Chapter 1

It all started with Tanya.

She lived down the street and after a few months of walking to the bus and catching it to school together, we became friends.

I thought she was the coolest person I'd ever met. She had long platinum hair and crystal blue eyes, and she dressed in tiny short skirts and crop tops. I was just 13 and she was 16, so her wanting to hang out with me seemed great.

She was my role model, like the bigger sister I never had. I copied everything she did. She gave me my first cigarette and I picked up the habit straight away. We drunk alcohol together, and even though we were both too young to go to bars, she dressed me up in her clothes and make up and got us fake IDs.

I lost my virginity when I was 15. It'd had been a Friday night at our usual spot, Frankie's. Tanya found two guys to buy us drinks, she told them I was 21 and she was 22.

They were 24.

He was good looking, don't get me wrong. Brown hair, tanned skin, warm brown eyes. We ended up back at their apartment and then that was it. I did it because she did.

None of my friends liked her, and consequently they stopped hanging out with me. Except for one. Edward. He always had time for me.

Whenever Tanya was busy, I would spend time at his house. He was my only friend in school. His reddish-brown hair stuck up in all directions and he spoke with a very slight lisp because of his braces. He was so goofy, but he was my best friend other than Renee, and his mom was lovely. Nothing like mine. Renee was…difficult. She hated Tanya. Every time she came over, my mom would just glare at her.

I know why now. The day before my 16th birthday everything came crashing down.

I was walking down the street with Edward, laughing at his impression of our English teacher.

'Are you excited about your birthday?' he asked as we passed the turning for my street. Edward lived a few streets further down, past the petrol station. We were going to do some homework together and then watch a movie with his mom's famous ice cream sundaes. I grinned.

Tomorrow I would be 16, I was going to have a special dinner with my parents, Tanya, and Edward and his mom.

'I can't wait.' I turned to face him, 'What have you got me for my birthday?' I said slyly, grinning when he rolled his eyes.

'You'll have to wait and see Bella.' He replied, sticking his hands in his pockets and smirking.

He paused, 'Seriously though, Mrs Jennings looks like a hippogriff,' he said giggling, 'I don't know why she's so mean to you.'

I snorted at the change of topic. Only Edward would compare our teacher to a mythical animal from Harry Potter. He was right, she was mean to me.

'She doesn't like me because of Tanya.' I huffed. Forks was a small town, everybody knew who Tanya was. Edward grimaced.

I sighed, 'I know you don't like her either,' He looked away, 'I wish you would though, she's like a sister to me.' I continued.

It was Edward's turn to sigh.

'I just don't think she's a good influence on you.' He said looking up at me. I bristled.

'What do you mean?' I said coldly.

'It's just,' he looked down and frowned, 'The way you are when you're around her, you drink a lot, you smoke, you dress differently, you just act differently.' I stopped walking.

'I don't act differently at all.' I snapped. 'Everything I do when I'm around Tanya is just what I'm like. You're saying that you don't like me'. I was hurt, but I didn't let him see that and just glared at him.

'Bella, that's not what I'm saying at all!' he said sounding anguished. 'I just like it when you're like this, you know, just being yourself.'

'I am always being myself.' I said frostily. 'You're just jealous because I have another friend other than you.'

'That's not true' Edward protested.

'Yes it is. I'm your only friend but I have Tanya too. You don't want me to be friends with her so you can have me to yourself. You want me to be just as lonely as you.' I said nastily.

Edward froze and stopped walking. I started to regret my words and went to take them back, but he got in before me.

'You know what Bella, fuck off. And you're not my only friend.' Edward snapped. I stared at him shocked. Edward never swore, let alone at me.

'Me? Fuck off? Are you kidding me Edward. And I am your only friend, you don't spend time with anyone else other than me.' I retorted angrily.

'Bella,' He said sounding exasperated, 'I spend time with you because I like you.' I looked at him surprised.

'What do you mean you like me?' I said warily.

'I mean,' he said sharply, 'that I have feelings for you.' I gaped at him. I tried to say something, but I couldn't find the words

'I like you too' I wanted to say, but I couldn't. He had no idea what I'd done with guys. He wouldn't want me if he did.

'Edward I-'

'Forget it Bella.' He cut me off. 'Clearly you don't feel the same. I'm fed up of this. I can't do it anymore.'

'What do you mean?' I managed to say with a lump in my throat.

'I mean, we're done.' He said coldly. My heart wrenched in my chest. I looked at him through blurry eyes and he looked away. I just turned around and started running home. He didn't run after me.

At some point I stopped running and bent over wheezing. Smoking wasn't doing my lungs any favours. I couldn't stop crying. I got out my phone and tried to call Tanya, but it went straight to voicemail. I left her a voicemail saying that my mom was away for the night with work, so it was only my dad at home if she wanted to come over.

She didn't like coming over when my mom was home because she said Renee didn't like her.

I unlocked my front door and closed it behind me, leaning against it for a moment. I wiped my tears away and went into the study, but my dad wasn't there.

Where is he?

He wasn't in the lounge either. That's weird, I knew he was working from home today. I heard Tanya's laugh from upstairs. Thank god, she must be waiting in my room for me. I walked up the stairs, but she wasn't in my room. I looked around confused. Another giggle. I frowned and walked towards my parent's bedroom.

Why would Tanya be in there?

I opened the door and immediately felt like throwing up. Tanya was completely naked on top of my dad.

I turned away from the door feeling nauseous.

Jesus Christ.

'What the fuck!' I screeched. They turned to look at me in horror. I ran to my room and slammed the door locking it. I couldn't stop crying.

'Bella please open the door so we can talk.' My dad said. 'Bella!'

'Charlie just give her some time.' I heard Tanya say in a sickening voice. I gagged, running to the bathroom and emptying my stomach. I pulled out my phone and called Edward.

'This is Edward's phone, please leave a message.' I bit my lip and hung up. What was I even going to say. Instead I called my mum.

'Bella' she answered, 'Is everything okay?' I felt like I couldn't speak.

'Mom, I- I need to tell you something, I don't know how to say it though.'

'What is it Bella?' She said sounding worried. 'Are you crying?'

'Mom – I just walked in on Dad and Tanya.'

'What do you mean Bella?' she replied sharply.

'As in, you know, they were together mom.' There was silence on the other end of the phone.

'For god's sake. He told me it had stopped.' I felt my stomach drop.

'What?' I shouted. 'You knew about this.'

'Bella please. Of course, I did, but your father said that it had stopped a month ago. And I stupidly believed him.' She huffed. 'Why I even believed him in the first place I mean, how stupid!' She continued ranting but I couldn't even hear her.

'- so that's why this is it Bella. I've been offered a job here and I'm going to take it. I'm coming back tomorrow to get our stuff and you, and then we're moving.'

'What the fuck?' I said in shock.

'Bella, language.' She tutted. 'I just said we're moving. The job here in Houston is a good one, it'll be a new start for both of us. So just start packing your stuff. I don't want to spend another night under the same roof as that asshole.'

I heard myself saying 'Okay' and then hung up.

I stared around at the room.

Why not move?

What was left here anyway?

Edward hated me. Tanya was…I couldn't even think about her. And my dad…I gulped heavily, fighting back tears. A new start.

I walked in the front door and sighed.

The flat was a complete state.

There were dishes stacked up by the kitchen sink, and the remnants of takeout on the counters. Renee was nowhere to be found. I stalked through the main room and went straight into my bedroom slamming the door behind me.

I threw myself onto my bed heavily. We left Forks two years ago today.

Renee had returned from her trip the following morning, gathered her things, thrown our stuff into her car and then we'd been on our way. Nobody seemed to remember it was my birthday.

I scowled staring at my ceiling.

Nobody remembered today either. My dad hadn't tried to call me once since we left. And Renee, well, she barely stopped drinking these days. I think she thought that when we left, he'd grovel at her feet and come after us. But he didn't. Renee told me last week that he and Tanya were getting married. I felt tears in my eyes and blinked them away angrily.

No, I wouldn't think about them.

I sat up and went over to my window. Tomorrow I was starting at a new school. We'd had to move to this flat two weeks ago, because Renee lost another job, resulting in our eviction from the little terraced house we had been living in.

This flat belonged to her boyfriend, Phil. He was nice enough. But he travelled a lot with work.

He'd be back tomorrow night; Renee would tidy up for his arrival.

She was good at acting like she wasn't a complete train wreck. He must know though, that she drinks.

Maybe he thinks he can fix her.

I went back to the bed and pulled out the bottle of whisky I kept underneath.

'Cheers to me' I said sarcastically, pulling the bottle to my lips. 'Happy fucking 18th birthday Bella Swan.'

A/N

Hi everyone, hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Just so you're aware, Bella is going to be somewhat crazy in this for the first part of the story. This is because she's self-medicating in her own way, just trying to forget about what she's dealing with at home. She's also really vulnerable, because she feels abandoned.

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creaatingmadness xxx