Chapter 18

Alice POV

As soon as Bella's eyes closed, my cheerful demeanor disappeared. Jasper had his arms around me in an instant. He must have known that although I spoke so merrily to Bella, I was, in truth, miserable. It hurt me to see her in this condition, but I'd known that I was needed to step in and distract her. I could see the truth in Esme's evaluation immediately as I asked Bella about the second reason for declining the IV treatment. Her reasoning was astonishing, but somewhat predictable. It was so Bella. She actually blames herself for us leaving her, she blames herself for her condition…

"Oh, Alice," Esme's sympathetic voice broke my reverie. I was moved from Jasper's arms to hers as she embraced me in a comforting hug. "You've done such a good job, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Mom," I said, truly grateful as her voice lifted me from the gloom.

She released me but held me in front of her at arm's length. Looking into my eyes with a serious expression on her face, she continued, "And, like always, you know that if there is something troubling you, you can always come to either me or your father, right?"

I nodded distractedly, looking everywhere but at my mother. I wouldn't ever concern them with my worries, and they knew it.

Her finger on my chin coaxed my eyes to meet hers. Her face was fraught with concern. "Tell me the truth."

She held my gaze for a moment before I said, "Don't worry. I'm fine."

She looked at Jasper, who loyally kept his face a calm mask. She turned to Edward, who was frozen in place, looking away. It was clear that she wanted to see if Jasper "felt" anything, or if Edward "heard" anything. They were keeping my secret.

I threw them grateful looks behind my mother's back. She needn't be worried about me; it was Bella who needed all of her attention now.

Esme turned back to me, frustrated. "I know you, young lady. I am sure you are being dishonest, and I am also sure that it is for my benefit." She paused, waiting for contradiction. I didn't argue. "But I know that you know you can talk to me, if you wanted to."

I looked down guiltily. I almost felt that I'd be hurting her feelings by denying her. "I will, Mom," I mumbled. "Later."

With a small smile, she bent over and gave me another hug. I leaned comfortingly into her embrace.

Esme's arms were still around me when I stiffened with a vision. Carlisle was—I couldn't tell. It was too blurry. The visions kept changing, and I shook my head slowly to rid myself of them.

"What do you see, Alice?" asked Esme.

My eyes flicked first to Edward, and he was looking as confused as I felt. Then I looked at Carlisle. He was standing in the doorway, his head bowed in what appeared to be deep thought.

Feeling my eyes on him, he looked up. "I'm sorry, what did I miss?"

"What were you deciding, just now?" I asked.

He looked surprised, and then comprehension dawned on him. "I was just looking at different ways to approach this problem with Bella."

There was silence as everyone began to think about the same question.

"We shouldn't overwhelm her," Rosalie said softly. We all looked at her, startled.

"Yes, I agree," said Jasper, breaking the tension that he no doubt felt emanating throughout the room.

"Certainly," said Carlisle, recovering his serious manner. "It will take time. And it will be difficult… For her and for us."

"We'll be there for her every step of the way," said Esme lovingly as she wisped over to her husband's side.

Emmett rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. "Let's get started!"

Edward looked up at the ceiling, as if asking it for guidance, and said quietly, "All because I fell in love with a human…"

I heard Carlisle growl indistinctly and say, "I won't deny that you are at fault, Edward, but for a different reason."

Edward cowered slightly at Carlisle's thoughts.

"Okay, let's settle down now," I said. "We need to come up with a game plan."

Carlisle took a deep breath and, closing his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose in concentration before responding, "When I feel that Bella has had a sufficient dose of pain medication to ease her physical pain for a few hours, I will remove the IV, hence waking her up. I feel awful for forcing her sleep so often, but her body requires it. She deserves some time awake." He opened his eyes and took Esme's hand. "When she is awake, we shall not overwhelm her, as Rosalie said. The only people in the room are the people Bella wants to be in the room, with an exception…" His look turned anxious.

Edward nodded in agreement. "Anyone can visit and do as they please… On doctor's orders."

I grimaced. Poor Bella.

Bella POV

No, Bella, don't do this.

My breath caught at the sound of his voice. I opened my eyes to see his face, beautiful beyond imagining. I let myself believe for a moment that he was real.

Please.

Reality hit with that single word. He wasn't real. He was a hallucination, a product of my imagination.

"I can't live without you," I told the imaginary Edward. "I've tried. And my pain isn't hurting just me anymore. I'm hurting everyone around me, especially Charlie. I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to keep on living in a world where you… Alice… all of them… don't exist. I'm falling apart."

These thoughts brought me down with a spiral of neglect. I wrapped my arms around my chest to hold myself together.

Taking a step closer to the edge, I looked down. I smiled, knowing that it would all be over soon.

Bella! His voice was angry now. No!

"Goodbye, Edward," I said, tears falling down my face. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't live in a world in which they didn't exist. And I jumped off the cliff.

I screamed, gripping my chest tighter. I fought against the force that was trying to pull my arms back, but I couldn't let it happen. I needed to hold myself together, or else I'd fall apart…

"Shh, shh, Bella," I heard a voice in the distance say. It was getting louder and louder as it came into focus. "Relax, baby, it's alright. It was just a dream."

Oh.

I blinked my eyes a couple of times, willing myself to see. It was Esme, and she was gently trying to remove my arms from my torso. I obliged, wondering why this was necessary.

As if reading my thoughts, she stated the obvious. "Bella, you have damage to your ribs. I didn't think you should be gripping onto yourself so tightly."

Oh.

There was a pause before Esme knelt next to my bed. Wiping my tears away with her thumb, she took my hand and said, "Bella, sweetheart…" Her tone caused me to look away from her gaze. I reminded myself that I didn't deserve this coddling.

"I'm fine," I said softly, not even allowing my mind to return to that dream.

"Haven't I heard that one before," she said, just as quietly. Moving my face to meet hers, she looked at me expectantly. "Honey, you were screaming in your sleep, holding onto yourself for dear life!"

"Apparently I do that a lot," I said, shrugging, after a pause. It was true, and it wasn't a big deal. It had been going on for months now, ever since…

"Bella, I can see it in your eyes. This is a serious issue!"

I shook my head weakly. "World hunger. That's a serious issue."

"Bella, you don't understand what I'm saying. You are very important."

I looked away, tightening my lips to hold in the argument that was threatening to be released. I wish they'd just left me in the woods.

My eyes widened at the irony. They had left me in the woods. If that was an illustration of exactly how important I was to them, I didn't know what was. Tears filled my eyes.

She turned my head to look at her once more, and she was shaking her head at my stubbornness. Her face was sympathetic, and she squeezed my hand lovingly. "You are important, Bella, and I know we haven't done a good job at showing it. But we're here, and we've got forever to show you."

"Forever?" I rasped softly.

"Darling, I know you won't believe me if I speak for everyone, but this is me speaking for me. I'm here, and I'll never, I repeat, never, abandon you ever again. You're my daughter and I love you."

The tears that were threatening to fall finally leaked out of my eyes, and the next thing I knew, I was sobbing again.

"I'm so s-sorry for breaking d-down like this all the t-time," I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I had shoved my face into.

The next thing I knew, I was turned around and lifted by Esme. I realized that they must've removed the IV from my arm.

I continued to sob into Esme's shirt as she rocked me and whispered soothing words into my ear.

As my sobs slowed down, she said, "It's time for breakfast."

My stomach grumbled at the words, and I blushed in embarrassment, my face still buried in her shirt. How long had it been since I'd last eaten?