Disclaimer: The Harry Potter and Naruto series belong to their respective authors. I owe nothing and do not profit from this except in writing experience.

Summary: In an attempt to find the missing Potters, Severus Snape goes through an experimental magic ritual—one that opens up a multidimensional gate. When he survives the ritual, he finds himself in a strange world with the loudest and most confusing family he had ever seen.

A/N: I had half of this finished for a long time, but it was difficult to think of the dialogue at times; hope it feels organic. Thank you to all those who have read, reviewed, and put this on alert or favorite ~ much love, depressedchildren

Chapter 6: Dinner with Mercenaries

Severus could tell when people were getting ready to leave for the celebration. There would be a burst of sound and movement from outside the tent, and then the area would get quieter. Potter, had remained in the tent with Severus, but thankfully begun to read a book when Severus expressed a desire for quiet. The Potions Master had needed to reflect on all he had learned and occlude; of course, he had not thought Potter would so diligently leave Severus to his silence and now he was bored.

Like that Hokage person, Potter was reading the book backwards and seemed genuinely engrossed. Severus didn't want to be the one to break the silence, but there was only so much one could occlude on, and it was clear others were leaving for the festivities.

Scowling, he swallowed his pride and broke the silence. "Planning to be fashionably late?"

"Hmm?" Potter responded while using a finger to hold his place in the book and look up at Severus.

"It sounds like most people are heading to this celebration," Severus remarked in as bored a tone as he could manage. He could hear his own anxiety though and wanted to curse himself. He was curious about these strange people Potter and his son had lived amongst for the past decade, and he was sure he'd learn more at this celebration than Potter and his associates were willing to tell him.

"Oh, is it getting so late?" Potter looked down to his wrist where there was some kind of watch and chuckled while shaking his head. "Those are just the early birds. You know, the one's who can't travel to the frontline quickly or think they can get a spot close to the Kages if they're early."

"And you have no such concerns, even though I will be traveling with and am an invalid?" Severus remarked dryly.

"I was just going to apparate, and figured we would be sitting with the other Uzumakis in a Konoha section."

"So people are going back to division so quickly?" he remarked. It was clear that the battle they were celebrating had required everyone to work together. It was odd they were dividing up again.

"That's just for eating—while we're more united, paranoia dies hard." At Severus quizzical expression, Potter elaborated, "We might be at peace but everyone is going to be worried about being poisoned by other nations, so each nation will likely eat together to reduce the chance of poisonings. Then most people will be traveling among the groups to mingle."

"It must remind you of home," Severus commented.

"I'd think it would remind you more of home," Potter countered with a smirk. Severus felt his mouth twitch slightly in one corner. Navigating pureblood society when being a half-blood or "blood traitor" was certainly a study in the art of paranoia and two-faced acts.

"Assuming these 'Kages' are located in a different area, how will your friend know you even attended?" Severus eased back into the cot, a bit proud of his jab.

"Kakashi will sense when I apparate, and then likely come over when he has time. I doubt he will last more than a half-hour with the other Kages before fleeing." Potter chuckled slightly and shook his head in a fashion that said he found his friend's anti-social behavior endearing.

"How long have you known him?" Severus asked slowly. He was genuinely curious.

"Ever since I got here," Potter replied as if this should have been obvious to Severus.

"But how did you meet or even begin to…be friendly." How could Potter have a Slytherin friend?

Potter sighed and closed his book fully—up until this point he had been prepared to continue reading. "When we arrived we had claimed to be from a clan that had been wiped out…what? thirty-plus years ago?" Potter tilted his head to the side as he tried to remember the exact number. He gave up after a moment and shook his head. "Anyways, there was only one member of the clan left in Konoha and that immediately put us under suspicion."

"Right, everyone here is paranoid," Severus quipped.

"Well, it's a nation of mercenaries," Potter said with a shrug. He then shook his head with a wistful smile and sigh. "We were under watch for a long time. While blood work showed we were genuine—er well, Botan and the kids were genuine—they didn't fully trust we weren't affiliated with another village."

"And your Hokage friend was one of these watchmen?"

"Ah, yeah, you could say so." Potter shrugged again and then stood up. He wasn't going to elaborate.

Severus sighed and stared up at the tent ceiling.

"Come on, let's go see if we can find a change of clothes for you," Potter commented with his hand held out for Severus to grab.

"Can't you just transfigure something?" Severus asked as he stared at the offered hand like it was suspect.

"I will likely get drunk and lose concentration, so unless you want the transfiguration to drop…." Potter trailed off.

"You are going to get drunk?! You have a child, who I presume will be present!"

"You can't exactly refuse a drink from a superior without being incredibly rude," Potter rebutted. Severus just stared in disbelief.

Potter shifted and added awkwardly, "Gai will be watching the kids and they will go to bed before the drinking gets too bad." He didn't sound so sure about the last bit.

"No one will expect me to drink, correct?" Severus asked as he finally accepted Potter's help to stand.

"Ah…no they probably will, if only to get you to lower your guard and then interrogate you," Potter replied as he steadied Severus.

"And if I refuse?" he asked as Potter got the crutches from where they were leaning against a support pole.

"Anko will likely poison you, same with Genma…" Potter trailed off as if running through a list of likely poisoners.

"Truly?"

"Yes," Potter chirped. "You are an unknown threat and are being rude. They've poisoned people for less."

"Should I worry about your son poisoning his classmates?"

"Only for good natured pranks," Potter replied as he began to lead Severus out of the tent.

Severus sighed heavily and hoped he would make it through the evening intact.

…

The sun had begun to lower in the sky and cast the world in oranges and pinks when the festivities were to begin. They were held in a valley that had been flattened by the battles. From the crest of the hill, Severus saw eight or nine groupings of tables with what seemed like hundreds of people. The tables were made of stone, likely created by earth manipulators, and were filled with turning discs that held various foods. There were also numerous jugs stationed along the tables with saucer like cups.

Potter apparated them once more, and they were at one of the outer clusters of tables. Now closer, Severus could see there were braziers set in between the clusters of tables, and above the tables were strings of paper lights set up between poles. There were also these black objects with some sort of mesh and an odd metal thing connected to it.

When Severus looked at it questioningly, Potter answered the unasked question. "Those are speakers, they will project what the Kages say from the center cluster."

"Really?"

"Yes. See the metal boxes the speakers are connected to, that's a generator but it also gets the short wave radio signals from the headsets the Kages will be wearing."

"The headsets are used for missions, but some of our engineers refitted them to work for events like this," E-Uzumaki said from behind them. "It's about time you showed up James—I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold your spot." She wore a stern expression, and when she looked over at Severus it soured further.

Severus returned the look before examining those gathered at this low table. Gai was propped against an upraised stone so he could sit at the table. The young girl, Tai, sat in his lap and was talking rapidly with the man. Beside Gai was Daichi and across from the blonde boy was Harry. The two boys were playing some sort of game. There were open place settings beside Harry for Potter and presumably Severus.

"I see you're trusting Spinner's End to not make a scene?" Uzumaki drawled as she sat down beside her husband.

"That and I'm hoping Genma will go easy on me tonight," Potter replied with a laugh. Gai gave a boisterous laugh and Uzumaki snorted.

Severus narrowed his gaze slightly at Potter. "Is this about poisoning or drinking?"

Potter gave a sheepish smile and laugh before quickly walking to sit next to his son. Uzumaki and Gai laughed a little louder. The two boys paused their game and looked at the adults in confusion.

"What's Genma-san gonna do?" Daichi asked loudly. Tai looked just as confused as her brother and cousin.

"Nothing!" Potter replied hastily and made a gesture for Severus to sit down beside him.

As Severus was hobbling toward the table, a voice spoke up beside Daichi. There hadn't been anyone there but suddenly there was. The man wore a bandana covering his hair and he had one of those deadly needles in between his lips. The man was saying something in that foreign language and had a smile that just said he was going to cause mischief. Gai turned his head and smiled broadly at the man. The bandana wearing man clapped his hand on Gai's shoulder and they presumably shared a greeting.

Severus looked over at Potter. "I'm going to assume you won't cast a translating spell," he commented and Potter gave him a shit eating grin in response. He sighed and looked down at the table. How exactly was he supposed to sit here with a broken leg?

Potter was suddenly standing beside him and grabbed his shoulder. "You'll need to bend your good leg while keeping the other straight." Were Severus' thoughts so obvious or did Potter realize he couldn't sit without assistance? "That way, I'll help you to the ground." Severus scowled. "Come on, I got you. You can hand the crutches to Harry."

Severus watched as the boy immediately got up and held his hands out for the crutches. Scowling more, Severus balanced as best he could on his good leg and awkwardly handed over the crutches. He was close to toppling, but Potter caught him under the arms—the amputated arm just catching his right side, while Potter's left arm fully curled around the joint. His back was pressed tight to Potter's chest, but at least he wasn't falling.

"Okay, start bending your leg," Potter instructed and Severus did as told. The closer he got to the ground, the farther away Potter's chest became—of course, by then the man was only holding him up on the left side and Severus was becoming less balanced.

"Harry," Potter called, and quickly Severus' right side was supported again. Eventually, he was seated with his bad leg stretched out before him and his good one pulled up to his chest—it was uncomfortable but still possible to sit.

"Botan, can you raise the table a little?" Potter asked and the woman sighed before moving her hands in some kind of series of signs. The stone table rose a little higher. "Thank you," Potter chirped.

"Okay, Snape, we're going to slide your leg under the table. I recommend you fold the other leg like Botan." Severus scowled and looked back over at the blonde woman. She was smirking and sitting with her legs crossed like a pretzel. Severus' body was not meant to bend in such ways, but it gave him more balance once situated. "If you need a back rest, just ask Botan and she'll make one."

"Don't make promises for other people," Uzumaki retorted and Potter shook his head while Harry laughed into his hands.

"I would rather not," Severus replied. "I imagine Uzumaki will make sure there is some sharp rock to poke me in the spine."

"You're quick to get with the program," Uzumaki said with a smirk—it almost looked approving.

"And…the bickering commences," Potter drawled as he sat down beside Severus. He shook his head.

"We're not 'bickering,'" the blonde woman responded. "We're just both aware of how things are." Potter snorted and Severus had to sigh.

Rather than engaging in further "conversation" with Lily's horrid sister, Severus examined those seated at this cluster of tables. Most of the people present wore navy blue jumpsuits with green vests, but there were the occasional individual wearing something different. For example, there was a dark haired woman—wait was her hair purple?—wearing a trench coat over a short mesh dress. She was not the only provocatively dressed woman present but the first to catch his eye. The purple haired woman caught him looking at her and she gave him a positively devious and predatory smile. He paled and immediately looked away from her but a shudder still went down his spine.

Potter was laughing with his family at something a tan man with a scar across the bridge of his nose was saying. He wore the typical uniform and had his hair pulled back in a short spikey pony-tail. Severus raised an eyebrow questioningly at Potter.

The bespectacled man perked up and gestured between the scarred man and Severus while speaking rapidly in that foreign language. He then repeated what he said in English. "This is Iruka, he is a teacher at the academy and was Naruto-kun's first teacher. He's also been teaching Harry and Daichi." Potter scratched the back of his head. "Really, he's taught all the key Konoha combatants."

"Those from Naruto's class and on, yes," Uzumaki commented with a fond smile.

"Like I said, the key combatants," Potter replied with playful smirk.

"What does that make Kakashi-jisan then?" Harry piped in.

"Or the Kages?" Daichi added.

Potter dropped his head forward and sighed. "Hypocrites." The two boys started to cackle. Severus raised another eyebrow and Potter obliged. "They've been commenting on how the younger generations had carried us to victory not the older generations, but of course, when I make that joke…" Potter trailed off and shook his head.

The Iruka person just finished saying something to Tai, when he directed his attention to Severus. He spoke rapidly in his native language and Potter translated.

"He's asking how you deal with pranksters given the dangerousness of your class."

"You told him what I teach?" Severus asked a little uneased. Did these people know about magic and potions? Well, obviously they did given Potter healed with magic, but still…it made Severus uneasy given how muggle these people appeared.

"I told him you basically teach chemistry but where mistakes can lead to explosions."

"Chemistry is a muggle science, right?" Potter nodded in confirmation, so Severus hummed as he thought over the other teacher's question.

"You can tell Mr. Iruka that I have developed a sixth-sense for troublemakers and prevent such things from happening in my class."

Potter chuckled and translated. The scarred man perked up more before speaking rapidly. "He knows exactly what you mean. He's stopped so many pranks, he says he can smell a prank brewing before it even has a chance to occur." And so, Severus found himself sharing stories with Iruka through James as translator. Iruka was beginning to explain a technique he developed that allowed him to track wayward students when a high pitched ringing came from the odd boxes—speakers, Severus reminded himself.

"The Kages are going to speak," Potter whispered as everyone in their cluster began to settle down and quiet.

The ringing stopped—feedback Potter explained—and an aged voice began to address the people. Apparently this was the Tsuchikage with opening statements commending the Five Nations and their efforts. Potter spoke quietly and summarized what was being said instead of translating. A woman spoke next—the Mizukage—and shared a message of unity and growth. It appeared everyone was planning for these alliances to persist. A detached, almost emotionless and gruff voice spoke next—the Kazekage—about friendship, perseverance, and love. A louder and heartier voice spoke next—the Raikage—about glory and honor of those who fought and fell. Last was a familiar (almost lazy) voice that talked about the sacrifices each nation made and then read the names of the fallen soldiers. It was somber and quiet for a long time after Potter's Kage friend stopped speaking. Another voice piped in after an appropriately long silence, and this was of a woman. She sounded tired and winded, but she made a toast Potter did not translate. Everyone raised their drinks—the adults had saucers filled with a clear liquid while the children had water or tea—before saying something under their breaths and drinking.

Severus assumed they were saying prayers of some sort for the dead, so he also raised the saucer and drank. The drink was stronger than he anticipated, so he had to cough but still downed it like the other adults at the table. Uzumaki quickly refilled Severus' cup with a smirk. He raised an eyebrow but got no further response.

The tired woman spoke one more time and there was a chorus of "icky-something" from everyone gathered. Severus raised an eyebrow in question toward Potter.

"It's a lot like that muggle tradition of religious people but it isn't religious here."

"Grace?" Severus muttered with a sour taste on his tongue. His father was "religious" and used that to justify the abuse he hurled at Severus and his mother.

Potter frowned slightly. "It's not a religious thing here, just a cultural…" Potter trailed off and made a circular motion with his left hand. "You know what I mean, right?" Potter gave up on finding the correct word and gave a sheepish smile.

"You were so articulate by calling 'saying grace' as a religious 'thing'" Severus sneered. "Why not continue the trend by saying a 'cultural thing?'"

"He has you there, Tousan," Harry piped up from where he was filling bowl with different items from the small turning dais in the center of the table. Uzumaki was preparing food from the spinning trivet-like object for her husband and daughter. In fact, everyone was grabbing food off the various spinning trays and putting them into a bowls filled with rice.

The Iruka person was sitting beside Severus now, and smiled as he gestured with his metal chopsticks to the tray-trivet-thing closest to them. Merlin, Potter's inarticulate mannerisms were catching. Iruka began saying something but Potter was focusing on his son, and so Severus was just lost as the scarred man continued to gesture at various dishes. Was he trying to tell Severus what they were? This was quickly becoming a headache.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Severus turned toward Potter. "This is not tenable, Potter. How am I to communicate if I must rely on you or your family? Why not cast a translation spell?" Severus asked

Potter paused in putting vegetables into his son's bowl and looked over at him surprised. "Have you ever cast a translation spell before?"

"No, but they've existed for centuries. Surely you know one!" he snapped.

"I do, but I'm surprised you'd even want to risk it," Potter replied slowly.

Severus raised one eyebrow. "Pardon?" His tone might have been defensive.

Potter set his lips into a line as he thought of a response. "Translation spells can only be cast on the caster," Potter began slowly.

"And I am not trusted with a wand," Severus sighed.

"Yes, but even if you were, it wouldn't be useful here," Potter gestured to those sitting around them. Severus just raised an eyebrow in challenge, and Potter took a sip of his alcohol. "You also don't seems the sort to take such risks."

"Risk, you say. How could there possibly be risks involved with a translation spell?"

Potter opened his mouth to respond then closed it and shook his head. "You've never studied translation spells, have you?" he asked as he set down the saucer of alcohol.

"I haven't had need of them until now," Severus nearly growled. Was Potter calling him stupid or reckless?! He wasn't some Gryffindor!

Potter laid his hand flat on the table. "Right," he began slowly, "so translation spells work only on the caster because the caster is essentially…" Potter trailed off and looked up and off to the right as he tried to come up with the words. "You essentially are casting your intentions and thoughts out to those in a radius around you. So really, the translation is that when you speak, you are also projecting your thoughts or intentions to the other person. It's almost like the opposite of legilimency."

Potter paused and looked to Severus, "Does that make any sense?" He was almost grimacing.

Severus closed his eyes slowly as he paled. "If I were to cast a translation spell, it would project my intentions to the recipients—connecting my surface thoughts to theirs. But it would be an open ended connection and unprotected."

"Exactly! You'd be more prone to legilimency yourself," Potter replied enthusiastically. Severus opened his eyes and gave the one-armed man an unimpressed look. He smiled sheepishly. "Ah-ha-ha, um," Potter coughed and shifted slightly. "It also doesn't really work on them since you are actively altering how they perceive what they hear and they're trained to shut that down," Potter elaborated and Severus sighed more heavily.

"So if I want to communicate, I'll have to learn a completely new language or rely on one of your family members," Severus drawled, and Potter had the audacity to smile cheerfully and nod. "This isn't just some attempt to infuriate or keep me in the dark?" Potter's smile fell at Severus' addition and shrugged. Merlin, give him strength…

"Neh, why don't you ask Iruka-sensei to teach you some things!" Harry piped in. Potter perked up as well and began to speak over Severus to Iruka who laughed and nodded before saying something else.

"Ah, Iruka was trying to teach you the different parts of the dishes but you lost your temper."

"I did not lose my temper," Severus snapped at Potter, which made Uzumaki choke on a laugh.

Severus, for the record, did not blush at the pointed looks he received. He especially was not blushing or looking contrite when he turned back to the scarred man and gestured for him to resume the lesson.

Iruka was patient but now that the speeches were over, everyone was talking, laughing, and overall celebrating loudly. He was perhaps partway through the meal, and while he couldn't remember any of the dish names, he understood when something had carrot or onion or eggplant in it. Iruka was beginning to transition to greetings, but it was growing increasingly difficult to concentrate, especially when a group mercenaries began howling in laughter not far from them. Iruka looked over at them amused before turning back to Severus with a kind smile, but Severus also knew the man wanted to join their festivities rather than teach some foreigner.

Severus glanced over at the Uzumakis who were talking animatedly in whatever language the natives spoke here. Well, this was genuinely awkward. Severus held his hand up to Iruka in an attempt to indicate he wait. The man raised an eyebrow but paused in his instruction. Severus then turned toward Potter and coughed slightly to get the wizard's attention. The one-armed man turned toward Severus with an eyebrow raised.

"Potter, I do not wish to monopolize Mr. Iruka's time. Surely he would rather spend the festivities with his comrades," Severus said as diplomatically as he could. He even gestured to the boisterous group of mercenaries.

Potter regarded him for a moment before smiling. "Thank you for being so considerate. I'll tell him now." Potter then leaned behind Severus to talk to Iruka while the Potions Master tried to be neutral.

Iruka clapped Severus on the shoulder and nodded with a cheerful smile and said something. "He said it was a pleasure to teach you and when things settle down he'd be happy to continue lessons," Potter translated.

"Thank you," Severus replied to the scarred man, and Potter proceeded to translate with a fifteen second series of sounds—surely that was not how "thank you" was said. Severus narrowed his gaze at Potter when he pulled back to the table. "Do not put words in my mouth," Severus growled.

Potter gave him another shit-eating grin and shrugged before gesturing back to Iruka who was holding up his saucer of alcohol. "He wants to toast. Hold your glass lower than his when you clink them together," Potter explained. Severus furrowed his brow put did as Potter said and Iruka practically beamed before downing the saucer. Severus only coughed slightly when he finished the drink. Uzumaki promptly filled his cup back up. He narrowed his gaze at her and she just smirked.

"So, you've told me lots about Hogwarts but Daichi hasn't heard anything. Could you tell him what it's like?" Harry spoke up in an obvious attempt to rope Severus into the conversation and likely glean even more knowledge about the school.

"Well, what is it you'd like to know, Mr. Uzumaki?" Severus asked with his most professorial tone.

For the next hour, as the food on the spinning trivets were devoured, Severus and Potter explained what Hogwarts was like with the occasional addition from Uzumaki who recalled Lily's impressions. The boys eventually coaxed out stories about the best pranks he saw during his years teaching, and then Potter asked about the most exciting Quidditch games in the past decade.

This led to Daichi asking: "What is Quidditch?"

"It's only the best wizarding sport to exist!" Potter exclaimed.

"Then why haven't you talked about it?" Harry asked cheekily

"Because then I'd miss it too much," Potter replied almost primly.

Harry practically rolled his eyes before switching focus slightly. "So what exactly makes it a sport?"

"What makes it a sport!?" Potter repeated in mock outrage. "How are you my son?"

"You've literally never mentioned this game before," Harry retorted though he was beginning to smile.

"Of course I mentioned it! I told you I was a Chaser back in school," Potter replied only to receive a confused look.

"Maa, and here I thought it was a drinking term," an almost lazy voice spoke up from behind them. Uzumaki promptly snorted on what she was drinking and began coughing. Gai and the children looked confused but were laughing at what was clearly a joke. Potter blushed bright red, and Severus gave the masked Kage-person behind them an appraising look.

The masked man was crouching and had his visible eye doing that squinty smile he seemed fond of. "I thought I'd check in on you all." He paused and shifted his focus to Gai. "How are you?" he asked seriously.

"Fine, Rival," Gai said with a soft almost sad smile. He then smiled more broadly. "Come! Sit!" he practically shouted. "James was to tell story of Youth and manly competition!"

"Maa… I would but he's already told me about Quiddicth and I have no interest in hearing about it again." The man promptly vanished in a swirl of leaves.

"Oi!" Potter called after him before cursing the man under his breath.

"So, I think that confirms you've never mentioned Quiddicth to me before because Kakashi-jisan shamed you from ever talking about it again," Harry chirped.

"It is a fairly ridiculous game," Severus conceded, mostly to rile Potter up further.

"You too?" Potter addressed Severus betrayed. "But you were always decked out with House pride during games!"

"Only Gryffindor-Slytherin games. I could have cared less for any of the other house games."

"Is the Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry still so bitter?" Harry chimed in.

"Yes, though it isn't much of a rivalry."

Potter just rolled his eyes before perking up. "Alright!" he slapped the table in his enthusiasm, "you want to know about the best Wizarding sport in the world! Well—"

"It's also the only wizarding sport," Severus interjected with a smirk. Potter dropped his head forward as if in despair.

"None of you are going to let me defend the game, are you?" he practically whined. Harry and his cousins began laughing and Severus picked up the saucer of alcohol to take a sip as he watched Potter flail. This was very entertaining. Across the table from him, Uzumaki was trying to hide a smile while her husband just smiled fondly at those around him.

"Ooh! Are we picking on Oji-san!" a new and very loud voice exclaimed in mostly English. Not a second later, a man in an orange jumpsuit with a white trench coat overtop appeared behind Gai and Uzumaki. One of his arms was missing and he had markings on his cheeks like whiskers. He promptly squished between Uzumaki and Gai and leaned over the table.

"Wah, you have same chicken katsu left!" The blonde immediately swiped some spare chopsticks to pick at the fried chicken on the raised tray. The young man then spun the tray with his chopsticks after popping the chicken into his mouth. "And vegetable tempura!"

"Naruto-kun," Potter said fondly while Uzumaki slapped the young man upside the head and said, "Don't talk with your mouth full!"

The blonde leaned back, swallowed, and laughed sheepishly. "Sorry Oba-san," he said sheepishly, "but the Bastard ate all the tempura, and Lee-kun had all the chicken, and there was no ramen!" The last thing was said like it was the greatest travesty in the world. Everyone began chuckling at these antics.

"Neh, Onii-san, they probably couldn't make enough to properly celebrate you," Harry teased.

"Ah, you're probably right," the blonde responded jovially. His bright blue eyes then landed on Severus. "Oh, you're that guy who came from the place Oji-san is from. But you're not a Death…Death what's-er, right?" the young man turned to Potter.

"Death Eater, and yes he is, but he's a double agent," Potter replied before Severus could obfuscate. Severus gave Daichi and Harry severe looks, but the whiskered young man was already moving on.

"Kinda like the Bastard's brother!" he exclaimed, and Potter nodded. The blonde whirlwind, as Severus was beginning to think of him, set his chopsticks down and held out his hand to Severus. "Nice to meet ya, I'm Naruto Uzumaki!"

"It is good to place a face to the infamous nii-san," Severus replied while he gestured with his eyes to Harry.

"Yep, that's me. Big brother Naruto!" The blonde jumped over the table and grabbed Harry in a headlock with his stump and began ruffling his hair. When Harry began to protest, he switched over to Daichi (jumping over the table once more).

When they all settled back down, with Naruto now sitting beside Daichi and gesturing for someone to pass his chopsticks, Severus cleared his throat. "My benefit as a spy among the enemy's ranks only remains such if no one knows. Am I clear?" Severus made sure to use his most menacing voice, the one that had fifth years ducking.

"We know how to keep secrets," Daichi said with a pout before fighting with Naruto over some leftover food on the central tray. They were stealing the pieces from each other's chopsticks.

"Speaking of you spying," Harry began while ignoring his cousin and adopted-brother, "do you have a specific…behavior you have to maintain? Like something to keep the enemies from thinking you're actually a double agent?"

"Yes, and since you are privy to this information, I suggest Potter begin training you both on Occlumency so it is not used against us all."

"I'm not the best at occlumency," Potter confessed while rubbing the back of his head.

Severus let out a put upon sigh. "I can't be seen giving Harry or some no name muggle-born extra attention. You'll have to train them as best you can before the term starts."

"Or…" Potter began, "you could train them until we have to leave this dimension and they can teach you Japanese."

"It's a reasonable compromise," Naruto piped in around another mouthful of food.

"Naruto!" Uzumaki chastised the young man.

"Sorry Oba-san!" the blonde didn't sound sorry. "Neh, I don't know how much help I can be with the trans-dimensional seal until we get working prosthetics from the First's cells."

"You will be invaluable in creating and refining it, even if you might not be able to do the signs to activate it," Uzumaki stated. "Besides, we have—what—three months, Spinner's End?"

"September first, but does time pass the same here?" Severus voiced one of the many concerns lingering at the back of his mind.

"It was the same month and day when we arrived here, but the years are different. So…yes give or take a leap-year," Potter chimed in.

"Hey, we just beat a crazy rabbit goddess, I think we'll be able to hand trans-dimensional travel," Naruto boasted.

"Don't get cocky," Uzumaki chimed in with a smile she was trying to hide while Gai laughed openly. The children giggled and Potter smiled fondly at the young man. Naruto just smiled more broadly.

"Well, I gotta go make sure the Bastard isn't being anti-social or pissing off anyone from Kumo," the blonde said as he stood up from the table. The Uzumakis all said their own parting words when Severus remembered why he had come to this.

"Ah! Mr. Uzumkai," he called out, and the young turned around with a bewildered look on his face.

"Just call me Naruto…" he trailed off. "Spinner's End isn't really your name, right?" he asked.

Uzumaki hid her smirk behind her saucer of alcohol and Severus just glared more at her. "Professor Severus Snape."

"Oh, you're a sensei. Cool!" The young man shifted awkwardly like he was wanting to go join the other groups around them.

Severus coughed but nodded his head. "I wanted to thank you. When I arrived, I was trapped within that…illusion."

The blonde blinked for a brief moment as if taken aback. "Oh, well it wasn't just me. It was a group effort," he said while rubbing the back of his head. "I'll bring them all by later so you can thank 'em too if you want." Like many of the other mercenaries around, Naruto promptly ran away as quick as a top of the line racing broom.

"So, you met nii-san," Harry said like he was waiting for an assessment. Severus just raised an eyebrow and Harry pouted for a second.

A lull formed before Potter spoke up, "What had we been talking about before?"

"You were desperately trying to defend Quidditch and failing," Severus commented as he took another sip of the alcohol—it was growing on him. He also didn't want to discuss the persona he wore at school just yet—at least not until the boys had some occlumency training under their belts.

Potter looked offended, though there was a playfulness to it. "No I wasn't. No one was letting me present my case."

"Very well counselor, the floor is yours," Severus drawled with a smirk and a gesture to the table before them. Uzumaki smirked more, her eyes practically danced with mirth.

Potter pouted for a moment before straightening up. "Very well. I will present the first piece of evidence that Quidditch is a game." He was using a sonorous voice that mimicked the former Lord Black when he was at Ministry meetings. Severus snorted into his saucer as he had been about to take another sip. "Quidditch requires balance, hand-eye coordination, reflexes, strategic thinking, and stamina."

"And a high pain threshold for bludgers," Severus quipped as he reached for a glass of water.

"Plus a good broom if I'm not mistaken," Uzumaki chimed in. "Those things were dreadfully expensive."

"And they've only gotten more expensive," Severus added.

"What makes a broom good?" Dudley asked confused, Harry was also confused.

"Its speed, balance, hex-proofing, and durability," Potter rattled off.

"Does the school issue standard brooms?" Harry asked.

Severus gave a bitter laugh. "Of course not! Most students bring their own from home, and if they can't then they use models decades old."

Harry looked unimpressed, "So…what you're saying is that kids from wealthier families can buy their victory?"

Severus began to nod his head but Potter made a flailing gesture. "No, that's not what that means! There's more to the game than the speed of the broom." The rest of the table gave Potter skeptical looks and he spluttered for a moment before landing on an example. "Keepers! Keepers, for example, have to have great reflexes and control over their broom so they can guard all three hoops."

"Having a fast broom helps in covering ground," Severus commented just to spite Potter.

Potter glared at him for a moment before saying, "Beaters need upper body strength and aim."

"And if you can move faster than a bludger, you're fine and won't be hurt," Severus pointed out.

Potter was fully turned to Severus at this point and his face was getting red. "Fine, but chasers need teamwork, coordination, and upper body strength."

"And if they're fast enough to avoid their opponents, then half of that isn't needed," Severus said with a smirk.

Potter threw his hand up in the air before hiding his face in his arms on the table. "Fine, you win!"

"You're not even going to try to defend the Seeker position?" Severus challenged and Potter made a grumbling noise as he shook his head.

"What's the seeker do?" Harry asked amusedly.

"They typically win the game since catching the snitch ends the game and gives the seeker's team an inordinate amount of points," Severus explained.

Harry cocked his head to one side. "So, with the new models of brooms being so fast, it would be like a gennin playing Ninja against a bunch of civilians? That seems really unfair and boring."

Potter whined in protest.

"While I don't understand exactly what your son said, he's correct, Potter," Severus said with a smirk as he sipped at the alcohol.

"Then what are we supposed to do?!" Potter exclaimed as he pulled himself up from the table. "Should we just go back to winged mounts and humming birds?" Potter retorted. He looked close to standing up.

"Perhaps not replacing the snitch, but winged mounts are certainly a possibility," Severus mused aloud and watched as Potter gaped at him. Uzumaki was laughing again which made Potter pout. Gai gave the bespectacled man a sympathetic smile.

"Well, Harry and I will just have to find something to keep us active," Daichi announced and Potter sighed in defeat.

Tai gave a loud yawn at that point which drew everyone's attention back to the little girl. She was practically asleep in her father's lap. Potter looked down at his watch while Uzumaki looked at the increasingly inebriated adults around them.

"I suppose it's time for you kids to go to bed," Uzumaki commented, and the boys began whining. Potter and Uzumaki gave them looks and their protests quieted. "Go say goodbye to Naruto-kun while we get ready to leave," she added. The boys immediately got up and began running away.

Potter raised an eyebrow. "You're not coming back?" he asked almost dejected.

"Well I suppose I could but I'm not sure I'd want to," Uzumaki said slowly while regarding her husband with hungry eyes. Gai caught her gaze and held it heatedly.

Potter began flailing again while he blushed and hid his face. "Okay, got it, go!" Severus just looked away from them all and accidently caught the purple haired woman's attention again. Fortunately, Uzumaki and Gai were done with their flirtations and the woman was helping her husband up and into his wheel chair. Tai was sitting on the ground now with her head laid against the table as she continued to fight sleep.

Once Gai was in the wheel chair and Tai was nestled against his chest, several mercenaries came over. Included in them were the purple haired woman, Iruka, and the bandanna man with the needle. The group exchanged words and the woman bemoaned something or other—actually hanging off of Uzumaki who rolled her eyes in with a fond smile. However, eventually, the family departed and the mercenaries sat down around Potter and Severus. Severus got the distinct feeling he and Potter were prey as the group watched them with broad smiles.

The purple haired woman spoke up first and Potter blushed while stammering some response, to which the woman imbedded a chopstick to the table between Potter's thumb and index finger (since his hand had been resting on the stone table). Severus leaned back slightly. The woman just said something with a saccharine smile.

Potter flushed some more and said, "Anko wanted to know, and I quote, 'if you were looking for a shag or just curious.'"

Severus choked on his own spit and began to shake his head no. The woman, Anko, made an exaggerated pout before she was suddenly behind him with her arm wrapped around his chest and her cheek pressed against his cheek. Her ample bosom was pressed to his back and he could not refrain from blushing.

She began saying something in a manner that sounded almost coy to him. Severus glanced at Potter out of the corner of his eye and noted he had dropped his head forward into his hand.

"Anko is doing one of her mind games, and regardless of how you respond she'll turn it against you and embarrass you," the man said tiredly and with a touch of second hand embarrassment.

Severus raised an eyebrow, "And what exactly did Miss Anko say?"

Potter looked up from his hand and raised his eyebrow in question this time.

"Unlike you, I am a Slytherin and am good at mind games," he said with a smirk. Anko, at this point had pulled away from him somewhat but still hat her arm wrapped around his chest. The woman then said something indignantly and Potter placated her with a smile and a few words.

"She had previously asked if you did not find her assets appealing enough."

Severus nodded and turned to face Anko. "Please tell Miss Anko that I am gentleman and would never be so forward with a woman—especially one who is so skilled and deadly."

Potter chuckled but sobered before translating. Anko pulled away pouting and moved back to the other side of the table. When she was seated again, her arms were crossed under her bust. Iruka and the bandanna man were laughing. The woman snapped something at the men and then grabbed the pitcher of alcohol and began to pour some for Severus. She gestured for him to drink with her and he did so. The bandanna man immediately filled the saucer up again and gestured for Severus to toast with him. Potter just leaned back on his arm and smirked.

"I take it he's Genma?" Severus asked after downing the drink. His head was becoming pleasantly fuzzy, which was never good if they were going to continue pushing drinks on him. Potter just nodded and the bandanna man smiled when he heard his name.

Genma said something as he filled up the saucers again and Potter translated. "He's asking if his reputation precedes him," Potter said with an eye-roll before responding. Genma laughed and filled up Potter's saucer too before gesturing for both of them to drink with him.

"Will I really risk poison if I refuse?" Severus asked after he finished that drink. "Because I'm afraid I'll end up with alcohol poisoning if they keep this up." He gestured to both of their already refilled saucers.

"We'll be sipping these for a while before they do more toasts," Potter said dismissively. Severus raised an eyebrow. "I've been drinking with them enough to know the routine."

Iruka was speaking at this point and Potter quickly translated. "He's wondering what else you do in the wizarding world. I think the rumor that you're a spy got out somehow," Potter said nonchalantly. Severus glared at Potter because it was likely him who let that rumor spread. Potter just held his stare with a deadpan look.

Severus relented and discussed abstractly the various surveillance spells he knew. This led to them discussing infiltration practices and how they varied. The mercenaries did not go into much detail and left things fairly vague, but it was still an interesting discussion. Then the conversation shifted into the strangest intelligence missions they had had. Apparently, Genma had once been hired by a farmer to spy on his competition. Iruka shared a misadventure with his genin team (Severus finally knew what that term was) that had led to chasing a duck and entering a cooking competition.

With each story, Severus found himself chuckling and inclined to share his own stories. As Potter predicted, they were causally sipping at the drinks, and it was overall a pleasant time. Then Severus realized he was quite tipsy, and while they had been causally sipping, his saucer had been refilled at least twice. They got him drunk, damn it. Severus was still trying to figure out how exactly that had happened when there was a chorus of "Naruto-kun!" from the people around them.

Sure enough, the whirlwind blonde was back and had several other young adults with him. One had black hair and eyes. His face seemed set in a perpetual frown, but there was a dusting of pink to his cheeks that suggested he had been drinking. A pink-haired young woman stood next to him and was similarly flushed and even swaying slightly. He'd only seen Nymphadora Tonks with pink hair, and yet here was a woman with pink hair too.

"Is she a metamorphmagus?" Severus asked, accidently leaning into Potter's personal space. He quickly rectified that.

"Nope, lots of people have strange hair colors here without needing magic," Potter replied before furrowing his brow. "Who'd you know who's a metamorphmagus?"

"Andromeda Black's daughter. She graduated recently, was in Hufflepuff and decent at potions," Severus said dismissively as he focused his gaze back on the young adults. They were talking rapidly with the other mercenaries. There were a good dozen teens with them.

"Hey, professor guy, these are some of the people who helped with the final fight!" Naruto stated loudly once he noticed he and Potter were done talking. The blonde whirlwind then went through the names and Severus felt his head spinning. He stammered out a thank you, feeling overwhelmed.

Anko and Genma shared a mischievous look before announcing something. Potter didn't need to translate because everyone present was handed more saucers of alcohol. The young adults accepted the saucers with both hands each time, and Severus noted a sort of difference that was shown in the gesture. Severus refrained from groaning as a toast was made.

After two toasts that Potter and Severus had to participate in, the young adults were about to head off when the blonde held back. "Neh, Oji-san you might wanna save Kakashi-sensei from Mizukage-dono and Obaa-chan," the blonde said with an almost teasing look. The mercenaries glanced at Naruto when they recognized the various names but otherwise were busy talking with each other or moving to the next group.

Potter raised an eyebrow, his face was flushed at this point. "Oh? Are they talking trade agreements?" he asked amused.

Naruto smirked. "I 'spose that's one way to put it." The suggestive tone made Potter frown and Severus raise an eyebrow.

"Aren't they political leaders? Surely they wouldn't be proposing something inappropriate," Severus said before he could stop himself.

The blonde practically barked with laughter. "I like you, Professor!" the blonde said before sobering and giving Potter a pointed look. "Plenty of people are trying to solidify the peace through political unions," Naruto warned in moment of seriousness before he was back to smiling and laughing boisterously. The young adults were gone and Potter was left frowning. The mercenaries who stayed at the table were still laughing and Severus wondered what exactly was being implied here. However, Anko filled up his saucer again and gestured for him to drink and he forgot what he had been thinking about.

Feeling thoroughly drunk, not quite three sheets to the wind but close, Severus realized he needed to use the restroom. "Potter," he slurred slightly, "where's the restroom?"

Potter hummed before the words caught up. "Oh!" he exclaimed and shot to his feet only to wobble. He then said something to the mercenaries and Iruka was suddenly behind Severus and helping him to his feet while Potter retrieved the crutches. Once they were standing, Potter said something else and Genma pointed off back toward the hill above the valley.

"Alright!" Potter said rather loudly as he pointed toward hill and leaned in near Severus. "They've made some temporary outhouses that way!" he was then walking to get around the table. Severus began to follow suit but stumbled and the crutches nearly slipped out from under him.

Potter did a heel turn and took position by his broken leg. He removed the crutch which nearly sent Severus toppling over, but then threw Severus's arm over his shoulder and supported his weight. "Okay, we're gonna take this slow," Potter said slowly as he tried to not slur.

It was almost surreal as they drunkenly made it back toward the hill. As they walked through celebration, numerous Leaf ninja said things to Potter who replied back with a wave and smile. Overall, it looked like most attendees were flushed from drink and genuinely enjoying themselves.

The hill was the hardest and they both nearly fell over multiple times, but eventually they got to the crest of the hill and realized they had to go downhill now. Potter glared at it and Severus shared the sentiment. Going downhill was going to be worse. Potter pulled out his wand and focused for a long moment before a…did he just conjure a muggle kid's wagon?!

"Alright! I'm not sure how long I can hold this, but we can basically sled down now," Potter said and part of Severus wanted to yell at Potter but the hill was so steep and he had to pee so badly. "This is gonna be a great idea!" Potter cheered and Severus did not have the faculties to disagree.

Once they were both awkwardly situated in the wagon—which resulted in several more near falls and one whack against his cast—they were rolling down the hill. It was only as they were nearing the bottom and a rocky patch that Severus realized this was a very bad idea. Potter seemed to realize this too if his curse was any indication.

Like slow motion, the wagon wheel caught a rock and began tipping them forward and out of it. Potter barely managed to cast a cushioning charm as they were flying out of the wagon. Fortunately, Potter's focus on the wagon dissipated so they weren't hit by it, but they did end up in a tangle of limbs and his crutch was caught under him. Then again, Severus could really only focus on his broken leg and the fact it had been hit multiple times! He screamed against the white hot pain

Potter was quick to disentangle himself and was about to cast a spell when he realized now was not the time for intricate medical spell casting. So instead, he just stood there with his wand out while apologizing profusely. Once Severus could breathe again, he sat up and felt much more sober.

"Just get me the fuck up," he hissed, and Potter scrambled to comply. He glared at the mercenaries that had rushed toward them at his screaming. Some began laughing as they turned back around toward the celebration, and others went to help Potter stand Severus up. One helped Severus the rest of the way to the make-shift outhouses while Potter was likely apologizing to those around them.

The pain had definitely sobered Severus up and he was soon able to hobble forward with the crutch by his broken leg and random Leaf mercenary steadying him every now and then. Once at the makeshift constructions the mercenary left him. The outhouse was foul smelling and it appeared someone had vomited in here once. Still, Severus did his business quickly and hurried back out. There appeared to be some sort of soap in a bottle near the makeshift outhouse, which was a relief. He severely hoped there was working plumbing in this dimension.

Done, Severus looked around for Potter but couldn't find him. Where was he supposed to go? Should he go back to the celebration? One glance at the hill and he was shaking his head. He saw some fires in the distance—likely one of the triage areas—so he started hobbling in that direction.

There were copse that he was beginning to skirt around when he heard…English? Curiosity getting the best of him (and perhaps still drunk) he moved a bit closer and listened in.

"…is common, and Mizukage-dono's a nice lady. You could do worse," Potter said with a slur.

"James," there was that lazy voice of the Kakashi-guy but he almost sounded like he was whining.

"No, this is good. It'll ensure a long alliance between our two nations and get the council off your back about heirs," Potter prattled on.

"I don't want to marry her," the Kakashi-kage-person said almost too quietly for Severus to hear.

"Then don't!" Potter said almost dismissively. "Reject the proposal. Merlin, it's not that hard."

"You're not getting it!" the masked man definitely whined this time.

"What's for me to get?!" Potter asked bordering on belligerent.

"Lots!" Kakashi insisted. Potter inhaled like he was going to speak but then his words came out muffled. "No, I'm talking now," Kakashi said firmly with the slightest slur to his words. "Don't bite my hand!" Potter gave a muffled response. "You're being a kid!" Kakashi accused and Potter's response was muffled again.

Severus felt on the verge of laughing—oh, he was definitely tipsy still—at the two friends bickering.

"Will you just listen?" the masked man sounded like he was caught between pleading and exasperation.

"I'm trying to but you were covering my mouth with your hand. By the way, you need to wash those gloves more."

"…James"

"But seriously, you were covering my mouth!"

"Your mouth has nothing to do with your ears," Kakashi retorted. It was silent for a moment, and the man sighed. "When Tsunade-sama and Mei-sama brought this proposal up, I didn't run away, I said no."

"But you always run away from confessions," Potter said confused. "You have no interest in anyone that way or sharing your life, so it's easier to run away than explain that."

"Exactly," Kakashi said relieved, "but now I do want to share my life." Oh…oh no, Severus needed to stop eavesdropping, but his feet weren't moving.

"And maybe it's not the conventional way, but I know I want to live with you and grow old with you, and…I love you," Kakashi said.

"Platonically?" Potter asked.

"Of course, but…more." Kakashi paused like he was searching for words. "Like how you describe your love for Lily."

"And you," Potter said abruptly. "I love you like how I loved Lily. I realized after Pein." It was quiet for a brief moment. "By the way, Lily was way too keen on us being together. I think death made her a yaoi fan or she was always secretly one."

Kakashi began laughing. "Good thing neither of us have interest in that. Sakura would be far too pleased."

It was Potter's turn to laugh before he sobered. "I'm glad you understand. I always thought I was alone or somehow wrong."

"I thought I was just too dead inside," Kakashi replied.

Severus stared into the night utterly shocked and feeling awful for listening into such a private moment. But also, Potter was gay?! When the hell did that happen!?

"We should collect the Death Eater spy," Kakashi announced while Severus was still processing.

"I left him by the outhouses."

"No, he's just outside these trees eavesdropping."

Potter squawked and was suddenly coming into sight. Severus tried to move backwards but stumbled. Potter was then in front of him and with an accusing finger pointed in his face. "Y-you! Why were you eavesdropping? Why aren't you by the outhouses?!"

"I wasn't going to climb that hill again," Severus replied as if he was in the right despite definitely being in the wrong. "Besides, if your friend knew I was here, why didn't he say anything?"

"I'm a selfish man," Kakashi said as he stepped out of the copse to join them. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he was smiling with his eye. Potter was confused but Severus quickly picked up the implication.

"Merlin and Morgana, I can barely tolerate Potter!" Severus exclaimed. Just the thought made him want to throw up.

"Is it a jealousy thing or just wanting people to hear?" Potter asked as he turned to Kakashi. "Because you could have just said this near Naruto."

"Bit a both, plus, he'll be more discreet," Kakashi said almost too chipper. Severus just shook his head and began turning around.

"This is insane," he muttered and began to hobble away from the pair, if only for his own sanity.

A/N: To repeat, Kakashi and James are both asexual. And yeah, this is probably my asexual fantasy of finding someone who can love in the same way I do. Anyways, hope you all enjoyed the dialogue ~ much love, depressedchildren