Author's Note- I am so sorry that it has taken so long to get this chapter out. I wish I had better excuses, but honestly, I have just been suffering from EXTREME writer's block. It's frustrating because I have a complete outline for this story and I knew exactly what I wanted to happen, both in this chapter and in the following chapters, but sometimes getting the words out there is so difficult (no pun intended, regarding the chapter title.) Plus, I have been very busy with school so most of what I have been writing has been papers etc.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough so here is Chapter Thirty-Two! I hope you enjoy it! :)

To Molly's everlasting credit, she did not mention a word about the fight with Meredith to anyone, not even Richard Webber. She kept her mouth shut, did exactly as Derek had told her, and, two days after the family argument, Meredith received a text from an unknown number.

It read: Hey Meredith. It's Molly. Sorry to bother you but I just wanted to let you know that Dr. Webber, Dr. Rehmani, and I held an intervention for Dad this morning in the ICU. It was super awkward because Lexie was right there in front of us but he accepted the treatment and they committed him to psych this morning. He's going to detox there and start therapy. I just thought you might want to know.

And it was funny but despite all the emotional torture that Thatcher had inflicted upon her, Meredith was grateful to know. She responded: Thank you, Molly. Take care of yourself.

With Thatcher confined to the psychiatric floor, it was the ideal time for Meredith to visit Lexie without having to worry about encountering her father so on Monday, June 17th, that was what Meredith did. She had still not written a goodbye letter to Lexie. For now, she was simply going to sit with her sister while she still could.

Meredith had accepted that she might run into Molly inside Lexie's quarters, too, but instead, she found Mark sitting in one of the available chairs, his eyes red and swollen. She stopped short in the doorway and hesitated. "Er… hey."

"Oh… hey, Big Grey," Mark said, rubbing his eyes, discreetly. "I heard about your dad. I'm sorry."

"Don't be… I know I said I was going to be nice to him now. I know I promised Lexie and everything but… it's not like Lexie knew these recent events were going to go down."

"Yeah, Lexie wouldn't be okay with the way your dad's been treating you. I might be a dumbass on about fifty different levels but I know that."

Meredith smiled, sadly. "What happened to the egotistical Mark Sloan who thought he was the greatest surgeon to ever walk the planet earth?"

"I don't know," Mark sighed. "I guess he was a coward who didn't tell the girl he loved that he loved her when he had the chance."

There was a long, drawn out pause. They had had this same conversation several times now, since the plane crash. Meredith did feel bad for Mark; it seemed that all he had been doing these last few weeks was sitting in the ICU and crying about Lexie but at the same time, Meredith understood. She, too, was filled with a lifetime of regret.

"My therapist wants me to write a letter to her," Meredith finally said. "You know… say goodbye since it doesn't look like this is gonna end anytime soon. You could… maybe do that too… if you want. We could read them together. Well, not at the exact same time but… you know…"

"You sound just like her when you stutter around like that," Mark chuckled.

Meredith grinned again, bigger this time. Stuttering, talking too fast, stress-eating… those were all the little things that made Lexie, Lexie. It was comforting, somehow, for Meredith to know that she shared some traits with her extraordinary sister.

"Hey… by the way, um… I don't know if Hunt's talked to you but now that you're feeling better and Arizona's home, we're going to have a second attempt at the meeting with Bayview… probably in a few days once your dad's detoxed," Mark said.

"Oh… yeah, okay," Meredith agreed. "I didn't know that Arizona got discharged. That's good to hear."

"I guess," Mark said, and shrugged.

"What?"

"I don't know. It's just… it's been a whole lot for Callie. She's taking care of me, still; I'm not totally independent and then taking care of Sofia and now Arizona who won't get out of bed. None of us are working yet so Callie still needs to spend some time in the OR… it's been rough. I wish I could do more."

So that's why Mark wants to go back to work early, Meredith thought to herself. She nodded. "Yeah, and Callie used to vent to Cristina when she needed to and now Cristina's gone…"

"We'll talk with her at the meeting. Hunt will be there to represent her but I think Cristina's going to Skype in, too," Mark said.

That would be an interesting conference. As the week rolled by and the date of the meeting grew closer, Meredith found herself growing increasingly nervous about the whole thing. What was she supposed to say to her father when she saw him? Hey, Dad… thanks for the black eye?

Then there was the matter of Cristina, who, unless everyone had become expert secret-keepers, had been notified about Meredith's stint in the psych ward. Meredith's episode was sure to be discussed… according to Owen, the primary purpose of this meeting would be recognizing any and all physical and mental damage from the plane crash so Bayview Aeronautics and Seattle Grace Hospital could compromise upon a fair settlement.

On the morning of June 20th, Meredith woke-up feeling sick to her stomach with nerves. Her anxiety levels were so high that she thought about searching for a new clonazepam prescription and this was all before her alarm clock went off. To kill some time, and calm herself, Meredith spent approximately ten minutes writing down words in the journal she had taken from the psych ward.

She had five terms related to the shooting- bubbles, salt, explosion, helpless, and sanctuary- but describing the plane crash in detail was too painful.

Meredith also flipped to a fresh page in her journal and wrote Dear Lexie across the top, but it was impossible to get any farther than that.

When the alarm clock did go off and Derek woke-up, Meredith cast her journal aside. "You ready for this?"

"I have to admit I feel more optimistic than our last attempt," Derek said.

"Why?"

"Well, for starters, you're here next to me, in bed. You're not off in some bar, drinking yourself into oblivion."

"That still doesn't sound like a bad idea," Meredith admitted although based on the absence of laughter, it did not sound like Derek appreciated the joke. "What are you going to tell them about your hand today? Are you going to tell them that it's feeling a lot better?"

"I don't know. Should I? Or should I say that my nerves are shot and that I'll never operate again?"

"We shouldn't lie," Meredith guessed.

"It's not a lie; there is no guarantee that I'll operate again and any kind of damage raises the settlement," Derek said. "What about you? Are you going to tell them you had an… episode?"

"If I don't, I'm sure someone else will."

Procrastination could only take the couple so far; the conference was due to start at 10:00 AM. At 8:10, Meredith and Derek got out of bed. They each dressed in somewhat respectable clothing; Meredith wore a pair of dark wash jeans and a black top paired with some stylish, black pumps. She felt a bit silly driving to the hospital in this attire, but she figured it was better than showing up drunk and vomiting on the floor.

"Depending on how this goes, I might be spending some time with Callie when we're finished," Meredith told her husband as they walked towards the elevators. "You might want to reach out to Mark. I was talking with him in the ICU a few days ago… he seems really depressed."

"Well, that's not surprising. The love of his life is in there with minimal brain activity."

"I know, but I think all he's been doing all day, every day is sitting in that room with Lexie and crying. He… probably wouldn't want me to tell you that but it's true and he's a wreck trying to be there for Callie."

"He can come over later and help us package up the last few things for the big move," Derek decided. "Maybe you could invite Callie, too, and we could treat her to some lunch and a drink."

That sounded nice. Any potential meal would feel incomplete without Lexie and Arizona but if Meredith wanted to return to work and be a surgeon, she would need to make small steps such as this one. Dining with a friend or two was manageable.

Upstairs, in the same conference room they had occupied three weeks ago, Meredith and Derek took their place at the table. Callie and Mark were already present so the discussion regarding them was halted and Meredith smiled at Callie. "Hey."

"Hey, Mer. Haven't seen you in… a while," Callie said and reached over so the two women could exchange an awkward, half-hug. "You look better."

"Better than last time when I was passing out in my own vomit?" Meredith smirked and Callie faltered. "It's okay, I know. I don't really remember what you looked like then but I hear you're doing better with Arizona home now."

Callie shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, yeah, it's good to have her home."

"How is she feeling today?"

"About the same, I guess. I was honestly really nervous about even leaving her to come to this meeting."

"Well, I'm sure she understands," Meredith said. "Does that mean you wouldn't be interested in coming over to my place for lunch afterwards? Mark, you could come, too. Derek and I were thinking of um… I don't know, having a drink or two and finishing up packing."

"You're trying to bribe us into helping you move, aren't you?" Mark guessed.

"Maybe…"

"Yeah, so in other words, you'd love to come. It's settled," Derek said. "Can we count you in, too, Callie?"

"I don't know. Arizona screamed at the last nurse I sent to our apartment…"

"Well, we'll send someone better this time. We'll send Alex, you know… the girl. Nurse Alex," Derek offered.

"Everyone trusts Alex," Meredith insisted.

"Yeah, I would have stolen her off the pediatric rotation a long time ago if Arizona wasn't so attached," Derek added.

It appeared that Callie was on the brink of agreement when the door to the conference room swung open and Owen Hunt entered, closely followed by Thatcher, Molly, and two unfamiliar officials. If Meredith's assumption was correct, these two individuals were the representatives of Seattle Grace and Bayview Aeronautics, respectively.

Upon joining the table, Owen set down a laptop and sighed with relief. "Thank goodness… everyone's here."

Meredith was not listening to his borderline accusatory words. She was focusing, in the most tactful way possible, at her own father. Thatcher was rather pale; there was a permanent look of exhaustion in his eyes. Apparently his body was still recovering from the abrupt stoppage of alcohol usage.

"I'm going to be representing my wife, Cristina Yang today but if no one minds, I'm also going to set her up on Skype here so she can listen to everything first-hand," Owen continued, clicking around on the laptop. "And for those of you who were absent previously, this is our wonderful physician representative, Natasha Williams."

A tall, African American woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties smiled at each of the plane crash victims. "Glad to see everyone is feeling better."

"And who's this other dude?" Mark asked, signaling to the thin man in a navy suit.

"Oh, yes… that is Mr. Richard Sykes; he is representing Bayview Aeronautics."

"So you're the one responsible for my daughter's death, then?" Thatcher said, glaring at Richard Sykes.

"Dad!" Molly gasped, yanking at her father's arm. "Stop it. Lexie's not dead yet."

"And we don't know who is responsible for the crash at this time. That's why we're here," Owen added just as Cristina's face popped up on the nearby computer screen.

It was the first time that Meredith had seen her best friend since their verbal altercation three weeks ago. Cristina seemed to be adjusting to life in Minnesota well. Dressed in a simple black tank top, Cristina sat on an unmade bed, a transitory sling around her left shoulder.

Meredith resisted an eye roll. When Cristina had departed for Minnesota, her injury was supposedly healed. Cristina must have obtained a new brace just for the sake of this meeting.

"And there is Dr. Cristina Yang right now," Owen announced. "Hey there. Welcome back to Seattle."

"Yeah, thanks. Hi, everyone," Cristina said.

Mark, Callie, and Derek all greeted Cristina, pleasantly, yet Meredith remained silent.

"Okay, well, everybody, let's get started," Natasha Williams, the physician representative began. "We all know why we're here. Six talented doctors, some of which currently sit in this room, were the victims of an unexpected tragedy. Our goal now is to make sure all of you, or your families, receive the justice you deserve."

There was a bunch of legal jabber. All of the plane crash victims, or the individual representing them, were required to sign a document promising that information shared in the following meetings would be kept confidential. Owen explained everything about the intended trip, including the conjoined twins and each surgeon's purpose on the flight. Richard Sykes interjected a few times with questions and Meredith was glad when he brought up the subject of Jerry Haynes. The pilot, it seemed, had been mostly forgotten thus far in the investigation and one of the images that would forever haunt Meredith was Jerry, dead in the cockpit next to Lexie.

Finally, when Meredith was about to drift into a stupor of boredom, Natasha cleared her throat. "Okay, well, now that all that's taken care of, let's begin with explaining in detail everything we can remember from the day the plane went down. Were there any early signs of trouble?"

Meredith's stomach was cramping. It was too soon. In therapy, Wyatt had repeatedly assured Meredith that she could take as long as she needed to talk directly about her trauma. And now the act was being forced upon her.

For a few seconds, no one spoke. Then Callie laughed, humorlessly. "Well, I can't really answer this one. I wasn't there."

"I don't think there was anything until like… maybe a minute before we went down but everything's kind of foggy, to be honest," Mark said. "I was sitting there, studying for the surgery and then… I thought we hit a patch of turbulence."

"Yeah, and then Jerry said something from the cockpit… something cliche about how we should stay calm," Meredith remembered. She had proceeded to look backwards and yell towards her sister, It's okay, Lex! Just turbulence!

Lexie had been working on her application for Chief Resident…

"Then what happened?" Natasha pressed. "Did the turbulence get worse?"

"Yeah, the turbulence got worse; we crashed," Cristina said from the computer screen. "The whole plane started like, rocking around, and Meredith fell out of her seat because we were going down. I was sitting in front and I looked backwards and I knew the back of the plane had fallen off cause all I could see was… was sky."

Natasha nodded, all the while making notes in a composition book. "Did everyone lose consciousness during the initial moment of impact?"

"I think so," Mark said. "I know I blacked out. When I woke up, I was on fire and Dr. Yang helped me put it out."

"Okay, and everyone else woke-up, too?"

"Well, eventually. It was Arizona, Meredith, Cristina, and me at the actual crash site. Lexie, um… we found her maybe half a mile out because of the way the plane had fallen apart. She was conscious when we found her, but trapped underneath some of the wreckage. Meredith, Cristina, and I helped get her out."

"And where were you during all this, Derek?" Natasha asked.

Derek's face paled, slightly. "I… I honestly don't know how much help I'm going to be. I don't remember hardly anything from the woods. Somehow, I ended up further away than everyone else; I don't know how… Meredith found me in the middle of the night, I think, and helped me get back to everyone else."

"You were sucked out the side of the plane, Derek. I saw it happen. That's why you were lost out there," Cristina said and Derek flinched. Meredith brushed her fingers along his arm.

If there were not so many strangers present, she would have spoken the words aloud: It's okay. You're safe now. We're here, together. I found you.

"And you were out in the woods for four days without any signs of help…"

Mark nodded, in response to Natasha. "Yeah… we saw one helicopter. It was that first day, the day we had crashed. I figured it was Search and Rescue but if it was, they flew right past us and we didn't see another one until Owen came on day four."

"It… it wasn't Search and Rescue," Owen sighed, as if he was ashamed. "I'm sorry, everyone. To be honest… I… I didn't even notice you were missing until early the next morning. We were getting swamped with traumas and trust me, I take full responsibility for not having a team out there sooner."

Meredith was unsure what to say. It was not Owen's shortcoming. He had not intentionally left the surgeons in the forest to die. At the same time, though, there was no excuse. How could Owen have not spoken to anyone at Boise Memorial for over 24 hours? There were always traumas coming into the Seattle Grace Emergency Room. If the doctors had been saved earlier, perhaps Lexie would have stood a chance at survival.

"Dammit," Thatcher muttered. Maybe he was going to say more but Molly nudged him before he could do so.

"Okay, well… let's move on," Natasha encouraged. "Right now, we don't need to talk about the plane crash itself as much as we need to discuss your lasting effects. Dr. Sloan, let's start with you. Can you talk about any injuries you suffered in the accident, physical or mental?"

Mark sat up straighter, his face traumatized from the horrific memories. "Well, I mean… I screwed up my ankle. It was fractured, apparently. And I had second and third degree burns over my right abdomen and hip so I had to get some skin grafts. There were some other bumps and bruises, um… a concussion… and then Lexie, she had…"

"Let's just stick to yourself right now, Dr. Sloan," Natasha said. "If there's nothing else you have to add, let's move onto Dr. Arizona Robbins."

"I'm representing Arizona Robbins; she's my wife and she's too hurt to be here today," Callie said. "Arizona sustained an open fracture of her left femur in the plane crash. According to Dr. Yang, everyone tried to keep it clean in the woods but there was only so much they could do. Once we were back in Seattle, the infection became too much. She went septic and… and unfortunately, we had to amputate her leg from the hip down.

"It's been hard; I'm not going to lie. Arizona's a workaholic. She loves her job and the fact that she hasn't been able to work these past couple months has been terrible. She's depressed. She doesn't want to get out of bed. She's angry and I don't blame her for being angry. Her world's been destroyed."

Compared with Callie's confession, Cristina's statement was relatively short. "I dislocated my shoulder and fractured my collarbone in the crash but um… both are healing pretty well."

"And what about your mental health, Dr. Yang? Have you experienced any lasting effects from the crash?" Natasha asked.

Cristina had shattered a window in the ICU and was one step away from being admitted to the psych ward, yet she shifted, her body language aloof. "Not really. I mean… I have some bad dreams sometimes, but that's it."

"Nightmares are a prime symptom of PTSD which I'm sure several of you are experiencing," Natasha agreed. "Dr. Meredith Grey, I know you in particular, had a bit of a breakdown, am I right?"

Meredith froze. She stared at the table, oblivious to Derek's comforting hand on her shoulder, and tried with all her might not to look at the computer where Cristina's facial expression had turned from neutral to alarmed.

"Dr. Grey?" Natasha prompted when her client did not respond.

"Yeah, I had a breakdown," Meredith spat before she could help it. "See, my little sister, Lexie was also in the plane crash. She had a stroke, once we were back here in Seattle, and my dad, who's her healthcare proxy, wants to keep her connected to that damn ventilator until the end of time, even though there's basically no chance she's ever going to wake-up. I got in an argument with him about it all, ended up getting drunk, and as I'm sure you can remember, showed up to our last meeting drunk.

"He's a recovering alcoholic and apparently he was drunk, too, but that doesn't excuse the fact that my dad punched me in the face and gave me a concussion… another concussion; I also had one from the plane crash and if you weren't aware, one concussion is enough to induce permanent neurological damage. I ended up in the psych ward for four days. Well, actually, we both ended up in the psych ward, but if you ask me, a better place for my dad would have been jail."

The conference room was completely silent. Not even Thatcher dared to speak, and both of the representatives were stunned.

Cristina was the first to bite. "Mer… I… why didn't I know about this?"

"There was no reason you had to know about it," Meredith said, flatly.

"So you're telling me that you wouldn't want to know if I was admitted to the hospital?"

Meredith scoffed just as Thatcher found his voice. "M-Meredith… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't remember anything from the last meeting but that's no excuse. I never should have hit you. Please, I… I'm begging for your forgiveness."

"Forgiveness?!"

"Yes, I want to start over. I want to pretend like… like you were just saved from that plane crash. Remember those first few days after you were rescued, Mer? Those days were so wonderful for both of us."

Her mouth was hanging open. Meredith could not comprehend what she was hearing. Evidently, Derek could not believe his ears either, because he was, for once, speechless.

"Those days were not wonderful, not for me," Meredith said. "I was in the ICU, injured and traumatized, unsure whether my sister or my husband was going to survive. And I'm sorry, Dad, but you already had your chance to start over when I gave you my liver. That was your second chance at life."

"And I don't want to hear another damn word about forgiveness," Derek told Thatcher. "Do you honestly think you can do whatever you want to your daughter and if you apologize, that she'll just forgive you?!"

"No, I… I didn't say…"

Molly stood up, interrupting things. "Dad, I think we should go."

"Hold on," Natasha pleaded. "You're representing Alexandra Grey, right? I need to hear about the physical and mental damages she has suffered from the plane crash."

"Well, I think it's fairly obvious that our family is a wreck," Molly said. "And she has a ton of other diagnoses, too, but I'm pretty sure Meredith can tell you those better than either of us."

And then Molly forcibly pulled her father out of the conference room, slamming the door behind her.

MTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTBMTB

Unnerved by the recurring drama, Natasha Williams wrapped up the meeting quickly after that. She listened as Derek talked about his injured hand and thoracic surgery, and Meredith provided the representatives with a full list of Lexie's ailments including brain death. It was close enough to the truth.

Meredith and Derek left Seattle Grace together, without adequately planning lunch with either Callie or Mark. They could do that later, Meredith had decided. Right now, the most important goal was getting Derek home without an assault charge.

Absolutely furious at Thatcher Grey, Derek continued fuming a majority of the drive home. "I swear to God, that man makes Mark's parents look like angels!"

And then, "I figured he would apologize but to flat out ask your forgiveness?! To say he wants to start over?!"

"Stop it!" Meredith screamed as soon as she pulled into the driveway. "Derek, I know. I get it. I've been living with it forever and honestly, right now, all I want to do is forget about it."

"I'm sorry," Derek sighed, running his healthy digits through his hair in frustration. "I'm sorry, I just… every time I think things are getting better, that we're gonna be able to help Mark and Callie, that bastard goes and acts like the victim. God, you could tell that even Molly's done with him."

"Yeah, I think Molly's had a rude awakening when it comes to her father," Meredith said.

"Welcome to the Grey family," Derek joked and Meredith smiled.

Their afternoon was free thanks to the postponed luncheon so Meredith and Derek worked around the house a bit more and in the evening, trekked up to Ikea. A majority of the dream house was already furnished but Zola had been promised the opportunity to pick out her own bed, a special big-girl bed.

"Are you sure she's ready for this?" Meredith wondered, nervously, as Zola pointed out a toddler frame with lots of pink frills.

"She wouldn't be sleeping in it as soon as we move," Derek said, shrugging. "It's just there, waiting for her, whenever she's ready. Let her have fun, Mer."

Meredith was skeptical. Zola liked to climb and had managed to escape her crib once before. Derek looked at his wife, rationally. "Mer, do you think I would let anything happen to my little girl?"

"I… no," Meredith realized, and gave in. "No, you wouldn't."

While they were at Ikea, the couple decided to browse adult-sized beds, too, and ended up purchasing one, on a whim. They had previously planned on shipping Meredith's queen-sized mattress to the dream house, but the thing was already several years old. A fresh bunk would be inviting, for several reasons; they selected an expensive, sleep number bed that could supposedly help control snoring. Meredith always felt guilty about Derek's excessive use of wax earplugs.

That night, after Zola had passed out in her current crib, Meredith and Derek lay in the master bedroom. It was their second to last sleep in Meredith's childhood house. She thought that she would feel sad about this, but she was not emotional in the slightest. All Meredith could feel was excitement about moving into the dream house.

Grief was strange, though. Every time Meredith found herself becoming happy or excited about something, she was reminded that Lexie was in the ICU, virtually braindead. Meredith would flashback to those four days in the woods and when that happened, she was unsure whether or not she would ever be truly joyful again.

If so, would that be right? Fair? Would Meredith feel guilty about surviving the plane crash for the rest of her life?

"Of course, you'll be happy again, Mer," Derek said when Meredith tentatively proposed this subject. "We're proof of that. I know I didn't think I'd be happy again after the shooting… after my dad died. You didn't think you'd be happy after George died."

"I know," Meredith said. "It's just… George knew, I think, how much I loved him… or at least I hope he did."

"Lexie knew, too," Derek said. "She was living with us, Mer. You donated part of your liver to your father for her. Lexie knew you loved her."

Perhaps that was true… perhaps Lexie knew that Meredith cared about her. She did not realize the extent of her sister's love, though. If she did, Lexie never would have said the things that she had, out in the woods.

"She didn't know that Mark still loved her," Meredith said.

"I know," Derek said. "Have you talked with Mark about the letter you're writing to Lexie? Maybe he should think about doing the same thing."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I told him. But I don't know… it doesn't really seem like his thing."

"It doesn't seem like your thing either, but you're doing it," Derek said. "Actually, I think I might do it, too. She is my sister-in-law. I'd like to tell her goodbye, properly."

"I'm sure Lexie would love that," Meredith said and giggled, unexpectedly. "Remember when you first met her? When she flirted with you at Joe's?"

Derek chuckled, tightly. "Yeah… now imagine if I would have taken her up on the offer."

"You wouldn't have done that. You wouldn't have cheated on me when we were still technically together."

"If we hadn't been together, though… God, I… I don't want to think about it," Derek said.

There was a long, awkward pause. Until now, Meredith had practically forgotten that Lexie still had a room here, filled with her own belongings. Derek and Alex had apparently boxed them up while Meredith was in the hospital. The reality that Meredith would not have to directly deal with Lexie's things was a relief, but what would happen to them next? Would Lexie's clothes and computer be moving into the dream house with Meredith and Derek?

A soft, buzzing sound interrupted Meredith's spiraling thoughts. She grabbed her phone from the bedside table; there was a new message from Molly: Hey. I just wanted to apologize on Dad's behalf, even though I know it's not my responsibility. I'm sorry about what happened today. It was wrong on so many levels.

Meredith replied: It's okay. It wasn't your fault.

"Who is that, Cristina?" Derek guessed.

"No, it's… my sister, apparently… Molly," Meredith said. Specifying Molly as her sister was a pun. Their relationship had improved, but not to these drastic measures.

Derek's face darkened. "What does she want?"

"I don't know, just to apologize to me on my dad's behalf. She says she knows it's not her fault and that she knows it was wrong, but… I don't know. I just want to be done with all of them."

"And there's nothing wrong with that," Derek said. "Look… I grew up with four loving sisters and my dad is dead. That's why I always wanted you to have a relationship with your family. But if someone is going to treat you the way that Thatcher and Molly are, you don't owe them or me anything. You know that, right?"

"I know," Meredith agreed. "And trust me, whatever deals I made Lexie, out in the woods… they're over. But with everything going on with Lexie, it just makes me wonder, like… I'm regretting so much. Would I regret this later, not being nicer and trying with Molly?"

"What deals did you make with Lexie out in the woods?" Derek asked.

It was a minor jolt to the heart. Meredith had never talked about those conversations with anyone… not Derek, not Dr. Wyatt. Mark knew the jist of it because he had been there, but it was nothing that Meredith notably wanted to share.

Communication, she reminded herself. This is the whole reason you ended up in the psych ward… lack of communication with Derek.

"I told Lexie that I would call Thatcher Dad from now on," Meredith confessed. "She didn't ask me to or anything but she was really… hopeless. I was trying to say whatever I could, promise her whatever I could to keep her spirits up. I told her that I would try to have a relationship with Thatcher but I don't know if I can do that anymore."

"No, and Lexie wouldn't want that," Derek said. "Trust me, Lexie would not want you to do any of that if she knew how Thatcher was treating you. I'm not even sure she would want you to try with Molly. She hasn't exactly been fair to you."

Meredith sighed. It was identical to what Mark had told her. No one knew what Lexie would or would not want, though, because she was gone. That was the problem when it came to her life support. Lexie had not made any sort of advanced directive, so no one was aware what she wanted.

Lexie was a doctor, for crying out loud. Lexie was a brilliant physician with a photographic memory and an IQ of almost 200. How could she be so stupid and never tell anyone what she wanted, in case of an emergency? She had had near-death experiences in the past, or one near-death experience… the shooting.

"I don't know. Molly's trying. I know she's going through a lot, with Thatcher and Lexie and her kids…"

Just then, though, Meredith's statement was interrupted by a second buzz from her phone. She had assumed that the limited dialogue with Molly was over, yet her sister had texted again: He is acting a little more rationally now that he's sober. We talked some more earlier and I just wanted to let you know that I think I'm going to get Lexie transferred to some kind of long-term facility. It's the best I could think of, in terms of compromise. I know Dad isn't going to let us unplug her but it's not fair to you either, to have Lexie laying there in the hospital where you work. How does that sound to you? We could find her a really nice place.

Meredith was still and silent for so long that Derek grew concerned. "Mer? What is it?"

"I… It's Molly, again. She wants to transfer Lexie to a rehab facility."

"What?! Is this your dad's idea?!"

"No, it sounds like it was Molly's but my dad agreed. And honestly, I… I don't know if it's a bad idea."

"Do you have any idea what happens in places like that, Mer? Especially with the long-term comatose patients? There are horror stories from all over the country. The staff is careless; they treat the patients like they're already dead…"

"But Lexie is already dead," Meredith said. "That's what I've been telling everyone, this whole time. Neurologically, she's dead and not all places are like that. You know better than to say something like that. Roseridge was really good to my mother and Adele is there now…"

"Roseridge is different. They're a senior care center; they deal with dementia and Alzheimer's…"

"They have a coma unit, too. And I'm sorry, Derek but… this isn't your decision to make. My dad's never going to let us unplug Lexie. None of us are going to be able to do anything because he's her proxy. How long are we going to let her lay there in the ICU?"

Derek hesitated, briefly. "I… I don't know. And I'm not trying to make this decision for you, Meredith. All I'm doing is… is giving my input as your husband and as Lexie's brother."

"Okay, well… your input has been taken into consideration," Meredith said.

"And? The verdict is already out?"

"This is the right thing to do. Maybe not right away… we'll give her a little more time, just so Mark and I can write our goodbye letters and read them to her and everything. And once that's done, we'll send her to Roseridge or somewhere similar. We'll pay for it with the money we get from this lawsuit."

"We don't need to do that. If we had it our way, Lexie would have been unplugged a long time ago. It's Thatcher's fault that Lexie is being put in this position at all. He'll pay for it. He's going to get money from the lawsuit, too… maybe even more, considering his direct loss," Derek said.

It was all bullshit, in Meredith's opinion. She crossed her arms and settled back against the pillows, so beyond sick of this topic. Regardless of her daily activities, it was all Meredith had been thinking of for weeks. Lexie was always in the back of her mind. She wanted to forget about it all, yet at the same time, Meredith never wanted to forget Lexie.

Why did the damn plane have to fall from the sky and ruin everything?! Everything had been perfect and that was not a word that frequented Meredith Grey's vocabulary. She had passed her boards. The dream house was finished and ready for sale. Meredith was about to start a new life in Boston with Derek and Zola, and Lexie would be named Chief Resident. She would have a fantastic last year of residency at Seattle Grace before following her family to Harvard.

"Let's just… drop it for tonight," Derek said, although it was technically Meredith's turn to speak. "You don't have to answer Molly right now. This is probably a discussion you should have in person, anyway."

"I know what I want to do," Meredith said, but her husband was right. Getting this worked up before bed was not the ideal way to combat the nightmares that would surely come. She set aside her phone. Molly could wait until the morning for a response.

Instead, Meredith picked up the journal that had come home with her from Seattle Grace's psych ward. She flipped to the page with Dear Lexie written across the top, and tried desperately to make the words come but there were not terms in the English language to express what Meredith desired to say.

"Maybe that should wait until tomorrow, too," Derek suggested, reading over her shoulder.

"Yeah, and I've been telling myself that for weeks."

"What's the rush?"

"I don't know. I just feel like… until I do this, until I tell Lexie everything… the sooner I do that, the sooner she can rest in peace."

The choice was ultimately Meredith's, but when Derek reached over and gently took the journal out of his wife's hands, Meredith did not fight him.

"Tonight's not the night, Mer," Derek said, softly. "You're already heated from the day. You want your words to Lexie to come from the heart."

Again, Derek was correct. When Meredith was angry, she always lashed out and said things she did not mean.

"Now, if you want to call Cristina… that, I would not fight you about," Derek continued, smiling wryly.

"Yeah, too bad she isn't here so we can kick you out of this bed one last time."

"Cristina was hurt today, when she learned what she did," Derek said. "And I'm not saying that to hurt you. I'm not saying that I side with her over you or that you did the wrong thing. I'm just saying… think if the opposite had happened. Think of how you would feel if Cristina had been committed to the psych ward and she hadn't told you."

"For all I know, that exact same thing has already happened," Meredith said. "She hasn't called me once from Minnesota. How the hell am I supposed to know what's going on there?"

Derek shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just saying… the phone line goes both ways. You could've called her, too."

"Yeah, but I already told you why I couldn't do that. You're just being a McAss, butting your head into our friendship. I'm mad at you. I just want to go to sleep," Meredith said.

"Okay. Well, just remember that I still love you, no matter what."

Meredith did not reply. The lights were remaining on. She turned over, away from Derek, and curled onto her side in the blankets. There was melatonin running through her system; it was only a matter of time before the darkness engulfed her.

And then the flashback hit, but it was not a memory from the plane crash. It was towards the end of Meredith's second year of residency, and it was something that Meredith herself had said to Cristina Yang, hours before George O'Malley was declared dead: I think it's important to take the time to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can still hear you.

She had preached that mantra but Meredith had certainly not followed her advice, not when it came to Lexie. Maybe not even to George and Izzie. Meredith and Derek had survived more than their fair share of disasters.

So despite her rage, Meredith rolled over in bed and pressed her lips to Derek's with all her strength. He was here, next to her, not lying helplessly in the woods, blood streaming from his vital organs.

"I love you, too."

Once again, I'm so sorry for the long delay but I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you did, PLEASE don't forget to leave reviews. They make me very happy. I'm hoping that Chapter 33 will be out soon, as well, or at least sooner than this chapter lol.

I also want to give a special shoutout to Alex, who is one of my most devoted readers and followers. I had been looking for a way to give her a shoutout in this story for a long time, especially after she named a nurse after me in her fic, but it was difficult, already having a character named both Alex and Alexandra. I figured having a quick nurse in my story with the name Alex wasn't too confusing though! Love you!

(If you want, please check out her story, Alternate Ending to the MerDer scene in 10x24, her username is Merdermcfamily. She is a very talented writer!)

Thank you so, so much for reading and sticking by me. I appreciate it more than I can say.

Xoxo, merderpedia :)