Dearest, Valentine

Original BNHA fanfic by demuname

Disclaimer: I do not own BNHA.

A fic inspired by valentine celebration. Way late, I know. But I still want to post this thing up into my collection. All aboard the angst cruise, my people.

After all, what's better than angst in the day where we celebrate love? /forgive my dark alter ego.

Enjoy.

Feeling /ˈfēliNG/, noun: an emotional state or reaction.

Bakugo Katsuki didn't do emotions. He wasn't an emotional person – well, in general terms – excluding his outburst of rage, naturally.

To be literal, feelings were just a product of mixed chemicals called hormone inside our body. And they say feelings were meant to be felt? Newsflash, facts proved your shitty asses wrong. Those stupid chemicals were the ones who were completely responsible for basically everything going on in your internal life.

He was not a person who had a comprehension of feelings. It wasn't an aspect he deemed important and worthy to indulge – he had a lot more things to take care of, like studying hard to enhance his genius mind and training hard to refine his extraordinary quirk.

After all, being the best was imprinted deep inside his mind and soul. He would be the number one hero. There's nothing more crucial than that peculiar goal in his life. And that's what he liked to believe, anyways.

As a man of logic, he had that cogent barrier between his personal opinions and logical thinking. But apparently, that barrier always seemed to disintegrate whenever Midoriya Izuku was involved.

That, pissed Katsuki off his hinges.

It had always been like that since their early years. Deku had his own way in making Katsuki… feel things. He made a barrier that he basically worshipped to drive the engine of his body in his everyday living, and Deku would come to turn it into ashes without batting an eye.

That piece of shit. Looking down on him ever since they were just four years old brats. He was better – he had always been the one with power. His strong figure and authority, alongside with his gifted quirk, made him exceptional. He was that different from his other peers. He was above them. And much way more from a weak, quirkless kid like Deku.

Who was he to make the mighty Bakugo Katsuki feel inferior? He did not like that one bit. Not at all. Seeing his pathetic attempts in being a hero only added salt to his wound. It angered him to no end, and violence had always been his solution to problems. Beating up Deku, watching him helpless beneath his fingers, gave him a twisted, calming feeling, because he knew by this way, Deku would stay on the bottom – a place where he belonged. Katsuki wouldn't let him breathe the same air as he did – he was living in a whole fucking different world than that quirkless scum. His coping mechanism, was what he liked to call it.

Yup, definitely not his defence mechanism. Of course.

Their long, broken friendship had gotten better ever since high school though. The turning point from their toxic friendship or whatever relationship they had – had been on their fight that night after the Provisional Hero License Exam. Capricious punches and kicks met with blood, sweat, and even tears as both of teens' pride shattered, leaving their vulnerable, opened feelings to be finally clear from years of misunderstandings.

Fixing what's broken wasn't easy. Each of them had to build again trust on each other, amidst healing by forgiveness. They stumbled many difficulties in communicating, but slowly, they learned how to become 'friends', though it would never be the same as how it had been.

Nowadays, it was all good. They even walked home together on certain days. Nevertheless, Deku was still pissing him off – in a whole different way.

It started in early spring on their second year – that ticklish feeling in his stomach whenever he saw Deku smile; the way his heart fluttered at their close distance; and many late, sleepless nights, with him lying dumbly and helplessly on the bed, unable to sleep because his head was filled with a particular green-head inside it.

Fuck it. That guy just loved to mess him up, and threw him in his own inner turmoil, didn't he?

It wasn't just Deku who's pissing him off. Over the times they had spent in U.A., Katsuki resented the half-and-half bastard more and more. During the end of their first year, Todoroki had joined in the group of nerds – Deku, Round-Face, and the Class-Rep. He had become good friends with them (that ass, and he thought that bastard was as awkward and clueless as he was in terms of social life), and hanging out together with the group often. They would eat lunch, went to the arcade after school, did homework and study, and heck, even travelling together.

Lately, that bastard had the guts to be bold enough to what Katsuki translated as pursuit. And please do not tell him that he was wrong. There's no way his eyes were playing tricks on him when he caught Todoroki's hand touching Deku's shoulder; or when he wiped clumsily-left cream smear off from Deku's corner of lips us; or maybe that sickening small smile when he gazed at Deku when the nerd was sleeping – God, and don't start with how his eyes looked at Deku.

He didn't know why it was just Todoroki who's pissing him off though.

It had taken him months before realizing what he was feeling when he caught that look his parents shared when they were relaxing and enjoying in each other.

Like electricity zapped to his veins, realization dawned on him.

Bakugo Katsuki was indeed, in love with Midoriya Izuku.

Feelings were special. It was what differentiate humans amongst other living things. Without feelings, there would be no connection between people – whether it's good or bad.

Midoriya Izuku was a person who had his life led by his feelings. He made his choices by choosing what felt right, and connect with people by expressing his emotions alongside understanding what people feel.

Well, by so, he suffered so many hardships in it, adding another espresso shot into his already-bitter coffee of quirklessness.

Countless falls he experienced, was because he felt – or maybe, building a connection way to deeply. One example was his hopes for an awesome quirk. He had hoped too high, and when reality had slapped him like a bitch, he had fallen to an abysmal wreck.

His worst out of all was his feelings to his own childhood-friend-turned-bully.

As far as his memory allowed him to remember, he had always looked up to Kacchan – he was his idol alongside All Might. Kacchan was a strong kid. He had natural leadership skills and had led their group of neighbourhood children. He would stand up to Izuku when he other kids made fun of him. They would play together in each other's houses and both of them would fanboying the number one hero All Might.

Things started to change when Kacchan's quirk manifested. It had gotten worse when Izuku found out that he was born different than the majority of the world – to be born without a quirk. Ever since then, Kacchan stopped playing with Izuku altogether, and the tables had turned from best friends into bully.

Izuku learned that the world wasn't fair ever since his early childhood. Kids could be absolutely cruel, and he knew very well it wasn't 'that's what kids do', as parents would say.

Over the years, he had learned how to lie smoothly to his mother, much to his chagrin and guilt. How could he tell his mother where the scars had come from? It's far easier to say that he was just being clumsy and hurt himself, than explaining that kids in school, including his childhood friend – was indeed beating him up for practically being alive.

He didn't have a good time growing up. It had been little to no friends; scars all over his body; and hurt feelings along with self-esteem. Years turned into a decade, yet the torment hadn't stopped. Even so, Izuku couldn't bring himself to hate a person like Kacchan, no matter how his mind screamed that he should be – after what he had been through. Because he knew and believed that deep down, buried way beneath the blonde's snarky and unpleasant personality, was a kind heart and caring side of him.

Unbelievable, was what people would say maybe, but Izuku had known the person for his whole life, and he knew that he knew better than other people. It was basically why he held out on his own and kept his faith in Kacchan. His admiration, adoration, and love for Katsuki remained adamantly. He himself never even once had ever thought his feelings could be changed.

Not until he met a boy named Todoroki Shouto.

Katsuki had just returned to the dorms after solo-training somewhere inside the school just to see their common kitchen space was occupied with girls. Alien, Frog, Round-Face, Earphones, Invisible, and Ponytail – they were wearing aprons and covered in sickly sweet stench of chocolate. Package of cocoa, sugars, flours, and other things were scattered messily.

Oh, it's February 13th. A day before Valentine's. The day where girls gave boys chocolates.

He always thought that celebrating Valentine was ridiculous. It wasn't important anyway. The girls were just troubling themselves by spending money to give guys chocolates and the guys were expected to return their favour later in White Day. A celebration which burdened both sides shouldn't even be celebrated.

Strangely enough, Deku always gave him sweets for Valentine's Day. It was uncommon for males to give out something to others on Valentine's. He never seemed to fail to give him one every year ever since they were brats.

His first chocolate was when they had been four years old. Thirteen years passed away and only one he managed to taste. Katsuki had destroyed and thrown away the others. Only the ones Izuku had given to him last year he finally had it tasted. It was so fucking delicious and made him regretted destroying every sweets he had received before.

The best part? It had always been a honmei.

A person wouldn't give another person a honmei if they didn't have any special feelings for that certain someone. It was on a different level from giri. Katsuki had never realised what those meant until Kirishima babbled that random, trivial shit during lunch last year before Valentine's. He would rather be dead that admitting it out loud, but he was secretly glad that Kirishima enlightened him.

Katsuki had been incredibly flustered when he found his annual sweets in front of his dorm door the morning he had gone out of his door. He had taken the sweets back into his room lightning speed, closing the door behind, just before anyone could even see him.

He then inspected the clear translucent bag containing three chocolate muffins in it. Pulling the pink ribbon open, he untied the knot. The soft, fragrant smell of well-baked cakes filled his nose, enticing his saliva glands and appetite. He took one muffin out and gave a hearty bite.

God, did it taste heavenly.

Just by the taste, Katsuki knew that he used high-quality dark chocolate as its main ingredient, mixed with fresh milk. Cheap, regular chocolates wouldn't be able to create a huge taste bomb to his taste buds. The texture wasn't rough and too soft, it even contained some choco chips inside to enhance the texture inside his mouth. And damn, there's even some spice punch to it. Unlike usual store-bought spicy chocolates, it didn't overpower nor ruin the muffin's chocolate flavour.

That shitty nerd didn't know anything about cooking, but he did know how to make sweets.

Long story short, Katsuki devoured all of the muffins that moment, silently thanking Izuku for giving him those.

Not like he would say it in front of his face, of course.

"H-happy Valentine's Day! Here's a chocolate for you!"

Izuku sat on the living room with his mother, watching a movie together. The girl in the film was red-faced and was bowing as she gave out a box of chocolate to a male student.

Confused, Izuku couldn't help but asked, "Mother, what is she doing?"

"She gives him a chocolate because it's Valentine's Day. It's a day where we celebrate love. She gave him a homemade chocolate to show that she loves him."

"Oh," Izuku said in profound understanding, "Do we celebrate Valentine's too? When?"

Inko chuckled, stroking Izuku's messy hair. "In fact we do, I gave your father some last year. It's on February 14th."

"Today is 12th, huh… that means Valentine's is two days more!"

"Mhm. Do you want to make chocolates with me, Izuku?"

"Yes!"

Izuku also wanted to give some chocolates to the people he loved too.

The day after, precisely on February 13th, Izuku had gone out with Inko to the supermarket right after he had finished school. They had bought various ingredients such as chocolates, sugars, egg, milk, and butter. Inko wanted to make cookies that year. She would patiently teach her son how to bake as Izuku would ineptly follow his mother's actions. Izuku looked happy and engrossed in making the cookies, and Inko couldn't help but feel happy for his son.

"Who do you want to give these to, Izuku?"

"Hm…" he uttered, lips pouting as faces of people he knew ran inside his head. "I want to give it to Father, Mother, and Kacchan!"

"Wow, that's a lot of people."

"Yea! Because I love them all!"

She smiled softly, "You really do love Katsuki, don't you Izuku?"

"Of course I do! Kacchan is so cool!"

.

That Valentine's day, he gave Kacchan a bag of chocolate cookies he made the day before. because it had been his first time making it, the cookies' shape wasn't perfect – it was shapeless really. He had made sure that it tasted ok though!

He spotted the blond walking out from school with his group of friends. They had stopped hanging out together much since Izuku didn't develop a quirk. Even so, Izuku still considered Kacchan his best friend.

"Kacchan!" he shouted, calling the blonde from afar. He noticed that Kacchan flinched, before walking rapidly along with his friends. One of them looked to the back and made eye contact with Izuku, snickering, as he returned his attention to their group leader. Izuku noticed that the boy was saying something to Kacchan. He didn't understand why Kacchan was walking so fast, yet he forced his little legs to catch up with the group. The group stopped walking as Kacchan made an angry face to the boy that looked at him before. He used the opportunity to finally reach the group. He stopped, his hands on his knees, breathing rapidly to regain some oxygen. Before he could look up and call the blonde, a kick landed on his gut, making him stumble, and his butt fell flat on the hard ground.

It hurt. That was going to leave a bruise. Tears welled up on his eyes. He could hear the group laughed. Footsteps came closer, and he noticed that it was Kacchan's shoes. He looked up to meet his crimson, condescending eyes.

"What do you want, Deku?"

Izuku sniffled his sob in. "I- I wa-wanted to give you these," he spluttered, offering the bag on his hand. Kacchan snatched to bag away from his hand, inspecting the contents. The group was also looking at the bag from Kacchan's shoulders.

"You call this shit food?" the blonde growled, getting more and more pissed off. He was already in a foul mood that day, and Deku just had to make it worse. He exploded the bag in one go, turning it into ashes, "Like hell I'm going to accept those. Fuck off."

The other boys agreed with Kacchan, adding more hurtful comments to the cookies he spent hours making. A boy even took the remaining ashes of the exploded cookies into his fist and threw the dust to Izuku, making his clothes and skin dirty.

"Look how pitiful he is!"

"Losers should stay where they belong!"

"You call that thing cookies! Get your eyes checked!"

The poor boy looked down, feeling ashamed. Tears fell from his eyes, and the group roared in laughter.

"He's crying!"

"You call yourself a boy?"

"Shut up, extras." Kacchan barked, annoyed at those loud extras. "Let's leave. No use in wasting time on a scum like him."

And so, Kacchan turned his back and walked away with his group, leaving the crying Izuku alone on the ground.

Todoroki Shoto admitted that he had daddy issues.

He had always resented his father since his early childhood. He hated the fact that he had thrown his mother into the hospital; he hated his wish to create an offspring strong enough to beat All Might by using his mother; and he hated him because he made his childhood time flown away by torture of his training.

He had wished that he was born normal, with regular quirk. He had always wanted to play with kids his age, or just play with his sibling. Todoroki Enji had never let him to socialize and have fun. All he had to do was training, training, and training. He was a merciless father. He wouldn't hesitate to hit and kick his own son to train him, even when Shoto himself was way past his limit. He didn't care if Shoto was in pain, covered in cuts and bruises, and even when he vomited because of the training he received. That so-called hero even dared to hit his wife out of his way when she tried to stop him from hurting Shoto.

He didn't deserve the title of 'Number Two Hero.' Not when he couldn't save his own family. Shoto was glad that Endeavor could never surpass All Might. Maybe he could rival All Might in power. In social skills, not so much. All Might was a friendly person and treated his fans well, unlike Endeavor. He was a detestable person.

He refused to use the fire in him. The fire was his father's quirk, and like he didn't want to please him by using both of his quirk. He didn't want to become his old man's tool to beat All Might away from his Number One spot.

He had proved to himself and others that he was more than capable to reach the top just by using his right side. He had even been accepted to U.A. by recommendations. He was not a person who should be underestimated. He would reach the top using only his ice, moving aside people who hindered his way.

Until he met a plain boy by the name Midoriya Izuku, that is.

That boy – he couldn't control his quirk yet that time, yet he pushed himself, to the point that he damaged his own body badly just to open his eyes.

"It's your power!"

Those words alone sent shivers to him. He remembered vividly the scene back then. He had felt free and in his element. Midoriya had rescued him from the loophole he had been stuck in for years and he was more than glad to meet the green-haired boy in his life. He had finally had the courage to finally visit his mother who he hadn't seen for a decade.

As a result of his father's training, Shoto didn't really understand how to connect with people, causing him to be an aloof and cold person. He didn't know how to react to emotions well nor warming up to people. Once again, Midoriya's light was able to save him from the dark, acquainting him to something called friendship.

Slowly but surely, he started to open himself up more. Midoriya had encouraged him starting by inviting him to eat lunch together along with Uraraka and Iida. He invited him when they hung out on the arcades of went out to eat after school, and even on the weekends. Uraraka and Iida were also very welcoming and aided him more. Before they even realised, Shoto had become a part of their group. Over months, he also learned to talk more with people in his class, joining them in games or maybe assisting them with lessons.

It felt… heart-warming. He was foreign to these emotions growing inside of him and people. High school had been his firsts to many things. Midoriya was the one who opened up his soul to a whole new world he never knew about before. That boy had changed the old him into a better one.

Midoriya was perfect. His messy green curls matched his big, emerald orbs that Shoto could stare in forever; the freckles scattered on his face that decorated his wide grin; his small stature yet toned body, and that pair of soft, pink lips. He was the only one who had ever made Todoroki Shoto felt this way – that butterflies in his stomach and flutter of his heart whenever Midoriya was with him.

He wanted to cherish Midoriya. He wanted Midoriya to stand by his side. He wanted to see Midoriya's bright smile every day – to kiss those plump pair of lips and to touch every inch of his skin.

He wanted to know and feel everything about Midoriya.

Because to him, Midoriya Izuku was his hero and someone who he loved.

It started, maybe in, his second year?

Befriending Todoroki was… an interesting one. Todoroki was an awkward, aloof, and a cold person. Ice Prince, was what people called him.

But impossible was never in Izuku's dictionary. Cracking the tough cookie like Todoroki was hard and took a lot of time, but it was all worth it in the end. He felt a sense of pride and tranquil when he saw Todoroki he knew now – the one who smiled more and shared his feelings more.

He knew he shouldn't compare a person with another, but Izuku couldn't help but to compare his relationship with Kacchan and Todoroki.

Sure, his relationship with Kacchan had grown better over time. He still had that admiration to him – someone he still looked up to. Kacchan was a confident person and a man who stood on his ground.

The way his heart would throb at the sight of the blonde slowly disappeared, though. He took note of how he didn't feel nervous when he was alone with Kacchan like he had been before, and how his mind and eyes stopped looking for Kacchan in the first place. He was no longer looking for Kacchan when something good happened to him nor someone to have a friendly spar with.

Kacchan was loud, brash, crude, cocky, fearless, and his childhood friend.

Todoroki was quiet, discreet, gentle, placid, and kind-hearted – a complete opposite to Kacchan.

Todoroki could treat Izuku like no one ever before. He accepted all of Izuku's strengths and flaws and helped him to grow into a better person. He appreciated all the things Izuku had done or had given him. He made Izuku felt special, something he was not familiar to.

Kacchan's role had shifted to Todoroki.

It felt upside down of what he had had before. He wanted to show and to let Todoroki know about his feelings. He wanted to make Todoroki smile and to have him by his side.

And he realised, he wanted more than what he had now.

Just like that, Midoriya Izuku couldn't help but to fall for Todoroki Shoto.

Shoto had long observed Midoriya's relationship with Bakugo.

At first, he wasn't interested in them one bit, but as he got to know Midoriya better, he couldn't help but to pry.

They were childhood friends indeed, like they both had said. They grew up in the same neighbourhood and went to the same school ever since. They used to play together along until Bakugo's quirk developed while Midoriya's had not.

In that time span, Bakugo had developed a superiority complex, using Midoriya as his object of justification.

His complex turned into worse – from what people would say child's ribbing to taunts and physical intimidation. Their friendship had taken a sour turn into bullying. Nevertheless, Midoriya still idolized his ruthless bully. Shoto personally thought that it was somewhat twisted really, to be honest.

Midoriya never really told anyone about his past between him and Bakugo. He was a private person who didn't tell much about himself. Twice was the time that Shoto was able to push Midoriya's buttons and managed to get something out of him.

It was good for him too, since it wasn't good to vent up all of his feelings inside. Shoto was glad Midoriya could stammer something out, even when he's struggling. Once, he even choked on his own words as he forced his sob and tears suppressed inside him as he told Todoroki some things about his past.

Shoto didn't know much. That story was only for Midoriya and Bakugo. But what Shoto knew was, Midoriya had piled up all of his feelings in their relationship all to himself. He knew that Bakugo had bullied him so badly, that he almost… 'lost his mind in his last year of junior high.'

Was what Midoriya had said. Todoroki grasped there's some hidden meaning behind that sentence, but he never knew what Midoriya had implied.

Yet the boy still held on to the feelings he had since his early childhood.

Deep inside his mind, Shoto would say that it's ridiculous and stupid. He scolded himself to think Midoriya in such … way, since he knew that Midoriya was a forgiving angel who was devoted to people. He was a person with a pure heart.

Midoriya loved the explosive blonde more than just friends. He noticed the way Midoriya would look at him, and how his face would redden in his touch or close proximity. Not to mention that he had never failed to give Bakugo a honmei every year in Valentine's Day.

He deserved to be loved and cared like the way he did to others. He didn't deserve those harsh words, scars, and bruises that he had gone through. Midoriya deserved much more than Bakugo.

And Shoto was more than willing to fill that role in Midoriya's life.

Katsuki didn't like the way that half-and-half bastard look at Deku. Not one bit.

The asshole had grown to be bold. He now had the audacity to touch Deku whenever he had the chance. He never missed the slight touches when their fingers met during exchanging things or how the bastard would casually ruffle Deku's green curls, stroking his fingers on it.

It didn't take a long time for Katsuki to realise that Todoroki, was indeed in goddamn love with Deku.

He also realized that Todoroki was much more of a gentleman that he did. He treated Deku with utmost care – unlike him, who could only curse in front of the boy.

Action speaks louder than words. Both of them revered that fucking sentence into their daily life, but in disparate ways.

After what he had done to Deku in addition to Todoroki's advances, he was scared. He didn't want to lose his precious, star-gazed green orbs of a childhood friend to other people. This fact hurt his already-wounded pride, but Katsuki could manage, as long as Deku would heal it for him later on.

Today was their last Valentine's in high school, just around one month until their graduation in March before they finally graduate and have their own journey in becoming a hero. That morning when Katsuki opened his door, he had expected a bag Deku would put in front for the last two years, to find nothing there.

He felt uneasy. Could there be a possibility that…?

No. Katsuki didn't want to believe that. He would deny that fact from every inch of his soul. Like the way he denied Deku's fading footsteps away from him.

Until that afternoon after school had ended and almost deserted – he had just taken his forgotten gloves on the gym when he discovered the half-and-half bastard with Deku behind the building. Both of them were blushing, with Deku doing the talking.

His heartbeat accelerated. The back door was ajar and he crouched beside the door to eavesdrop and peek from the hole. It was a dirty move, but then again, all is fair in love and war.

"W-will.. will you accept it?" Deku whispered, voice almost low enough to be unheard. He was fidgeting, hands behind his back,

"Certainly Midoriya. I'm honoured," Todoroki's smooth voice came in reply, his face not visible from Katsuki's point of view as he had his back on him. "I have to thank you to be the one who you're giving your feelings to."

Katsuki felt his heart drop.

Deku finally moved his hands to the front, giving Todoroki a gold-coloured box. Todoroki accepted it, giving the shorter boy a hug which he happily accepted.

"Thank you, for reciprocating my feelings to you." Todoroki replied, and Katsuki could see Deku's smiling face from Todoroki's shoulder.

Katsuki could feel his chest tighten. Damn feelings fucking him up like a bitch.

He stayed, even when the duo had walked back to their dorms, alone in his thoughts.

Katsuki sighed in defeat. He wanted Deku to only look at him, to only chase him, to only cherish him more than anything in his world.

In return, he would give the world to him back. If only he could change what he had done, what he had said, and everything just to make him fall into his arms.

Katsuki knew all too well that he had passed more than his time limit.

He just wished, he had one last chance.

If only.

Enveloped in the white, winter snow, Izuku stood in front of the Bakugo household, his face buried in his oversized scarf. That winter was the longest of the years. He had made some homemade sweets to share with Kacchan like he always did since their childhood.

"Katsuki, open the door! I'm cooking!" Bakugo Mitsuki shouted, telling her brat to get off his lazy ass on the couch.

"Goddamit, old hag."

Footsteps came closer to the door and when the door clicked open, Katsuki once neutral face turned sour. "The fuck you're doin' here, Deku?"

"Uh, I came to give you this," he mumbled softly, hiding his face deeper inside his scarf, "Happy Valentine's Day."

Izuku lent out his gift to Katsuki, and he snatched it crudely, wanting to explode it like he usually did. Not that he can do much since his parents were inside and would definitely kill him if he treated this idiot harshly.

"Scram off, scum." He snarled, wanting his guest to go away instantly.

"B-bye then. Excuse me."

Just before Izuku turned away though, Katsuki decided to ask something he always wanted to ask. It wouldn't hurt any, right?

"Why do you keep giving me this shit, shitty Deku?"

"… Because you're the one who I love and admire."

thank you for reading. this fic was first posted in AO3. am more active there, tbh.
as usual, sorry for the mistakes. i dont have any beta (nor how to have one), so please dont hesitate to tell me my mistakes, since it would do good for my english language development.
not my best work tbh, i personally think it could be much better. it was quite hard to find the correct words to express it emotionally. well, i tried. i hope its still eligible to read.
ciao!