typing '9' after 'after the rain' in the doc title is something i did not see coming

in other news, my friend actually did crunch a fucking egg, so that's it, i'm done with eggs forever. i don't even want to look at a goddamned egg ever again. fuck you, jim, you've ruined them. fuck.

yes this is 8.5k words of mostly interactions but i SWEAR there is progress instead of just 3k words of purple prose per scene

Chapter Nine: Negotiation

The styrofoam clamshell barely had a second to register that it was in danger before the resounding crack of a gunshot marked its end.

"Nice," Naofumi told Jun, dropping to one knee and feeding its remains into the Trash Can Shield; with a distinct, grating whir, the shield devoured the styrofoam, leaving not even a speck behind.

They'd taken up attending to the backlog of emergency calls pouring into the station, something that Naofumi knew full well was fundamentally illegal. The police officer, thankfully, declared the current circumstances to be extenuating, and Naofumi was grateful to her for facilitating his job - his duty - as the Shield Hero. He doubted they'd face legal repercussions anyway; he, Raphtalia, and now Jun were special cases.

Over the course of the past hour, he'd discovered that the 「Garbage Disposal」 ability had the power to convert otherwise-useless monster materials and convert them into a very small amount of energy for the shield, similar to feeding ores and parts from valuable monsters. It probably would have been more useful if he were a lower level - if the shield hadn't already been powered up far beyond what fodder like the Rubbish-type monsters could do for it - but he hadn't gotten through life as the Shield Hero by ignoring the small fry. If he could get even one percent closer to another stat point, he'd do it.

Jun, for his part, had unlocked three new forms - Styrofoam, Paper, and Plastic - none of which seemed remotely useful as weapons but all of which had a single stat point tied to their mastery. Naofumi still didn't quite understand the "series" the gun referred to, but they hadn't had time to go combing through how the weapon functioned.

"The - Shield Hero?"

Naofumi smiled, ruefully. She'd believed him because, at last, there was no other choice. He sorely doubted that she'd thought anything of his story four months ago; after all, nobody else had, but it wasn't as if he could blame them. If I'd heard someone talking about getting sent to another world as if it had really happened to them, I know I would have said 'isekai? that sounds nice, sign me up' and written it off as a case of chuunibyou gone too far. Maybe a coping mechanism for a kidnapping victim, or someone who'd gotten lost.

In the blink of a normal human eye, Raphtalia slashed a plastic bag to ribbons. Per Naofumi's instruction, the officer had remained in the cruiser and was now using the radio to contact any other available units with the only message he could think of: stay calm, keep your distance, and wait for them to attack first. Just like a game.

Not that he wanted to compare real-life to a game ever again, but if it helped people get the idea of how to deal with monsters, so be it. In this case, at least, it really was as simple as waiting for the monster in question to launch a mindless attack before dodging and striking back. The cans would roll, jump (Naofumi could not fathom how they did this), then have to stop and roll back to gather momentum again; the plastic bags would ride the nearest available air current to attack, but if one sidestepped, they would miss their mark entirely and be completely vulnerable the moment they hit a wall; the styrofoam clamshells would, like the cans, leap, then hit the ground and need a moment to collect themselves; the various paper products tumbled across the ground to bite ankles, but lacked the attack power to cause immediate damage and could simply be removed and crushed with one's bare hands before they could inflict serious harm.

All in all, an absolutely pathetic lot, if one was not too busy panicking over their illogical existences.

The only truly dangerous Rubbish-type monsters he'd yet seen were the cans, which were capable of inflicting serious lacerations and even gnawing off digits and hunks of flesh, but that didn't mean people hadn't fallen victim to the others at some point, and the aftermath of such attacks was gruesome. He'd seen two already as they made their way around the city per the officer's instructions as she directed them to the sites of every ongoing call.

At the site of the third call, Naofumi had entered the building first only to find that a man lay dead on the ground with his own hands around his throat and a plastic bag wrapped around his head like it had been vacuum-sealed there; when Naofumi attempted to peel it off, it became clear that the monster had started digesting the poor man's head, and he decided not to trifle with the slurry of bloodied skin-pulp that had been a face. Best to avoid making a mess in here, even if it means that monster gets to live another few minutes.

The fifth call featured something arguably more frightening- a woman who'd had her ankles attacked by a horde of crumpled napkins and subsequently been rendered immobile, forced to watch in terror as others made their way to her face and throat. To the relief of everyone involved, she was still alive when Raphtalia burst onto the scene with a single, decisive slash of her katana, blowing away the unattached monsters with a powerful gust of wind. Naofumi set up a barrier on the ground around them from behind which Jun used the napkins for target practice; he himself knelt by the woman's side and helped Raphtalia to pull off those that still bit down on her, starting with the bloodstained ones at her ankles.

There were more on her hands where she'd fought to keep them away from her face, and as he prepared healing magic, Raphtalia gave the weeping woman a soft smile.

"You'll be okay. I promise," she soothed, nodding in Naofumi's direction. "Look."

He tried his best to put on a natural smile as he went through the all-too-familiar incantation. "I, the Shield Hero and the source of all power, command thee - decipher the laws of nature and heal my target," Naofumi intoned, ignoring the shock on said target's face as soft green light coalesced around his palms. "Zweite Heal."

And, in that instant, all her wounds vanished.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Can you stand now?"

"Yes, I - I think so." Cautiously, she pushed herself to her feet, testing one ankle and then the other; finding them to be completely fine, she immediately bowed. "Thank you so much. I don't know how I could ever - "

"You can repay us by getting inside and staying there until we give the all-clear. Got it?" he interrupted, standing. "Preferably somewhere with other people around."

"Right."

Jun finished off the last of the napkins as the woman made for the safety of the convenience store across the street; as Naofumi watched her go, prepared to intervene should another monster appear, the newly-traumatized Gun Hero approached him.

"Hey, nii-san, can I ask you something?"

"Go for it," Naofumi responded automatically.

"How did a flock of napkins do that?"

He sighed. "Because they're not napkins. They may look like them, but they're monsters through and through. Remember, the system doesn't operate according to common sense - it operates according to numbers. I guarantee you I could take a point-blank nuclear explosion and walk away unscathed, and on the other end of the spectrum, these monsters have enough stats to cause real harm to people."

Jun stared down at the revolver in his hands, clearly thinking hard. "So if I were to accidentally hit someone with this…?" he said at length, real fear in his eyes now, and Naofumi grimaced.

"Yeah. You'd probably severely injure or even kill them. It's...a lot of responsibility." Naofumi had discovered early on that while a human's base stats were fairly low, they grew much stronger with just a few levels; that said, as everyone was level one, a single shot from a now-level-eight vassal hero would absolutely devastate anyone it came into contact with. To make matters worse, Naofumi had no idea how exactly the gun scaled considering that it used dexterity rather than attack as the source of its base damage.

His brother, clearly horrified, moved the weapon further from his face, and Naofumi placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Look," he went on. "You've got me with you. I'm still a lot faster than you are - if we're in an area where missing your shot would mean hitting someone, I can just put up a shield behind your target so that if you do miss, it won't hurt anything. Alright?"

"Promise?" Jun asked, and for just a moment, Naofumi could remember him as the kid brother back when he himself was in middle school.

"I promise."

"Got it. It's a lot easier hitting things than I thought it would be, though," he added, sounding a little more upbeat now. Naofumi snorted.

"Yeah. I knew a guy who'd definitely never picked up a bow in his life before, but he could use the legendary bow like he'd been shooting since he was a kid. I think the ranged weapons have aim assist on them or something."

Four more calls, some of which involved relieving responding officers, passed before Naofumi finally saw the helicopters, all of them black and hovering low over the city with an ominous buzz like fat, shiny bees.

"Naofumi-sama!" Raphtalia shouted, bringing her left foot back and gripping the vassal katana with her right hand in an iaijutsu stance. "Are these more enemies?"

"No!" he barked, stepping in front of her with his heart leaping in his chest. "They're helicopters. Do not attack them."

Raphtalia blinked. "Helicopters?" she echoed; both she and Naofumi relaxed, though for very different reasons. "I'm guessing they're more of your world's inventions. What do they do?"

"They just transport people through the air. What I'm concerned about is that these ones most likely contain government agents," he explained, biting his lip; his defense was so high that he couldn't have drawn blood even if he tried. "As much as I don't want anything to do with them, the people in those helicopters are our only shot at having access to the resources we need."

Jun, behind them, stared silently up at the sky, watching the helicopters pass overhead - then both his and Naofumi's phones buzzed, and figuring it had to be important, Naofumi checked his. Shit. They're actually being up front with this, he realized, reading over the emergency alert. Stay indoors, stay together, arm yourself...solid advice. They're still keeping people in the dark over why exactly their trash is trying to kill them, but I have a feeling that won't last long. The first wave was written off as a biological experiment gone wrong, and people are already unsettled...but there's no way this is going to just stop. Not now that they're generating on Earth.

"Iwatani-san!" the officer called, from her cruiser. He'd explicitly instructed that she avoid endangering herself and instead focus on explaining the situation to any other police in the area. "The chief of police is on the radio. He's asking for you."

"Can he wait?" Naofumi shouted back. "We've got too much on our plates right now, and - "

"He says they've got people coming to help out in your stead, and it's not just him who wants to see you."

"Ask him who the hell else he's got with him." A thrill of anxiety shot through him at the thought of having to come kowtowing back to the government after his initial, furious rejection, but he knew he had to keep up the image, to act as if he (and Jun) were not in desperate need of their services. To do any less would be to give them an advantage he couldn't afford to lose - he might just snap and sic Raphtalia on them if they tried dangling the prospect of help above his head, promising to provide if he was a good boy. No, what he needed was the upper hand.

A moment's silence elapsed before he got his answer. "They say they're from the CIRO." The Cabinet Intelligence and Research Office reported directly to the Prime Minister; the American Central Intelligence Agency was more commonly portrayed in media, but as far as Naofumi was aware, the CIRO was its Japanese equivalent. "Iwatani-san, this...this sounds really important."

"Right," he sighed. "Raphtalia! Jun! We're heading back to the station."

"I'm guessing this CIRO is powerful?" Raphtalia murmured to him as they made for the cruiser. "That man sounded nervous."

"You could hear him talking?"

Raphtalia snorted playfully. "You sound surprised every time I hear something you don't," she teased. "But yes, I could."

"I'd be nervous too, if I were him," Naofumi admitted. "With everything else that's going on right now? Having a national intelligence agency show up and demand to see a living cold case is probably the last thing that guy needs."

The ride to the police station was brief, but that was to be expected. They hadn't exactly ventured far, considering the ubiquity of the Rubbish-type monsters.

"Do I have to go in as well?" Jun asked, as they approached the building. Two jet-black cars that had not been here earlier sat parked at the curb closest to the front door.

Naofumi eyed him incredulously. "You've been participating in fights against sentient trash using a magical gun. What makes you think you wouldn't have to?" he asked dryly. "All you have to do is answer any questions honestly. They physically cannot do anything to us even if they wanted to."

"But what about tou-san and kaa-san?" his brother pressed. "That could give them leverage against us."

"Don't give them ideas."

"And what am I supposed to tell them?" Raphtalia cut in, eyebrow quirked. "I doubt they'll believe me if I tell them I'm a demihuman from another world. Your parents certainly wouldn't have. Nor would those foul men on the...bus."

"These aren't ordinary people," Naofumi reminded her. "I think you'll find them to be far more receptive to the idea."

To even the accompanying officer's surprise, they were greeted at the door by two men in black suits and sunglasses. For all Naofumi could tell, they might as well have been clones for how indistinguishable they were from one another, right down to the way they turned to escort Naofumi to the police chief's office.

"They're with me," he told them, as they gestured for Raphtalia and Jun to stay put; after a moment during which the two men exchanged glances, Naofumi grit his teeth, beckoned to his companions, and set off for the office by himself. Deciding that it was best not to argue - or maybe they were warned not to push me? Naofumi wondered - the two agents hurried to retake the lead.

The first thing he noticed upon entering the office was not the fact that the chief of police stood in the corner, looking subdued with his head down and his hands crossed at his waist - it was that the man seated at his desk had a mole by his ear.

"You," he blurted out, stopping in his tracks. Raphtalia bumped into him.

"Me," the other man confirmed, grimacing. "I can't say it's a pleasure to see you again, Iwatani-san, but it's my job."

Taken aback, Naofumi couldn't help a humorless laugh. "I appreciate your honesty," he countered. "I feel the same way, but…"

Here it is. The moment of truth where you sacrifice your dignity for the sake of the world.

Naofumi bowed.

"Even so, I apologize for my rudeness during our last meeting," he announced, face parallel with the shabby area rug. "I was furious with the way I was treated upon my return. Please forgive me."

He clenched his jaw, remaining in a bow until he heard the man he'd nicknamed Mole chuckle.

"So you're not a total asshole. Good to know."

Naofumi straightened, signaling behind his back for Raphtalia to calm down. He couldn't see her, but he knew her too well to assume she wasn't irritated. At his other side, Jun (ever the goody-two-shoes) stood at attention, hands folded at his lap.

"If you don't mind," Naofumi told Mole, "I'd like to keep this brief. You know as well as I do that the city's in danger." Seriously, how many more people are going to get their heads eaten by plastic bags today?

"There's no need to worry about the city anymore," the other replied, waving one hand as if shooing off a fly. "We've got things under control, so you can just sit back and relax...Shield Hero."

He nodded at the source of this moniker, sitting polished and pretty on Naofumi's forearm.

"Do you?" Naofumi countered, knowing full well he was scowling again and doing absolutely nothing to stop it. "Are you bringing in the army or something?"

"As much of it as the country can afford to right just now." Mole's answer was unexpectedly straightforward and devoid of snark, and Naofumi blinked, taken aback. "We're preparing for similar incidents in every major metropolis across Japan. Tokyo in particular has taken up a substantial amount of federal resources."

He hadn't had much of a chance to interact with this man at their first meeting; both Mole and his then-partner had more or less come to ask for his cooperation and immediately been blown off and shut out. Now, however, one thing was very, very clear to Naofumi from the mere fact that Mole had been able to catch the wily Shield Hero off guard.

This man is dangerous.

Thankfully, they were - at least for now - on more or less the same side.

"Do you understand what you're dealing with or how to deal with it?" Naofumi sighed, keeping his tone level. "If not, do you have the means to broadcast that information en masse?"

"The military is aware, yes."

"And the general population?" he pressed, taking a step forward and placing both palms on the desk. "The army can't be everywhere at once, and these things can be anywhere at any given time."

"We're currently trying to minimize panic," Mole deflected, biting his lip. Sensing an opening, Naofumi went on the attack.

"You realize that you've already failed spectacularly at doing that, right? I saved a woman earlier who'd been set upon by a flock of paper napkins and was basically just waiting for them to chew their way through her throat. Do you think people are seeing the army rolling into town in the middle of an attack by living, man-eating garbage and saying 'oh, alright then, everything's fine now' and sitting down to watch the evening news?"

Mole's eyes narrowed, but Naofumi could tell the other man wasn't stupid enough to say he was wrong, nor disconnected enough to genuinely believe people would calm down at the mere sight of the military. At length, he stood, giving a slight bow of his own.

"Watanabe Roushutsu," he said, by way of an introduction. "CIRO has designated me to be the liaison between federal intelligence and the individual known as Iwatani Naofumi."

It wasn't a direct response to what Naofumi had said, but he had a feeling he knew where things were heading. "Meaning?" he prompted.

Mole - Watanabe, Naofumi corrected himself - drew in a long, slow breath through his nose. "To be blunt, CIRO desires your counsel," he explained, confirming Naofumi's suspicions. "We know full well that you are not suffering from any kind of mental illness, and we believe that you're the only one capable of providing much-needed information about current events."

At least they're admitting it, Naofumi groused. "So basically, you ruined my credibility and turned me into a national spectacle for the sake of keeping the public calm?" he asked, voice deathly calm. He knew full well the answer.

"International," Watanabe corrected; Naofumi, who'd never really looked much into the news articles about his own case, felt the corner of his mouth twitch back into a half-snarl.

"Regardless," he plowed on, trying his best not to give voice to his anger, "you did that, didn't you?"

"Well, not me, but yes, that was the idea. As you can see, that strategy did not last."

Wow, what a surprise. "And what do you mean by counsel?"

"Without going too far into detail - in part because I genuinely don't understand the science behind it - your disappearance sparked an investigation by NEDO officials," explained Watanabe, placing his hands palms-down on the desk; out of the corner of his eye, Naofumi noticed the chief of police cringe as the agent's fingertips left smudges on the polished wood, and he bit back the urge to laugh.

"NEDO?" he asked instead.

"It stands for New Energy and Industrial Technology Development Organization. The name should speak for itself."

Naofumi, who before the summoning had always cared more about his otaku lifestyle than federal affairs, nodded.

"Anyway," Watanabe continued, "reports came through that, through one instrument or another, they'd detected traces of some kind of energy in the library where you disappeared. I don't know the specifics, but I believe since then they've worked hard to tap into the source of that energy, with very limited success - that is, until now."

"What the hell are they tapping into it for?" Naofumi burst out, suddenly furious. "Do you have any idea what you're messing with? Clearly not," he amended, before Watanabe could respond. "Otherwise we wouldn't have ordinary people slaughtered by monsters in the streets while people like you sit around thinking up ways to hide what the government's up to and asking for help from people you fucked over."

He could see a muscle tic in the agent's jaw now. One way or another, Naofumi had gotten under his skin in the end.

"Do not," Watanabe hissed, "act as if we're separate from the people dying out there."

The room went deathly quiet as the two men stared one another down - Naofumi, who bore supernatural power far beyond military might; Watanabe, whose words represented the government itself - right up until Raphtalia spoke.

"Naofumi-sama. Watanabe-san. Please, if you want to get things done...don't fight."

Both men paused.

"Don't you remember what happened with the other heroes?" she asked, and he knew she was addressing him directly. "We nearly lost everything because none of you wanted to cooperate. I understand if you two disagree, just like I understood back then, but I don't think it's worth fighting over anymore."

"Raphtalia…" he started, then stopped again. She's right, much as I hate to admit it.

He felt an unexpected surge of respect when Watanabe spoke up again. "You're correct, miss...Raphtalia," he acknowledged, stumbling a little on her undeniably foreign name. " Iwatani-san, may we put this behind us?" the other man asked, expression carefully neutral. It wasn't difficult to see that he, like Naofumi, was still fighting off his irritation.

"I - yeah." Naofumi dipped his head, deciding then and there to focus only on the task at hand. He'd had ample practice honing his thought process down to a single-minded endeavour through Hengen Muso, after all. "We've got a job to do."

Watanabe smiled now, half-rueful, half-amused. "Lovely."

"That said, I'm not the only one you should be seeking counsel from."

"Oh?"

Naofumi glanced back over his shoulder at Raphtalia, and she stepped up to stand next to him, head high. "Raphtalia is the sole reason I survived that other world," he explained. "Trust her word as you'd trust mine."

Everyone in the room minus the two Iwatanis regarded Raphtalia for several seconds, taking in her decidedly Western features and decidedly inhuman ears. At length, Watanabe gestured to Jun instead. "And who would this be?" he asked, fixing the blonde with a critical gaze.

"My brother," Naofumi told him, blunt as ever. "Iwatani Jun."

"May I ask why he's here with you?"

"Because he wields a vassal weapon from this world."

Silence fell once again, and this time, all eyes found Jun, who shifted uncomfortably in place.

"Iwatani-san, you're going to have to explain to me what a 'vassal weapon' is," Watanabe pointed out. "We have no information on this other world you describe besides whatever comes out of your mouth. Up until your return, in fact, the thought hadn't even occurred to us."

"So why was I being tailed even before the first wave hit?" Naofumi returned, frowning.

"Assuming by wave you mean the Forty-Four Beta Paradigm Collision last week...even after NEDO dismissed your claims in favour of pursuing a new energy source, there were some at CIRO who were not so skeptical."

He didn't even deny it. Guess this means I was right to think that guy on the bus was sketchy. "Forty-Four Beta Paradigm Collision Event," Naofumi echoed, tasting the phrase. "I think wave sounds a lot better. Less things for people to get caught up on...and speaking of people," he added, suddenly realizing that one person in the room was very much out of place, "why is the chief of police in here still? Isn't this supposed to be top-secret?"

The police chief in question, looking quite cowed, opened his mouth, then closed it again. Watanabe chuckled.

"Ordinarily, it would be," he admitted. "But we believe this is far too big to simply be covered up, and if what you say is true, this world is about to change very, very drastically...so instead of keeping everything under wraps, we're going to come clean and keep the population informed. Hopefully, by coming across as honest and providing people with the information they need to keep themselves safe, we'll keep the trust of the general public. That, Iwatani-san, is where you come into play."

Stunned - the government really is pulling out all the stops, huh? - Naofumi could only blink. When he finally found his voice, he simply asked: "How?"

"You will be the force behind our public relations operation. It will be down to you to provide us with any information the public needs. The higher-ups wanted you to star in some televised announcements as well, but I talked them down," Watanabe added, smirking. "You don't strike me as the type to play nice for the camera."

Naofumi laughed for real this time. "Thank you. You're correct, I'm not a reassuring person."

Raphtalia raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Your companion, however...I have a feeling they may want to cast her in that role."

"Raphtalia is right here," Naofumi pointed out dryly, miffed at the simultaneous inclusion and exclusion. "You don't need to talk about her in the third person."

Watanabe nodded. "Excuse me. Raphtalia-san, as I said, you may be asked to star in televised broadcasts designed to keep up the morale of the general public while also informing them of the current situation."

She bit her lip, looking none too pleased. "May I ask why?" she said, as politely as she could.

"Honestly?" Watanabe sighed. "You're a girl with animal ears. People love that stuff."

"I'd noticed," Raphtalia replied coldly. Naofumi snorted; there was no doubt that she was thinking of the initial bus trip back to his parents' house.

"I won't push it," the agent went on. "Personally, I think keeping everything formal instead of trying to find a mascot or something would be better at keeping people in line. People are more likely to take things seriously without giving them something to fixate on - Iwatani-san, I'm sure you understand what I mean."

"I can guess." He's probably thinking that people would grow attached to Raphtalia as some sort of icon, and while being told bad news by a cute girl makes it feel a little less bad, there's always the Akihabara types who won't take it seriously enough because of the cute girl.

"So," Watanabe said, "all of that boils down to this: your duty as counsel is primarily to keep both CIRO and by extension the general public informed on the nature of these 'monsters' as well as ways to protect themselves. We will keep you informed if these requirements change. Understood?"

"Got it." We've been talking for ten straight minutes just to say that? Naofumi bit back, knowing full well they'd only taken so long because he hadn't kept his temper. Not that he particularly regretted snapping - the man's reaction made it clear that he'd gotten through to Watanabe in some way. "Anything else?"

"Yes - but our friend the chief of police will need to leave the room now, as we're straying into the territory of a security clearance."

The chief of police made his exit without complaint or further prompting. Naofumi didn't have to think too hard to figure out why; he looked more than a little disturbed and most likely just wanted to go home and go to bed at this point.

"You're not going to ask Jun to leave?" Naofumi prodded; his brother had so far said nothing and played no role in the conversation, with the only testament to his importance being Naofumi's word.

"You said he had a 'vassal weapon', if I recall. Does that not mean he's tied to this as well?"

"Yeah," he confirmed. "He'll most likely be brought to the site of the next wave when it happens, whether he wants to be or not."

"Which brings me to my next point," Watanabe said. "We are fully aware that, in its current state, the military has no power to stop the next collision event. Furthermore, the first event taught us this: while we have the technology to track down the energy signature of a collision event, we have no way of determining when it will happen, and that makes it exceedingly difficult to prepare on time. There was next to no warning for the first one. You, on the other hand, clearly have the power to stop these things from occurring. If the military were to evacuate and quarantine an area around the site of an impending collision event, would you and your companions be able to guarantee a zero-casualty resolution?"

"You're asking if we'd be able to stop a wave without anyone getting hurt or killed."

"Correct."

"If there was nobody else around, and given enough time, then it's not impossible, but it will be difficult in an urban area," Naofumi mused. "We can't watch every street at the same time, and the monsters that come through with a wave get progressively stronger with each successive wave. The military, at the very least, is going to have to use the system if they don't want to die instantly from getting breathed on."

Watanabe gave a nervous swallow. "And do you know how long it will be until the next one?"

"Nine days."

Naofumi could almost see the gears turning in his head. To his relief, Watanabe didn't ask how he knew this - he was not in the mood to explain the concept of status magic just then.

At length, the agent heaved a sigh, rubbing at his forehead and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Iwatani-san," he said, "I think you're going to have to speak to a general as soon as possible."

"And how soon is that for you?" Naofumi asked him, tracing the rim of the shield with his thumb.

"I don't know offhand, and I'm in no position to guess. All I can say for certain is that it will be within the next week."

Naofumi stared. "Within the next week?" he echoed. "Isn't that a little late for a catastrophe that's coming in nine days?"

"Again, I'm in no position to give you a more accurate estimate."

So you guys want help, but you're not organized enough to arrange an emergency meeting? How hard can it be to say "hang on, we've got a national emergency, can we talk about the budget later?" Naofumi wanted to say, but he held his tongue. "I'm assuming you have access to my personal information already," he said instead. "Contact me as soon as you can."

They left the police station not five minutes later.

"Thanks for intervening back there," Naofumi told Raphtalia, scratching at the back of his head. "I was...angry."

"I could tell," Raphtalia replied, though she seemed more amused than anything. "You two squabbling reminded me of when I was a kid, actually."

"How's that?" he asked.

"Well...the part of Lurolona by the coast would sometimes flood during storms, so the adults decided to build a seawall around it. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I remember Sadeena fighting with one of the village heads over where to put it. My father showed up and told them to save the fighting for after the rain." She tapped a finger to her chin, but didn't elaborate.

After a minute's silence, Jun spoke up. "So are we like...top-secret federal assets now?" he asked.

Naofumi shrugged. "I would say we don't belong to them, but considering that they have both of us under their thumb, they have a little more of a handle than I'd like. Raphtalia's the only one who doesn't have any kind of investment in this world, so they can't really control her."

"Mm." Jun didn't say anything more, Raphtalia said nothing at all, and the three of them walked in silence until they reached the bus station.

"Naofumi-sama."

"Hm?"

"Can we walk instead of taking the bus? I'd like to talk about something."

Jun interjected. "I'll take the bus," he announced. "I, uh, I've got a few things to take care of at home before tou-san gets back. I won't make it in time if I walk with you guys."

"Uh, sure," Naofumi told him, a little taken aback - then his brother shot him a wink, and it occurred to him that Jun was probably interpreting Raphtalia's "talk about something" like something out of a dating sim. You're hopeless, he wanted to say, contenting himself with a roll of the eyes as Jun slipped into the gaggle of people waiting at the bus stop.

Once the two of them were away from the city center, Raphtalia slipped her hand into his; still not quite used to such contact, it took Naofumi a moment to register what she wanted. "You okay?" he asked her, tone softer than usual.

"Mm...I'm okay."

Naofumi waited, squeezing her hand. He knew her well enough to know that things weren't as simple as that.

"Well...I'm anxious," she admitted, running her thumb over the back of his. "I don't know why, exactly - it's not as if we didn't deal with this sort of thing all the time back home."

Hearing her refer to Melromarc as home sent a pang through his heart.

"There's just something so different about it in this world," Raphtalia murmured, turning her gaze skyward; Naofumi followed suit, and for just a moment, he felt as if the endless blue overhead stared right back.

"Could be because this stuff's happening outside of waves," he offered, choosing to study the horizon instead. Dark grey clouds pooled there, just as they had several days before the first wave, and suddenly he felt just a little queasy. "Earth is built around money and military, not monsters. People long ago came up with methods of separating themselves from wild animals, but they have no idea how to keep themselves safe from what's coming. Look at what happened to my mother."

He was, of course, referring to the giant screaming spider that had attempted to eat her.

"Yes, and I think that's why it's got me so on edge. It's true that I'm not invested in this world like you are, but that doesn't mean I'm content to sit by while its people suffer."

Ahead of them, both a crowd and a traffic jam had formed at an intersection. Craning his neck, Naofumi spotted uniformed men and women standing guard at what could only be a military blockade. "Ah, shit," he complained. "We've gotta go another way."

Raphtalia's ears twitched. "That's what I'm hearing," she said. "I guess this has something to do with the Rubbish springing up all over the city."

"I hope that's all it is," Naofumi sighed. "If it's just those, all you need to defend yourself is a lunch tray or something."

His phone went off just then, and he reached for his pocket with his free hand, managing to extract the offending device with minimal difficulty. Raphtalia, intrigued, watched as he unlocked it and read the message, then burst out laughing.

"I shouldn't laugh," he said, "but Jun says schools are currently on lockdown and if he goes home kaa-san will know he skipped. That's just bad timing."

Raphtalia giggled. "I've never heard of a vassal hero being scolded by his parents before."

"To be fair, most of their parents are either out of the picture or birds," Naofumi pointed out, Filo and Rishia in mind. "I'm pretty sure Jun is the most ordinary person to ever wield a vassal weapon."

She stepped a little closer to him as he led her down a side street that would circumvent the blocked-off road, and he found that the resulting fluttering in his chest was not at all unpleasant.

"That's the thing, though," Raphtalia said, sounding thoughtful. "From what you've told me, and from the few days I've known him, your brother seems like he had everything sorted out in his life before the gun came around, but picking up a vassal weapon changes everything. Even just going from an adventurer to a vassal weapon holder is...difficult."

Naofumi didn't respond immediately. She's got a point, he realized. Not that I was ever a normal adventurer in Melromarc - I've been dealing with the shield since day one - but I'm sure that suddenly having to worry about the fate of the world and accruing the huge amount of power needed to fulfill a duty bestowed upon you by the essence of the world itself is jarring, to say the least. Life in Japan, on the other hand...it's so different from life in Melromarc. Jun doesn't just have to deal with the standard procedure of 'learning the weapons' - he's gotta cope with the fact that the fundamentals of life itself have changed for him. "To be honest," he said, at length, "I thought he'd complain about it more. You've probably already guessed, but the lifestyle difference between a student in this world and a vassal weapon holder in any world is probably the largest difference possible."

Raphtalia tilted her head. "Hey, Naofumi-sama. What were you before you became the Shield Hero?"

With a jolt, he realized he'd never really discussed his past life with her. Everything from the day they'd met had dealt only with things that had happened after he was summoned, and she'd only ever known him as his bitter, post-betrayal self through everything he'd become since then.

"I was just...a regular person," he replied, feeling as if he were sharing some deep, intimate secret. "I went to college. I worked a part-time job. I wasted money on entertainment and spent a lot of time reading books or playing games. I lamented not having a girlfriend," he added, chuckling.

"Lament no more," she teased, playfully bumping his shoulder with hers. "Sorry. Go on."

"That's about it," Naofumi said ruefully, ignoring the way his heart now pounded. He'd never placed the label girlfriend on Raphtalia, and he wasn't necessarily averse to it, but out in public wasn't somewhere he was comfortable feeling so vulnerable "I didn't do much. My parents were pretty disappointed with my lack of ambition."

"You? Lack of ambition?" Raphtalia sounded surprised. "That's not something I would expect from the Shield Hero."

"Yeah. All I really cared about was getting by and enjoying myself. Jun's the one they placed all their hopes in after it became clear I wasn't exactly shooting for the moon."

They emerged back out onto a main street, on the other side of the blocked road. Here, a second traffic jam had formed as dozens of daytime commuters struggled to calculate new routes to their respective destinations. Reflected sunlight flashed like a strobe light off of the windshields of cars as they passed, and Naofumi shielded his eyes with his right arm before realizing that he hadn't bothered to Change Shield into something less conspicuous. Oh well, he figured. People will know soon enough anyway.

"...Naofumi-sama."

"Yeah?"

"Has anyone ever told you that the storefronts in your world are a little disturbing?"

"Huh?"

Raphtalia nodded toward a clothing store with a glass display up front; mannequins, wearing polychrome tops and clunky, garish shoes, struck extravagant poses that made Naofumi's spine ache. "Why do they need heads?" she pouted. "They're creepier than the undead."

"Ah, so you're one of those people," Naofumi chuckled, reaching up to pat her on the head with the hand not holding hers. "They're kinda weird, but they're totally harmless. Just don't think about them before bed."

"Not in public!" she hissed, ears going red, and Naofumi decided to save the head patting for later. "Still...those feel different from the ones we saw at the marketplace."

"The mall?"

"Yes. That. It's not just the heads, either - there's just something strange about them." She was scowling now, and Naofumi followed suit, staring hard at the mannequins. Still, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't pick up on whatever it was that was bothering her so much about them.

"Let's just go," he suggested after a minute. "It's probably just your imagination running wild - happens to a lot of people."

"You're probably right," Raphtalia sighed, but the concern hadn't quite left her voice. They turned to go, and as they did, Naofumi checked over his shoulder one last time. The mannequins hadn't changed a bit.

In retrospect, he really wished he'd checked over them with status magic.

By the time they arrived home, Jun was already in his room; from the sound of things, he was on the phone with a friend, asking about the day's homework. Typical, Naofumi snorted. He smiled nonetheless; he hadn't wanted his brother involved in this at all, so he was glad that Jun hadn't lost sight of normalcy.

He elected not to check the news that evening, already knowing full well what would be on it. Beyond that, however, was the unsettling sense of disconnect he felt between the concept of turning on a television - something done in times of comfort and safety - and the day's events. As many monsters as he'd seen torn to shreds or incinerated in Melromarc - as many people as he'd seen die on the battlefield - it was nothing compared to walking into a room and finding a man laying on the ground with a plastic bag over his head, which was in the process of being digested by said plastic bag. Stumbling upon a body was very, very different from seeing death in combat.

Remembering Raphtalia's interest from earlier that day, Jun suggested they order pizza for dinner, a roguish grin on his face.

"That's not healthy," Naofumi scolded him, even as he picked up the phone. Raphtalia's face lit up. "And tou-san and kaa-san won't be happy about it."

"Tou-san isn't even home yet," Jun pointed out. "And kaa-san is making some kind of business call."

"People here certainly work late," Raphtalia commented, tail waving.

"That's Japan for you. Even if you're technically off at five, you're expected to hang around." Naofumi pressed the call button on his cell phone and put it up to his ear; as an excited Raphtalia watched, he placed the order they'd all agreed on (large, with pepperoni all over and pineapple on one slice, because Jun was a heathen) and hung up. His eyes met hers, and she blinked.

"Was that it?" she asked, all innocence.

"Yeah. They should be here in a little while." Naofumi got up, stretched, and headed for the bathroom. "I'm going to wash off in the meantime. I feel gross."

"I'll join you," Raphtalia offered immediately. Jun let out a sound that could only be described as a snicker, and Naofumi shot him a glare.

"Not a word," he threatened. Jun, knowing full-well that Naofumi wouldn't do anything anyway, crossed his heart, lips twitching in a smirk.

"I'll keep an eye out for the delivery guy in case he gets here early, then."

Naofumi hadn't really been expecting much out of their bath; he knew they were A Thing, but he didn't know how to be A Thing with anyone. Their relationship in Melromarc had definitely gone beyond platonic, but they hadn't had time to go over the intricacies of daily life together. As a result, he was quite surprised when, in the middle of rinsing his hair, he felt something warm against his back.

"Uh."

"Are you okay?" she asked, voice low and soft.

"I'm fine," he shrugged, looking around for the body wash. It was not in its usual place, and as he turned to ask if she had it, it occurred to him that she was wearing only a towel. "Ah - sorry."

"Naofumi-sama, you know full well that I don't care if you look," Raphtalia pouted.

"I know, I know! I'm just...still not used to it, I guess," he mumbled. "Uh, do you have the body wash…?"

"Well...how do you plan on getting used to it if you don't do it?" she reasoned, handing it to him over his shoulder. "Sorry, I thought I'd do my hair last."

"That is an excellent question," he stalled. "Raphtalia...do you want me to look?"

"Yes."

Her response was so blunt, so honest, that he actually laughed. "I...I'll turn around when I go wash your back, alright?" he tried, and to his relief, she bought it, giving him time to prepare himself.

By the time he'd washed most of his body, he felt as if he were about as ready as he could be. Calm down. It's not like she's completely naked or anything, he told himself. It's no worse than seeing her without her boots, with the addition of shoulders, right?

It was much, much worse than that, and when he finally turned around, Naofumi stared blankly at her for a solid three seconds until she waved a hand in front of his face. He couldn't tell if the flush on hers was from steam or embarrassment, but he knew where his came from.

"Naofumi-sama?"

"I - good."

"What?"

"You look...good." It was all he could manage; it wasn't as if he hadn't seen her like this in the past, but it had always been before his curse broke completely, and his body was responding quite differently now than it had then.

"...Thank you."

The towel wrapped around her midsection did not conceal much from the imagination. It covered what it had to, but he found himself unable to tear his eyes away from her bare shoulders, nor the way she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she sat down to let him wash her back.

"So," she said, as he took a seat on the stool behind hers. "What do we do next?"

"Well…." Naofumi gently rubbed the washcloth along the nape of her neck, then moved to the slope of her shoulders. "I guess all we can really do is wait for the military to contact us. It's not like we're going to have easy access to materials for the gun otherwise, and any modern materials that you and I could use aren't readily available to the public." He paused, thinking hard as he washed under her shoulder blades. "If there's anything good that came out of today, it's that we at least have a source of experience for Jun. I know I said before that I didn't want monsters popping up on Earth, but if it's happening, then we might as well make use of them, right?"

To his surprise, Raphtalia started giggling.

"Wait, what?" he spluttered, almost dropping the washcloth as her body shook with laughter. "Is that funny?"

"You're clueless, Naofumi-sama. I was talking about something a little more immediate," Raphtalia explained, looking over her shoulder at him. Her amused expression made him feel a little like she was humoring a child, and his raised both hands in a defensive gesture.

"Hey, what else did you think I'd interpret that as?" he countered. "I've had that very same question on my mind all day."

He was not at all prepared for her response, which consisted of a kiss, nor was he prepared for the way she turned on the stool, towel still draped over her front as she leaned into their embrace, and everything was heat and warmth and steam and Naofumi simply couldn't do anything except kiss her back, pulling her closer - their skin touched, and it was hot, hotter than dragon's fire, hotter than anything Naofumi could remember -

Clunk.

The sound of the front door closing jolted him back to his senses, and Naofumi pulled back on instinct, half expecting to be interrupted. Raphtalia moved forward instead of drawing away, arms wrapped around his neck and her chest pressed against his, and he became very aware that both of their towels were dangerously close to slipping off.

"Hey - Raphtalia," he managed to get out, breaking their kiss long enough to breathe properly. "What...what are we doing?"

"Hmm?" she murmured, her own breathing labored and her eyelids heavy in a way he'd never seen them before. "Isn't this what couples do in the bath together?"

"...Probably?" He actually had no idea; he knew dating sims weren't accurate, but they were his only reference, and so far they said yeah, that's what people do. Still, in spite of the way his body was responding, he didn't quite feel ready for...whatever this was. "I'm just...not yet, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, planting another (far more chaste) kiss on his lips. "But...was that good?"

For a moment, they sat there, staring at each other like deer caught in twin sets of headlamps. Insecurity was written across her face, and for a moment, he could see that under everything she'd become since they'd met, some part of her was still afraid.

"Yeah," Naofumi finally admitted. There was no point in denying it, especially if he wanted it to happen again. It's okay to be vulnerable right now, he reminded himself.

"I'm glad."

They finished up their bath and dried off, then - at Jun's urging - headed downstairs for what would prove to be the greasiest dinner Naofumi had had in a very long time.

Needless to say, fast food quickly lost its charm for Raphtalia.