The dark is a tidal wave inside of me

The smell of frying dough pulled Zeref from a heavy sleep. He was pinned. Ultear's head was pillowed on his shoulder, her leg thrown over his and her hand splayed out across his chest. When he looked down at the crown of her head, memories of last night assaulted him. I love you. He tried to feel what he felt when he said it but couldn't. It could have been the daylight or the alcohol leaving his system. It could have been that he never felt that way at all. It was hard to say sometimes, what was real and what was him fooling himself, he'd gotten so good.

Zeref tried to slide his arm around Ultear's head without waking her but that was a lost cause. Ultear's eyes came open. She lay there for a few seconds, looking at her surroundings, orienting herself, then she tipped her face up and smiled at him. She looked entirely too pleased with herself. She didn't believe him when he said I love you, but she didn't need to. She just wanted to hear it, just like she said.

Sometimes, things were that simple.

"Morning."

"Hi," Zeref croaked. His throat was so dry. "I have to get up."

Ultear untangled herself and allowed Zeref to rise. His ankle screamed at him when he put weight on it, hurting so badly, he thought he was going to be sick. He breathed through the pain and located a pair of boxers, clean but not put away, and a pair of jeans.

The stench of frying pancakes hit him full on when Zeref hobbled to the door and opened it. Natsu peeked out around the wall of the kitchen. His hair was damp and pushed back from his forehead. There was a spatula in his hand.

He looked Zeref over head to foot but had the decency not to say anything to him as he limped into the bathroom and closed himself inside.

Zeref cranked on the hot water, drank as much as he possibly could while standing under the spray. Every time he moved, something else hurt. His skin was tight, his ankle, his head. When he was finished and dried himself, he saw his ankle was purple and swollen so badly, he couldn't even see the bones. And when Zeref looked at himself in the mirror, he saw he had bruising down his neck and across his chest, left, likely, by Ultear's mouth.

I love you. He felt foolish now. Why did he give her what she wanted? And what did that mean for the future? Ultear wanted him. Exclusively. He knew that. She wouldn't be satisfied until she bullied him into feeling the same way.

"Fucking idiot," he scolded his reflection. "You know better." The man staring back took the abuse stoically.

Zeref opened the door and came back into the living room. Natsu was still leaning against the door jam, still holding the spatula.

"Is she gone?" Zeref rasped. He was still so thirsty but if he drunk anymore, he knew he'd be sick.

Natsu nodded. "Yeah."

Thank god. Zeref started the long shuffle back toward his room. Maybe if he lied down and died, he wouldn't feel so awful.

Natsu's voice chased him. "Did you tell her?"

I love you. Natsu couldn't possibly know about that. Unless Ultear opened her big mouth. He faced his brother. Natsu looked very, very serious. Too serious. "About what?"

"The quarry."

The violence of Wally's death hit Zeref like a metric ton of bad, just pinned him there. He was back to that early spring day, feeling the blood and viscera and smelling the tang of bleach, feeling the shovel catching dirt, the blisters open on his palms.

"Zeref?"

He pulled himself from it. "No. Why the fuck would I do that?"

Natsu lifted his shoulder, looking ashamed and wanting to redact his words. He reached into the kitchen to prod his pancakes. They were starting to burn. By the time he returned to his position, he had clearly moved past the quarry. "Is Cana still good to go?"

"What?"

"Remember? I asked if she could work at the shop?"

Oh. He dug through his fuzzy memory. They talked about that. He couldn't remember when. He was sure he asked, though. "Right. That's right. Yeah. August said the job's hers if she wants it."

Natsu said, "In the legit shop, right?"

There was only one shop, but they did do legitimate business, sometimes. "Sure, Natsu."

"So, I can tell her it's hers?"

"Anything you want."

Natsu grinned toothily for the first time since Halloween. Zeref felt like he accomplished something. He closed himself in his room and turned off the light, laying back in bed. He wasn't as tired as he should have been, though.

He texted August to make sure Cana was good, like he said. August said that was fine, to send her over, they were always looking for skilled people who knew how to keep her mouth shut. He hoped it was true; Cana could find herself like Wally if she didn't.

Afterward, he swung in and out of consciousness, waking whenever Natsu would drop something or laughter on the TV would come too loud. He gave up on sleeping at five and smoked a bowl. That helped his aching foot.

When he finally came out of his room, it was dark. The living room was illuminated only by the broken lamp their grandfather had passed on, and Natsu was sitting on the couch, watching TV. He had made pasta covered in cheese and sprinkled with bacon. He handed a bowl to Zeref, whose guts immediately clenched.

"I'll die if I eat that."

"You'll feel better afterward," Natsu promised. "Just do it."

Zeref sighed and took the bowl. He was iffy at first, but it went down smoother than he expected, and he did feel better.

An old episode of The Simpsons was running on TV. Zeref watched it with waning interest until he realized it was a Christmas episode. He knew all the words because when they were young, his mother would always put it on while she did the tree.

Zeref checked his phone. Somehow, it was December 1st.

"Maybe we can call her…" Natsu trailed off with a furtive look in Zeref's direction. "She might want us to come over."

"I thought we could do our own tree this year." Zeref lied. The last time Natsu went to their parents, it ruined their lives.

No need, I have a tree for us,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." The lie grew. "I saw the perfect one. Just gotta go get it."

Natsu smiled tentatively. "Sure."

"Give me thirty minutes. You get the decorations out of the closet." His mother had given him a box of them after Zeref moved out, offloading the shit she didn't want so she didn't have to feel bad about sending it to the dump. It was getting repurposed, after all.

He left the rest of his pasta uneaten and got dressed. Natsu was shoulders-deep in the closet when Zeref managed to get his foot in his boot and got out of there.

Grocery store trees and the kind you found at the little pop-up shops around town were expensive. Zeref entertained stealing one because he didn't want to spend the money but as he was slinking in the shadows, working out the logistics, the door at the back of the grocery store opened and an employee staggered out with a fake tree sparse and ragged and missing its top.

Zeref watched the guy lob it into the dumpster and waited for him to return to the store before he went through the process of dragging it out and chucking it into the bed of the Dakota.

By the time he returned to the apartment, it was pushing seven and music drifted out of its walls. The last thing he wanted was another party. What he wanted less was a scene. He acted like everything was normal as he dragged the tree in. Natsu helped him as he came through the door and beneath the watchful eyes of the people that claimed to be their friends, they set up the tree, separate from everyone else, draping the scraggly branches with peanut strings and marshmallows and an ornament Natsu made their mother when he was young.

Zeref didn't tell him came out of her throwaway box.

Natsu took a picture and texted it to their mother and she called him immediately after, playing the same old bullshit she always did. I miss you; I love you; you should come home; you belong here. The holidays are hard without you.

You. Not, without you and your brother. Zeref was too much trouble for them, only good when he was giving them money. Zeref wanted to grab the phone from Natsu and scream into it. He sometimes thought his mother was the reason his head was such a mess.

When Natsu finally got off the phone with her, he gave Zeref some excuse about having to go to Gildarts'. Zeref let him go. The party went on. Someone put on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Zeref felt like Raoul Duke, high on everything, teetering, unstable. It was so on-point, he closed his eyes for most of it.

Natsu surprised Zeref by returning home. He watched the movie for a few moments but like Zeref, couldn't seem to stomach it. He went to bed. Zeref stayed out until the movie was over then kicked everyone out of the apartment. He locked the door afterward and shut out the light. Their Christmas tree hulked in the corner, as tall and thick as a man, the half-burned out lights guiding Zeref to his room and into bed.

It was early when he woke; the sun wasn't even over the horizon. He lay in before a moment, trying to figure out what pulled him from his comatose state. Then he heard Natsu talking, asking, "Is she breathing?"

Pause.

"I'm coming over." Natsu's voice shook a little with tension. "Keep your eye on her."

From there, it was a toss-up of which damsel in Natsu's life needed him. Lucy, who seemed to seek out dangerous things just to get his attention, Cana, who was almost as self-destructive as both Dragneel brothers combined, Ultear, who had a penchant for terrible situations, or someone that couldn't fit into the frame Zeref conjured.

Abruptly awake, Zeref pulled himself out of bed and hobbled to the door. Natsu was out of his room, pulling his clothes on. Zeref felt a deep panic he couldn't explain.

"Where are you going?"

Natsu barely looked at him. "Cana's in trouble."

Of course, it was Cana that was in trouble. But that wasn't an answer. "So where are you going?"

"She's at Lucy's."

The trouble suddenly looked a whole lot deeper when you added Lucy to the equation.

Natsu grabbed his boots and jammed his feet into them, like if he moved fast enough, Zeref wouldn't stop him. He was wrong.

"You can't go there."

"I have to." Natsu grabbed a sweater off one of the coat hooks. Zeref thought it could have been his; Natsu wasn't paying much attention; he was a steamroller, single-minded, carried on momentum.

"Natsu!" Zeref snapped, trying to get him to focus, to appreciate what he was saying.

"I'm not going for long; I'm just going to pick her up and take her home." Natsu searched Zeref's coat for the Dakota keys and put them in his pocket.

Zeref limped halfway into the living room. "Let someone else do it."

"She doesn't have anyone else."

Natsu could be as stubborn as a bull. He wasn't going to be moved from this path, Zeref realized, not even for the threat of Jude Heartfilia burying him in a jail cell for as long as humanly possible.

That would be the nicest thing he'd do, Zeref thought. If Heartfilia had his way, Natsu would trip his way into an early grave. "Just hang on then." Like maybe Natsu stood a chance if Jude was home if Zeref was with him.

Zeref hobbled back to his room and hopped into a pair of sweats. He was pulling a T-shirt over his head when he heard the front door slam. Zeref yanked open his door. The living room was empty, Natsu was gone.

"Fuck off." Zeref chased him outside, braving the snow in his bare feet, but by the time he managed it, the Dakota's taillights were at the stop sign and then the truck was spinning around the corner.

"You idiot, you fucking idiot," Zeref yelled after him. Curtains pushed aside and people gazed out at him as if he was crazed. Zeref took the time to flip them off. Then he called Natsu's phone and called and called. And when that didn't work, he texted him, telling him to get home now. There was no peace with Jude Heartfilia, not even when retrieving a downed soldier, there was only war.

Fuck.

Zeref hobbled back inside and slammed the door so hard, the painting he used to cover the hole on the wall fell. The glass fractured but didn't break completely. Zeref picked it back up and hung it on the wall. Then he just stood there, unsure of what to do.

He called Natsu again. Voicemail, again. When the fuck did his brother get so reckless?

"It's fine," Zeref said to himself. "He'll be fine." He was just picking up his friend and then coming home.

Things were never quite that simple when Lucy was involved.

Zeref made himself coffee and sat at the kitchen table, watching his phone, willing it to ring. The sun crested the horizon. Zeref made himself another coffee, and one after that. His heart was throbbing by the time he was done, threatening to explode with so much caffeine in his system.

He was terrible at waiting. He had no control here, and he didn't like that at all.

Lucy wasn't hard to find on Instagram. Zeref hunted for her fuckboy, Loke, who had a million and one pictures of himself, and two of him with Lucy. He scrolled through the likes until he came across the handle starcrozzed. When he clicked on it, he was assaulted by pictures of Lucy in a bikini, Lucy in short shorts, Lucy in a dress, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. All the pictures were provocatively, but the way she looked at the camera made it clear she wouldn't be answering the DMs of strangers. It didn't leave him with much hope that she'd answer him, either, but he tried, sending her,

Is Natsu still there?

The DM showed read. Zeref tapped his fingers impatiently against the tabletop. Then … appeared. Disappeared. Appeared again.

Finally, her answer came through.

He left with Cana.

Is he okay?

I guess. He just wanted to leave.

Her despondence managed to come through her messages. Zeref disregarded them. He didn't care about how she felt. In fact, he didn't even consider it.

Someone hammered on his door. Zeref's stomach dropped to his still-frozen feet. He glanced beyond the black bedsheets he used for drapes and saw the white and black of a cruiser. One officer was getting out of the passenger's side and the other was already on Zeref's front step.

"Because of the lease, or Wally?" he asked himself aloud. "Natsu?"

He would have ignored the door but the cop that lagged made eye contact with Zeref and he knew it was much too late for that.

He looked around his apartment once. There were no pills on the table, no weed hanging around. There was a charred pipe he stuffed under his couch cushion. He wished he had time to burn some incense, too. How bad did it smell like dope?

He looked one last time at where Wally expired, wishing he had time to scrub it down, before he opened the door. His palm was sweaty enough it slipped on the knob.

A blast of cold air hit Zeref, chilling him. He squinted against the new light at the two officers. One wore a badge that said Fullbuster and the other was Erringway. Zeref recognized the first, Silver Fullbuster, Gildarts' partner, but not the second.

"Where's Gildarts?" Zeref asked first.

"Family business," Fullbuster said, which was peculiar because Gildarts didn't really have a family. "Can we come in?"

"Why?" Zeref asked warily.

"We just have a few questions."

You were supposed to move for cops but Zeref didn't. His stomach was flipping madly, all that coffee curdling.

You're calm. You're good. You don't sweat.

That was all wrong. He swung wildly between feeling nothing and feeling everything. He knew that.

Then strive to feel nothing.

Zeref made his features flat. "Regarding?"

"It's the kind of conversation we should have indoors," Fullbuster said. His jaw was a hard, straight line, as thick as a brick. "It'll only take a few minutes."

What else was there to do? Zeref stepped back and invited him and Erringway inside. They gathered around his kitchen table, notepads out, cellphones out, pens out.

Silver leaned back in his seat. The chair squeaked beneath his weight. He looked around at the ceiling, stained by smoke, the kitchen, stained by grease, the living room, still barraged by movie posters and holding his shredded couch. "I didn't know the zoning on this place got changed."

"It's a big city," Zeref responded. "I imagine a lot of stuff flies under the radar."

"Mmhm."

Silver said no more. Zeref prodded him, "Is that why you're here? To talk about my apartment?" Could he be so fucking lucky?

Silver's eyes flashed, then his face got flat and Zeref knew that wasn't actually the case. "Do you follow the news at all, Zeref?"

"Sure."

"Then you've heard about Wally Buchannan."

He'd known he was going to hear Wally's name, but it was still like a lightning bolt went through him. He had to fight hard to keep from showing his discomfort. "Who?"

Silver was still sitting back in his seat casually, flipping his pen over his knuckles. "The body the police found a few weeks ago. He was identified as Wally Buchannan. A low-level thug best we can tell. No on-the-record job or mortgage or car loan. No paper trails, catch me?"

"Okay."

Silver reached into his coat and took out a folded piece of paper, a photo, and laid it out on the table.

Seeing Wally with clear eyes and a head on his shoulders was unsettling. He stared at the camera blankly for a mug shot, no sunglasses, scraggly scruff on his chin.

Silver watched Zeref carefully. "You never knew him?"

Zeref shrugged. "Don't think so."

Silver scribbled some stuff on his notepad. His substitute partner watched Zeref intently like he was a walnut he was trying to crack open with his eyes.

"Do you remember where you were the night of April 22?"

Zeref raised his eyebrows. "That was eight months ago."

Silver only stared at him.

Zeref sighed and picked up his phone, making a show of going through his photos, looking at the dates. He pulled one up from the day in question and showed it to Silver. "I was taking pictures around the city." Like, two. Of a derelict factory that caught his eye.

"Around ten PM?"

"I don't know. I was probably at home, watching the game." He'd never in his life watched a hockey game, but guys like Silver Fullbuster did, and the best way to ease his suspicion was to speak a language he understood.

There was a little knot between Silver's eyebrows that didn't lessen. "Hockey ended April 2nd."

"Oh." Sometimes, these things backfired, and when they did, it was a spectacular fuckery. "I don't know then. A movie or something?"

Silver scribbled some other things. "What about your brother?"

"What about him?"

"He lives here with you, isn't that right?"

"Sure."

"For how long?"

"A few years."

Scribble, scribble. "Where was he that night?"

It was maddening that Silver barely even bothered to look at Zeref when he spoke as if this was a formality and he already had a clear picture of what happened.

"Natsu was at our parents' house."

"They'll vouch for that?"

"Of course." He would make sure of it. "What is this about?"

Finally, Silver put his pen down and looked at Zeref. "We had an anonymous tip that a truck was seen at the quarry where Wally's body was found."

"I heard."

"We were sent this picture this morning." He pulled up the album on his phone and showed Zeref the picture in question. It was different than the one that'd been sent to him, the angle and the clarity, but that was his truck, his license plate. In the image was a billboard that said Monster Mania, May 4th.

"That billboard was leased on Old Mill Road. Which is where the quarry is located."

"Yeah," Zeref said again.

"Do you have anything you want to come forward with at this time?" Silver prodded.

"Not really, no."

"Your truck was spotted near the quarry where Wally was found, two men, one matching your description were reported digging a hole for a body, there is a picture of your truck driving toward the quarry where Wally was found," Silver said.

"You say that like it's damning but there are lots of roads in Magnolia and all of them are legal to drive down," said Zeref. "I have nothing to say about it."

It was clear Silver thought he was lying. "One of your neighbours thought they might have seen you shove something like a body in the back of your truck that night."

"I loaded a shrub for Natsu to take to my mom," Zeref lied smoothly. "Maybe that was it?"

"A shrub?"

"She likes to garden. It was a peace offering. We aren't on the best terms."

Tap, tap, tap went his fingers. "Do you mind if we look at your truck?"

"It's not here. My brother has it."

"And where is Natsu?"

Good fucking question. "With one of his friends. I'll bring the truck to the station for you as soon as he gets home, though, if that'll help?"

"Please do." Silver stood. "Thank you, Zeref. The sooner we can put this to rest, the better."

Indeed.

Zeref showed them out.

An hour later, Zeref heard the apartment door open. He came into the living room to see Natsu discarding his sweater and draping it back on the hook. His brother looked bone-deep tired.

He saw Zeref and held up his hands like he was warding off an attack. "I'm fine."

If you exclude his being struck with a case of flaming idiot. "You should have listened to me."

Natsu waved him off like he was exaggerating. He didn't know about the pictures and the police. The threats. "No one was even there. I brought Cana home and that was that. But I've got a crazy story for you. You're not going to believe it. Gildarts is her dad and—"

"Natsu," Zeref cut in. Natsu quieted.

"What?"

"The police were here."

The colour drained out of Natsu's face. "Why?"

"They wanted to ask some questions. They said someone gave them an anonymous tip; they said they saw us putting something body-like in the Dakota around the time that guy went missing."

Natsu blinked rapidly. Zeref could practically see his thoughts scattering and Natsu frantically trying to gather them together. Then an unnatural calm descended over his brother and eventually, he said, "Is that all?"

All? "Isn't that enough?"

Natsu shrugged. "That's a loose thread."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But it's a fucking thread."

"They can't prove anything."

"Not yet."

"Not ever. They don't have anything."

Pictures. Who knew what others were taken? Was the man that was dumping garbage that night not actually a crooked contractor trying to cut down on dumping costs? Was he one of Heartfilia's goons, getting close, confirming they were dropping Wally's body? He felt like such an idiot for not checking.

"They're looking," was as close as Zeref could come to voicing his fears.

"Should we leave town?" Natsu asked.

"If we split, they'll think we're guilty."

Natsu's panic slipped through a crack in his calm. "We are guilty."

"I'm guilty," Zeref said. Me. He would make sure the police knew that. Which meant Natsu had to stay the fuck out of trouble for just a few hours. "If we want to keep up appearances, we have to stay and act like nothing's different."

Natsu asked, "What if they come back?"

They would, of course, if Zeref didn't take them the truck. "I'll take care of it."

"How?" Natsu asked suspiciously.

He needed to start with a really good story that would exonerate Natsu.

Zeref pushed his hair back from his forehead with both hands. "Just leave it for now. If anyone comes to talk to you, tell them you stayed the night with Mom and Dad, you didn't come home. Mom will cover for you. Dad probably doesn't even remember."

Natsu asked, "What about you?"

"I'll figure it out."

"How?"

Natsu would never go for the crazy schemes in Zeref's head. Best to play his hand tight to his chest. "I just will." Then he changed the subject. "Did you eat?"

Natsu struggled to keep up. "No."

"There's cinnamon toast."

Natsu looked sick just thinking about it. "No, thanks."

"What are you doing then?" He needed his brother distracted. Not thinking about Lucy, not trying to fix this in his own way.

"Going back to bed," Natsu decided. He looked like he could use a few more hours of sleep. If he could catch them with everything going on, then all the power to him.

He started toward his room. Zeref stopped him; he didn't think he'd get another chance to ask, "Did you look at any more of those applications Gildarts gave you?"

Natsu threw his weight against his door jam. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No."

His calm exterior broke wide open. "We're talking about alibis, Zeref, for the body we buried together, and you're wondering if I'm applying to Police Foundations?"

Zeref said, "There were other packages." Gildarts was a lofty fool if he thought police work would tempt his crime-committing brother down a righteous road. "You like helping people so much. There were EMS and social worker and—"

Natsu rolled his eyes and tried to disappear into his room.

"Natsu." Zeref barked, effectively stopping his brother in his tracks. "You promised me you'd apply." His memories from Fairy Tail were fuzzy but he remembered that much.

Natsu's eyes pinched. "That was just something I said to get you in the truck."

"A promise is a promise."

That got Natsu better than any threat might. He sighed hugely. "If we don't both end up in jail, I'll look at them."

"Good."

Natsu closed himself in his room. Zeref heard him pull the drapes closed and flop onto his squeaking mattress. He stood there for a long time, imagining the peace that came with sleep and hoped his brother was able to fall into it. He was jealous; he felt like he hadn't slept decently in years.

He cleaned the apartment again to make sure there was absolutely no evidence there that might tie Natsu to the crime, then he took the truck and drove it to the Magnolia Police station the way a robot might drive, hands tight on the wheel, eyes watching the streets go by, thoughts carefully blank.

When he was in the parking lot, he called his mother. She didn't answer at first. He had to redial. As it was ringing, he wondered if she'd ignore him and his plan would fall apart at the seams.

"Hello?"

Zeref blinked himself into the present. "Mom?"

"Hi, baby." The words were there but none of the warmth.

"How are you?"

She was stunned into momentary silence. He never asked about her. "I'm okay. Christmas shopping. How are you?"

Always a complicated answer. Mostly, he was fine, because he was always fine, eventually. This time is different, he told himself. He was going to take responsibility for his actions. "I'm at the police station."

"Oh, Zeref." Her voice fractured and he was bombarded with her heavy emotions. Disappointment. Fear. Resignation. Did everyone know it would come to this, eventually? "What did you do?"

"It's ah…" he trailed off. "It's bad," he finished limply. "I don't need anything, really. That's not why I called."

"Zeref—"

"Just listen," he cut in. He couldn't sit through another lecture about being a good person. He wasn't. He never would be. He accepted it; she needed to, too. "The police are going to ask Natsu where he was, and I need you to say he was with you all night."

"All what night?" she demanded.

"April 22nd."

The date rang a note with her; she got quiet. "Zeref…"

"Just tell them he spent the night. He didn't leave until the next day."

"He wasn't here, though. He left."

"I know that, Mom. But if you don't say it, he's going to get arrested, too, and he didn't do this."

She burst out in tears. "Oh, God."

"Mom, focus."

"You hurt someone. You—oh, god. That man on the news. Oh—"

This was degrading faster than he planned. "Promise me you'll cover for Natsu."

"Zeref—"

"Just fucking promise me."

Her breaths were noisy in the receiver. She sniffled. He could picture her pinching her nose, a piece of tissue beneath it just like she did when her husband burned through another pay cheque. She gathered in a deep breath, held it. Released it again. "Natsu didn't do anything?"

"You know he didn't." Natsu was good. A few fights here and there but nothing serious. He was always the golden boy. His mother's favourite. Zeref used to be jealous of that; now he was relieved.

She took in another noisy breath. Someone asked if she was okay. She didn't answer them. "Alright. Alright, I'll lie."

"And Dad?"

"I'll make sure he doesn't mess it up."

Zeref dropped his head against the headrest, tension just bleeding out of him. "Thank you."

He was speaking to blank air. His mother hung up. That stung more than he thought it should, for someone who, according to his psychiatrist, didn't feel anything the way he was supposed to.

Zeref turned off his truck and got out. He was nervous staring up at the big brown building and its many windows. It was designed to intimidate people and it did its job well. Zeref rehearsed what he was going to say three times and smoked two cigarettes and still, he couldn't make his feet take him through the front doors.

He pulled out his phone and brought up his text messages. The ones he sent to Natsu were sparse and usually fraught with desperation.

This is the life you made, Zeref thought.

It doesn't have to be his, though.

He typed out, there's money in my room. In the piggy bank. Which is what he affectionally called Duma Key.

There was a great gap where he hovered over the send button without pushing it because if he did this, it made it real.

Just do it, he encouraged himself. Every time you turn around, you're fucking something up. Hiding his medication, destroying any chance he had at a normal, functioning relationship, taking the people Natsu cared about and ruining them, encouraging his mental illness to present as mysticism. This way is going to be better for everyone.

"It took so long, I thought you didn't understand what I meant, Halloween night."

Zeref waited until Jellal was beside him before responding. "Guess I was just hoping there was another way."

Jellal leaned against Zeref's truck. "Someone has to go down for it."

"Are you here making sure it's me?" He could use a little bit of encouragement.

"Don't flatter yourself. I dropped Lucy off so she could take in all the evidence she's collected against my uncle and saw you here, sweating bullets."

Zeref cut a look his way. "You dropped Lucy off? To accuse her father of crimes?" Hearing it aloud didn't make it any easier to comprehend. "Why?"

Jellal settled his weight against the Dakota's side panel. "Lucy's father is an asshole and she deserves to be happy."

And crazily enough, Zeref believed him.

"Once this is done, you'll leave them alone, right? Her and Natsu?"

"I won't try to put your brother in a pine box," Jellal confirmed. "I imagine there won't be much alone time, though. If you go through with this and Natsu still wants Lucy, he'll be part of the family. We'll be in each other's lives. No way around it."

"He's a good kid," Zeref said. "He doesn't deserve trouble."

"If he's part of the family, he'll have the same protection we all do."

"Your cousin's in there selling her father out," Zeref reminded him. "Not too sure that's reassuring."

Jellal lifted his shoulder. "It's the nature of the beast. I'm sure Lucy won't have those kinds of qualms about your brother, though."

Zeref lit another cigarette. His tongue was going numb. He smoked half of it in the kind of companionable silence he didn't think he and Jellal would ever share.

"I still have your money," Zeref said.

"It's still yours."

"If I give it to Natsu, nothing bad is going to happen, right?"

Jellal cut his hand through the air. "No strings attached."

"Even if he takes it and him and Lucy fuck off together?"

"All the power to them."

Zeref pressed send on his text.

Natsu answered immediately. So what?

It's yours, Zeref typed back.

There was a long gap between Natsu's next texts. Finally, he said, why would it be mine? And, immediately after, how much money?

Long, complicated answers only. Zeref said, Stay out of trouble and turned off his phone. "He's a good kid," he said again. "Just needs some guidance."

"If he's part of the family, he's family," Jellal reiterated. "We take care of each other."

That was a relief in a way. Zeref nodded and walked into the police station.

DOOOONE

This has been a nightmare for me. I loved it and hated it simultaneously, as with every nightmare I've ever had. It's super easy to write when you're following a pre-determined storyline. And HELLISH. I'm not a big rule person and trying to follow continuity between a FIVE PART SERIES that started out as a fuck diary is… something. Where did I go wrong? How did this monster get so damn far away from me? Why couldn't I let it lie? It's special.

I am doing one more story on FF. (Like, I'm finishing Gold Hour and then I'm writing one more as a reward for a pat reon, a most loyal reader. You're the best, lovely angelus999.) Sooo you're not rid of me yet. God. I KNOW. I think I finally have this Heartbreak fuckery out of my system, though. Yay me.

Love you all lots and lots and lots.