Bonus

Forks and spoons clattered onto the table and everyone, save for Ben, stared disbelievingly at Klaus.

"What do you mean, Ben has a girlfriend?"

"Are you high again?"

"When did this happen?"

"Is she also...you know, dead?"

Klaus ignored most of the incredulous questions apart from the last one, to which he was all to eager to reply to.

"No, V's a living, breathing bad bitch. I love her. One might even call her my sugar mommy—though she never gave me a penny, unfortunately—because she helped me get through things when they were bad." He couldn't resist adding, "A soft-spoken gal most of the time, but I bet she's minx between the sheets."

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, frustration evident in his tone. "Klaus, that's probably not the introduction she would want."

Their siblings just stared at the two, all too familiar with their back-and-forths by now and probably still in shock from Klaus's bombshell revelation.

"Well it's better than anything you would come up with. 'Beautiful eyes' my tight and delicious ass, have you not seen the rest of her body?"

"Klaus."

Luther held up his hands, pausing the argument. "How are we just hearing about this now?"

"Well, I didn't really think it would go anywhere. Ben doesn't exactly seem like he has game, does he?" Klaus sighed dramatically and leaned back, lacing his fingers behind his head. To be honest, he wasn't too sure about how they had arrived at this topic. One moment they had been talking about Pogo's new theory on how to anchor Ben to make him fully corporeal, and then suddenly they were here...talking about V. Not that he minded. He was all for talking about his best friend forever. "...But then he sucked face with her last week and I thought, oh, maybe it's real."

There was a long pause as everyone's processed Klaus's words and then the conversation was dominated by questions again.

"...sucked face?"

"How did that happen?"

"Will we get to meet her?"

"Is she hot?"

"Five...that is so not the point here."

"How does the sex work?"

"Diego!"

"I'm serious, Allison. But like, really...is Klaus there?"

"An excellent concept." Klaus beamed and looked expectantly towards Ben, opening his mouth to suggest something.

Ben glowered at him. "I would rather die again."

Klaus's face fell and he pouted, disappointed. He was all for trying new things and since Ben and Dave were dead and he and V weren't...well, he had lots of ideas.

One day, he promised.

One day he would get his way.

A thought popped into his mind. Oh! He'd almost forgotten. Klaus dug around in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled photograph, slamming it down in the center of the table for all to see. "This is what she looks like, if you're curious."

All the siblings leaned forward. He heard Ben ask him, a mildly disturbed note in his tone, "Where did you get that?"

"I took it. The day after I left." Klaus admitted. He ran a hand through his hair. He'd felt immensely bad about leaving things like that with V and well, he knew about Ben's hopeless infatuation and had snapped it just in case. Just in case there was a slight, minuscule chance that V would never be in his or Ben's lives again. It hadn't been likely, since Klaus was pretty sure he was fabulous enough to win her over again, but he'd wanted to be sure.

And, of course, the picture would have been great fun to wave around in Ben's face. After all, it was a photo of V, through the kitchen window, clad only in a towel wrapped tightly around her. She was looking over her shoulder down at something behind her in the kitchen, damp hair swept over the other shoulder. The quality of the photograph made her image seem blurry and like something out of a dream, her eyes half closed and droplets of water glistening on her bare shoulders. Sure enough, Klaus grinned wickedly when he saw the dumbfounded expression on Ben's face.

"You realize that this makes you seem like a pervert, right?"

"Now see, Diego, that's just mean." Klaus spread his hands. "I consider myself an artist, a passionate photographer and—"

"It looks like this was taken with a disposable camera."

"—am offended that you would even consider calling me that, though yes, I am a deviant in many ways—"

Diego interrupted him again and Klaus shot his brother an indignant look.

"If this whole thing is true, how messed up are we that the only one of us in a relationship is Ben, who's dead?"

"Uh, rude."

"Sorry Ben, but it's true. Eudora is...dead, Allison's divorced, Klaus lost his boy in the Vietnam War, only furries will be interested in Luther—Klaus's words, not mine—and Vanya nearly wrecked the world when that freak came into her life." Diego gestured vaguely at his siblings, ignoring the sounds of protests coming from all of them. "Last but not least, Five was in love with a fucking mannequin."

Five looked immensely offended and he stood up.

"You will not speak about Delores in such a boorish manner." He threatened. "I will cut you."

Diego snorted loudly, "You could try."

It was Vanya who managed to diffuse the situation, because it looked quite like the two brothers were about to start throwing knives and other weapons around the house. She leaned forward curiously and addressed Ben, hands clasped between her knees. "What's she like?"

The room fell silent. Everyone waited expectantly for their brother's answer.

"She's..." Ben paused, as though he was struggling to find the right words to describe her with. "She's..."

Klaus sighed. This boy was hopeless.

"She saved my life."

All eyes turned to Klaus and he realized that his words sounded much more serious than he had intended. Good lord, he couldn't have them thinking he had changed too much. That would take the fun right out of things. "...among other things. She makes the most amazing omelettes. Orgasms in the mouth, I tell you."

"Klaus, that's disgusting."

He simply sniggered and said, "We'll invite her over soon, won't we, Ben?

He saw the smile that lit up Ben's face, a smile that he knew his siblings hadn't seen in years. And deep in Klaus's heart, he was so immensely grateful that V had taken him off the streets that day. His brother had a heart of gold, and only V could match that. She was the only one who deserved him. Not that he would ever tell those two that. They were disgustingly sweet together and Klaus liked to keep his stomach contents inside his gorgeous, exquisite body.

"Yeah, we will."

Allison looked at Ben and beamed, with what seemed to be tears welling up in her eyes. "I won't lie, it's a...strange situation but...I'm happy for you, Ben."

"Thanks, Allison."

An easy silence fell over the dinner table, each sibling taking the time to process all the new information, at least until a voice piped up again.

"She is pretty hot."

"...Five, stop."