How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended
Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.
Part IV…
Present day...Mclarens…
"But it was for you." Ted eyed Robin who gave coy smile.
"Oh yeah..." then anxious look over to where Barney and 2019 Anita Appleby were coming over…
Phew...Visible relief overwhelming her face, Ted and Tracy staring at her, then back over…
Ohhhh…
...At a very pregnant Anita Appleby…
"Excuse me, gotta go pee again and weep my guts out in the girls' room. I don't want Barney to see me so upset, at least not when I'm so happy." Robin beamed through running tears, rising carefully.
"Back in a mo, husbro!" her cry to Barney, who gave rather concerned look.
"Guess the hit man is canceled." Ted noted to Tracy.
"Maybe. She's pretty on edge."
"Guys? Robin ok?" Barney, anxiously looking after her. "Ted. You remember Anita Appleby?" he introduced a smiling if weary-looking Anita.
"Anita Appleby, Ted's wife Tracy McConnell-Mosby."
"Hey. He's just well trained by Robin, it's Mosby." Tracy offered hand.
"Nice to meet you. Hi, Ted! Great to see you again!" wave. "Could we catch up in just five? I gotta join Robin in pregnancy pee."
"All too familiar to me...Go." Tracy smiled, waving her off.
"Club soda and lime...Thanks." Anita noted to Barney, then hurried off.
"She looks good, right?" Barney noted, taking seat. "Is Robin ok? Was she feverish at all? Did you notice any strange behavior? Was she confused or disoriented? Did she mention any pain? Guys?" increasingly anxious tone.
"No more than normal for Scherbatsky, she's ok." Ted, soothingly.
"Really, we kept a close eye. She's good." Tracy agreed.
"Of course. Nothing to worry about. I don't know why you guys get so worried." Barney, calming.
"I should get a urine sample." he rose. "I'll just get a to go cup from the bar."
"No, no, no, no..." Tracy insisted. "I'll go. You sit with your friend here and tell him how unworried you are that you're about to panic a bunch of girls in the ladies room, including some who don't even know you." she rose.
Thanks. Ted beamed.
"Thanks, Trace." Barney, gratefully. Then turning to Ted… "Boy, these girls should get worked up over a little pregnancy, right?" confident smile belying nervous eyeing of the bathroom door.
"Sure." Ted nodded, sympathetic smile. "She really is ok, Barney. We're keeping an eye on her."
"Right. Right." nod. "I never should've agreed to this. What if something goes wrong? Ted, I found that damned Frankenstein clinic." rubbing face desperately.
"Barney. You and Marshall checked out everything. Robin checked out everything. And that girl Sarah Manning, the one who was on TV, promised she'd have the Canadian media and police on 'em in a second if they screwed up. It's fine. And she wanted this."
"Yeah, of course. Yeah." nervous nod. "Because she loves me and she knows how much I wanted a kid. It's all my fault, Ted. If anything happens..."
"Barney! Nothing is going to happen. Robin is going to have your daughter and you'll be a great dad. It's going to be...wait for it...No, she's going to be...Wait for it..."
"Ellie, Ted...Marvin's got the Wait for It..."
"Well, she could still..."
"Nah. She won't need Awesome or Legendary to be both. She's Robin's daughter." smile. "Why is she taking so long?" nervous glance to bathroom.
"My god, Barney, calm down. Marshall told me you've been crazy to work with these last few but you're going to be the one in the hospital. And Robin needs a husband who isn't in the hospital."
"Right, right...You're right. But it's good, I'm fine. The anti-anxiety meds are making a big difference."
"Yeah, I can see that." Ted nodded. "So...Anita Appleby? That's really something...You just ran into her? We heard she had a book signing..."
"'Of Course Happiness Can Be Yours, Pull Yourself Together You Dumb Slut', it's quite a read." Barney agreed. "Well, she was hoping I'd be here, she wanted to thank me again, in person. She really didn't have to, but I did want her to set any fears or rumors to rest, Robin being just a little on edge these days, you know? And she'd never heard the full story...Though I've told her what I knew."
"Thank you...For whatever happened you never told us about? I mean what transpired after Robin and Don went on your superdate and you warded off Anita all night…?"
"Oh..." shrewd look, nod. "Robin's already told you..."
"Up to you and Anita, phony date at Metro News 1...Patrice involved."
"Dear ole Patrice...You know she has a new book out too."
"Yeah, Tracy got a copy for Mother's Day, from me. Pure gold, her every word is a treasure of joy and hope in life." solemn nod.
"Yeah, Patrice is upbeat, bless her heart. Of course it's not a guy read."
"Uh, no, certainly not."
Cut to shots of Ted and Barney separately in cars tearing up over the audio copy of Patrice's book.
"Anyway, Anita looks great, doesn't she?" Barney noted.
"Yeah...Pregnancy great." Ted, shrugging.
"Ted? What's that supposed to mean? Pregnancy beauty is awesome." frown. "You've experienced it with Tracy, how can you not be awed-some?"
"Listen to you...Can this be Barney Stinson?" Ted chuckled.
"Hey. I always found pregnant girls attractive. It's an exception in the Bro Code of long standing."
Tracy, emerging from bathroom, covered cup in hand, thumb's up to Barney's relieved look…
"Well, that's good. Knew she was ok." Barney noted, pulling cell phone and pressing speed dial. "Yes, Dylan...I have this afternoon's sample, get a courier here asap. I want the test results by 5 pm."
"You have a 'pee' guy?" Ted stared.
"Yeah...Didn't you both times? Ted?" careful stare. "How could you, Ted Mosby, not have a 'pee' guy for the pregnant missus?"
"I think I may want his number..." Ted, thoughtfully.
"So...Anita's looking great, right?" Barney resumed. "We'll overlook your qualification, Mosby."
"Thanks. And as to the story of why she owes you thanks?"
"Ah, yes. The secret 'date' we had." solemn regarding of Ted's eager face.
"And Patrice was involved?"
"Indeed she was..." nod. "So, you want to hear?"
"Yes...But...I suppose Tracy should be here."
"Ted." frown. "I love Tracy but you can't let yourself be tied by strings, chained by, well, chains."
"Uh-huh. You make that speech to Robin?"
"Of course. We have that kind of relationship." confident tone.
"Where she has you so locked up, she doesn't even bother to slap you down when you make a futile gesture of independence?"
"Dude...I am the Master of My Fate, the Captain of My Soul..."
"That's her favorite poem..." shrewd look.
"Hey, couples learn from each other...Nothing wrong with that. But as to the story…?"
"Yeah, go ahead. Tracy had to go pee, too. Probably from watching the pregnant girls. I can tell her later. I need new stories anyway..."
"You sure you don't need to pee? You being the most pregnant girl I know."
Frown to Barney's grin..."Fine, just tell me. Say, does Trace look pregnant to you?"
….
2010, Metro News 1 main office…
"So he's still on leave?" Anita asked Patrice. "Is his daughter?"
"Oh, she's better now, thanks to him. He really took great care of her in the hos...Anita?" Patrice stared as Anita collapsed into a chair, sobbing.
("The amazing thing was how she got that dress into that chair..." Barney noted in present day.)
"I...I...I didn't know, I was upset about Barney dumping me and...And...And...I thought he was just trying to...To...To...Get away from me." weeping.
"No, she really was ill. She nearly died." Patrice, gently.
"And...And...And...What did I do? What did I say? I snarled at him and told him he ought to tell his wife...Oh, no..." moan, weeping…
"I know you didn't know he was a widower, but that was a little..." Patrice sighed. "I mean, your 'no' works pretty well, I guess, but he'd never go off with someone else if he were still married. Michael is a fine man."
"He is. He is, Patrice." Anita, weeping… "Barney? You have a handkerchief?"
"Yes. Hand woven Tibetian silk. Let me get you a paper towel or tissue." he went to desk.
"My lower cabinet, to the right, first drawer." Patrice pointed. "I keep them handy, we always seem to have someone upset by the news."
"I can make it up to him, I can, Patrice." Anita, insistent. "Oh, when he left with the look on his face and didn't even respond to my 'no'… Thanks, Barney." she took tissue.
"Yeah...Just don't get your running mascara on my suit, ok?"
"He looked just like my daddy..." Anita sighed. "Oh, what a fool I was. But I really did like him, Patrice. That's why I kept using my 'no' on him. But I'm such a...A...A..."
"Bitch? Dominatrix? Ho?" Barney suggested.
"I was going to say, independent sort." she frowned, then teared again. "But you're right..." weeping. "Though I was afraid to ask him...I see that now. I figured a guy like that, no pretensions, utterly secure in himself. He had to be married or something. And it was just a mix of boredom and my own awesomeness...Naturally." proud nod to Barney, returned.
Respect…
"Then Barney 'no'd me for our date and...I just..." sob. "I figured he was just making an excuse to end it. I told myself, hey, I don't care...I only go out with great-looking guys with huge bank accounts. I guess the 'ho' fits." sad and downcast look.
"No, no...I'm sorry, Anita. That was mean." Barney, patting her.
"You really want him back?" Patrice eyed her.
"He's like my daddy...Not that I have daddy issues. I just mean he's the wonderful sort of no-nonsense guy I always hoped I'd end up with after going through a few wealthy hunk jerks like the Hollywood stars do." Anita shrugged. "But I blew it...I saw it in his eyes. No 'no' is gonna get him back."
"Now, now...Appleby." Barney had come over to her. "This is not the woman who nearly, but by no means actually, brought Barnabas J. Stinson low. We have a plan, remember?"
"Yeah...But this is real, Barney." Anita, daubing eyes. "Not trying to score points and beat a jerk...No offense. This is someone who might really be...The One. Who thinks I'm a skanky, dominating, heartless, unfeeling bitch now."
"No..." Barney, soothingly, while eyeing Patrice's weeeelll...stare.
"Though of course, there are other middle-aged unattached cameramen in New York and across the country..." he noted. "Most of whom would be overjoyed to get the faintest of 'no's from a beautiful and successful..."
"What?" she stared. "Michael's not some average schmo guy I ran into and hooked for fun...Well, that was only at first when I wanted to impress Robin and because I didn't know him then…" glare.
"Well then, Appleby...Given you're already the incredible equivalent of suited up in a smokin' hot babe. If he's the One. Go get him." Barney nodded firmly.
….