It's time for my second Spongebob remake. My last story was Rose Fever based on the episode "Pineapple Fever" which took place in the Sonic universe. This one takes place in the Mario universe and is based on "Can you Spare a Dime?". Enjoy!
Mario is owned by Nintendo. Spongebob and Can you Spare a Dime? are owned by Nickelodeon and Viacom
French Narrator: One evening at Peach's Castle.
Toadsworth was counting the money in the castles safe, Luigi was counting steel bolts on the wall, and Mario was mopping the floor.
Toadsworth: 51, 52, 53…
Luigi: 29, 30, 31…
Mario: One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three!
Luigi: Toadsworth can we please go home now?
Toadsworth: Perhaps our most loyal guard can inform you on castle policy.
Mario: "The Mushroom Kingdom Castle Guard Manual; 2nd Revised Edition; Page 35; Section 19; Clause 3a states: All staff must remain on the premises until the day's taxes are fully accounted for."
Luigi: But that's not fair!
Mario: "Clause 3b: The proprietor reserves the right to be unfair." Sorry bro. Life isn't fair.
Luigi: Hmph! Teacher's pet…
Toadsworth: Let's see… 5, 10, 25, blue, apple sauce. Everything seems to be in order, except… *gasp* Where is it? WHERE IS IT!?
Luigi: What?
Toadsworth: My coin! My special coin! The first coin the kingdom ever made! It was right here!
Luigi: Well I've never seen it.
Toadsworth then looked at Luigi suspiciously
Toadsworth: Hmm, are you prepared to say that with your hand on a stack of interpretive dance quarterlies?
Luigi: Of course I'm…
Luigi suddenly realized that Toadsworth was thinking he had something to do with it.
Luigi: What are you saying?
Toadsworth: Me? I ain't saying nothing that would matter to anyone who would be able to take a lie detector test!
Luigi: You're saying something!
Toadsworth: Heavens to Betsy, no. It's just that my lucky coin's gone missing, and you've been guarding the safe all day!
Luigi: Are you accusing me of something!?
Toadsworth: Well, the way I see it there are three possibilities: One, you stole it. Two, you stole it. Or three—YOU STOLE IT!
Luigi: I DID'NT TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS COIN!
Toadsworth: Show me your pockets! All of them!
Luigi: WHAT!?
Toadsworth: I wanna see empty pockets! Every last one!
Enraged of his accusation, Luigi took his empty pockets and shoved them in Toadsworth's face.
Luigi: HERE! HERE! HERE! SEE 'EM!?
Luigi then angrily stomps away while Toadsworth stands there in shock at Luigi's outburst.
Toadsworth: Y-you can't do that to me! I'm your boss!
Luigi: Well, you know what!? Not anymore! I... QUIT!
*echo* QUIT!
QUIT!
Mario: *gasp* QUIT!?
As Luigi storms out of the castle, Mario runs out after him.
Mario: Luigi, you're making a huge mistake!
Luigi: Mistake!? The only mistake I've ever made was risking my life to protect Princess Peach with no recognition whatsoever! Nobody gives a block about Luigi! They all worship and respect you, and treat you as if you were the one who's done everything and almost nobody in this kingdom even knows my name, often calling me "Green Mario" or "Mario wanna-be" or "Bootleg Mario" or "Loser". And even after I SAVED you from a haunted mansion, they think you broke out yourself and respect you for that! And now Toadsworth's accused me of stealing a coin and that's crossing the line! It's clear to be now that I was never meant for the hero business. I am DONE! So go on Mario! Go be the hero! Don't worry about me! You don't need me! You never did!
Mario: Gee, i never knew you thought so strongly about this.
Luigi: Where have you been...?
Mario: … Well Luigi… it looks like there's nothing I can do to change your mind. But at least let me tell you this. It's a cold, cold world out there. No one's gonna serve you happiness on a silver platter.
Toadette: Free sample?
Mario: Cookies! *grabs one* Thank you so much!
Luigi: Can I have one-?
It was too late. She walked away.
Mario: Anyways, I just want you to know, if you ever get in trouble, come find me. I'll take care of you. Because we're brothers, we stick up for each other.
Luigi: I appreciate the concern bro. But I don't need your help. I am ready to unlock my potential! I could be anything I set my mind to. I could be a football player! Or a king! Or a spaceman!
Mario: Or a football playing king in space! … Hey I can have multiple careers. I don't see why anyone couldn't.
Luigi: I guess you have a point. Well, see you later bro! Next time you see me, this kingdom will be eating out of the palm of my hands!
Mario: That's the spirit bro! I wish you the best of luck!
Weeks later… Luigi is seen as a homeless man living in a cardboard box. He was holding out a cup desperate for money.
Luigi: Spare change? Spare change ma'am?
Mario: Luigi? Luigi, is that you?
Luigi: I uh… uhh…
Luigi closes his box out of embarrassment and fear.
Mario: Hey, don't be shy! It's a me, Mario! Your brother! We used to go on adventures together.
Luigi: Mario?
Mario: What happened? What happened to your goal of becoming a football playing king in space?
Toad: Green Mario?
Luigi: Yes?
Toad: Sign here please.
Luigi signed the clipboard and got his cardboard box taken away. Luigi started crying.
Luigi: *crying* I'm a total loser! I lost my job, my home, EVERYTHING! You were right Mario! I do need you!
Mario: There there Luigi. You can come and live with me.
Mario took Luigi to his house where he settled him in on his bed.
Mario: There, you can sleep in my bed. I'll just sleep on the couch downstairs.
Luigi: Okay, but just until I get a job. One or two days tops…
Mario: Nonsense, you stay as long as you need to. *kisses Luigi on the nose* Good night, my little angel.
Luigi: Good night… Mario. Thank you…
The next morning, Mario walks in to his room with a tray of food.
Mario: Morning bro! Breakfast is ready! You're gonna need to build up your strength before you get back on your feet. So, I laid out a big buffet just for you!
Luigi: In bed too? Aw thanks Mario. Mario i-
Mario: Shh! Here comes the plane!
Mario waves the spoon of food in the air while making plane sounds into Luigi's mouth.
Luigi: It's really nice of you to help me in my time of need. I'll try not to be a burden…
Mario: It's no trouble. Is there anything else I can do for you, winner?
Luigi: No, no. You've already… well actually…
A montage starts of Mario giving Luigi a haircut, feeding him Spaghetti, drying his hair, helping him beat the highscore on his favorite Switch game, grooming his mustache, massaging his back, etc.
Mario walked downstairs and layed on the couch which was his temporary 'bed'.
Mario: Gee. Nurturing a broken spirit sure is a lot of work. But it feels good to do good for my baby bro. *yawn*
Mario was about to shut his eyes for a long sleep when he heard a request from his bro upstairs.
Luigi: Mario, can I get a glass of water?
He turns the downstairs light on, walks upstairs, turns his room light on and gives him a glass.
Luigi: Thanks.
He turns off the light and walks downstairs, turns off his light, and before going back to sleep, hears another request.
Luigi: Mario, can I get some more blankets?
Mario walks upstairs again with the blankets turning on the lights on the way there.
Mario: There you go.
Luigi: Thanks.
Mario walks downstairs again, accidentally leaving Luigi's light on and hears yet ANOTHER request.
Luigi: Mario, you forgot to turn off the lights!
Mario, a bit annoyed but still willing to help, walks upstairs again, this time forgetting to turn on HIS light, turns off Luigi's light.
Mario: Good night!
Mario starts to walk downstairs, but because there were no lights on, he FALLS down instead.
Mario: AAH! OOF! GAH! OOW! *groan*
Yoshi came to Mario's window.
Mario: Oh hey Yoshi.
Yoshi: Hey Mario, I heard what you and your brother have been going through and I'm a bit concerned for both of your well beings. He seems to be treating you as his SLAVE!
Mario: *gasps* YOSHI! Don't say that about my bro! Luigi is not a freeloader! And he would NEVER take advantage of me!
Yoshi: Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you.
French Narrator: Three weeks later…
Mario walked into the room all tired and cranky.
Yoshi: Mario…
Mario: He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back…
He collapses.
French Narrator: Many months later…
Yoshi: Mario!
Mario: I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough…
New Narrator: So much later that mariobroultimate got tired of waiting and he had to hire a substitute writer.
Mario dragged himself into the living room and Yoshi had enough.
Yoshi: MARIO! LOOK AT YOURSELF! DON'T YOU SEE WHAT LUIGI HAS DONE!? HE'S EXHAUSTED YOU TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY DO YOUR PRINCESS SAVING DUTIES ANYMORE! AND THIS IS BASICALLY YOUR FAULT SINCE YOU SPOILED HIM AND LET HIM TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! YOU'RE BOTH BASICALLY SUFFERING! YOU'VE GOTTA GET HIM OUT OF HERE RIGHT NO-
Mario: I KNOW HE STILL ISN'T LOOKING FOR WORK! DON'T RUB IT IN!
Luigi: MARIO! WHERE'S MY LEMONADE!?
Mario: Coming Luigi! (That is it! He has gotta go!)
Mario runs upstairs with a glass of lemonade in his hand.
Luigi: MARIO!? MARIO!?
Mario was about to enter his bedroom when Luigi stopped him.
Luigi: And why aren't you in uniform!?
As if he wasn't already annoyed enough Mario walked out of the room and back in wearing a butler uniform.
Mario's room was a total mess, giving him more incentive to get Luigi out.
Luigi: It's about time you got in here!
Mario: *sardonically* Here you go "your majesty".
Luigi: I can't drink that!
Mario: *annoyed* What's wrong with it?
Luigi: That lemon has THREE seeds in it! That's an ODD NUMBER! I can't drink anything odd numbered!
Mario: Well fine I'll just take it out!
Mario tries to take the third seed out but Luigi stops him.
Luigi: NO! NO! It's already contaminated by the bad lemon! It won't work!
Mario: Hmm... That's TWO things in this house that "won't work".
Luigi: Then go fix them.
Mario was really trying to hold back his anger, but he grips on the glass so hard that it shatters.
Mario: Two things that WOOOOOOOOOON'T WOOOOOOOOOORK!
Luigi: I've changed my mind. I want soup instead.
Mario: Okay. Don't move.
He leaves the room and comes back in his normal clothes holding a bowl of soup.
Mario: Here you go! It's alphabet soup! I made it 'special'!
Luigi sees the soup showing letters saying "GET A JOB" and slaps it out of his hand.
Luigi: Condensed soup from a can? Disgusting! Thanks a lot! Now you've ruined my appetite! Now, go fetch me something to read!
Mario: Oh! Okay! How about THIS!?
Mario shoves a newspaper with job listings in Luigi's face.
Luigi: *gasp* GET THAT AWAY FROM ME! You know how much I'm allergic to newsprint!
He shoves the newspaper away. Mario slightly giggles.
Mario: You know, the way you slapped that newspaper out of my hand reminds me of something my friend did one time... at his JOB!
The alarm clock rings.
Luigi: Four o'clock. Time for my stories. Hurry it up! They won't hold the show while you laze around!
Mario takes out a "TV" and gives Luigi a remote. Luigi "turns it on".
The "TV" shows two Toad puppets the green one sounded like Luigi, and the red one sounded like Mario but higher pitched.
Green puppet: Hey, where are you going?
Red puppet: To my job!
Green puppet: You have a job?
Red puppet: Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day.
Green puppet: Say, where can I get one of these… JOBS?
Red puppet: Oh they're everywhere. Especially if you're a guy who wears green all the time.
It's revealed that the TV was a fake and that Mario was operating the puppets.
Green puppet: Thanks! I'm gonna go look for one so I can stop-
Mario: -MOOCHING OFF MY OWN FAMILY, AND THEY CAN GET BACK TO THEIR LIVES!
Luigi: Hey! This isn't my show!
Luigi tried to change the channel but nothing happened.
Luigi: Mario! The remote control's broken! Get over here and fix it!
Mario broke out of the fake TV.
Mario: I've got a better idea!
Mario lunges himself onto the bed. Now really mad, he pokes at Luigi's nose whenever he says job.
Mario: Why don't I just call someone whose JOB it is to fix it!? And you know why? Because when I need a JOB done, I get someone with a JOB, whose JOB it is, to DO that JOB!
Even after THAT, Luigi STILL wasn't breaking.
Luigi: What are you saying?
That did it for the plumber. His skin turned as red as his own clothes, his eyes burned with fire, if he got any angrier, he himself would be on fire. He lifts the bed off the ground with the strength of a million Marios and breaks out of the house screaming at the top of his lungs.
Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mario arrived at Peach's Castle, still in his raged form.
Peach: Mario! You're here ear-
Mario: WHERE'S TOADSWORTH!? I NEED TO HAVE A "TALK" WITH HIM!
Peach: He's in the back room. Why?
Without answering, Mario dashes inside the back room, leaving behind a fiery trail.
Toadsworth: Donate to the children's fund? Why? What have the children done for me?
Mario bursted into the room, opening the door so hard that it slams into the wall and cracks it.
Toadsworth: Master Mario!? What are you-
Mario dashes up to him and holds out a coin.
Mario: YOU WANT YOUR COIN BACK SO BADLY!? HERE TAKE IT! NOW LUIGI CAN COME BACK! RIGHT!?
Toadsworth takes a close look at the coin with a magnifying glass.
Toadsworth: Nope. That's not the first coin.
Mario: THEN HAVE SOME MORE COINS! I'VE GOT PLENTY OF THEM!
Mario throws lots of coins at Toadsworth.
Toadsworth: You can't put a price on the first coin. And I'll never forgive that green nobody for stealing it!
Mario grabs Toadsworth and violently shakes him.
Mario: LISTEN YOU OLD FUNGUS! LUIGI HAS BEEN LIVING AT MY HOUSE FOR MONTHS DRIVING ME CRAZY, AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA HIRE HIM BACK OVER A STUPID COIN!?
Suddenly a giant Star Coin falls out of Toadsworth's pants and Mario turns back to normal
Toadsworth: *gasp* The first coin!
Mario: This is a coin?
Toadsworth: This kingdom goes a long way back son.
Mario: So since Luigi didn't steal it, can he come back?
Toadsworth: Sure, whatever. Just leave me be.
Mario: Wahoo!
Princess Peach: It's good to have you back Luigi!
Luigi: It's good to be back Princess!
Toadsworth: It's all behind us now.
Luigi: Agreed.
Toadsworth: After all, I'm sure you didn't mean to misplace the coin.
Luigi: What… What are you saying?
Toadsworth: Well, it's obvious you put the coin in my pants. Coins don't just fly into peoples pants.
Luigi: Are you accusing me again!?
Mario: *sigh*
Mario puts back on his butler uniform.
Toadsworth: Well, the way I see it there are three possibilities: One, you put the coin in my pants, two, you put the coin in my pants, and three-YOU PUT THE COIN IN MY PANTS!
The End
Whoo! This was so much fun to write! I hope you enjoyed! Have a wonderful day! See you next time!
Cast:
Toadsworth-Mr. Krabs
Luigi-Squidward
Mario-Spongebob
Toadette-Norma Rechid
Toad-Signature fish
Yoshi-Gary
Princess Peach-Extra Character