A/N: This is most definitely not meant to be taken seriously at all lol. Entirely inspired by some conversation I heard once about how some breads from European bakeries pretty much has to be used on the first day or it turns to stone and then the story just sort of went out of control.

The day that Hawkmoth was defeated started like pretty much any other summer day. Marinette slept in, ate breakfast, then headed downstairs to help out in the bakery.

Apparently her help was sorely needed. One of the bakery's normal workers was on vacation and her parents and their sole remaining worker were a little slammed.

"I'm going to have to have a talk with my newest weekend hire," Tom said with a sigh as he started unloading loaves of bread into a basket for Marinette to take up front. "He set a tray of baguettes down a week and a half ago and apparently couldn't find them and just didn't ever mention it to me. I found them this morning, all hard as a rock."

"You could probably do some serious damage with them," Marinette said with a giggle, remembering how hard stale bread could get after only a couple of days. After a week? They would probably actually feel like they were carved out of rock. "If you had any burglars break in..."

"They wouldn't see it coming," Tom said with a laugh. "No one sees a loaf of bread swinging at their head and thinks oh, here comes a concussion."

"They wouldn't even duck!" Marinette chimed in. "They would just stand there, then wham! No more! Maybe you should keep them on hand just in case!"

"Ah, I have enough rolling pins on hand if it came to that, I think." Tom finished loading up the basket and handed it to Marinette. "There we go! Bring that up front before your mom runs out, and then we can get started on the petit fours."

"Of course, Papa!"

The bakery was bustling- it was already the lunchtime rush, even though Marinette could have sworn that she hadn't slept in that late. Her mom gave her a relieved look as she replaced the nearly-empty bread basket with the new one, piling the two remaining loaves on top of the new basket. Marinette carried the now-empty basket back to the back and then sat down at the large table to start coating the petit fours with glaze that her father had already prepared. The fondant glaze got ladled over each piece, and Marinette made sure that everything was covered before moving on to the next tray. Her dad was busy at the ovens again, checking on the eclairs that he had baking.

It was easy, quick work, if slightly delicate. That didn't bother Marinette at all- after all, sewing was often delicate, and things like beading were fussy, fiddly work as well. Little fondant flowers formed between her fingers and made their way onto the cakes. She picked up an icing bag and piped the bakery's logo onto a few of the tiny cakes. Little zig-zags formed, followed by swirly patterns and dots. Those finished soon enough, and then Marinette moved on to filling and dipping eclairs. Her dad kept the bread baskets full, working on rolling out croissants and making pain au chocolate for the afternoon crowd. Marinette grabbed a bite to eat after the eclairs were done, and then helped prepare some of the doughs and fondant for the next day.

She was just putting the newly-made fondant into the fridge when her phone buzzed. Marinette washed her hands and pulled her phone out, eyes widening at the alert that had popped up.

There was an akuma near the Grand Paris, a disgruntled cosplayer that had been turned into Spyder-Man and was now sticking people to all sorts of surfaces. It was causing a fair bit of chaos, especially since the Mayor had (naturally) gotten offended at the akuma's behavior and ended up getting suspended way up in the air.

Ladybug needed to get there, and soon.

"Uh, I need to use the bathroom!" Marinette announced, stuffing her phone back in her pocket. "I'll be, uh, right back down!"

"Of course, Marinette," her dad said cheerfully as he started working on the pile of dishes in the sink. "Thanks for all of your help today!"

Marinette nodded and made a break for it. She raced up the stairs to her room and then let Tikki out of her purse. "Tikki! We have to go!"

Tikki zipped up, doing a little spin. "Well, you know the magic words!"

"Right! Tikki, transform me!"

The next time he headed out front, Tom waited until the line at the counter had temporarily cleared out and then he approached Sabine.

"There's an akuma attack at the Grand Paris," he told her lowly. "Marinette's taken off."

Sabine glanced up. "A dangerous one, or...?"

"It seems to just be standard, but it's so hard to tell. The mayor is making a big deal out of it." Tom grinned at his wife's eye roll. "He's been suspended, like, five floors up."

"No doubt he'll distract the superheroes because he wants to be rescued right away, even if the akuma is his or his daughter's fault." Sabine didn't look happy about that. "They should just leave him there, but I'm sure it's bad publicity to not be the bigger person and help him out."

Tom laughed. "I'm pretty sure we're the ones who always told Marinette to be the bigger person."

"Yes, well, some people never learn unless there are consequences."

Tom headed back to clean up for the day. Bowls and spoons and whisks and cutting boards went into their industrial dishwasher and he got that started while he hand-washed the knives and gave them a quick sharpening-up. Surfaces got wiped down and machines cleaned. By the time Tom was starting to put the dishes away, Marinette still hadn't returned.

Tom checked the news. Ladybug and Chat Noir were still fighting, and they had been joined by Rena Rouge. He frowned at that.

Ladybug and Chat Noir only ever called out the other superheroes if they were having trouble. Rena's presence meant that Spyder-Man was somehow more difficult than other akumas. Then again, there had been a third superhero for Anansi and she had been pretty similar, right?

But they should know how to work around those superpowers then, right?

The bakery closed, and Sabine started packing up the leftovers. Most could be bagged up and sold the next day as day-old leftovers at a discount, and then there were a few things left for them to have as a family (plus a few extra cookies for Marinette to give her whatever-it-was that turned her into Ladybug). Tom finished up in the back, making sure that his employee had done the cleaning-up correctly. After the mess with the baguettes, he wanted to be extra careful. Leaving food out was just inviting the mice, after all, and, well, with the daughter of the mayor also having a grudge against their daughter for absolutely no reason at all, it was better to be safe than sorry with keeping the kitchen standards far above what was required.

With the bakery cleaned and locked up for the night, the two of them headed upstairs.

Marinette still wasn't back.

"How is this guy so difficult?" Ladybug complained as she and her teammates dashed across the rooftops, occasionally stepping on a sticky patch from one of Spyder-man's webs and stumbling as their foot momentarily got stuck. "He's way overpowered, it's ridiculous."

"I bet I know!" Rena Rouge offered. "A lot of fans of superheroes like over-powering them when they do stuff like make headcanons or write fics or whatever. Young ones, mostly, but it's not a strict rule or anything. That's probably translated over to their akumatized form. And Spider-Man has super enhanced senses anyway, so that's not too much of an exaggeration."

They jumped over a rooftop and into a hidden alleyway. Chat Noir turned to Ladybug right away.

"Why don't we go get the other two now? We could have them be a distraction while we go in to get his bracelet. That way, we don't have to escape again to go get them if we need them later on." Chat Noir glanced up anxiously, making sure that Spyder-man hadn't snuck up on them. "I don't want to overreact or anything, but this akuma is already taking a lot of time and I want to wrap it up quickly."

Ladybug nodded, glancing up at the sky. Her parents would have no doubt noticed her absence by now, since she had only said that she was going to the bathroom. "Ending it by brute force? I like it. And I actually grabbed all three when I went- er." She abruptly cut herself off, remembering that Alya was there and she probably shouldn't be mentioning Master Fu. "I have the other two with me. I wasn't sure who I would run into first."

Rena Rouge looked interested, and Ladybug winced, knowing that she had said too much. Her friend didn't need to know that there was someone else who held on to the Miraculous when they weren't active.

"All right, let's get them and then regroup," Chat Noir suggested. "But go fast, since Spyder-man will probably hear us and we don't want Hawkmoth pegging on to Carapace's identity."

Ladybug nodded. "Okay, so we need to distract him. If we're really obvious about heading back to the Grand Paris for Chloe..."

"I can sneak the Turtle to Carapace," Rena Rouge offered. "He wouldn't be expecting that."

Chat Noir looked surprised when Ladybug agreed, popping open one of the hidden compartments on her yo-yo and handing over the Turtle. "Okay. Stick to the ground at first. We'll be as visible as possible to get the akuma's attention. And I'll explain on the way," she added to Chat Noir. "C'mon, let's go."

To her relief, Chat Noir followed her immediately. He looked a bit irked, though, which she had expected.

"Rena Rouge gets to know who Carapace is?" he asked as soon as they had gotten a few blocks over. "Why? I thought there were rules about secret identities! I mean, I know Chloe told the entire city, but..."

"They're dating and I knew there was no way that I was going to get them away from each other on Heroes Day," Ladybug told him as they headed for the Grand Paris. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Spyder-Man swinging after them. "And Rena had already figured Carapace out, I think. There wasn't any time to spare, so I had to just grab both of them at once. I wish I could have at least kept Rena a secret from Carapace," she added, remembering how fast Carapace had fallen to the akumas once Rena Rouge had been affected. "Knowing each other's identities ended up impacting their ability to fight. That was why Carapace ended getting akumatized right after Rena Rouge."

Chat Noir actually cringed at the memory. "Oh, I did wonder. Okay, yeah, secret identities are important. Does Fu know who...?"

"I don't think so. He might suspect, but I haven't told him."

It didn't take long to reach the Grand Paris, especially since they were taking a straight-line path and making no effort to hide. Spyder-Man was clearly following them, so they had no time to spare.

Thankfully, Chloe was already waiting for them on the roof. She looked thrilled when they landed...and less so when she spotted Spyder-Man.

"What do we say?" Chat Noir asked as soon as she opened her mouth. She gave him a deeply disgruntled look.

"May I use the Miraculous please."

Ladybug tried not to laugh at Chloe's utterly flat tone or the amused look on Chat Noir's face. Still, her voice wavered a bit as she opened her yo-yo again and pulled out the Bee Miraculous. "Chloe, will you take on the responsibility of the Bee Miraculous today?"

"Yes!" There was a pause, and then, "Please."

As Chloe transformed, Ladybug leaned over to Chat Noir. "What did you do?"

Her partner only grinned.

"Okay, I'm ready to fight!" Queen Bee announced, flouncing up to them. "Let's go!"

And as Ladybug led her team towards Spyder-Man, with Rena Rouge and Carapace racing toward them from the opposite direction, she had to hope that the addition of the rest of their team would help them win the fight.

The additional superheroes didn't seem to be doing much to help. As less experienced fighters, they were less practiced at dodging out of the way, and with a web-shooting akuma... well, it wasn't a good combination.

To make matters worse, Hawkmoth had apparently decided that his akuma was strong enough for him to come out in person and jump into the fight. It meant that the superheroes had to divide their attention so that he couldn't attack them from behind.

"They're struggling," Sabine said anxiously as they watched the footage on TV. Their dinner prep sat forgotten, peppers half-chopped and abandoned on the cutting board. "Tom-"

He tried to sooth her, though he couldn't deny that he was nervous as well. That was his little girl, their Marinette, out there facing off against the Biggest Bad in Paris by herself while Chat Noir held off Spyder-Man and their other teammates were all trapped. "They always come out on top. Our girl can handle it."

"But three of the superheroes are already trapped by Spyder-Man!" Sabine gestured to the TV, where a reporter was frantically trying to piece together footage from the ground and a hovering news helicopter to get a good picture of the battle. "He's fast and strong. I wouldn't be worried, except Hawkmoth is there with them. And you saw the footage before-!"

"But what can we do?" Tom asked. He couldn't deny that he wanted to race out and help, unwilling to let Marinette struggle when he was her dad and was meant to be protecting her, but he didn't have superpowers or anything. "I mean, the three that were taken out were the less experienced ones. Maybe Ladybug and Chat Noir will be fine?"

"The other three were keeping Spyder-Man at bay while Ladybug and Chat Noir took on Hawkmoth. They're not going to be able to make any headway with just the two of them fighting." Sabine had straightened, a fierce look on her face. "We can't just stand by and do nothing. We can at least be a distraction."

Tom knew not to argue, not when his wife looked like that. Besides, she was right, and he wanted to help, too. "But how will we possibly get there in time?"

Sabine's lips curled up into a grin. "Oh, I know just who to call."

Their fight was going absolutely sideways. Rena Rouge, Queen Bee, and Carapace had all been glued down by Spyder-Man's webs, and now Ladybug and Chat Noir had to each take on an opponent on their own. Ladybug was fighting Hawkmoth, doing her best to snag his cane and steal it away. He was quick, though, and so she had to be on her toes at all times.

Seriously, how was he doing so well when he hadn't been to hardly any of the fights? That was truly unfair.

Her yo-yo connected with Hawkmoth's face with a satisfying whack and Ladybug smirked at the look on his face. Her yo-yo spun back and out again, this time snagging his arm. She yanked, feeling hopeful. Maybe if she could throw Hawkmoth off balance enough, she could defeat him for one and for all. It would be hard with Chat Noir distracted, but-

"Ack!"

-and now it was two against one...and not in her favor.

"You called my mom?"

"She was happy to help!" Sabine insisted, pushing Tom down the stairs in front of her. Outside, there was the sound of motorcycles drawing closer. "And she brought a friend. See, we can each ride with someone!"

"I hate motorcycles," Tom muttered, frowning. Still, he went. His daughter was in danger, and he hated that more than he hated motorcycles.

They ducked into the bakery to stock up. Sabine went for a heavy cast-iron frying pan and a bread paddle, plus a couple knives to cut the trapped superheroes free. Tom grabbed a rolling pin and then, in a panic, pulled the stale baguettes out of the trash and stuffed them in his bag, just in case.

One never knew when old bread would come in handy, after all.

They flew out the door and onto the waiting motorcycles. His mom led the way, leaning forward on her bike and speeding forward as Sabine clung to her back. Tom perched precariously behind his mom's friend on her bike, hoping that they wouldn't fall over.

The motorcycles roared up to the Eiffel Tower in record time, taking advantage of the empty streets. People had opted to stay inside or pull over as the battle raged across Paris, and while it was definitely deeply unsettling, Tom had to be grateful for it.

Well, his mind was grateful. His stomach was less so, but that could be a problem for later.

"Hold on tight!" Gina's friend yelled, and Tom winced as they went speeding up onto the sidewalk. "One delivery, right to the bottom of the Eiffel Tower!"

They wove through the barricades, making a few lingering policemen shout. Tom resisted the urge to scowl at them.

Seriously, Ladybug and Chat Noir had been struggling. Couldn't any of them do what he and Sabine were about to do and try to distract either Hawkmoth or Spyder-Man long enough for the superheroes to defeat the other threat?

"Stairs or elevator?"

"Elevator!"

"You got it!"

Both motorcycles came to a screeching halt. Tom got off gingerly, trying to ignore his protesting stomach.

He always had hated motorcycle rides, and that had been the worst of the lot.

"I can see them!" Sabine yelled, dismounting from her motorcycle in a flash and already pounding on the elevator button. "Quick, Tom, Chat Noir is down!"

"And Ladybug?"

"Cornered!"

The elevator doors opened right away, and they ran in. Much to his surprise, Gina and her friend both drove their motorcycles in as well.

"Don't look so surprised," Gina scolded cheerfully as the doors closed and the elevator headed upwards. "Of course we want to help. Ladybug and Chat Noir saved me once, after all, and made sure that Marinette was safe on her birthday."

"Mom, it's dangerous," Tom protested. It was bad enough that his daughter was fighting a superhero- not that he wasn't proud of her, of course, he was immensely proud but just worried- and he could put himself in harm's way, but his mom?

"Oh, don't worry, Tom," Gina said airily, waving her hand. "We might not be superheroes, but even supervillains are bound to sit up and take notice when they get hit by a motorcycle."

Even a Ladybug's luck ran out sometimes, it seemed. Ladybug let out a frustrated half-scream as she tried to get her hand loose. Both it and one of her feet were stuck, and she couldn't even defend herself. The other four superheroes were much the same, trying to get stuck limbs unstuck. Carapace had had the most luck so far, but his foot was still tangled and his shield was halfway across the platform.

And if he got loose...well, it wouldn't take much for the smirking Spyder-Man to get him re-stuck very, very quickly.

"Trapped at last," Hawkmoth announced smugly, striding towards them. "My lucky day. I get not one, not two, but five Miraculous."

"Shove off," Ladybug snarled, glaring at him. "You won't get away with this." Even as she said it, it felt a little pointless. He had them trapped, completely at his mercy.

Gah, who had ever thought that an upset cosplayer would cause this much trouble?

Hawkmoth snorted. "Big words from a trapped superhero."

Still, Ladybug struggled. She wasn't going to give up, not even if her earrings were ripped from her ears. She had been chosen, and she was not going to let Tikki down. If need be, she would fight as her civilian self, using whatever she could find as a weapon.

The elevator let out a quiet ding and Ladybug's eyes snapped to it even as she kept yanking at her hand. Maybe someone had come to help? If Master Fu had been watching, maybe he had distributed some of the lower-level Miraculous to temporary holders and they were coming to help?

Ladybug watched with bated breath as the doors opened... and two very recognizable figures stepped out.

Her mom and dad. What were they doing here? Ladybug fought harder. She had to protect them! What were they thinking?

Hawkmoth hadn't noticed. He was too busy with his self congratulating speech. Spyder-Man wasn't paying attention either, his attention on the superheroes in case they worked their way loose. "It's been a long time coming and a few mishaps, but now I have you! I will combine the Ladybug and Chat Noir Miraculous and have the power of the gods! And you- without any other Miraculous out, no one can stop me!"

Her parents were charging at Hawkmoth, her mom with a bread paddle and her dad with- was that a loaf of bread?

Why would he bring a loaf of bread to an akuma battle?

Hawkmoth opened his mouth again, no doubt to gloat some more, but he never had the chance. Mrs. Cheng caught the back of his knees with her bread paddle- the bakery's sturdiest paddle, the one that Mr. Dupain had carved himself ages ago and hadn't whittled down quite as much as he should have. Hawkmoth, taken off guard, want down. Before he could recover, Mr. Dupain cracked him over the head with the first loaf of bread.

A stale loaf of bread, Marinette realized. One of the super stale loaves that the newest employee had managed to misplace. It wasn't just a little hard, it was insanely hard.

...she could maybe see where her dad might pick it up as a weapon. Hawkmoth had been forced to the ground, covering his head as her mom and dad rained blows down on him. Spyder-Man made a move to go help Hawkmoth, starting to raise one hand to shoot his webs, but had only made it a step when a loud revving cut through the air. Half a second later, a very familiar motorcycle sped across the deck and rammed into Spyder-Man, sending him flying.

"Oh my god," Rena Rouge whispered, and Ladybug startled and glanced over at her teammates. They were all staring at her family in utter disbelief. "Marinette has the coolest family ever."

Queen Bee sniffed. "And yet I don't see her here- hey!"

"Her parents probably wouldn't let her come," Chat Noir pointed out reasonably, as though he hadn't just kicked Queen Bee, and Ladybug had to roll her eyes at the ridiculousness of the entire situation. "But wow."

Hawkmoth was pushing back now, throwing her parents to the side. Both of her parents landed in a roll and stood back up, ready to charge. Another motorcycle's roar cut through the air, and then Hawkmoth was flattened again.

"Now, Sabine!" Tom called, and they rushed Hawkmoth before he could get up. Tom cracked the supervillain over the head with another baguette with enough force to break it in half and Hawkmoth wavered, still on his knees. Sabine slapped him across the face with the bread paddle and then tossed it to the side, darting in and ripping the butterfly pin off of his chest. His transformation started to unravel and Tom took the opportunity to smash the remaining two loaves of bread over Hawkmoth's head in quick succession, leaving a stunned and crumb-covered Gabriel Agreste in his place.

The superheroes stared. Tom and Sabine blinked at the crumpled figure, stunned.

"Wow, are in-law dinners ever going to be awkward," Rena Rouge commented before Carapace hastily shushed her. Ladybug glanced over to glare at her friend and saw that the two of them were giggling.

Traitors.

"We still have a supervillain to fight!" Gina yelled, and Ladybug glanced over at her grandma, startled. She sat perched on her bike, helmet pulled down as she pointed to Spyder-man, who was getting back up. "Cut the superheroes out! I'll keep him distracted."

"Nana," Ladybug muttered, exasperated, but her grandma was already zipping off, maneuvering her motorcycle expertly to hit the akuma before he could register that she was coming. This time he fell over the edge and she screeched to a neat stop, utterly smug.

"We'll cut you kids out," Mr. Dupain assured them, appearing by Chat Noir's side. A knife came out of his bag next and he cut the spider web, freeing Chat's foot. Mrs. Cheng worked at freeing Ladybug with her own frankly terrifying knife. Ladybug hadn't even known that they had such large knives in the bakery. What did they even use those for? "And, uh- who wants to hold onto the butterfly pin?"

I can," Ladybug offered when it became apparent that Chat Noir wasn't really responding. She frowned at her partner briefly, concerned, but refocused herself. "Here, I can make a little compartment in my yo-yo-"

The slot popped open and Sabine slid the Butterfly in. The yo-yo slid back shut quickly with a click, and Ladybug hopped up, feeling a little shaky. Had that been real, or was she just dreaming? Her parents had taken down Hawkmoth when she and Chat Noir hadn't been able to. That was insane.

"There's still an akuma," her mom reminded her. She glanced at Chat Noir, clearly concerned as well. "Uh, perhaps I should free Carapace next?"

"Good idea!" Ladybug forced herself to focus. They had one last akuma to take down, and then they could get Mr. Agreste taken away and then- well, either call that good for the day or try to push and find Mayura, who oddly enough hadn't come into play at all.

Maybe it was just because things had happened too fast for her to transform and respond. That meant that they couldn't let their guard down at all. She might appear and try to whisk Mr. Agreste away before they could do anything else, or else use her powers to try to break him out of jail once the police had him in custody.

They had to deal with Spyder-Man and fast, and then they would have to do a quick recharge and do their best to find Mayura. Maybe Nooroo would be able to help them. He wouldn't be able to come back out without a new holder, which meant that they needed to find a good fit, someone trustworthy and willing to stand up against evil.

Ladybug glanced back at her parents, who were freeing her teammates as though they saved superheroes every day. They didn't seem at all shaken by their attack, even though they had only been armed with what they could find in the bakery, and they were making sure that all of the superheroes were all right. Her mom was helping Chat Noir to his feet, concerned look on her face as she talked to him.

Somehow, Ladybug had the feeling that she wouldn't have to look too far to find someone that was perfect for Nooroo.

A/N: As with most of my stories, this is a one-shot and is therefore complete. And as always, reviews make my day! :)