I started writing at a very young age; I was still in Elementary School when I wrote my first story. It was entitled, as this one is now, "Batman & the Lady in Red," and it was, as this one is, a crossover between the universe of the Caped Crusader, and the universe of Carmen Sandiego.

That is where the similarities stop, pretty much. See, in Elementary School, younger me didn't know how to write a good story, to be blunt. The plot made no sense, most of the dialogue was made up of quotes that didn't always fit together, the characters didn't always act in-character, it was just a complete and utter mess. Again, I was a kid; what did I know? As I have gotten older, I have long wanted to revisit the concept, and rewrite the story from the ground up, using all I have learned in the past twelve or fifteen years since to make a better product.

And that rewrite is what you are about to take a look at. I don't expect many people to read this, and I'm not sure everyone who does will enjoy it...it's just a personal project of mine. I will be updating this story every week on Thursday, until it is completed; if anything changes, I will let you know. I'll tell you all right now, the full story has already been written, so it WILL be completed. I just don't want to release it all at once.

Now, a few boring issues out of the way...

Summary: When the World's Greatest Thief goes on a strange crime spree across Gotham City, angering some of Gotham's most notorious criminals in the process, it's up to the World's Greatest Detective to try and put the pieces together before the situation gets out of hand...

Rating: PG/K+ (this is pretty lighthearted fare, all things considered; the rating is mostly for safety's sake)

Disclaimer: Carmen Sandiego and all characters and settings related to her are the property of The Learning Company. Batman and all characters and settings related to him are the property of DC Comics. I own nothing. ALSO, NOTE: the cover/thumbnail image for this story was made by combining an image of the Bat Symbol with a clip art of a red fedora. The clip art is in the public domain; as for the Bat Symbol, I do not own the original image, but the edits made to it to create this cover art are my own. If anyone wishes for me to remove the image/cover, I shall do so at once. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT IS INTENDED; NO MONEY IS BEING MADE OFF THIS; THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

Note: Neither of the universes colliding is based solely off one particular adaptation; I'm sort of combining all of my favorite elements from various takes here, with a few original touches of my own. Even though I'm giving this as a crossover with the cartoon show "Where on Earth...?" that's only for formality's sake, since I don't see any other Carmen-related categories on the site. Elements of Earth WILL be featured - my Carmen is largely inspired by the cartoon show, just for a start - but elements of other versions will also be present.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I hope those of you who read this enjoy it.

Chapter I: Petrov's Defence

It was ten minutes till midnight in Gotham City. A blood moon shone down upon the urban turf, giving a reddish tint to the night and everything it lighted upon. Many in their homes were watching the eclipse through their windows, peering through the dim-yet-glaring lights of the city landscape to try and glimpse the stars in the sky.

Eclipse or no eclipse, however, crime marches on...and with such a moon in the sky, in such a place as Gotham, many couldn't help but feel an ominous chill. From the beat cops patrolling the streets, to children tucked safely into their apartment bedrooms, there was a general feeling that something was about to happen…a sense of palpable tension in the air, so tangible you could almost cut it with crooked shears.

It was nights like this that made the Batman feel most on edge.

On a tall building in the heart of the West Side District, silhouetted in the faint crimson glow of the night, the figure of the Dark Knight could be seen, perched - fittingly enough - upon a decorative gargoyle. The deep red of the night gave hima particularly imposing appearance as he gazed down through a pair of dark binoculars at the street below. His black, scalloped cape, with a dark blue lining, gently billowing about him in the breeze, the stormy blue eyes behind the sharp-eared cowl narrowed as he looked through the lenses in silence as stony as his perch. The tight-fitting, armored costume beneath the cowled cloak was as gray as a thundercloud, with black gauntlets and boots that had spikes, almost resembling bat wings, jutting from their underside. The only spots of color on him were the gold of his utility belt...and the matching golden color of the bat insignia emblazoned on his chest.

An electronic beep caught the Caped Crusader's attention; he lifted one gloved hand and tapped the side of his cowl, activating his hidden communicator.

"Go ahead, Alfred," the Dark Knight growled, his words altered by the voice changer concealed in his equipment.

"Sir," came the crisp, English-accented voice on the other end, "Mr. Fox has just finished the upgrades on the Batmobile you requested. On his behalf, I should ask that you at least try not to drive it off a bridge for the seventy-fifth time in the near future...and I say the near future because, by now, I'm fully aware that asking for it not to happen at all is to hope in vain."

A smirk flickered over Batman's lips, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"Thank you, Alfred," he droned dryly.

"Are you still watching over the Natural History Museum?" asked Alfred Pennyworth. "Unless I'm mistaken, by what the computer is telling me, you've been there for...well...quite some time."

"Earlier today, an Ancient Egyptian Sculpture of Bast, the Cat Goddess of Protection of Fertility," Batman reminded the butler. "It's made of solid gold, with a ruby-studded 'collar' and emeralds for eyes."

"I trust that your interest is not academic?"

"My interest is Selina Kyle."

"Well, we've all suspected that, sir, for years."

"Catwoman escaped from Blackgate three nights ago," Batman pressed on, ignoring Alfred's comment completely. "I haven't even heard a meow from her since."

"Then it's an attempted social check-in?"

"Very funny. No, it's simple logic: a carved gold statue, covered in precious gems, in the shape of an Ancient Cat Goddess? It's far too perfect a potential prize for Selina to overlook."

As he spoke, the Dark Knight looked over the Natural History Museum below; its roof was mostly made of glass, the better to catch the sunlight and conserve on electrical energy. Through the glass, he could actually see, with his special specs, the glass case containing the new sculpture. His eyes then moved to the magnificent marble-lined doorway of the Museum; two night watchmen were standing guard in front of the door, and he knew at least another two were inside. It was tough odds, but Catwoman had never balked at them before.

"Any sign of her?" Alfred piped up.

"Half an hour, and not so much as a flicker in the shadows," Batman mumbled.

"Keep your eyes peeled, sir," Alfred said. "I trust your instincts on this case."

Unbeknownst to the Caped Crusader, even as he was watching...he was also being watched.

Through what looked like a pair of golden opera glasses, with red lenses, a tall, elegant, and decidedly feminine figure inspected him closely. An electronic beep caught her attention, and she lifted a graceful hand, as if to brush a lock of hair away...and in the process, brushed it across one of the ruby pins that pierced her earlobes

"We're all set?" the woman asked in a dusky sort of voice.

"Yeah, boss," came the gruff voice on the other end. "Is...he there?"

The woman smirked.

"Just as I anticipated, yes."

"Are you sure you want to try this?" the voice pressed. "I mean...you know what they say about this weirdo, don't you?"

"Yours is not to reason why, nor to argue," the woman answered coldly. "Send word to the others that the time has come, then begin the operation. This should be most entertaining…"

"Gotcha, boss."

And the voice left. The woman lowered her opera glasses, the moonlight glistening in her own steely blue eyes.

"And now," she whispered to herself. "It's time to see just how good a gumshoe you are, Detective…"

Blissfully unaware of the designs against him, Batman let out a short sigh through his nose.

"I may leave in a moment to check elsewhere," he said to Alfred.

"Is that wise, Master Bruce?

"It's Gotham, there's bound to be other things I'm overlooking, focused on this. I can come back in-"

He froze and stopped as he spotted a red Sedan suddenly pull up around the museum; the watchmen immediately looked at the car in curiosity as it steadily drove to the front of the building.

"...Hold on…"

"Catwoman?"

"No...but there's definitely something happening now. I'll call you back in a bit."

So saying, Batman turned off his cowl communicator and set his sights on the Sedan...

Down on the ground, the two watchmen scowled as the car's front passenger door opened, and a most peculiar figure stepped out indeed. He was a burly, broad-shouldered man with abnormally pale skin and sunken brown eyes, with a crooked nose and a scar across his left cheek. Over his lips was a sleazy-looking black moustache, and the black hair beneath his matching fedora was greased slick. He wore a black-and-white pinstriped zoot suit, with a red rose stuck in one lapel, and wore - strangely - orange gloves. Altogther, he looked like a particularly colorful gangster of the Prohibition era...and even in a place like Gotham City, that was a look that immediately stood out.

"I'm guessin' that visitin' hours are over?" the man said in a gruff yet oily voice as he approached the door.

"Back off, buddy," one of the watchmen snapped. "Museum's closed."

"Now, dere ain't no call t'get upset," the man smirked, and reached into his coat…

The two guards immediately went for their stun guns...then stopped, frozen solid, when the man pulled HIS weapon of choice out.

An old-fashioned bug sprayer.

"...What the…?"

"After all," the man went on to the flabbergasted guards. "I'd hate t'bug anybody…"

FSSS!

The man forced down the lever on the spray gun, and a cloud of yellow-green gas engulfed the night guards' faces. The men coughed violently, fanning their faces and clutching their chests, and after stumbling a bit fell to the ground with a groan.

The man in the pinstriped suit gave a smug, proud smile and shouldered his sprayer like a Tommy gun.

"You twos have a nice li'l nap," he cackled, then looked back over his shoulder and waved to the Sedan. "Okay, you mechanical mugs! Let's get crackin' already!"

The other doors on the red Sedan opened...and out of the vehicle stepped - as if things weren't bizarre already - three robots. They were humanoid in shape, but utterly faceless, a single large lamp-like light set in front of their faces, no doubt as an optic sensor, giving them a cyclopian appearance. The "eye" was colored red, which matched the chestplates of the mannequin-like metal men; stenciled onto each chestplate was a stylized letter V, colored black and surrounded by a white circle. While the right arms and both legs on these droids were decidedly human looking, at the end of their left arms, each bore what looked like a large cannon-like weapon. On their backs were glowing green power packs.

"Blow open dat door," the man in the suit ordered to one of the bots. "An' make it snappy, see?"

One of the robots nodded and moved towards the door...but then, all four of the interlopers froze, as a dark shadow, in the shape of a bat, fell over them…

All four looked up...and the man jumped aside with a bark of surprise as Batman sailed down and smashed into the back of the first robot. The mechanical menace fell to the ground, it's power pack destroyed. It twitched, sparked with electricity for a moment...then collapsed in a lifeless heap.

Batman rose to his full height over the destroyed robot and glared at the man who carried the spray gun. The other bots lowered into crouched fighting positions as the man sneered at the Caped Crusader.

"You mus' be the stinkin' Bat everyone talks about!" the man spat.

"You have one chance to surrender."

"Ferget it!" snorted the gruff man. "It's gonna take more dan a fancy cape t'scare Buggs Zapper!"

The man snapped his gloved fingers and then gestured towards Batman.

"Take 'im down!"

Immediately, both of the bots lifted their cannon arms. The weapons charged, and two orbs of green energy blasted towards the Dark Knight. The vigilante ducked down to avoid being hit and hurled a batarang at one of the bots.

The droid took the batarang in the arm, its energy blaster immediately deactivated. The Dark Knight then sprinted forward and flipped over the robot...tearing out its power pack as he did.

As the second bot fell, Buggs Zapper suddenly hurried over and clubbed Batman with his sprayer from behind. The Caped Crusader stumbled forward, and the remaining droid once again prepared to fire. Batman, realizing he stood between the oddly-dressed villain and the well-armed robot, thought quickly and dove to one side just as the bot fired.

"GAH!" exclaimed Buggs as the green orb hit him...and immediately expanded, forming an energy aura around him. He growled and pushed at the green sphere that surrounded him, as if caught inside some sort of laser prison. "Ya slipshot mongoloid! Aim fer the frickin' Bat, not me!"

The robot began to do just that. But Batman then dropped and kicked the mechanical enemy's feet out from under it. It hit the ground face first; before it could push itself back up, Batman was upon it, and promptly destroyed the power pack with a well-placed punch.

With the third and final robot taken out of the running, the green aura surrounding Buggs Zapper promptly disappeared, and the old-timey thug grunted as he fell onto the ground. Batman pounced upon the thug, knocking away his spray gun, and promptly handcuffed him to a nearby fire hydrant.

"Lemme go, ya chunk-faced goon!" Buggs Zapper snapped, struggling to try and break free of the batcuffs, only to find they only grew tighter the more he fought. "Yer not takin' me t'the clink!"

"I'll leave that honor to the police. Looks like the jig is up for you."

"Oh, ya think yer real smart, don'tcha?" snarled Buggs.

Just then, from behind Batman's back, he heard the sound of slow applause and a soft chuckle

"Yes, Buggs," came a new voice. "I think he does."

Batman turned around fast. Before him stood a tall, slender woman, with long, curly auburn hair that fell a little past her shoulders. She was dressed in a red trenchcoat with a high collar, and a matching red fedora with a floppy brim and a black silk hatband. Her clapping hands wore black gloves, and beneath the trenchcoat he clearly saw she wore a black catsuit. Her face was obscured in the dark, scarlet-tinted night, shadowed between herhat, her coat collar, and the curls of her hair...but the detective could make out light mocha colored skin, a single steely blue eye (the other was hidden from him), and ruby red lips that were curved upwards in a sly, almost seductive smile.

"Bravo, Detective," the Lady in Red said in a husky, slightly sibilant voice. "I can see the rumors of your strength are not at all exaggerated."

Batman narrowed his eyes...and before the woman could speak another word, he lunged, and grabbed her by one wrist.

The Lady in Red didn't even flinch, the one eye he could make out in the shadow's unblinking as the moonlight glinted off her ruby-studded earrings.

"Who are you?"

"Now there's a unique question," the woman purred smoothly. "Most people are wondering where I am. Not to worry; you'll be among them soon enough."

"I doubt it. Whatever game you're playing, it ends here and now."

"On the contrary. My game has only just begun. Observe!"

The Lady in Red lifted her free hand and snapped her gloved fingers.

CRASHK!

Batman whipped around again, and immediately spotted a distant figure in a labcoat, flying out of the museum skylight on a jetpack...and holding the statue of Bast in their hand.

Batman narrowed his eyes, releasing the Lady in Red as he reached for his grappling gun. He aimed it at the distant figure and fired. The hooked line sailed upward, ready to latch onto the perpetrator's ankle…

SCHLINK!

...Then a batarang sliced through the line.

Batman gaped in surprise as his grappling line was broken, and the jetpack-wearing thief flew behind another building and vanished from sight. The batrang came spinning back again, and the Dark Knight ducked, looking over his shoulder as it flew over his head, nearly clipping his ears…

...And was deftly caught by the Lady in Red...whose hand was out the open window of the red Sedan. He saw her smirk in the rearview mirror as she retracted her arm and started the car.

"You should keep better track of your toys, Detective!" the woman sang out. "I picked your belt pockets easily! See you next crime! Catch me if you can!"

And with a rush and a roar, the car sped away, leaving Batman standing alone before the museum. He watched the vehicle vanish into the night with a stern scowl...then turned to glance over his shoulder as he heard Buggs Zapper chuckle softly.

"What's so funny?"

"Start o' da game," snickered Buggs with a crooked smile. "Score: World's Greatest Thief, One. World's Greatest Detective, Zero."

"I caught you."

"Maybe," shrugged Buggs, unperturbed. "But yer never gonna catch Carmen Sandiego."