After a week of being monitored by the doctors, Jesus finally comes home. While there isn't anything physically wrong with him, he has to relearn some things. Jesus has a traumatic brain injury, when he woke up he couldn't move the way he used to. The doctor said it had to do with how the brain is wired, but once Jesus gets into physical therapy it will all become muscle memory.

I help by secretly kicking (gently) a soccer ball to his feet. We pretend we're in the World Cup and that underneath the table is the goal. It goes well until Stef catches us and tries to shoo us outside. Jesus is already standing by himself so a speedy recovery is expected.

Callie is finally back home out of prison and she has decided to change her senior project once again to something else. Everything is going smooth (as it could be) in the Foster's house and I almost forget the terrible in my life.

The nightmares slowly disappear, the first night I actually manage to stay asleep is glorious. I forget what the nightmares feel like, they feel more like a distant memory. Something that once was but now isn't. The dreams become something unexpected.

I dreamt I saw my mother again. Same beautiful blue eyes that Alyssa's had reflected. Despite the years separated from my mother, I could always remember the color of her eyes. The blue in the sky on a clear day. Like her fleeing memory, the dreamlike version vanishes without a trace and it scares me how much I wish I could hold onto it.

When she left, it was just another normal morning. No hints of what happened in the middle of the night, no gaping hole indicating she was gone. How I wished there had been a warning, some sign to soften the blow as the world seemed to crumble under my feet. She left without a goodbye and with nothing to remember her by. I often wondered if she was even there to begin with.

I still wonder if she was all just in my imagination.

"Maisie!" The fog clears from my head and Mrs. Thames appears less than impressed. "Can you repeat the instructions I just gave to the class?"

Mrs. Thames stares, clearly expecting an answer. If my burning cheeks give off any indication, she knows I can not answer her question. She sighs, "Everyone please pay attention or I will be docking off point on your participation grades. Now as I was saying, the main character of A Wrinkle in Time goes off to rescue her brother as we read and she was able to defeat IT by?"

Chloe has haughty look on her face as she answers. "By the power of love, Meg is able to defeat IT."

Mrs. Thames nods her head in approval. "Yes, Chloe but please raise your hand next time."

She passes out a blank sheet of paper to the class. "It is through Meg's love for her brother Charles, that she is able to overcome IT who feels nothing but hate. Today is an easy day, I want you to write about the people you love: your family or your friends. Love is the most powerful weapon of all that can overcome anything."

She claps her hands and smiles excitedly, "Now, let's get to work."

The people around me start writing instantaneously. I imagine Chloe is writing about the dozens of boys she's claimed to kiss. I stare back at the white sheet of paper and tap the end of my pencil on my desk.

I remember how tightly he held us, the S'agapo whispered into the night like a promise. I can remember the way Papa loved us, he always said it. It was as if he knew how fragile we felt after she left.

If there was any, I don't remember the Je t'aime. I cannot recall the way Maman told us of her love. Just like her, I cannot recall the house we lived in at Palo Alto. All I remember is the pecan tree that stood outside my window. How we would collect the pecans from the ground and eat them for dinner. Nothing else.

One day Papa packed all our things in the car and we left the pecan tree behind for good. A Great Adventure, he called it. Our car was a rocket ship and we traveled planet to planet searching for a place to call ours. The scariest part was at night when aliens would try to invade our space ship. Papa would grab his baseball bat and shoo them all away, he really was a real-life superhero.

One day, the aliens invaded our rocket in daylight. A dark shadow came into the rocket while Papa was away and I was terrified. I tried to be so brave like Papa and I grabbed the baseball bat-

WHAM!

The alien left but he took Alyssa's special bag with him. When Papa came back, he cursed so loudly and cried for so long. I didn't know what to do, I don't think Papa knew either. He just drove us around until we arrived at our favorite park, the one by a fire station. (If we stayed long enough, we could usually see a fire truck go by.) Then, he told us to go play. I didn't want him to be sad anymore, so I tugged his hand and forced him to play hide and seek with us. It was so much fun I forgot all about the alien and how sad Papa had been.

During our last game, I couldn't find Papa. No matter how far and low Alyssa and I searched, he was nowhere to be found. Our rocket had vanished and so did Papa. It was aliens, it had to be them but no matter who I told no one believed me.

S'agapo.

The only word I managed to write on the blank piece of paper.

There is only one other person who ever told me, I love you.

Jesse.

I remember the first time he told it to me. Hidden between a blue house, "You got it dude!", and mountains of ice cream. It filled my stomach with such happiness, a happiness I thought was impossible without Alyssa. He would play along to tea parties and be Ken whenever I wanted to play Barbies. He attended school plays and always gave me flowers afterward. Days were filled with so much joy but nights were a bottomless pit of fear.

"I'm going to adopt you. You're going to forever be my Maisy Daisy."

I would have accepted the happiness and fear altogether. It seemed love could not exist without the fear that accompanied it. (Truthfully, I was more afraid that I could never be that happy with anyone else).

Glassy eyes stared back at me, a vacant look in her expression. White little pills spilled all over the bathroom floor. All the nights with Jesse seemed like nothing, true terror crawled out of my throat and onto the floor.

"CLAIRE!"

A slight pressure on my shoulder made me turn around and Ada tilted her head at me. "Come on, the bell rang. We need to get to our next class."

We are the last students out, I place my paper on top of Mrs. Thames desk and let out a sigh of relief. English is finally over and I could finally get on my way.

"Maisie, could you please come back here."

The tension reappears and I force myself to walk back into the classroom. Surprisingly enough, Ada stays by my side.

Mrs. Thames frowns. "Get to class Ada. I would like to speak to Maisie alone."

Ada gives my hand a small squeeze. "I'll see you later."

As soon as Ada leaves, Mrs. Thames picks up my assignment from her desk and says, "Follow me."

I quickly do as she says until I realize where we are going. I drag my feet but in a manner of time, we arrive at the principal's office.

Lena looks up from her computer and her smile falters slightly. "Elizabeth, what can I do for you?"

Mrs. Thames gets right to the point. "I know you've been tutoring Maisie for the past few months, but she will not pass my class unless she does the work. She didn't even attempt to do the work today in class-"

Lena holds her hands up. "I'm sorry but did you say tutoring? I wasn't aware that Maisie was struggling in English."

Mrs. Thames's pale face turns a bright face and purses her lips together. "Maisie has been doing less than well up until two months. She has improved dramatically, I assumed you were the reason."

Both adults turn to me expecting the unspoken question to be answered. I stare at my feet and hesitantly confess, "Ada has been helping me outside of class."

Mrs. Thames continues, "As I was saying, Maisie failed to complete her assignment today and I recommend she stay after school in detention to complete it. Maisie is a good student, but this is unacceptable."

I could feel Lena's eyes burning the back of my head, but I refuse to look back at her. Lena sighs, "Can I see the assignment?"

Mrs. Thames hands her my paper while saying, "I appreciate the improvements she made in my class, but she didn't attempt to begin the assignment. All she wrote was a word that's not even real."

I whisper it softly, "S'agapo."

Even though I've said it a thousand times in my head, it feels foreign on the back of my tongue. It used to be second nature to me, now it feels just as clunky and awkward as English.

Mrs. Thames's voice increases in pitch. "Excuse me."

My voice comes out more confident this time. "S'agapo , it means I love you in Greek."

Mrs. Thames blinks before stuttering, "That's nice Maisie, but I need more than that." She quickly adds, "Preferably in English."

Lena interjects, "Maisie will complete the assignment after school today. Thank you for telling me your concerns, now I would like to speak with Maisie alone."

Mrs. Thames makes herself scarce and I stand alone with Lena in her office. She rubs her temples lightly. "Please take a seat, Maisie."

I do as Lena says to avoid more trouble than necessary. The pressure my nails place on my palm increase as the seconds go by and Lena doesn't say a word. She asks, "Why didn't you tell us that you were struggling in English? I'm a teacher Maisie, I could have helped you."

Lena's voice sounds hurt more than angry and it makes the guilt in my belly feel ten times worse. I shrug and stare at the painting on her wall.

"Use your words please."

No excuses come to mind, I used to be so much better at this. Or maybe I never really was, maybe I had grown so used to being ignored excuses weren't needed in the first place. I mumble, "I don't know."

Shame.

Embarrassment.

Humiliation.

I know why I didn't tell them about my English troubles, it doesn't make it any easier to admit.

Lena presses her lips together. It causes wrinkles to furrow above her eyebrows and this whole situation is wrong. I want to smooth her troubles away but I'm the reason for them. "You ruin everythi-"

"Why didn't you complete your assignment today? You're better than this Maisie."

She's wrong and I can't help but wonder what gave her the impression otherwise. I am not good and it hurts to realize she believes I can be. I breathe in as the knot tightens in my throat. "I didn't know what to write about."

"That's not an excuse." She picks up my blank paper. "What was your assignment about?"

Papa, Maman, and Jesse.

My cheeks bloom red, I didn't dare associate the Fosters with love. No one has ever said it to me, except that one time with Mariana in the bathroom, the word love did not appear.

"They love you too, you know?"

I didn't want to presume anything so I didn't think about them at all. Now, all I just feel terrible because they have been nothing but nice.

I've never presumed anyone had loved me, not after the Johnsons. The Johnsons, the second foster home I was ever placed in. Even though they locked their refrigerator and cabinets and forbade us from eating more than what they gave us, they did not mind our thick accents and did not laugh when we mispronounced words. I whispered it while they tucked me into bed, more out of habit than actually meaning it.

I love you.

Sonya arrived the next day and Alyssa and I moved onto our next home. It's a terrible feeling when you realize someone doesn't love you back.

I whisper out, "We were supposed to write about the people we love." I wait for Lena's reaction, but she doesn't give anything away. I admit, "I didn't know who to write about."

Lena pushes away from her desk and motions me over. "Come over here."

I take slow steps until I'm around her desk and she pats on her lap. My face heats up at her indication. We've cuddled before but that was at home, not at school.

Lena reassures me, "No one is going to come in during class and if they do, they will knock first."

My hesitancy leaves and I slowly allow myself this moment of weakness by curling into her lap. Her heartbeat is right against my ear and everything about this feels safe.

The first sob shakes my chest and the second has me gasping for air. Lena rubs small circles into my back while humming until her breath. Jack pops into my mind again and I know I should not crave this affection, but I melt into her embrace.

I remember thinking there was a dragon in my chest, an unspeakable anger that was much easier to bear than the deep sadness. When I was just on the cusp of eight and couldn't understand why people walked in and out of my life, couldn't understand why the people who were supposed to love me never stayed. Back when I was just a scrappy, dirty french girl with a wild mouth and unyielding ferocity to protect my younger sister. When the anger was so much easier to hold onto then people, so I yielded it like a weapon. It was the reason why I held so many infractions in my file: a knack for cursing, punching, and biting.

(Because people leave and if I hurt them first, they cannot hurt me.)

Sometimes I wish I still held the dragon but all that is left is an overwhelming sadness that made home in my chest the moment Alyssa drew her last breath. It's the sadness that drew me to Jesse, the staggering desperation for an ounce of happiness, an ounce of love.

When I'm finished crying, she tucks my hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead.

"You silly girl, don't you realize you have so many people you can write about?"

The sentence would sound degrading if anyone else had said it, but Lena makes it sound endearing.

I hesitantly ask, "I do?"

Lena nods. "Grandma Ruth and Alyssa, don't they love you?"

The reply is fast, harsh and I don't take a moment to breathe. "Alyssa is dead."

There is a silence between the both of us as her eyes search for something and for a moment I think the dragon has returned but my chest feels hollow.

"And Grandma Ruth?", she questions.

I seethe, blood boiling as she picks at the scabs in my life that I'd promised to never show anyone for this very reason. "She's insane!" I push off of Lena's chest and curl into my own. "She can't-"

The protest dies off as the reasons fail to fall from my lips. I stick with my resolve. "She can't."

"Why not?"

The innocent question makes my hands shake wildly as memories bleed into my mind. Back when I had to tell Alyssa we needed to pack up to be dropped off to the next foster home, back when I had to tell her we could not stay. Back when she would always ask that same innocent question and I would always ignore the hurt in my chest as I failed to come up with a reason to answer why no one wanted us.

No one wanted us.

The words fly wildly off my tongue and I lose grip on the perfect English accent I held. I feel seven, small and insignificant to those around me. "Because I'm a spaz! I'm too stupid to do anything right! I'm just a waste of space and no one will ever want me!"

My chest heaves and I continue to spout out nonsense in a mix of French and English that doesn't even make sense to my own ears. I cannot stop. I want to bite my wild mouth, tuck it away into the place it has been hidden but the words are so loud that they demand to be heard.

"Look at me." Lena's hands gently grip my shoulders and I pause my rambling. "Look at me, Maisie Belland."

I do slowly, unsurely. My eyes drift towards hers. "Who told you those things?"

Too many people and not enough.

I'm silent under her gaze and her brow creases. "It doesn't matter, now you listen to me and you listen well, you understand?"

She holds my face into her hands so gently it causes dried up tears to resurface. I can count on my fingers how many people have been this gentle with me and it still surprises me how affectionate Lena and Stef are.

"You are so so special. It amazes me how quickly your little mind can rattle off solutions to equations far beyond your years. You are so smart, so kind, and all deserving to be loved. You are loved and if you can't think of anyone who loves you, always know that Stef and I love you so much. Everyone in this family loves you and I'm sorry if we ever made you doubt our love for you. You're a special girl Maisie and you have so many people who love you."

My chin trembles but I stay silent as Lena grips onto my hands. "Those people, they were wrong. I don't ever want to hear you say those things about yourself ever again, okay?"

She doesn't wait for an answer and pulls me into such a tight hug that I can imagine her trying to hold all the rough, broken pieces of me together and suddenly I'm sobbing into her shoulder hugging her just as tightly.

It feels like a promise so full of hope and love.

Thank you guys for all the follows and the likes, I really appreciate them and they keep me motivated.

Guest- Thank you for your comment, but I never intended for Maisie to end up with her grandmother. It's unfortunately, not a reasonable choice. My grandfather suffers from memory loss and there are times where he forgets his son's name or even times he is convinced the date is wrong. People who suffer problems like this are not suitable caretakers and need others to take care of them. This is the reason Grandma Ruth will never adopt Maisie.

Random Trivia:

When I first wrote the scene where Maisie's mother leaves, I did it based on the music video Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. Now looking back, I hate the lack of originality of the scene and created what I feel like a more realistic scene. Maisie was really young when her mother left and memories of childhood are usual not that clear. So, I hope you guys enjoy this new adaptation.