room, everything rotted and covered in plant life. However, she didn't care about any of that, instead only having eyes for the closet taking up one wall. Opening it up, ignoring the fresh cloud of dust kicked up, she was greeted by racks of clothes, old-fashioned and moth-ridden, yet still more than capable of fully covering her.

"Oh thank God," Viera sighed. Grabbing the first dress that looked like it wouldn't fall apart upon being worn, she eagerly slipped in on. It wasn't a perfect fit and was rather itchy, but she couldn't care less about that at the moment.

"That is so much better. Thank you so much," Viera said again, glancing at the ghost, "I really owe you one. Maybe I can help you with your unfinished business and move on? What's your story, anyway?"

"Well, that's quite a tale," the ghost replied, "It all began in 19-"

The ghost was suddenly cut off as, with a crash, the bedroom door was kicked off its hinges, revealing Gaz standing in its frame. She was a total mess, with a black eye, bloody nose, split lips, and bruises covering a lot of her body. And she was glaring bloody murder at the surprised Viera.

"Oh, hey, you caught up," Viera said awkwardly, as she looked Gaz over, "Wow, they really did a number on you, didn't they?"

"You bitch!" Gaz snarled, "I should fucking kill you for leaving me behind like that!"

"Don't pretend you wouldn't have done the exact same thing if our positions were reversed," Viera replied. She paused to reconsider that, then said, "Actually, scratch that. You probably would have joined in on the beating, wouldn't you?"

"I'll probably beat you anyway! Those morons wailed on me for five minutes before they finally noticed I don't have a dick!" Gaz exclaimed, before stopping as she finally took notice of the ghost, who was looking at her in confusion.

"What are you looking at, Casper?" Gaz demanded.

"…I can kinda see how someone might mistake you for a boy from a distance," the ghost commented. Viera face-palmed, while Gaz stared in disbelief, before her face twisted up in a furious snarl.

"Who you fuck asked you?! And who the hell are you, judging my looks? You look like you died by falling out of the ugly tree and hitting the branches on the way down! So shut the hell up before I find your corpse and shove you up its ass!" she screamed in the ghost's face. The ghost reeled back in surprise, eyes wide, before narrowing in anger.

"How dare you? I let you and your friend trespass in my house, I gave her some of my clothes, I would have given you some, and this is how I'm repaid?" the ghost asked, rage bubbling in her voice.

"We're not friends!" Viera said quickly, but the ghost ignored her.

"Well, consider my goodwill rescinded!" the ghost cried, the blue light of her form turning a bright red and face taking on a demonic visage, "GET OUT!"

Moments later, Gaz was sent bursting through one of the boarded-up windows, followed seconds later by Viera, who had been stripped of her newfound dress. The girls bounced across the ground for a few yards, before coming to a stop in a heap. They scrambled back to their feet, just in time to watch as the cabin, lit up by an unholy light, warped and collapsed in on itself, vanishing in a flash.

For a few minutes, the girls stared blankly at the spot where the cabin had just stood. Then Viera gave a wordlessly scream of frustration, tugging at her hair.

"Great, that's just great!" she ranted, turning to glare at Gaz, "Smooth move, Gaz, insulting the paranormal entity who was willing to help for nothing in exchange. You know, if you'd resisted the urge to insult or threaten anyone who vaguely angers you, we'd both be clothed right now!"

"…Nah, too tired to be angry," Gaz muttered, beginning to walk away in the direction of the city. Viera glared after her, before following with a grumble.

XXXXXXX

An hour or two later, the sun was finally starting to set. But on the bright side, to the naked girls' immense relief, they'd finally reached the city limits. Doomsville loomed before them, and in a sure sign that they luck had to be turning around by now, they even appeared to be on the side of town containing the Membranes' neighborhood.

"Finally, this nightmare is almost over," Viera sighed in relief.

"Yeah, except for actually getting to my house without half the town seeing us," Gaz pointed out. She'd paused at a stream they'd found along the way and managed to clean herself up a bit, but she still looked awful, and there wasn't anything she could do about her various injuries. Once she got home, the first thing she planned on doing after grabbing some clothes and food was having the Auto-Doctor patch her up… and then maybe have it dissect Viera while she watched. She was leaning towards that over finding the energy to beat her up herself.

"Yeah, except for that," Viera grumbled, hating to admit that Gaz was right about that. She was really looking forward to being able to go her separate way from the other girl, and hopefully not have to interact with her again for a good long while. But like Gaz said, first they'd have to get back to the latter's house without being seen. Starting with getting past the group heading up the road towards them… wait, what?

"Oh, come on!" Viera groaned at the sudden appearance of more people. She and Gaz, not having a chance to run off anywhere else, jumped into the bushes running along the side of the road, heads poking out of it to peer at the newcomers.

It was a truly bizarre group. They were in a variety of ages and ethnicities, which wasn't odd in and off itself. The way they were dressed, however, was what was strange — they were wearing grass skirts, bead necklaces, body-painted tattoos, and feathered headdresses, as well as tops made of leaves and grass for the women. They were carrying wooden staffs, spears, axes, and bows, as well as a variety of other crude tools, most decorated with colored beads and feathers.

They basically looked, both girls thought, like what suburbanites thought that aboriginal peoples looked like, but that no real aboriginals would be caught dead dressing up as.

As the group got closer, the girls tried to pull further back into the bushes and hide until they passed, only to move so quickly that they bumped into each other. The instinctive cries of pain caught the attention of the group, who stopped and turned towards the sound, catching sight of the girls before they could duck out of visibility. Realizing they were caught, the girls froze, neither sure what to do. Meanwhile, the "aboriginal" with the largest headdress and most heavily decorated staff, presumably the leader of the group, stepped towards them.

"Hello," he greeted, "I'm not the suspicious sort, but are you spying on us?"

"No!" Viera said quickly, blushing as she tried and failed to come up with a cover story; worn out from such a tiring couple of days, she just went for honesty, "We, uh, kinda lost our clothes."

"You mean… you're naked?!" the leader exclaimed, the rest of his group gasping and muttering amongst themselves.

"Yeah, what's it to you, perv?" Gaz demanded, blushing just as hard as Viera. To the girls' surprise, the crowd suddenly burst into loud cheers. After several minutes of this, with the girls staring in confusion, the leader managed to calm the others down, then he turned back to them.

"We are the Children of Gaia's Love," he declared, "We are those who have abandoned the cruel and pointless technologies and lifestyles of so-called 'civilized' modern society in pursuit of simpler ways. In this pursuit, we came across an ancient prophecy which foretold our quest, and also told of how we'd come across a girl emerging from the sanctuary of nature, naked and pure as all humans were in the ancient times of pre-technology, and how this girl would be appointed as our Queen."

As he finished speaking, the rest of the group parted, revealing that several of them were carrying an elegant wooden throne, upon which sat a magnificent golden crown, studded with all kinds of jewels.

"And now the time has come!" the leader proclaimed, "Our Chosen One shall be crowned, and we her utterly loyal servants, shall carry her forth to the great feast to fulfill her destiny! …So, which one of you is it?"

"Loyal servants and a feast, huh?" Gaz echoed with a smirk, eyes glinting with ambition as her stomach growled, reminding her of how hungry she was. Viera, meanwhile, had been listening to all this with a furrowed brow, certain that she'd heard of this group before, somewhere on one of the fringier Internet forums she'd visited at some point. Then it clicked, and her eyes widened, face paling.

"Uh, Gaz?" she started to say, only for the other girl to cut her off.

"Shut it," she said, scowl returning as she turned to glare at Viera.

"No, really, this is important-"

"Shut up!" Gaz snarled, shoving Viera to the ground and looming over her threateningly, "I don't want to hear another word from you! This whole mess has been your fault, and you've been riding high while I've been getting one beat down after another! Well, now I'm finally going to get the respect I deserve, and you're not going to ruin it for me! Try to take this from me and I'll crush you, bitch! And just for good measure, I'll crush both our brothers too!"

Viera stared up at Gaz, trying to think of what to say, before finally giving a scowl of her own.

"You know what?" she said with a shrug, "Go ahead, Gaz. It's all yours."

"Damn right," Gaz replied, before stepping out of the bush to stand in front of the Children of Gaia, too focused on the positives coming her way to care about being embarrassed, "Behold! Your Queen has arrived!"

The group looked Gaz over in surprise, muttering to each other, before the group leader spoke up again.

"Behold, how the Chosen One's body has been ravaged, in reflection of how modern society has ravaged the natural world that she is the embodiment of!" he proclaimed.

"…Sure, let's go with that," Gaz said flatly, "Now, chop-chop. Let's make with the crowning and the feasting."

And so, Gaz found herself wearing the crown and seated on the throne, which was being lifted into the air by the Children and being carried back into the forest.

"Finally, I'm getting what I deserve!" she crowed. Viera, watching as Gaz and her new "worshippers" disappeared among the trees, snorted as she heard this.

"Considering that everything I've heard about this group indicates that they believe they'll become one with nature by consuming the flesh of their chosen one, I'd say that's actually true," she commented. She admittedly felt guilty about leaving Gaz to such a fate, but hey, she had tried to warn her. It wasn't her fault that Gaz cared more about being worshipped than considering the possibility that someone might have something to say that she needed to hear.

"Besides, they'll probably take one taste of her and get so disgusted they let her go," she mused. Washing her hands of the situation and deciding to return her focus to her own situation. Getting up and turning around, she once again started walking back towards the city.

XXXXXXX

The sun had fully set by the time that Viera actually reached Doomsville proper. Between the darkness, the lower number of people outside opposed to during the day, and no longer having to deal with Gaz on top of everything else, she was easily able to avoid being seen. She bolted from alleyway to alleyway, across streets, and behind bushes, cars, dumpsters, and any other cover she came across.

Finally reaching Dib's street, she crouched behind a pair of trashcans and took a look around, to make sure no one would see her on the final stretch. Seeing no one, she bolted down the street and, upon reaching the house and noting an open window, leapt through the air, flying through the opening and landing with a crash on the floor of the living room.

Processing the fact that her long ordeal was over, she gave a brief, near-hysterical laugh, before composing herself and climbing to her feet, feeling every ache and sore she'd gained over the past 36 hours.

"Okay, almost done," she said to herself, "Just have to head upstairs and in see if my clothes really were left here. If they were, grab them; if they were vaporized, I'll just take some of Gaz's, she won't miss them. Then I'll head home — and never, ever tell anyone about any of this."

With that in mind, Viera quickly walked upstairs and started heading towards Gaz's room… and then, halfway there, the bathroom door opened and Dib, looking significantly less sick than the day before, stepped out, having apparently just come out of the shower, judging by the fact he was only wearing a towel.

The two naked teens froze as they registered the sight of each other.

"Uh…" was all Dib managed to say, before his brain seemed to shut down from shock and he collapsed into a heap on the floor, nose bleeding and a noticeable tent forming in the towel wrapped around his waist.

"Well," Viera said after a moment, face red as a tomato, "At the very least, this still beats what Gaz is probably going through right now."

XXXXXXX

Back in the woods, now that the sun had set, a peaceful quiet had fallen over the area… which was immediately shattered as Gaz came bursting out of the underbrush, breathing heavily and her eyes wide with panic. She was still wearing the crown the Children of Gaia had given her, though it was half off her head at a crooked angle from her frantic running, and various symbols had been painted over her body. Well, she'd thought it was paint; turned out, it was actually butter and cooking oil.

Gaz came to a halt, hands on her knees and panting for breath. She looked around in desperate search for help or a hiding place, only to wince as an arrow suddenly shot through the air from behind her, nicking her cheek as it passed. Looking back, she watched with horror as the Children emerged from the trees, waving torches, weapons, and eating utensils.

"Come back, Chosen One!" the leader cried out, waving his staff around, "We can't fulfill the prophecy until you've let us free your divine self from your mortal flesh!"

"Also, we're all really hungry!" another wannabe aboriginal added, brandishing a knife and fork.

"Fuck you for leaving me out here, you bitch!" Gaz mentally cursed, while turning and running further into the woods, the cannibalistic cultists right behind her.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

The End

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

A/N: And done. Did you like it? Hate it? Feel utterly indifferent about it? Please let me know, I crave feedback.

Anyway, don't expect updates on this to be any kind of frequent. This is an anthology, not a full series of its own, so it feels less urgent. I'll work my way through CC's numerous story outlines as time, energy, and inspiration allow. But, I like to think it's off to a good start, and that this one right here gives a good idea of what most of them will be like.

'Til next time, please review!