Disclaimer: I do not own the Throne of Glass series or any of the wonderful characters and stories told by the lovely Sarah J. Maas.

Summary: "I wanted to go to Perranth with you." EOS Chapter 57 again and again from the Cadre POVs. Because the Cadre and Elorcan are a beautiful thing.

A/N: THANK YOU for coming along for the ride and wishing you all good health in this age of quarantine. We finish up with Lorcan who likes to take my heart and crush it to pieces.

[Lorcan]

I don't care.

I don't care. I DON'T CARE.

And she doesn't care either.

It was a mantra. I let the words wash over me like a cold shower as the distance expands between me and Elide. I focus instead on the bitch queen ahead. My dark magic, what little was left, prowls like a caged predator. Solely directed toward Aelin. This force of nature who had tricked me. Mocked me. Aelin owed me a long overdue chat from everything left behind at Rifthold. And everything yet to come with the formation of the lock.

Ah there they are.

The bitch. And damn Rowan, the traitor. They had gathered back with the rest behind the ruins, away from the open marshland and scattered burning remains. I could see from my vantage point up on the ridge. A formidable group, indeed. No, Rowan was not likely to let me anywhere near his queen.

I don't care.

"Regretting your choice in allies?" I don't turn around as I wait for Elide to catch up behind me. But I hear her quick inhale and feel her hesitancy bleeding through. It doesn't matter. Not anymore. Aelin was ahead and our paths were about to diverge anyway.

I don't care.

"It sends a message, doesn't it?" mimicking my cool tone right back at me. I turn and see her glance flicker quickly between the group below and back to me. A growing uncertainty in her eyes. Distrust. Judgement.

My traitorous heart stutters. I think of everything she and I had witnessed.

No. Not just witnessed, endured. Endured together. Fuck.

The fact that her words could hurt told me the exact kind of idiot I was. My eyes lock with hers and I again feel the coolness of her skin, the sweetness of her kisses from last night. The reverence she had wrought from me. The promise she had given. Everything we had endured. Together.

I straighten.

"It would seem our bargain with each other is about to end anyway. I"ll be sure to explain the terms, don't worry. I'd hate for them to think you were slumming it with me."

I don't care.

"That's not what I meant."

I ignore the mirrored hurt that flashed in her eyes and snort, "I don't care."

Looking away I close my eyes and bottle it all back up. Cut off all feeling. I spin back around with a face of granite. Refusing to consider what I had allowed myself to do last night. How I had allowed myself to react. To feel. It was absurd. Weak.

I continue forward. Elide doesn't move but I let the distance grow between us, purposely not turning around. I fight against clenching my fists in frustration. And instead stoke my rage and let it grow, urging it towards something all-consuming.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't ca-

"LORCAN!"

Her scream annihilates the lie. Tears it to shreds.

I whirl. But it wasn't a threat toward her. It was for him she shouted. Her petrified gaze focused to my right. Her face radiating her horror as she sprints straight towards me.

Too late I notice Gavriel.

I barely pull my knife out in time to meet the Lion's gaping mouth. Knocked off balance, I take Gavriel with me into the disgusting, muddy marsh and his claws rip through my thigh. I roar as I meet Gavriel blow for blow from the ground. Choosing to ignore the blood on my leg and sputtering magic as we roll over reeds, fish, and debris.

Gavriel twists and I block again, although his hind leg catches my calf and I smell the blood he draws. My knife catches his shoulder and I manage to create some separation. To take a breath before our bodies slam together again. Out of the corner of my eye I spy movement, but can't tell if it is Elide or something else lurking because fucking Gavriel's mouth snaps at my arm and draws blood. I snarl and swipe again low under his belly.

It was sheer luck, I'll admit it, that I was able to leverage a boulder to gain an edge and bodily push the Lion back, flipping him onto his back for just a moment's reprieve on this godsforsaken marsh. I had lost sight of Elide when we went down and I couldn't see her now. Because the Lion was already moving and I shift quickly to a defensive stance.

Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is she?

I notice Fenrys and Elide at the exact same moment. Elide's sobbing body collides with mine at the same instance Fenrys collides with hers. The smell of her blood assaults my senses.

ElideElideElideElide.

NO.

NO. NO...NO...no.

I'm knocked off balance again and as we fall I twist so her body lands on top of mine. I roar and my remaining darkness bursts forth to surround us. Burnout or no. I don't care. Her body curls into mine. My hand comes up to cradle her head while my other arm wraps around her waist.

Bracketing her body I quickly flip her over to get a better look. Her arm is destroyed. Blood is gushing, the bone broken into pieces. I can see it. My breathing is erratic and I know I'm babbling but I can't stop, "ElideElideElide."

Fear bubbles and I can't escape the panic. Panic I haven't felt in centuries. This moment of pure hell. The blow meant for me had been taken by her. Hellas why?

My hands grab her face and I force her to look at me. Barely noticing her gasping breaths and the blue tinge on her lips. I look down into her eyes and only see death looking back.

"Why did you do that? Why?"

Elide says nothing and her gaze moves from mine and stares at the white wolf just on the other side of my swirling shield. My weak, drained swirling shield. Then a flash of light. I can't stand it. I sense Gavriel and Fenrys move forward as Fae, shedding their animal forms, hovering above us laying on the ground. I make sure my body is covering Elide before slowly raising my head, and direct every ounce of rage through the shield. They would not harm her again.

"You're dead, you're both dead," I snarl.

"Lorcan, we were ordered," Gavriel intones. Hands up, grief shining bright in his eyes.

Elide's ragged breathing draws my attention back to her as I snarl, "Damn your orders to hell, you stupid bastard-"

I'm interrupted as Fenrys gasps, "We can't fight against the command much longer, Lorcan." An unspoken apology and plea, get the girl out of here.

I don't notice how Gavriel sidesteps in front of Fenrys, but I do hear his words, "Put the shield down, I can heal the girl. Let her get away."

My gaze shoots to Gavriel. I stare. Reading his sincerity. Knowing he knows I'm done and running on fumes. Feeling the tiniest seed of hope grow unbidden in my chest. Growing among my raging panic. Elide was dying.

"I'll kill you both, I"ll kill you-"

"LORCAN!" Elide screams and my attention is wrested back to her. Hands back in her hair, cradling her face as she descends into inconsolable sobs. I force her to look at me and away from her arm.

"Don't look," I snap harshly. Feeling absolutely helpless. There is nothing I can do. My magic was gone. The blood from the would wasn't abating and she was losing too much. It already caked my chest. As quickly as her sobs started, they stop. I feel death pressing in as her body quiets and her head lolls back to the side. My body whines in panic, or maybe I actually keen. I don't care.

No.

Why. Why had she done this? This beautiful, clever, forgotten human. She was fading. And it mattered. She mattered.

No.

"You heal her."

"No," Elide breathes. I ignore her.

"You heal her, and then we continue," I raise my despairing eyes to Gavriel and he gives me a solemn nod. A vow and promise.

"NO." Elide chokes out.

It wasn't a hard choice. Not really. I owed her my life and my life she would have. I lean forward and brush my forehead with hers.

"I wanted to go to Perranth with you," I whisper.

I want you to be my home.

THE END.