Warning, mature content

Chapter 9

Helena's whole body was trembling and tears were still rolling down her cheeks, no matter how hard she tried to stop crying. She needed to stop right now. She needed somehow to fix the damage she had done. If it could be fixed. Stop it. Stop it, you stupid girl. Control yourself. After a long struggle, she finally succeeded. Yet it took a moment before she dared to look at her husband. He was sitting on a chair, silently staring at the wine bottle a servant had just brought for him. Helena was still on the bed, she had wrapped a blanket tightly around her naked body.

"Your Grace?" she murmured timidly.

He didn't say anything; he simply stared at his bottle. She swallowed, fearing that she had ruined everything. How stupid was she? After managing to control herself the whole awful day, she had ruined the most important part. She had stopped her husband from consummating their marriage. That was more than enough reason for him to abandon her. Their whole marriage could be annulled because of her ridiculous break down. She had failed to perform her duty as his wife. No man would stand that.

"Your Grace?" she repeated.

No answer. Carefully she got out of the bed, although her legs were shaking a little. She kept the blanket around her as she cautiously approached her husband. All she could do now was beg for his forgiveness. After a brief moment of hesitation, she knelt before him.

"Please forgive me, Your Grace," she pleaded quietly.

"No," he murmured and stood up. Her first thought was that he was going to hit her, but she forced herself not to cover her face. She would deserve this.

"No, no."

She flinched when he suddenly grabbed her arm.

"Please, stand up," he stated tensely and helped her to her feet. "Don't apologize:"

She was confused, but she nodded.

"As you wish, Your Grace."

He pressed his lips together and ran his fingers through his hair while pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace.

"I know that I disappointed you," she started when he didn't say anything. Summoning all her courage, she dropped the blanket on the floor and silenced the small panicky voice in her head. "May I please have another chance?"

He stopped pacing and looked at her.

"Helena, I don't blame you for anything," he murmured. "I was the one who wronged you."

"No, Your Grace, no, you didn't do anything wrong," she assured quickly. "I… I was just…a little nervous, that's all. I'm fine now, I swear."

"Hello, princess. Did you miss me?"

No. No. Go away. It never happened.

"Oh come on, smile for me, beautiful. I'm here to play with you…"

"Are you saying that I didn't hurt you?"

"You love this, don't you?"

No. You are a monster and I hate you.

"Helena?"

She forced herself to concentrate. Not now. This wasn't the time or place for another break down.

"No, Your Grace, you didn't hurt me."

Her husband seemed relieved as he walked over to her. She wanted to cover herself, but she knew she couldn't do that. He had every right to see her body.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes, Your Grace:"

"Good," he sighed and picked up the blanket. "Here."

She shook her head.

"I am ready to continue."

"No, I don't think that would be…"

"Please, Your Grace," she cut in before she would lose all her courage. This needed to happen tonight, she knew that. Lingering would only make this worse. Make her fear worse. She needed to get through this before she would break down again.

He hesitated, biting his bottom lip.

"Are you sure?"

She placed a smile on her face and nodded.

"Yes, Your Grace."

"Jon."

"Jon," she repeated and walked over to the bed. She could do this, she had to. This time she couldn't make a sound, no matter what she felt. Just a moment on her back, then it would be over. He would be pleased and she would have fulfilled her duty. Her husband looked at her as she lied down. Slowly he approached the bed.

"If you are sure…"

"I am."

He nodded and started to undress himself. She blinked nervously, but she forced herself to glance at him. She wanted to know what to expect. That was a mistake. He was big. Too big. She was afraid to even think about the pain he would cause her. It didn't matter. She needed to take this and stay quiet.

Her husband's fingers touched her cheek as he crawled beside her. She smiled, assuring him that he could proceed. His kisses hadn't felt bad before and they didn't feel bad now, although he tasted like wine. She feared the smell of alcohol, but at least he wasn't rough or forced his tongue into her mouth. His hands began to roam over her body as his mouth left a trail of kisses along her jaw to her ear.

Everything was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was fine. She controlled herself now and she could do this.

His mouth lowered to her breasts, his lips closing around her nipple. She gasped, expecting pain. It didn't come; instead he gently sucked both of her breasts while his hand went between her legs. She braced herself, knowing what would happen now. Thankfully her panic paralyzed her, preventing her from resisting him in any way.

It took a moment before she realized that he didn't force his fingers into her, he simply used them to rub her. It felt strange; she didn't understand why he was doing this. As he continued, she started to feel something even stranger. Something was happening inside of her; she felt pressure low in her stomach.

A strange noise escaped her lips and she felt her hips arching against his hand. Her shaking fingers clutched at the sheets as she desperately tried to control herself. She failed miserably, crying out as her body was suddenly shuddering and her muscles flexing. What had he done to her? She was still shaking when he climbed on top of her, pinning her against the bed. She felt his hard member pressing against her thigh.

"Are you ready?" he asked, caressing her cheek with his fingers.

Somehow she managed to nod. Slowly he pushed himself in, his thumb stroking her cheek. The sharp pain made her body tense, but she didn't make a sound.

"It's alright;" her husband murmured soothingly. "Try to relax."

She couldn't, but she was proud of herself for not shedding a single tear. He began moving, slowly at first, then faster. Judging by the noises he was making, he was enjoying this. She only felt the ache between her legs, but the pain wasn't unbearable. Her husband was breathing faster and faster until he finally spilled his seed into her. After catching his breath, his closed eyes opened to meet hers.

"Are you alright?"

A brief nod was all she could give him. Carefully he pulled out of her and collapsed beside her. It was over.