AN: This series is based on the idea of a Von Neumann probe, and most of the tech comes from Orion's Arm Universe Project, credit where credit's due.

Obligatory notice: I do not own Mass Effect, this is a fictional story and any relations to real people is completely coincidental.

"Talking": Thinking/Digital Communications

Now, Engage

Csec waited at the docking port, Grivous, often called Grievous by his human subordinates as an affectionate nickname, tapped his foot impatiently. The ship was human-made apparently and created nearly a hundred years ago, but he was suspicious. The ship looks way too sleek compared to human ships of that era from what books he read, although some books of the science fiction genre did kinda bear a resemblance, it was a stretch.

The ship didn't have an element zero core so the docking port had to retrofit a clamp to hold it in place, and it took quite a while, sadly long enough for the press to get wise to the giant silver cylinder that was approaching. The machine whirrs as it approaches the clamps, it's engines pulsing every now and then to get in the clamp perfectly, and as the clamp sets the ship in place it shuts down its engines, whirring down and waiting for the tunnel to connect to its hull. The Csec officer gripped his rifle as the ring connected, and the hull opened up, revealing an average height, pink skinned male human with brown hair and glasses, his casual clothes were strange, to say the least. He smiled, waving at Grivous as he walked down the ramp and through the connection tube, and once he entered the main port and seeing the escort he whistled.

"Wow, all this for little old me? I'm flattered." he chuckled and held his hands in the air, and pointed to the transport hovering behind the squad. "I take that's my ride sir?" The turian nods, signaling the rest of the squad to escort the odd human, the group slowly heads to the hovercar, Mr. Caliban's eye catches the paparazzi approaching and begins to pick up the pace, sneaking a chuckle out of Grivous. He sits and sighs as they take off, relaxing considerably and smiles, "Thanks for the ride, allow me to formally introduce myself, Samuel Caliban," he proffers his hand to the turian officer, who takes him by the forearm when he shakes it.

"Grivous Allus, my human friends call me Grievous." He retrieves his hand, and the human smiles and snickers. "What?" The turian looked at him confused, and the human hid his mouth behind the pale skin of his hand.

"Sorry, your nickname reminded me of character I remember from an old sci-fi series." He smiles as his head then turns back to the window looking upon the citadel. "This place is incredible, the amount of work they put into this place must have been astronomical."

"Protheans," one of the Salarian officer states, gaining the human's attention, "The Protheans are an ancient alien race which mysteriously vanished over 50,000 years ago. The Protheans arose from a single planet and developed an immense galaxy-wide empire encompassing many other space-faring species. Not much is known about them, but many of their artifacts, ruins, and technology have apparently survived the ages. The Protheans have been credited with creating the Citadel and the Mass Relays, feats of engineering that have never been equaled and whose core mass effect field technology forms the basis of contemporary civilization. Prothean artifacts, therefore, have immense scientific value and are seen as belonging to the entire galactic community1."

The human blinks at the Salarian surprised that he never took a breath during the speech and like he was reading it off a wiki page. "Neat." He then returns to looking out the window, as the group begins to approach the Presidium and the Citadel Tower. The aircar slowly began its descent down to the landing pad, the human whistles and begins to stand, "Fancy place you got here, what's with the pomp and circumstance?" Grivous' mandibles shift outward slightly at the turn of phrase but nodded after a minute.

"The last time the Citadel ran into a pre-FTL human colonization effort, things got pretty messy." The Asari, Fiora, states while smiling in the way all asari do when talking to someone new, a nice calming and cute smile. "To be honest, most of the Citadel species are surprised at how many extrasolar colonization efforts you've done." The human tilts his head for a second, then snaps up in realization, snapping his fingers, startling everyone.

"Manswell Expedition!" The human smiles, as he remembers and holds onto a handlebar as the car lands, giving the passengers a slight shift. "How were they? The improved flash freezing process should have kept large ice crystals from forming and damaging their cells." His eyes are practically sparkling, the asari immediately looks towards the Salarian for help. But before the two of them could begin speaking, the door opened, saving the Csec officers from a lengthy lecture on cryogenics. "I'm guessing this is our stop?"

Grivous nods and leads the human out and onto the landing pad, where the Citadel Council is waiting for him, along with several representatives from other races, the one that definitely got his attention was the human ambassador, Donnel Udina, whom he waved at nonchalantly as he was escorted to the three primary council members: Tevos for the Asari, Valern for the Salarians, and Sparatus for the Turians. Tevos walked forward first and held out her hand with a motherly smile, speaking in practiced English in an accent that could be described as Hispanic: "Welcome to the Citadel."

"Glad to be here." The human says as he takes her hand and shakes it, "Sorry that I'm a little late to the party, my ride doesn't flip off the laws of physics." He chuckles and Tevos giggles and they all head into the council chambers, while Udina approaches the new human. "Are they all blue alien space babes or what?"

That catches him off guard, "Wh-what?"

"The Asari, haven't seen a male since I got here, all female, what's up with that?"

"The Asari are mono-gendered, they reproduce by taking the DNA of their partner and making a hybrid child from that." The Ambassador was irked as the new human looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Really? Neat." He gives the ambassador a 'not bad' look and began the walk into the citadel tower.

"I don't like it," Sparatus growled as they waited for the human to arrive, and begin first contact procedures.

"You don't like anything Sparatus." Tevos reprimands as she looks over the scans of the ship gathered from the STG gathered. It was definitely intriguing, despite being over a century old, it seems to be more advanced than even the bleeding edge of Salarian and Asari tech. The engine is something even more mysterious, it seemed to be a type of fusion torch that most modern ships are equipped with, but the radiation signature didn't match normal fusion reactions. "Any theories Councilor Valern?"

"Mostly conjecture but it's possible the engine is a kind of antimatter drive but the radiation signatures don't match theorized models and produces more thrust than any fusion torch, also he asked for a refuel of Helium-3." Valern exposited, tapping frantically on his holographic console and forming plans of attack in case the ship was some sort of geth spy, a human weapon of some kind, or if the drive would spontaneously explode.

"So it is a kind of fusion torch, but that doesn't explain how a human is still alive on the ship despite being in space for several hundred years," Sparatus growls as he stares down at the hologram tracking the human through the halls with Udina leading him and explaining the various bits and pieces around the tower. "His posture says civilian, but his eyes move like a soldier's, always looking around and taking in information." Sparatus pointed out cooly as the humans were making their final approach. Each one of the Councilors stood up straight, hands behind their back, and face impassive while in their raised platforms, standard 'I'm bigger than you so listen to me' procedure that most first contacts go for the CC.

Unfortunately- or fortunately, depending on where you stand- they were not dealing with a fresh-to-space race who were looking to join a massive bureaucratic oligarchy run by three races when there were, in fact, several hundred races, two of which were severely punished by the government.

So, to say the least, the new guy was miffed.

He walked in and stood in front of them, with Udina going to his side stand. He looked at them with a similar impassive look, but he couldn't hold it and relaxed, smiling. "Hello."

"Welcome to Citadel Space, Samuel Caliban," Tevos starts, smiling the same smile the other Asari used. It honestly unnerved him slightly how similar they were, sure she had a facepaint and he was pretty sure she has a bit more mass, but still they could be twins. "We hope that we can coexist and live prosperously." Samuel smiles and nods, stealing a look at Turian Councilor, who was glaring at him with silent contempt, something told Samuel that he wasn't liked by him.

"Glad to be here Councilor Tevos," He smiles back, fiddling with his hands in his jacket pockets, his eyes locking with the Salarian, but before he could speak a word the Batarian ambassador busts in causing Mr. Caliban to jump involuntarily and stare at the alien. Jath'Amon was not the best specimen to show off to a human, but even then Batarians are not the best lookers compared to blue space babes, Lizard-Bird people, and amphibious greys.

"Why was I not informed of this meeting?! I am an ambassador as well, I should have been called!" Jath'Amon is not the most pleasant to be around on good days, and his brashness, harsh voice, and whining did not help the situation. The best description for them he could muster was standard creepy insectoid aliens, and not knowing the etiquette for dealing with a batarian, tilted his head to the right in confusion. Earning a glare from the ambassador who did not seem to notice he was overstepping his bounds. "And who are you pink skin?"

The human immediately straightened at that, eyes widening and eyebrows shooting up, the councilors quietly sighing and groaning at the blatant racism, Samuel took it in stride smiling. "My name is Samuel Caliban, sir, and I do not believe you are making a good impression on me."

"Why would I care about that?" He retorted harshly, much to the chagrin of Tevos, but Sparatus and Valern watched silently, wondering how the human would react to this. Everyone was surprised when he chuckled. "Bah!" The Batarian Ambassador scoffed at the individual and looked towards the council, "I wish to speak to the Ambassador of the new race!" Udina could see Samuel physically struggle to hold back a belt of laughter, gritting his teeth and covering his mouth with a clenched fist.

"Well, before I take my leave, sorry to interrupt," Samuel apologized to the rather grouchy insectoid who harrumphed at him, "I wish to procure a star system for myself, consider it a loan-" He stopped talking when they were all staring at him, and decided to let them ask the question on their minds.

"Why do you need a star system?" Sparatus nearly growled, talons clenching into his palm.

"Uh, quick question and I promise to answer yours," Sparatus wished looks could kill right about now, but let the human ask, "have you heard of a Von Neumann probe?"

"I believe I read a human article about that, a probe capable of replicating itself with the resources on the planet, also doubling as a kind of seeding ship to create infrastructure for future inhabitants," Valern explained rapid fire, everyone else nodding silently, and a grim look formed on his face. "But these probes had the capability to turn into a grey goo scenario with faulty programming and the usage of AI could not alleviate this problem for they could go rogue."

"True, that's where I come in," Samuel places his hand over his heart, with Valern realizing this near instantly, eyes bulging even more than a normal Salarian. "I am the uploading volunteer for the ship, the original Samuel Caliban died thirty years ago at 104."

The Council was frozen, and Udina took a deep breath, this was going to be a long day.

Tali'Zorah nar Rayya is nervous, and that cold chill she felt earlier did nothing to help her nerves. She was to meet with the Shadow Broker and give him the data on Saren and the geth. She was tapping her foot nervously and looked at her omnitool's clock, she was 30 minutes early, but she liked being early, it helped her get ready for many things. She was so anxious about her meeting she failed to notice the human walking over to her and tapping her shoulder, causing her to jump, spin, squeak, and grip her pistol, the human reacting by taking a step back and stares back at her.

"Who are you?" She asks immediately, trying to sound commanding without letting the fear creep into her voice, the human held his hands up but over his chest in a placating position.

"Samuel, Samuel Caliban." He replies after a second, slowly lowering his hands, "I was wondering, are you quarian?"

Tali stared at him, was he an idiot? Of course she was a Quarian, she wore the suit keelah. Did he think she was some kind of Masochistic cosplayer or something? "Of course I'm quarian you bosh'tet!" She shouted indignantly, the human backing away a little more from the tiny angry alien, but begins to smile.

"Sorry, if you couldn't tell already, I'm new." He chuckled and lowered his hands as Tali lowered her gun. She began to look at him in earnest now, blue eyes, brown hair, pale skin, blue t-shirt, black jacket, black boots, but there was one confusing thing about him.

"What are those?" she pointed at his strange blue pants, the design was strange and barely noticeable unless you look closely. He simply pouted in retort and crossed his arms.

"Hey, jeans are always in fashion, and modern 'styles,'" he used finger quotes when he said that, "are all flash and no practicality, and they don't have pockets." He looked around and leaned against a wall. "So, what are you doing here?"

"It's none of your business." She growls tersely, placing her pistol on her hip.

"So, it has nothing to do with a guy named Saren and robots named geth?" She stares at the human, who tilts his head as he stares into her luminescent eyes. She immediately goes to her omnitool finding it had been hacked while she was talking but no malware detected, in fact, the firewalls were reinforced and there were several anti-virus packages placed in any sensitive areas.

"How, when, why?" She stared at Samuel, who returned with a genuine smile.

"I like helping people."