I decided to be a bit spontaneous, and only a few people know I've been working on this project. I warn you, this is most likely going to be my most depressing story, because of its themes. Check the bottom AN for the warnings.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 1

Romulus Vargas was busy preparing breakfast. He checked the time, seeing that it was time for his sons to wake up.

Soon enough, he could hear movement from the upper floor, and knew that they were up and about. Well, at least two of them were definitely. He needed to go check to see if the third was. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was ten minutes. If he was still sleeping…

He pushed the breakfast aside and made his way upstairs. He smiled at Marcello as he passed and ruffled Feliciano's hair, but when he reached the upper landing he frowned. Lovino's clock radio was still on.

Feeling his anger rising, Romulus stormed towards Lovino's room. Why did that boy have to be so lazy?

He threw the door open, seeing that Lovino was indeed still lying in bed.

"Lovino!" he snarled. "Can't you hear your alarm? Get up!"

"Fine, fine," Lovino groaned, pushing himself upwards.

It always struck Romulus as odd that Lovino would be on his stomach every time he came to wake him.

"Honestly," Romulus huffed. "Feli and Cello never take this long to get up."

It looked as though Lovino was trying to drop back onto the bed, but miraculously managed to keep himself up. How many times had Romulus told him to go to bed by ten? Perhaps if he listened for a change, he would be able to get up on time.

"Get dressed and come down for breakfast," Romulus said.

He closed the door and walked away, and if Lovino wasn't down within the next fifteen minutes, he would need to come drag him down. Honestly, what was wrong with that boy?

Feliciano and Marcello were angels. They were bright, cheerful and friendly. And they were both immensely talented. Feliciano was a great artist, and Marcello was part of the school's swimming team. Both of them were quite busy with extracurricular activities.

And then there was Lovino. A rude, grouchy, irresponsible slacker. While the other two spent their time after school participating in clubs, Lovino spent his in detention. He was always getting into fights, talking back to the teachers, barely ever doing his homework… Romulus didn't know what went wrong with that boy.

When he returned to the kitchen, he saw that Feliciano and Marcello had already helped themselves. He smiled, before he went to prepare coffee, only to see that it had already been done.

"Now who brewed the coffee?" he asked, a smile on his face.

"It was me, papa," Marcello said, raising his hand.

Romulus chuckled and ruffled his son's hair, before he poured each of them a cup of coffee.

It was about ten minutes before he could hear Lovino stomping down the stairs, and he sighed. Why did he insist on being so noisy?

Lovino swaggered into the kitchen, and without saying a word to any of them, proceeded to get himself some breakfast.

"Ve, buongiorno, fratello," Feliciano greeted.

Lovino said nothing, merely grunted. Romulus narrowed his eyes as the other went towards the counter to eat his breakfast, turning his back to them all. Romulus would have scolded Lovino for his rudeness, but he was getting used to it. And at least he didn't insult Feliciano.

Lovino stayed out of the conversation that followed, as Romulus and the others discussed their plans for the day. Eventually Lovino went upstairs again, but Romulus didn't particularly care. He knew that Lovino always immediately went to brush his teeth after breakfast. There was at least something he managed to do right with that boy.

When the time came for the bus to arrive, Romulus bid each of his sons goodbye as they rushed out of the door. However, when Lovino tried to pass, Romulus grabbed him on the upper arm.

"Don't get into trouble today," Romulus said.

"You act as though I do it every day," Lovino spat.

Romulus narrowed his eyes, but released Lovino. It was almost every day, and Romulus was really getting tired of it.

He sighed, before he started preparing for his own day, trying not to imagine the headache that Lovino would cause this time.

…

Feliks nervously sat in the office. It was his first day at a new school, and he was afraid. He didn't like having to move, having to start over. And he was worried about the other students.

Wearing jeans and a long-sleeved red shirt, Feliks hoped that he would make a good first impression. To be honest, the clothes felt uncomfortable. He was used to wearing skirts, not trousers. And the shirt's sleeves seemed almost too tight.

He jumped when the door opened, and a brunet boy appeared. He had a bright smile on his face, and Feliks wondered if this was the student that they sent to bring him to his class.

"Oh, Feliciano," the secretary said, a fond smile on her face. "Did Mr Hedervary send you?"

The boy, Feliciano, nodded.

"Si," he said. "He wanted me to get the new kid."

Feliciano's eyes wandered over to Feliks, and the Pole swallowed nervously.

"H-hi," he said. "I-I'm Feliks."

Feliciano bounded over to him and pulled him up, before wrapping him in a hug. Feliks's eyes widened at the other's actions.

"Ve, it's nice to meet you," Feliciano said. "I'm Feliciano. Let's go."

Feliks barely had time to grab his bookbag before Feliciano dragged him out of the office. The other, whom Feliks was starting to assume was Italian, kept excitedly chattering about the school, the teachers, the students, the afterschool activities, the food in the cafeteria…

Feliks was actually relieved when they stopped in front of a classroom. Feliciano seemed friendly, but a little extreme. Feliks didn't know if he would ever be able to feel comfortable around him.

The two entered the class, and a brunet man looked up from the paper on his desk. The man smiled, and Feliks assumed that this was his homeroom teacher.

"You must be Feliks," the man said. "I'm Mr Daniel Hedervary. You can sit anywhere you like."

Feliks had to hold in his panic when he heard that. He looked around for an empty desk, and when he found one, he immediately made his way towards it. The other students gave him curious looks, but no one appeared to be curious enough to try to find out more about him.

At least, that was what he assumed. The moment he sat down, he was approached by a brunette girl, who was smiling warmly.

"Hello," she said. "I'm Elizaveta, but you can call me Liz, if you want. Mr Hedervary is my dad."

Feliks glanced towards the homeroom teacher. Now that she mentioned it, he could see a resemblance between the two of them. He turned his attention back to Elizaveta and gave a shy smile.

"Like, hi," he said. "I'm Feliks. I'm Polish."

"And I'm Hungarian," Elizaveta said, her smile widening. "Our countries are friends, so we can be friends too."

Feliks's smile widened. He was glad that she wanted to be his friend, though he was still a bit on edge. He didn't know her yet, and wondered if she would really want to be his friend after learning a bit more about him.

"I hope so," he said.

…

Sadiq Adnan was walking through the class with his clipboard. As the gym teacher, his assessments were a bit different from the other teachers', but he still had to assess them. Giving them some basic cardio exercises was one way.

Most of the students were in groups, but there was one in particular that wasn't. In fact, he wasn't even making an effort, merely sat there looking bored.

"Vargas, get up and move already!" he exclaimed.

There were a few snickers, but Lovino Vargas merely shot him a bored look before he stood. Sadiq sighed when Lovino finally did something, though it was half-hearted. None of the Vargas brothers were particularly athletic, but Feliciano and Marcello at least tried to make an effort. Lovino looked as though he couldn't care less.

Then there was the fact that Lovino insisted on wearing a tracksuit to class. There wasn't a particular outfit reserved for gym, but at least the others wore short-sleeved shirts and shorts. But Sadiq wasn't allowed to say anything about it to Lovino, except perhaps to suggest wearing something more comfortable.

Sadiq's eyes went to the new student, who was also wearing a long-sleeved top, but at least he was wearing shorts. And at least he had a good excuse.

After a few minutes of examining the students, he turned back to Lovino's direction, and saw him raising a fist towards the German boy, Gilbert Beilschmidt. Sadiq blew his whistle before he stalked closer.

"Vargas, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he shouted.

Lovino jumped in surprise, before backing away. He glared at the teacher before storming off to another corner. Sadiq sighed, before turning to the other three standing nearby. Gilbert and his two friends, Antonio and Francis.

"What happened?" Sadiq asked.

"We were just trying to show him the correct form," Francis said.

Sadiq sighed. Ungrateful brat. He looked towards him and saw him busy with the jump ropes. He then turned his attention to the new student and approached him.

"You holding up okay?" he asked.

Feliks looked towards him and nodded.

"If you want, I could let you go early to lunch," Sadiq offered.

"Like, I don't really eat lunch," Feliks said. "I need to go to the library to get my textbooks."

Sadiq nodded his head in understanding.

"It's on the top floor," he said. "But otherwise, how's everyone treating you?"

Feliks shrugged.

"Like, I can't complain yet," he said.

"That's good to hear," Sadiq said. "If any of these idiots give you a problem, let me know immediately, okay?"

His thoughts immediately went to Lovino. Personally, he hoped that Feliks and Lovino stayed far away from each other.

…

Feliks was lost.

He had gone to the top floor, like the gym teacher said, but he had completely lost his way. It didn't help that they didn't label anything, with the exception of the restrooms. And since the bell for lunch had already rung a few minutes ago, there was no one around that he could ask to help him.

He perked up when he heard footsteps nearby, and he realised that they were coming from the stairwell. He made his way to the top of the stairs to see a familiar head of brown hair coming up.

"Hey, Feliciano," Feliks called out.

The other jumped in surprise, before fixing a glare on him. Feliks couldn't help but shrink back when he saw that glare, and realised that he made a terrible mistake. This wasn't Feliciano. He looked a lot like him, but the two appeared to be polar opposites. A brother, perhaps? But Feliks needed his help.

"Sorry," Feliks said. "Like, I'm new here, and I like need to get my textbooks at the library, but like, I'm totally lost, and I was like wondering if you could help me."

He wanted to kick himself when he realised that his verbal tic slipped through worse than usual in his nervousness.

The other looked as though he was trying to process his words, and his expression smoothed over to a more neutral expression. He wasn't smiling or anything, but he didn't exactly look as though he was angry anymore.

"I guess I can show you," he said, finishing his voyage up the stairs.

Feliks fell into step next to him, looking at his face. There was something about those eyes…

"So, like, I'm Feliks," he said. "Um, what's your name?"

The Italian looked towards him, and though he wasn't exactly glaring, Feliks couldn't help but shrink back.

"You know my brother's name but you haven't heard of me yet?" the other asked. "Usually people would talk about us in the same breath. It's annoying."

Feliks frowned.

"Like, Feliciano was the one that showed me to homeroom this morning," he said. "And he didn't say anything about a brother. He was too busy talking about…"

"Everything else," the other said. "Yeah, he never shuts up."

"So… Your name?"

The other was silent for a moment.

"Lovino," he said at last. "We're here."

Feliks looked ahead, and when Lovino opened the door, he could definitely see that it was a large room filled with books.

"Like, they should totally label these rooms," Feliks huffed.

"Some asshole stole everything last week," Lovino said, bristling slightly. "And besides, no one really comes here, so I doubt most people even know that there is a library."

Feliks chuckled, and the other looked surprised, but said nothing. Feliks brushed past him and went to find the librarian, but first he turned back.

"Like, thanks for the help," Feliks said.

Lovino simply grunted, and Feliks turned away again. He was right in his initial assumption. Lovino and Feliciano were polar opposites. But he wasn't sure which one he liked more.

He went up to the librarian and explained that he was the new student, and she immediately gave him a pile of books that were assigned to him. He grunted slightly, before settling them down and packing them in his bag.

When he was finished, he realised that there was still some time before he needed to go to class, so he started to wander around the library, wanting to see what they had. About ten minutes before the bell would ring again, he decided that he would get an early start and went off to class.

Except he didn't know where the class was.

He looked around frantically, before he spotted a familiar face. He ran up to Elizaveta, and she stopped when she saw him coming.

"Hi," she said. "Where were you? I was looking for you in the cafeteria, but couldn't find you."

"Like, I had to get to the library to get my books," he said. "Which way is Ms Braginskaya's class?"

Elizaveta smiled.

"Oh, that's actually my next class too," she said. "Come on, I'll show you."

He smiled in relief, and dutifully followed her.

"So, Liz, can I ask you something?" he asked.

"Sure," she said.

"Like, what do you know about Lovino? Feliciano's brother?"

Elizaveta came to a stop, and she spun around to face him, looking angry.

"What did he do to you?" she demanded.

"N-nothing," he stuttered, raising his hands defensively. "Like, I was just curious."

She seemed to calm down, and sighed.

"Lovino Vargas is a bad egg," she said. "You'd be better off staying away from him."

"Like, is he that bad?" he asked.

She nodded.

"He's always getting into fights," she said. "He's always angry, and always violent. And arrogant too. He spends his lunch breaks on the roof, smoking. And his arms are covered in tattoos, or at least that's what I heard. And he's such a jerk! Every time someone tries to be nice to him, he yells at them. Sometimes he hits them. Honestly, I feel sorry for Feliciano and Marcello."

"Marcello?" Feliks repeated.

"The third Vargas brother. He's a year younger than us, and a real sweetheart. Makes you wonder where Lovino went wrong."

"Well… He was nice enough to show me the library," Feliks said feebly.

"I'm surprised a slacker like him even knows there is a library."

Feliks sighed. It was clear that Elizaveta didn't have a high opinion of Lovino. But, there was something that drew Feliks's attention to him. And he wasn't bad to look at.

Feliks blushed when he realised where his thoughts were heading. No! He couldn't think like that. He could never think like that. Never again.

…

It was the last period, and Feliks was feeling nervous. He was feeling as though everything was getting too close, surrounding him in a space that he could not escape from. He knew what this was. He had been getting them for weeks now.

An anxiety attack.

He needed to get to a safe area. An area without voices, since the teacher allowed them to chat with each other quietly as they did their work. The voices were too loud, and reminded him too much of other voices.

Eventually he couldn't take it anymore, and he raised his hand. Thankfully, the teacher noticed him and nodded.

"May I please go to the bathroom?" he asked.

She nodded again, and Feliks immediately rushed out of the room. He had almost lasted the entire day. He was getting better, but he still had a long way to go.

Deciding that he could go to the bathroom to splash some water on his face, he made his way there, trying to calm himself. But all efforts to calm himself immediately abandoned him when he reached the bathroom.

Hanging from the frame of one of the stalls was someone with brown hair. Feliks only noted the situation, before he rushed forward. It looked as though the other boy was still struggling for breath. He was still alive.

Feliks didn't know what to do for a moment, before he grabbed the small metal bin that was close by. He stood on it and started working on the knot. It looked like a jump rope.

"N-no…" the other gasped.

Feliks didn't listen, and he sighed in relief when the knot became undone. He quickly grabbed the other, trying to prevent a nasty fall, but only managed to take himself down too.

He felt feeble fists pounding against his chest, and he looked towards the boy he just saved.

"You bastard! Why did you do that? You should have just let me die!"

Feliks gasped when he recognised Lovino. He absentmindedly pulled the other into a hug, and he could feel Lovino trying to push him away, before he went lax in his hold, sobbing against Feliks's chest.

He now knew what he had seen in Lovino's eyes.

I didn't want to say this earlier due to the summary, but here are the trigger warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, bullying, self-harm, self-loathing.

Next chapter will be the same as this chapter, except everything is from Lovino's POV. So, the trigger warnings are really more applicable starting next chapter.