Part Six

Kiss Me Slowly

The first time Santana sees Rachel after her weekend with Brittany - and, well, with some others, as well - she panics. She has the irrational thought that the girl would be able to look at her and just know, and she's sure she doesn't imagine it when the girl's brow furrows when their gazes meet for a moment in the corridor.

Santana actually blushes and immediately drops her gaze.

There's a part of her that almost wants Rachel to know.

Maybe she even wants Quinn to know, just to see if she'll react.

She has this fantasy that Quinn would go into a fit of jealous rage, but even she knows it's fleeting. Quinn doesn't even know about her feelings, and yet it feels as if she's done something wrong. It's stupid, she knows, but she feels like she's cheated.

Herself, and Quinn.

And, possibly, Rachel.

Brittany.

Even those insignificant boys.

She's cheated them all, and she feels awful.

She was supposed to feel better, and she hates that she can't seem to get it right.

If Quinn notices something different in the way Santana and Brittany interact with each other, she doesn't mention it to Rachel. The brunette, on the other hand, can immediately tell that something has changed.

Frankly, she's surprised it took this long, but she's still a little disappointed. She wished for Santana to find love, and possibly herself in the process. She just wanted the Latina to be settled; to find happiness, and Rachel thinks she's looking for it in all the wrong places.

Rachel, for the most part, accepts that Santana had to distance herself from Quinn, in order to get over her, but Rachel won't stand for how she went about it.

And, from what she's observed, it hasn't worked.

Santana still stares at Quinn a little too long, and Rachel still feels as if she's missing something very important.

It's a little unsettling, but then Quinn will take hold of her hand and all will be right with the world, once again. She's thought about discussing it properly with Quinn, but she's too scared of the backlash.

How is she going to react when she finds out Rachel has been keeping the truth of why Santana suddenly turned on them from her? Rachel imagines that conversation won't go very well, and she's hoping to avoid it as much as possible.

So, they don't speak about this shift in Santana and in Glee, and Rachel kids herself into thinking none of it bothers or even affects Quinn.

Which is wrong.

She has to know it's wrong, because this is Quinn, and Rachel is just coming to learn that anything and everything affects her in some of the worst ways. And, when it catches up with her, she turns either destructive or pensive.

Neither of which is good.

"This is it, guys," Mr Schuester says, walking into the Choir Room with a large smile on his face. He's pumped, and he wants his students to be, as well. "Regionals is just around the corner, and we're going to need the best set list to take down the other two clubs. Do you have any ideas?"

For a moment, there's silence, and then he looks expectantly at Rachel, who he knows is always bursting with ideas. He anticipates her raised hand, which will be followed by a breathless ramble, that more often than not gets interrupted by one of the other students.

It's predictable.

Almost routine.

But, today, well, he gets nothing.

Rachel just sits there, completely silent as she rests her head on Mike's shoulder, and Mr Schuester doesn't know what to make of it.

It's also the first time he realises Quinn isn't in the room.

"Where's Quinn?" he asks.

It's Finn who responds, looking slightly bored. "Detention."

Mr Schuester frowns. "Why?"

"She totally punched Azimio in the face," Artie tells him.

"What? Why?"

"He and Karofsky slushied Rachel at the same time, and Quinn totally lost it," the boy continues to explain. "I didn't know she had such a right hook."

"Try getting kicked in the nuts by her," Noah grumbles. "I'm pretty sure I can't have kids now."

Mr Schuester frowns. "That's unlike her," he comments.

"Actually," Kurt says; "it's completely like her." He shifts in his seat. "She even takes on Karofsky whenever he's being a little too… forceful with me."

"What I don't understand is why she got detention," Mercedes muses.

"She kind of took out a trophy cabinet in the process," Artie says. "It was actually quite epic."

"She got hurt," Brittany says sadly.

Mr Schuester is developing a bit of a headache with all the back and forth, and he raises his hand to silence them. "Quinn got into a fight?" he questions, and realises it's actually not the first time that's happened. "But, she's okay?" For this, he looks at Rachel, who looks as despondent as he's ever seen her.

It's Mike who responds. "She should be, yes."

Mr Schuester just nods because, really, he didn't expect teenagers to be so complicated.

One of the drawbacks to Quinn's brief stint in detention is that it puts more of a target on the Arts, as a whole.

Mr Schuester doesn't bring up the possibility that they're going to have to win their Regionals to keep their funding until Brittany does it for him, merely repeating what Coach Sylvester said.

It's a Glee lesson during which they get absolutely no work done, and he doesn't think he's done a good job of reassuring them when they all shuffle out of the Choir Room with slumped shoulders.

"My therapist thinks I should take up boxing."

Rachel immediately abandons her homework, in favour of giving Quinn her full attention. This is the first time the blonde has spoken about her recent episode. Instead of falling into the type of silence Rachel has come to expect, she lashed out, and Rachel is a little lost.

"Obviously, the yoga and meditation can only do so much," Quinn continues, her own gaze fixed on the textbook in front of her. "I'm calm, and then I'm not. Dr Hawthorne thinks I have suppressed anger, towards Frannie for leaving me, and towards myself for not saving her, and she thinks boxing might help channel it."

Rachel just nods, showing she's listening, even if Quinn isn't looking at her.

"She wants me to find a… hobby that doesn't hurt other people," she says. "Or myself, I guess. She's worried I'm showing masochistic tendencies, and throwing myself into dangerous situations with footballers twice my size might just be the start." She finally looks up. "She's right."

Rachel could guess that much, because that seems like the type of thing that could escalate if not properly supervised.

"So, I think I'm going to try out this whole boxing thing," Quinn says. "Without the Cheerios, I've been really focused on my… eating, which, well, you know how that ended up."

Nosebleeds and dehydration.

Quinn almost blushes, and then sighs. "She also says…" she trails off. "She doesn't have a conclusive diagnosis yet, and she's still hesitant to confirm it, but she thinks I might be bipolar."

Rachel's mouth closes and she stiffens in her seat. Through her own readings, she's come across the disorder, and it's definitely not something to be taken lightly.

"Apparently, I just have some seriously messed up neurotransmitters," Quinn says, a ghost of a smile on her lips. "It's - it's always going to be hard, Rachel," she says. "It's always going to be… there, and I have to work at managing it so damn hard, and sometimes I just get so tired. It's exhausting trying to stay… okay, all the time.

"Do you get that? The world, sometimes, it just gets to me, and I don't know how to handle it. It just builds and builds and I try so hard to keep it together, but sometimes…" she trails off. "Sometimes, I guess I'm not as strong as I like to think I am."

"Baby, you're the strongest person I've ever known."

Quinn chuckles softly. "You haven't known many people, Rach."

"I'm serious," Rachel says. "I can't really know what it's like for you, you're right about that, but I do get how hard it is, Quinn. I can see it, when I look at you, sometimes, and it's heartbreaking. But it's also almost tragically beautiful that you keep putting yourself through this just for the sake of other people."

Because, Rachel knows.

Quinn is still here, still fighting, only because of her and because of her parents and Mike and Rachel's fathers. Because of Frannie.

"I know it's hard to believe it'll ever be worth it some fifteen years from now but, once you're on the other side of it, I think you'll see what an incredible person that makes you." She smiles sadly. "You are the strongest, prettiest girl I've ever met, and I love you, I love you."

Quinn gets this helpless, lost look on her face whenever her own emotions overwhelm her, and she's wearing it now. Rachel rises from her chair and rounds the table to settle herself in her girlfriend's lap.

"I love you," Rachel says again, breathing the words right into her ear. "Let me be your Piglet."

Quinn frowns in confusion, her arms wrapping around Rachel's waist. "What?"

Rachel clicks her tongue in disappointment. "It's a Winnie the Pooh reference," she says, immediately reaching for her phone and Googling the specific passage to which she's alluding.

Once she's found it, she rests her head on Quinn's shoulder so they can read together, and she's never felt closer to Quinn than in this moment.

"Piglet?" said Pooh.

"Yes Pooh?" said Piglet.

"Do you ever have days when everything feels... Not Very Okay At All? And sometimes you don't even know why you feel Not Very Okay At All, you just know that you do."

Piglet nodded his head sagely. "Oh yes," said Piglet. "I definitely have those days."

"Really?" said Pooh in surprise. "I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out."

"Ah," said Piglet. "Well here's the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out... they probably haven't. Actually, everyone has days when they feel Not Very Okay At All. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.

"And the second thing you need to know... is that it's okay to feel Not Very Okay At All. It can be quite normal, in fact. And all you need to do, on those days when you feel Not Very Okay At All, is come and find me, and tell me. Don't ever feel like you have to hide the fact you're feeling Not Very Okay At All. Always come and tell me. Because I will always be there."

Quinn glances at Rachel, tears in her eyes. "You're my Piglet."

Rachel reaches over to kiss her cheek. "I'm your Piglet, Quinn," she whispers, and that's that about that.

Except:

"Fuck," Quinn grumbles; "I don't know how I'm ever supposed to eat bacon again after this."

And, all Rachel can do is laugh.

As wary as Rachel initially is when it comes to Quinn's new obsession with boxing, she eats her words the first time she actually goes to watch Quinn work out.

At first, Rachel isn't sure what to expect, because the thought of Quinn involved in what can be a brutal sport puts her a little on edge. Her own research into it doesn't help with her unease, but Quinn assures her she won't actually be sparring with anyone.

What Quinn hopes to learn is how to use her anger in a positive way, and not hurt herself in the process.

So, okay, Rachel really doesn't know what to expect, but a dry mouth at the sight of her super-hot, sweaty girlfriend is definitely not it.

Quinn is wearing Bumblebee yellow sweatpants and a black sports bra that reveals all her slick skin and the kind of abdominal muscles that should be illegal.

Rachel is made alarmingly aware she's not the only one staring as Quinn does yet another punch combination against one of the heavy bags. Her hands are expertly wrapped, and her damp hair is tied back in a messy ponytail.

And, she's wearing a headband.

Rachel doesn't think she's ever found Quinn this attractive, and it amazes her how much she actually wants to touch and taste. It's unnerving just how intense the desire is, which just skyrockets when Quinn notices her arrival and shoots a wink at her.

God.

Rachel slinks to the side to get her raging hormones under control. She knows she has to stop looking at Quinn, but she can't seem to drag her eyes away from the magical sight in front of her. She's not even thinking about the fact she's in an actual boxing gym at the moment, with all sorts of sweaty guys around.

No.

All she sees is Quinn.

She almost laughs because, God, she thought she could feel this for a boy. There isn't even a bisexual thought in her mind at the moment. She has half a mind to saunter up to Quinn and kiss her senseless right here and now.

It's tempting.

So, so tempting.

But, then, Quinn's session is over, and Rachel watches as she grabs her towel and water bottle before making her way over to where Rachel is standing. Rachel almost wants to tell her not to come any closer, because Quinn looks positively dangerous like this.

Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are shining as she wipes at her brow. Then, God, she does the thing and tips her head back as she drinks her water, and Rachel has a billion fantasies about that neck and that skin, and is this what it feels like to -

"Hey," Quinn says, interrupting Rachel's spiralling thoughts, because she really should not be perving over her girlfriend like some uncontrollable teenage boy. Quinn glances around. "It's pretty neat, isn't it?"

And, she's so much of a dork that Rachel loves her even more. If Quinn actually knew how attractive she was, Rachel's pretty sure they would all be screwed. The entire human race. Everyone.

"I had to come see it for myself," Rachel says. "Had to know what was stealing my girlfriend away from me."

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Oh, yeah, you have all the time in the world to miss me between your vocal lessons and time in the dance studio."

Rachel pouts. "I constantly miss you."

Quinn's features soften. "Ditto, Berry," she says, wiping at her brow again. "I'm just going to grab my stuff, and then we can go, okay? Do you want to order from next door, and then we can go to my house?"

Rachel nods, because she really needs to get out of here. "Number four, right?"

Quinn nods. "And, don't forget the extra soy sauce."

"Like I would ever make that mistake again," Rachel says, rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure you ranted for fourteen minutes straight."

"Shut up."

Rachel pokes her bicep in that way that Quinn sometimes does, and she immediately knows it was the wrong thing to do. That… bicep… is… ohmigod.

"Rach?"

Rachel shakes her head to clear it. "I'm going to go," she says, awkwardly stepping back. "Don't take too long," she adds, and then she bolts, just able to escape the question hanging on Quinn's lips.

Rachel knows it's nothing out of the ordinary, but it's becoming increasingly clear to her that she and Quinn are going to have to talk about this. Rachel can't even tell if Quinn is dealing with the same things but, then again, Quinn has a lot more to combat against, anyway.

It isn't until they're back at the Fabray house and sprawled out on Quinn's bedroom floor with their food after her shower that Rachel braves bringing it up.

She shifts into an upright position, smiling softly at the way Quinn picks through her Pad Thai to get to her favourite vegetables first. She's all kinds of perfect, and Rachel is so in love.

Still, she asks, "Are you attracted to me?"

Quinn almost chokes on a bell pepper, and then stares incredulously at her. "What?"

Rachel presses her lips together. "Do you find me attractive?" she asks.

Quinn blinks. "Well, obviously," she says. "I think you're gorgeous."

Rachel fights off her blush.

"What are you really asking me, Rachel?" Quinn asks, setting her food aside and giving Rachel her undivided attention.

Rachel clears her throat. "Do - do you ever think about… going further… with me?"

Quinn audibly swallows. "What exactly are we talking about?"

Rachel drops her gaze. "I just - I've been having these thoughts," she starts. "And, I was wondering if you were, as well."

"Thoughts about what?"

"Wanting you. Touching you. Kissing you." She breathes out slowly. "Constantly."

"Oh."

Rachel frowns. "Is that all you have to say?"

Quinn shifts in position. "Well, my brain is currently processing that, but all my body wants to do is devour you."

Rachel's eyes widen. "Oh?"

Quinn arches an eyebrow. "Is that all you have to say?"

It's a challenge, Rachel knows, and she rises to it completely when she scrambles across the carpet and lands on Quinn with a laugh.

That quickly turns into a yelp when Quinn suddenly flips them over. "Quinn, what are - "

Quinn cuts her off with a bruising kiss, and Rachel is suddenly hot all over, images of Quinn from just an hour ago flashing through her mind.

"How can you think I don't want you, even for a second?" Quinn asks, her breath hot against the skin of Rachel's neck. She nips and sucks, and then bites down hard.

Rachel's fingers fly to Quinn's hair, tugging roughly. "Easy there, tiger," she says, and then moans when Quinn licks over the mark, soothing it.

"Of course, I find you attractive," Quinn says, almost panting. "You're stunning, Rachel, and I'm sorry if I don't tell you enough, but I want you, too, okay?" She's blushing, now. "I think about it, as well."

Rachel can't even think coherently with Quinn's weight pressed down on her so deliciously. "You do?"

"Not quite constantly," Quinn teases, "but, I do. Of course, I do. Have you seen yourself?"

Rachel nods through her own blush. "One day?"

Quinn softly kisses her lips. "One day," she confirms.

"What do you think is going to happen if we actually win Regionals?" Rachel asks, looking over her glass at Quinn, who is reading the menu in her hands with such an intensity that Rachel is almost blushing.

"What do you mean?" Quinn asks, glancing up.

"Like, with Shelby," Rachel clarifies, nervously nibbling at her bottom lip. "Do you think she'll be mad?"

Quinn's brow furrows. "Would you be mad if she won?"

"Yes."

Quinn chuckles. "I don't even know what to say to that."

Rachel sips at her water again, looking thoughtful. "I think I would be mature about it if we lost, but it would really suck."

"Such big words," Quinn teases, setting her menu on the table.

"Shut up."

"Have you talked to Shelby about it?"

Rachel drops her gaze. "Not really," she says. "We're still at that 'getting to know you' stage, and that's flirting with 'deep' territory."

Quinn nods in understanding. "I still think you should talk to her, though," she says. "My therapist says talking about things really helps." She offers such a cheesy grin that Rachel has to laugh.

"Sounds like a smart lady."

"She likes to think so," Quinn says with a roll of her eyes.

Rachel's features soften as she regards the girl sitting opposite her. "You're pretty great, you know that, right?"

Predictably, Quinn blushes and ducks her head to hide it. "I did know that, actually."

This time, Rachel rolls her eyes. "And modest, too," she adds sarcastically.

"Are you actually nervous about next weekend?" Quinn asks, trying to get a read on her girlfriend. "You seem…" she trails off, unsure how to finish the sentence. "I don't know. Are you, uh, nervous about Regionals?"

"No," Rachel says, entirely too quickly. "I mean, sort of. Yes."

"Why?"

She can't look Quinn in the eye, and she suddenly wishes their server would come and take their order already, so she can get out of this conversation.

Which would be moot, anyway, because it's unlikely Quinn is going to forget about this topic.

"I'm not… nervous," Rachel eventually says. "It's definitely not that, because I'm a competent performer."

"You're more than competent," Quinn immediately interjects, frowning.

Rachel smiles. "Thank you, baby," she gently says. "But, I mean, I could probably perform in my sleep, so it's not that I'm nervous about that, per se."

"It's something else?"

Rachel licks her lips. "I guess I'm just worried about what happens after," she finally confesses.

"As in, if we don't win, Glee will cease to exist?"

Rachel nods.

"It's not on you, you know," Quinn says. "Whether we win or lose, it's not solely up to you. Whatever happens is going to happen, and that's going to be something we're all going to have to live with."

Rachel regards her carefully. "You're being especially great today," she says. "Why are you saying all the right things?"

"Uh, because they're the truth."

Rachel is still smiling when their server does finally show up, and Quinn places their order for them, as she's been known to do when they actually brave going out to restaurants on these dates that they attempt to make look strictly friendly.

"Because we're being honest with each other," Rachel says, which immediately puts Quinn on edge.

Quinn arches a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "Are we?"

Rachel blinks slowly, and then sighs. "Ask me."

Quinn clears her throat. "You haven't talked about your last meeting with Shelby," she says, frowning slightly. "Did - did something happen?"

Rachel can't seem to look at her. "I think she doesn't like me."

Quinn raises her eyebrows. "What?"

"I don't know," she says, sounding defeated. "I just get the feeling I'm really not what she was expecting, and… she doesn't know what to do about that."

Quinn isn't sure she's understanding. "You mean, she's not giving off the impression she's actually interested in getting to know you?" she questions.

"It's as if she doesn't actually want a relationship with me," Rachel confesses in a whisper, and Quinn's heart breaks for her. "Like, now that she's met me, she… just doesn't want me."

Under the table, Quinn's fists clench, and she does her best to stamp down on the latent rage that sits under the surface whenever someone is trying to hurt the people she cares about.

Rachel.

"Maybe I'm just imagining it," Rachel finally says, looking all for the world as if she doesn't believe her own words. "You were there in the beginning. It was awkward, and it kind of still is."

Quinn knows she probably shouldn't, but she still endeavours to talk to Shelby, because she won't stand idly by and watch this train wreck happen. She's got enough trouble dodging her own disasters.

Rachel shrugs. "But, I don't want to talk about that anymore," she says. "Do you really think we'll win?"

Quinn is slightly unsettled, but she allows Rachel this respite. "I hope so," she carefully says. "I don't want Glee to be over."

Rachel's smile is a little sad. "And, to think you didn't even want to join with me," she teases.

"What would I ever do without you?" Quinn asks, and it comes out sounding entirely too serious. She doesn't mean for it to be so severe, but their gazes meet over the table, and Quinn realises this is the moment.

This is the moment.

Until now, they could have probably got away with this relationship being a distant memory of high school, maybe, but it's different now.

It's always going to be different, because this girl means everything to her.

She is everything.

"I love you," Quinn says, and she suddenly doesn't care who hears her.

Rachel doesn't bother to look around, either, as she says, "I love you, too."

In the end, it's rather easy for Quinn to get an afternoon free to drive up to Carmel and see Shelby. Rachel has some shopping planned with Kurt and Mercedes, and that's always a sure-fire way for Quinn to duck out.

She doesn't like Mercedes, and she constantly feels as if Kurt is watching her, analysing her and judging her.

It's not something she's been able to bring up to Rachel, because Rachel always gets this excited smile whenever she gets included in things. It breaks Quinn's heart a little, and she's going to do everything she can to preserve the brunette's friendships.

And, well, her relationship with her mother.

Sort of.

Shelby is easy to find once Quinn arrives at the school. It's obvious she's not a Carmel student, but nothing else about her appearance actually gives her away, so she's free to walk through the corridors towards her destination without encountering any problems.

But, of course, Jesse has to come out of Shelby's office when she arrives, and the two of them exchange an uncertain look. He can only speculate why she's here, and she honestly doesn't care what he thinks.

She barely acknowledges him as she glances into the office, where Shelby looks just as surprised to see her.

"Hello," Quinn says. "Do you have a minute?"

Shelby immediately waves her inside, and she doesn't even spare a second look at Jesse. She's used to blocking him out, at this point, and she's not nearly as polite as Rachel.

"Quinn," Shelby says once she's inside. "This is a surprise."

Quinn doesn't immediately say anything, as she settles into a seat opposite Shelby's desk. The office, itself, isn't overly large, but it is bigger than anything McKinley boasts. It's obvious she's important, and Quinn tries not to let that affect her.

Shelby takes a seat, as well, and she's a little thrown by the steel in the girl's eyes. Quinn's clearly come for a very specific reason, and she has a feeling she's about to learn a few very important things.

"I'm going to assume you're here about Rachel," Shelby starts.

Quinn nods. "I am," she says. "As I'm sure you're aware, her fathers don't yet know the two of you are in contact, so I feel as if it's up to me to make sure… nothing goes wrong."

Shelby frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I have to ask," she says; "but what exactly were you intending to happen when you met Rachel?"

Shelby clearly isn't expecting the question, from the blank look on her face.

"It's just, you know, were you hoping to be her mother?" Quinn asks. "Or, were you just curious, and now you want to befriend her? Or, am I wildly off base when I say you wanted a daughter, and you have no idea what to do with what you have, now?"

Shelby blinks. "It's been difficult," she finally says. "She's this entire person, and I - I - " she stops, sighing. "You're right."

Quinn arches an eyebrow expectantly. What is she right about?

"I think I came into this expecting some kind of mother/daughter relationship," she says. "I can no longer have children, Quinn, and I wanted to have… my baby back."

"Only, Rachel isn't a baby."

"No, she's not," Shelby says. "And she doesn't need me."

Quinn tilts her head to the side. "What makes you think she doesn't need you?"

Shelby looks the most exasperated Quinn has ever seen her, waving a hand in the air. "She's fully grown," she says. "How much mothering could I possibly do when she's practically an adult already."

Quinn regards her carefully. "Tell me, Shelby, when was the last time you called up your own mother for some advice?"

When Shelby doesn't - possibly even can't - respond, Quinn leans forward to look her in the eye.

"Look, maybe you two won't be able to establish the kind of mother/daughter relationship you envisioned," Quinn says, and her voice is light, understanding.

Shelby doesn't even know how a teenager can manage that level of maturity in her tone.

"The truth is that Rachel is sixteen, and she already has parents," Quinn continues. "It was always going to be complicated and awkward where you are concerned, but I need to ask you if you're as invested in this as she is, because I can't watch her keep getting hurt by people constantly rejecting her."

Shelby remains silent.

"She's one of those people," Quinn says; "who will change your entire life. It's as simple as that." She glances away. "She's changed mine."

Shelby leans forward slightly.

"I'm not… always… okay," she confesses quietly. "Rachel helps me in ways I can never repay her for. And, the best and worst part is she would want nothing in return. That's the beauty of Rachel Berry, and I sincerely hope you can find it in your heart to look past the ideals you believe you want and realise what kind of good thing you have here."

Shelby looks suitably mollified, and Quinn doesn't think she has anything more to say.

"Just, think about it," Quinn finishes, and then she sees herself out. She can only hope Shelby does the right thing.

The only thing.

It's only days later when they learn that Coach Sylvester is going to be a judge at their Regionals competition, and Rachel suddenly isn't against referring to the members of the Club being… depressed.

There are tears, and it's already decided that everyone is just going to go back to his or her cliques when they inevitably lose.

There's no way they can win. Not with the way Sue Sylvester has been gunning for them since the very beginning.

Later, in the dark of night, when Rachel cries, Quinn just holds her.

"I don't want it to end," Rachel sniffles, burying her face in Quinn's chest. "I don't want things to go back to the way they were."

Quinn knows she can't make any promises, but she does make a silent vow to do whatever she can to make sure Glee gets to go on, regardless of where they place at Regionals.

The New Directions lose.

Vocal Adrenaline wins, and Shelby makes a decision, invariably doing the… thing.

It's not the right one.

Quinn isn't used to Rachel being the one who doesn't want to talk about things. In this regard, though, she's unsurprised, because Rachel has always been particularly hushed about Shelby and all that comes with the woman.

What Quinn manages to gather is that Shelby thinks it's best if they remained friends, who admired each other from afar. Quinn almost drives up to Carmel to give her another talking-to, but she doesn't.

Rachel needs her here, and Quinn isn't going anywhere.

"Berry."

It's been a long time since Rachel has actually flinched at the sound of Santana's voice, but the last few months have been… telling, and their relationship is at an all time low.

At least, this time last year, they could be civil, but it's all so very different now.

Rachel clears her throat and looks Santana in the eye. "Santana," she says coolly, taking a page out of Quinn's immensely vast book.

"We need to talk," Santana says, and she's desperately trying not to give away her own nerves. She's better than this.

"No, we don't," Rachel says, because she really doesn't have the time for this. She's just so tired of everything at the moment, and she thinks she understands Quinn far better now.

"You're going to want to hear what I have to say."

"I highly doubt that."

"It's about Quinn."

Rachel levels her with a glare so fierce that Santana actually takes a step back. "I don't care what you think you have to tell me," she forces out through gritted teeth. "You don't get to talk about her, do you hear me? You gave up that right the second you made her feel unworthy of the life she's living."

Santana blinks slowly, that familiar, yet unwanted, feeling blooming in her chest. She wishes she were braver. She wishes she had someone who would protect her and come to her defence this ferociously.

Rachel settles slightly, and takes a few deep breaths. "If you want to tell me something; just tell me," she says. "I think we've messed each other up enough for one lifetime, don't you?"

Santana clenches her jaw, and then relaxes slightly. "Just, well, you should know that Coach Sylvester is sniffing around for Quinn," she says. "I don't know what for but, seeing as we barely scraped by our Regionals because of some stupid technicality, it makes sense that, well, she would come knocking."

Rachel frowns. "But, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would she need Quinn?"

Santana looks away for a moment. "Who else is supposed to lead?"

Rachel doesn't respond to the rhetorical question because, yes, who is supposed to lead? Stacey wasn't doing it well enough and, as much as Santana likes to talk a good game, even she easily acquiesced to Quinn's natural command.

Rachel shifts slightly. "What makes you think Quinn would even be interested?" she asks, forcing herself not to bristle at the implication or panic at the possibility.

The inevitability.

And, really, Santana can't even say why Quinn would. The cheerleaders have treated her like crap, under Santana's orders, and it would probably be too weird for them if Quinn were suddenly placed back in charge.

But, they know.

Rachel and Santana.

They both know.

Even if Santana hasn't been their friend since before Winter Break, she knows exactly why Quinn would reconsider rejoining the Cheerios.

Frannie.

In the end, Rachel doesn't even have to talk to Quinn about it, because the blonde gets accosted by Jacob Ben Israel, who asks her outright if she's going to take Coach Sylvester up on her offer.

And, Quinn, who is all too aware of the fact that JBI was probably sent by Coach Sylvester herself, says nothing to the boy.

She does, however, walk away with her mind reeling, though looking perfectly composed on the outside. Coach Sylvester truly is convoluted, and Quinn isn't sure what to make of her backhanded tactics.

All the woman has to do is talk to Quinn like a normal human being.

Quinn almost laughs at that.

Coach Sylvester isn't normal, at all.

Quinn doesn't go out of her way to change her routine, now that she's aware of what the cheerleading coach wants from her. Quinn doesn't know if she could handle being a cheerleader again. She enjoyed it, sure, but being the Head Cheerleader took a lot out of her, and she thinks everything that happened was actually a blessing in disguise.

She never would have survived Winter Break with the added pressure. Sometimes, she hates that she just quit… when things got bad, but she honestly couldn't handle merely the thought of being part of a Squad that her best friend usurped her for.

And, now, to go back… it's asking a lot.

Quinn reasons she'll have to talk to Rachel about it. And her parents. Her therapist, as well. It's not a decision to be made easily, because she has to make choices that will keep her healthy and not stress her out unnecessarily.

Then again, being a cheerleader again will offer her protection. It will allow her to keep a better eye on Rachel, and that's almost enough to get Quinn to do just about anything.

She thinks it goes without saying, at this point, that she would go to the ends of the Earth for Rachel Berry.

When Quinn and Rachel do finally set time aside to talk about it, they don't.

Rachel just casually mentions how hot Quinn would look in the uniform again, and they end up making out like horny teenagers on Rachel's bed.

Their physical relationship has progressed in ways Rachel didn't initially expect. She knows she's nowhere near ready for sex, even if she's certain the person she'll eventually lose her virginity to is currently sucking on the skin above her collarbone.

She's aware she lost her shirt at some point and Quinn's is bunched up and there's just so much skin. Just kissing Quinn is already intense, so this is taking it to another level, because now Quinn's hand is cupping her breast and she's breathing words into Rachel's skin.

I love you and you're gorgeous and god, you taste so damn good and why have we never done this before and more, please, please, please.

Rachel's nails drag along the skin of Quinn's back, drawing a soft moan from between the blonde's lips. It's probably the best sound she's ever heard, and she wants to hear more of it.

They're in the middle of a searing kiss when Quinn suddenly pulls back and says, "I'm going back."

Rachel just fists her hair and tugs her back down. "I know, baby."

"I hear you wanted to speak with me."

Quinn, for the most part, isn't sure what she's hoping to get out of this meeting with Coach Sylvester, but there are going to be some very important changes if she does accept her old position.

Coach Sylvester regards her carefully, sensing the tension in the girl before her. "I don't know where you heard such a thing," she says.

Quinn almost smiles. "So, you don't want to talk to me?" she asks. "Oh, well, then, that's okay," she says, moving to get to her feet, only to have Coach Sylvester raise a hand to stop her.

"Let's quit the antics, Fabray," she says calmly. "You know what I want, so why don't you tell me what you want in return?"

"Well, I want you to tell me why you demoted me in the first place," she says, and it catches Coach Sylvester off guard. "Santana told you something, and you believed her. I want to know why."

Coach Sylvester hesitates. "Would you believe me if I said it was for your own good?"

"No."

There's a tense silence. "Well, it was," she says, anyway. "I don't make mistakes, Fabray, but I did with you." She glances away, her jaw tense. "Stacey isn't strong enough, and I recognised something in you that I knew would work for my Squad. But, you weren't ready, were you?"

Quinn doesn't respond.

"I can admit I was selfish," she says. "When I was given the opportunity to rectify it, I imagine I went about it the wrong way."

Quinn just stares at her, and it's unnerving.

Coach Sylvester shifts in her seat.

"Why now?" Quinn asks.

"I'm still selfish."

"And, what, you think I'm ready now?"

"You tell me."

Quinn folds her hands in her lap. "I'll come back," she says.

Coach Sylvester waits patiently, because there's definitely more.

"I want Glee reinstated," Quinn says. "It's the one condition I won't negotiate so, if you can't make it happen, we're done here."

It's not wildly unexpected, but Coach Sylvester still bristles. "I can't make promises," she says.

"If need's be, you'll offer up some of your own budget," Quinn says. "Or, you know, maybe some of that profit you weren't supposed to make."

Coach Sylvester eyes her carefully. "I'm coming to realise that you are, in fact, ready," she says.

Quinn shrugs. "Do we have a deal?"

"There's nothing else you want?"

Quinn leans back. "Santana will not be my second-in-command," she says. "I'll decide that on my own." She pauses. "And, you have to tell your cheerleaders that slushies are officially banned. The bullying stops."

Coach Sylvester looks uncomfortable. "How else are we supposed to keep order?"

"I don't care," Quinn says; "it just shouldn't hurt." She clears her throat. "Do you even realise the damage that can be done? Do you even think about what struggles the next person is already going through? Or, do you just not care?"

There's another tense silence and, when it's broken, Coach Sylvester surprises them both by saying, "I have a sister."

Quinn sucks in a sharp breath.

"She's the most important person in my life, and I would be torn apart if anything ever happened to her."

Quinn doesn't say anything for a solid minute. "I wasn't ready," she finally concludes.

"No, you weren't."

And, that's that about that.

They make a spectacle of it.

Quinn Fabray, newly-restored Head Cheerleader, is the talk of the school from the second she walks through the front door in her returned pressed uniform. She looks more formidable, now, having filled out in the months she was away.

The boxing has made her leaner, and she has the kind of muscles that Rachel obsesses over whenever she can. One of Rachel's favourite things to do is press her face into those abs, and just be.

Quinn is literally drool-worthy, and Rachel is so smug about the fact that Quinn is hers. They had their moment, so she's not as worried about the attention Quinn receives this time around.

Quinn looks more settled about it, as well. Rachel thinks it's because she agreed on her own terms, and she feels ready. The look is intensely hot on her, and Rachel has been texting her about it all day, revelling in the many ways she can come up with to tell Quinn how stunning she is.

Even Mike is enjoying it a little too much, high-fiving Quinn whenever he sees her like the adorable dork he is. Rachel absolutely adores him for it, and she vows to treat him to his favourite drink at the Lima Bean one of these days.

Quinn blushes constantly, and her smile is present whenever she looks at her phone. It's not something that goes unnoticed by several people, and it makes people curious… or desperate.

If Quinn is… texting someone, then, does anyone actually stand a chance?

The answer is simple.

When Quinn gets asked out the first time, she says no.

She says no every time, and proceeds to point out that yes, you, Jerry, threw a slushy in my face not three months ago, so get the hell out of my sight.

It goes without saying that anyone who has ever done a wrong against Quinn or against any of her friends doesn't stand a chance, and that's that about that.

Quinn's first practice back with the Cheerios is definitely an awkward one.

Coach Sylvester leads the session, Quinn standing just to her right and eyeing each one of the cheerleaders with the kind of detached scrutiny that makes each of them uncomfortable.

And a little fearful, if they're being honest.

Quinn hasn't spoken any words to Santana, and she doesn't intend to. She's just going to hand out orders, and she'll dare any one of them to defy her. They have to know Coach Sylvester wouldn't seek her out for nothing.

Quinn is here for a reason.

When the time comes and Coach Sylvester invites her to speak, all Quinn says is, "We're going to win." There's such a finality to her words that nobody can find it in themselves to dispute the declaration.

"We're going to win," she repeats, and now there's a hint of a threat in her tone, because they suddenly know the only way they can win is if they listen to Quinn.

They don't even need Coach Sylvester to convince them of that truth.

They just know.

And, really, that's that about that.

Mr Schuester, admittedly, doesn't know how it happens, but he's definitely not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. All he knows is Principal Figgins tells him Glee Club has another year, and he's pretty sure he stopped listening to whatever the man was saying straight after that.

The show choir director itches to let his Club know from the moment he hears the news, but he manages to temper his excitement enough to get through the day without giving away the good news.

The members have been in a bit of a funk since their loss at Regionals, and he's feeling all sorts of new tension among his ranks. He's hoping this news will make them feel better, as well as settle whatever is brewing beneath the surface.

When Mr Schuester arrives at the Choir Room - a little late - he's relieved to see every member present. They're seated in their usual places, and he takes a moment to appreciate the effect Quinn has had on both Rachel and Mike, in their own respective ways.

It's almost as if she's been able to transfer some confidence and enthusiasm from Rachel to Mike. Rachel Berry has more than enough to give.

He also acknowledges the way Artie seems to have brought Tina out of her shell a bit, and Noah is slightly more mellow. He's not even going to get started on the situation with Brittany and Santana, but he definitely enjoys it when the blonde can keep the Latina occupied enough not to throw out obscenities at the rest of the members.

"Guys," Mr Schuester says, getting their attention. "I have some brilliant news."

It takes a moment, but they eventually give him their undivided attention.

"What's up, Mr Schue?" Finn asks, looking expectantly at their teacher.

Mr Schuester takes in all their faces, and then smiles widely as he says, "We're getting another year."

The noise that follows that revelation is astounding, and he easily fields questions because, well, he doesn't know how and why.

Just that it's happening, and he would rather not wonder too hard about it.

It's only while the celebrations are ongoing that he realises Quinn is the only one who didn't appear at all surprised.

When Rachel finds out, a full week later, that the status of Glee was one of the things Quinn bartered with when discussing the conditions of her returning to her position as Head Cheerleader, things get… well, they get heated.

Rachel doesn't remember ever running this hot before, but she's pretty sure she's burning up from the way Quinn is currently kissing her.

Everywhere.

Quinn is kissing her everywhere.

Their shirts are lost to the world, and Rachel is touching skin and breathing her gratitude into a pale throat.

It's hot.

Everything is just so hot.

"Can I?" Quinn questions and, even though Rachel doesn't really know what Quinn is asking, she still says yes.

And, then, Quinn's fingers are reaching for the clasp of her bra, and Rachel wonders, in what world, she ever thought Quinn doesn't want her as much as she wants Quinn.

Perhaps even more, if she's going to read anything into the way Quinn shifts her hips, a strong thigh slipping between Rachel's legs.

Oh.

Well.

Okay.

If anyone were to ask Rachel how it happens, she really wouldn't be able to tell them.

Because, she really doesn't know.

One second, Quinn's mouth is following her exploring hands - which drives Rachel beyond insane with want - and Quinn's thigh is moving against her… right there, and the next second, Rachel is -

"Quinn!"

Quinn pulls back in a panic, her eyes wide. "What? Did I hurt you?"

"Oh, my God," Rachel groans as she comes down from her small, unexpected high, breathless and flushed and so, so embarrassed. All she wants to do is hide her face because this is mortifying. Quinn doesn't even know she just gave Rachel an -

God, she can't even think it.

Quinn studies her closely, noting her heavy breathing and deep, deep blush, and suddenly just knowing. "Oh," she says, before the most shit-eating grin spreads across her face.

Rachel can barely look at her. "Don't look so smug," she murmurs, burying her face in the crook of Quinn's warm neck.

Quinn lets out the most glorious laugh, and Rachel reasons everything that's led them to this point is worth it. "But, I should be, right?"

Rachel huffs out a breath, pouting as she keeps her arms wrapped around Quinn's naked back. This is the most physically intimate they've been with each other, and she's a little terrified it will end up scaring Quinn away.

"Hey," Quinn whispers, trying to get her attention, even if Rachel won't release her enough to get a look at her face. "Rach?"

Rachel just holds her tighter.

Quinn sighs, settling her weight on Rachel when she realises she's not going to be allowed to go anywhere. "It's okay, you know," she says. "Perfectly natural."

"That's really not what I want to hear right now," Rachel mumbles, suddenly irritated with her own reaction to this situation.

"What do you want to hear?" Quinn asks, absently kissing the shell of Rachel's ear. "What do you need me to say to assure you it's okay?"

Rachel just tightens her grip again, as if she's holding on for dear life.

Quinn hums softly. "I love you," she murmurs. "I love you, and I'm right here. It really is okay, you know? There's nothing to be embarrassed about." She nuzzles Rachel's hair. "It's a bit of a surprise, I'll give you that, but it - it doesn't scare me." She lets out an amused breath. "I'm actually quite flattered. Totally chuffed, actually."

It takes a while, but Rachel eventually relaxes, her death grip on Quinn loosening until Quinn has enough leeway to roll away.

She doesn't.

Instead, she shifts downwards, and resumes kissing Rachel's neck, her body resettling. "Did you not want to?" Quinn asks carefully, lifting her head to look at Rachel.

Rachel gnaws on her bottom lip. "I don't know," she confesses. "I do think we should have talked about it before, though."

"Do you want to forget it happened?" she asks.

Rachel blinks, unsure how to respond to that.

"It doesn't have to change anything," Quinn assures her. "It can just be a thing that happened that one time, and we don't have to do it again, okay? I'll be more careful."

Rachel just stares at her.

"Rach?"

"I love you." It's really all she can think to say, because Quinn is wonderful and perfect, and she loves her so much.

Quinn looks slightly bemused, but her smile is still present. "I love you, too," she says, because it's the one thing in her life that will never be a lie.

"I don't want to forget," Rachel eventually says. "But, can we file it away for later? Maybe, during the summer?"

"Okay," Quinn says, shifting so she can roll off her.

"No," Rachel immediately says, locking her arms around Quinn's body again. "Stay," she instructs. "I want you right here."

Quinn has no protests, as she finally resettles.

She's not going anywhere.

"It's not my fault I forgot."

"Then, whose fault is it?"

"Yours."

"And, what exactly have I done to warrant such an accusation?"

Rachel glares at Quinn. "You don't need me to tell you," she says. "You've been purposefully distracting me with - with your hands and your mouth, so of course I was going to forget."

Quinn smiles innocently. "You just want someone to blame," she accuses; "it's really not anyone's fault but your own that you seem to have forgotten it's been an entire year since we first kissed."

Rachel sighs dramatically, and looks away from the smug smile on Quinn's face that she desperately wants to kiss away. She can't, of course, because Glee is about to start, and the Choir Room is going to fill up soon.

Quinn pokes her bicep, which actually makes Rachel smile. "I'm picking you up at seven o'clock, by the way," she says. "Wear something nice."

"Oh?"

Quinn sobers slightly. "I'm well aware this isn't our official anniversary," she says, because Rachel chooses to count from their actual, official first date, even though Quinn referred to them as girlfriends on this day a year ago. "But, it does mark the date when I first gave in. When I surrendered to you and how you make me feel. When I handed you that white flag and accepted this is really what I want. When I finally let myself feel this… happiness. It's an important date for me, and I would love nothing more than to spend it with you."

"God," Rachel murmurs, blinking away her tears. "Why do you insist on making it so difficult for me not to kiss you?"

Quinn shrugs, that smug look back on her face. "It's a gift."

And, well, Rachel has always known her girlfriend is extremely talented.

It doesn't take Rachel all that long during the drive to realise where they're going. At first, the idea of going to the cemetery this late is unsettling, but it actually makes sense to her.

It's about them.

Quinn, Rachel and Frannie.

This day, a year ago, is the first day Quinn even talked to Rachel about her sister. It's the day they shared the first of many firsts, and Rachel can't help but look forward to everything else they're going to end up doing together.

Because, this is the girl she's going to marry, she's sure of it.

For the millionth time during her relationship with Quinn, Rachel wishes she actually met Frannie. More than anything, she wishes the older girl were still here, because she can't stand the thought that Quinn still feels guilty.

"We're not staying," Quinn says once she's parked. "I promise I'm talking you somewhere nice. I just - I wanted us to come here first, because, that day, a year ago, was an important day for me in terms of Frannie, as well."

Rachel just reaches for both her hands and holds them still. "I know, baby," she says. "I remember."

Quinn smiles sadly. "I miss her," she whispers, looking out the windscreen with that lost expression on her face. Eventually, it disappears with the clearing of her throat. "Sometimes, I get this thought that Frannie… sent you to me." She blushes so brightly that Rachel can see it in the dimming light.

Quinn chuckles softly. "It sounds silly," she says, shaking her head. "I just mean, you know, you came into my life just when Frannie was leaving it, and I don't think I could have survived anything that's happened since then without you."

Quinn looks at Rachel, her hazel eyes so serious. "I am so grateful to you," she says. "I don't think I can even explain to you what you've done for me, Rachel. I am so in love with everything you are, and everything you're not. And, if I never do anything right in my life ever again, I'll know that I at least did right by letting myself love you, and that's all that will ever matter."

Rachel realises she's crying when Quinn lets go of one of her hands and reaches up to wipe at her damp cheeks. She smiles at the feel of warm fingertips on her skin.

"I know none of this has been easy for you," Quinn continues, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I'm not easy."

Rachel opens her mouth to protest, but Quinn's finger is already there to keep her from speaking.

"Let me just say this," she pleads.

Rachel just nods, absently kissing Quinn's finger.

Quinn manages a smile as she takes her hand back. "The truth is that I'm not easy, Rachel. I'm - I'm sick, and it looks like it's going to be lifelong battle. It's not something that's just going to go away, as much as I want it to, and I really hope you know what you've signed yourself up for."

"I do," Rachel interjects.

Quinn shoots her a look. "How can you?" she asks. "Even I don't know what this all entails."

Rachel reaches across the console and slides her hand into Quinn's hair, turning her head to face her. "Do you love me?" she asks.

Quinn almost scowls at the preposterous question. "Of course."

"Do you believe I love you?"

"You have to, in order to put up with me."

"Quinn."

She sighs. "I do," she says. "I believe you love me."

"Okay," Rachel says, leaning her forehead against Quinn's. "Okay." She closes her eyes, and the two of them just breathe for a long moment.

This moment is important for them.

Everything that they say here is going to be relationship-defining.

"We have our whole lives, Quinn," Rachel says. "We love each other. The rest we'll figure out along the way."

"That doesn't really sound like a foolproof plan, Rach."

"I know you'll find this difficult to believe, but I don't have to have everything planned out, Fabray."

Quinn lets out an amused breath. "I love you," she says, as if it's the only thing that even matters.

"I love you, too," Rachel says.

There's a beat of silence, during which the weight of this declaration and what it could possibly mean for their futures settles over them.

Rachel isn't going anywhere, and neither is Quinn.

With a happy sigh, Rachel tugs Quinn into a deep kiss and, God, she really hopes that's that about that.

Fin

AN: Obviously, there are still a lot of things to be resolved, and I have tentative plans for the years to come for these precious characters, though I can't say when I'll get it written or published. I'll definitely return to this Universe, I can assure you. Just, maybe in a little while. This was a difficult story to write, and I imagine it was equally difficult to read, as well. (I think we're all due some fluff, now.)