"How about the new students? Did any of them happen to spark your… interest?"

Tom Riddle chuckled. He was surrounded by his Slytherin 'friends'. Their presence was irritable, but necessary. A perfect student needed friends, after all.

"Well, I'm sure you all have noticed that one… giant boy," he said.

"So he's the one you have your eyes on?" one of the Slytherin girls asked, her voice not fully able to hide her disappointment.

Tom shrugged casually. "We'll see… we'll see."

After a few days, he finally managed to catch the giant boy alone. They were in an empty corridor, lit by a single candle.

"Who are you?" the boy asked, making Tom wince. His voice was unpleasant.

"My name is Tom. Tom Riddle."

"Rubeus Hagrid, pleased to meet ya," the boy offered his hand and Tom shook it gently.

"Rubeus, such a beautiful name. Forgive me, Rubeus, but I have to ask - is every part of your body this big?"

Hagrid smiled bashfully and scratched the back of his head. "I'm afraid so," he said.

Tom clapped his hands. "Fantastic! We'll make a perfect couple!"

"A perfect couple?" Hagrid was shocked. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I'm saying exactly what I'm saying."

"But are you saying what I think you're saying by what you're saying?"

"No comment," Tom whispered. "Would you be interested in going out with me?"

Hagrid took his time to answer. "But aren't you… you know… Voldemort?"

"What's a Voldemort?" Tom seemed puzzled.

"Well, you see, I'm actually from the future, and…" Hagrid stopped and grimaced. "Shouldn't have said that. Shouldn't have said that."

Tom eyed him curiously. "Well, are we a perfect couple? In the future."

"Err… that we are, yes," Hagrid said with a smile.

Tom nodded happily. "Then let's go on a date to celebrate our amazing reunion!"

"A giant lovely ice cream, for a giant lovely man," Tom said and handed Hagrid a big strawberry ice cream. The boy in question ate it in one bite and burped happily.

"A giant appetite as well, I see…"

"Do you wanna go for a walk, Tom?" Hagrid asked.

"Sure, where to?"

"You'll see," Hagrid winked at Tom and grabbed his hand.

"So, this is your favourite spot? Lovely," Tom said as he eyed the dark clearing in the Forbidden Forest.

"Yes, we can chat and watch the stars together here."

The pair laid down on the wet grass and looked at the clear sky above. Their shoulders were pressed against each other and their palms slowly found their way towards one another. They held hands, calmly observing the shining stars above.

"I have to tell ya something, Tom," Hagrid whispered.

"What is it?" Tom asked in a sleepy voice, opening his eyes.

"I'm actually here on a mission. From the future."

Tom turned his face and looked him in the eyes. "What mission, darling?"

Hagrid suddenly stood up, startling Tom. "You're my mission, Tom."

Tom also stood up, and hugged Hagrid lovingly. "What will you do to me, hmm?"

"I was sent here to kill you, Lord Voldemort!" Hagrid shouted and pushed Tom away. The giant took out his wand and pointed it at Tom, who was clumsily getting up from the ground.

"That's where you're wrong, you giant imbecile!" Tom shouted. "I'm also from the future! I was sent here to get killed in my master's place, so he doesn't get killed! We outsmarted you!"

Hagrid huffed angrily. "Then who the hell are you?"

Tom waved his wand and his appearance changed drastically. His body was now as large as Hagrid's and his face looked almost exactly the same.

"I'm you, but from a different version of the future!"

"And that's where you are wrong, you giant idiot! I'm not actually Hagrid from the future, I'm Lord Voldemort! I outsmarted you once again, Rubeus!" His body changed into Lord Voldemort and now Hagrid faced his lover from another timeline.

"You were always a fool, Tom, even now!" Hagrid screamed and waved his wand again, this time morphing into the body of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

"It's me, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and I will stop you once again, Lord Voldemort!"

Voldemort laughed, his high pitched voice echoing throughout the clearing.

"You can't stop me, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, because I'm Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore too!" Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore shouted, and two Dumbledores now stood in the clearing.

But one of them started laughing. "You fool, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, you can't kill me, because I'm actually Gellert Grindelwald!" he shouted and changed his body again.

"Gellert? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here on a mission, Dumbledore," Gellert said, smirking at his old lover.

"What kind of mission?"

"A mission to love you, you old bastard!" he said and the pair started to make out furiously.

As they were breathing and moaning loudly, they never heard the approaching spiders.

Still making out, they were eaten alive by the giant acromantulas.

"And that's how I met your mother."

"I seriously doubt that," a giant boy said with a sigh. He was sitting on his father's lap, listening to the tale of how his parents first met.

"That's because I made that up, you foolish boy! Lord Voldemort wins once again!" Voldemort laughed, but his son wasn't impressed.

"Dad, why can't you ever tell me the real story?" Rubeus Voldemort Jr. asked.

"The real story would be much more unbelievable, son," Voldemort said. "And you're far too young to hear it anyway."

"That's where you're wrong, Dad! It's me, your son, but from the future!"

Voldemort chuckled at his son's antics. "At least you're learning something from the stories, boy."

A/N: This was written for the sixth round of the Houses Competition, year 4.

House: Gryffindor

Year: 2

Category: Standard

Prompt: [Couple] Rubeus Hagrid and Tom Riddle (not Voldemort)

Word Count: 955