All around him, he could hear the chatter of the team, trying to include him in their noise but being put out when he doesn't respond. His head is down on his chest, his heartbeat slow as he ignores everyone, his thoughts on the one person he lost. It's been a couple of months since half of the world disappeared, but it feels like it's been an eternity since his world disappeared, and he doesn't know how to act now, now that Peter is no longer surrounding him in every aspect. It's also why he hasn't gone back to his penthouse, or the tower, or his personal floor at the compound. There are too many memories and too many feelings, and he can't handle it. The urge is to drink is at its highest, but he always stops himself, glass pressed to his lips as he thinks about how the kid that he grew to love as a son would feel about it. He can always feel Rhodey, Pepper, even Happy looking at him with worry on their faces, but he doesn't say anything, doesn't know if he can say anything.

In fact, he's been pretty silent for these past two months, and he wonders if that's why everyone's here now, trying to get him to open up, like they have any right, when they don't. Only four people did, and one of them is gone, and now - now the team is yelling, he can tell, and Tony finds himself frowning, looking up briefly as his eyes look past Rogers and Romanoff, tense and unsure, to Bruce, who looks confused and straight to Barton, who appears to have stated something that probably would have caused some kind of problem for Tony more than two months ago. His head tilts, his hand goes to rub his chest, head tilting to the side as he looks at Barton before scoffing.

"If you have somethin' to say, say it, Barton." He finally lets out, his voice rough from disuse, eyes looking towards Rhodey, whose stepped forward in order to place his hand on Tony's shoulder, almost like he knows the younger man won't like the words Barton has to say. The two never got to know one another, not when the man was brainwashed, nor when they were hiding out in his farmhouse, so looking at the man now, Tony can see the look in Barton that he sees in himself every time he looks in the mirror, and he hates it, but he can't look away, recognizing the anger and knowing what's going to come next.

"Why act the way you do, Stark, when you've lost nothing. You still have your fiancée, your best friend, even your god damn chauffeur!" Barton snaps and Tony - Tony sucks back a breath, Rhodey's hand squeezing his shoulder as he blinks in surprise. They don't know, he thinks, choking out a laugh briefly before shaking his head and closing his eyes. They don't know, they can't even begin to realize just how important Peter was to him, all because the two of them spent time together and nowhere near the other Avengers. The Avengers were off doing who knows what in Wakanda and Tony - Tony was putting himself back together again with the help of his own family, Peter most definitely included. Every single person surrounding him, minus Rhodey, thinks he didn't lose a single person, not realizing how wrong they are - he lost the most important person, held onto him as he begged to stay, as he tried to stay but felt every single inch of him turn into dust and he -

"Tony, Tones, breathe," he hears, and his eyes flick towards his best friend, not understanding because he is breathing, isn't he? If he wasn't, he would be on the ground, right, or with Peter, not - not here, with everyone surrounding him, looking at him in confusion. His heart is pounding heavily inside of his chest, and he grabs onto it, trying to grab onto the reactor before remembering that he can't, and isn't that just fucking hilarious, he thinks, snorting before looking up at his best friend and trying to smile at him, though he's sure it came out as a grimace instead.

"I'm fine, platypus," he whispers, his back straightening in the chair as he looks towards Barton and lets out an exhale of breath. They don't know about Peter, about the one kid he considers his son, and he doesn't know how to tell these people he doesn't trust about something so pure, so innocent and bright, about someone who brightened up his own days, admittedly.

"What, have nothing to say?" Barton adds on, huffing when Romanoff looks over at him and Tony lets out a small chuckle, looking at the changed man with a slight arch of his eyebrow. He knows he should say something, let the others know what he's thinking, but…. What could he possibly say? There wasn't trust between them, even though they all knew they needed to work together, somehow, to reverse what the purple monster did.

"I did lose someone, you know," he ends up saying, his voice barely a whisper as he looks at the other man with wide eyes, rubbing his chest once more before he briefly looks towards his best friend. 'You couldn't possibly have known that though, because you weren't around," he snaps back, hands clenched into fists as he moves forward, the chair rolling with his weight. "All of you met with me with preconceived notions of me, not ever bothering to actually know me, so yeah - I lost someone. And I've been dealing with it the only way I know how, and questioning me, acting rude to me and god knows what else? Not helping!" Tony adds, panting as he looks at Rhodey and crosses his arms in front of him. He remains silent for a few minutes, trying to relax and get his breathing back under control, his honeybear keeping an eye on him as he laughs, shaking his head.

"Normally, I wouldn't even bother with giving you guys jack shit, but that's now what my kid would want, so guess what? You guys finally get to see why I've been mourning." He states, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking upwards. "F.R.I.D.A.Y, can you play the Gone to Heaven, Got to be Good playlist?" He doesn't expect a response, turns his chair slowly to the screens as his heart clenches, not ready for the videos to begin playing even though he made the playlist himself, Rhodey and Pep by his side, sometimes even Happy, all of them mourning in their own ways. None of the Avengers deserve to see these, except maybe Bruce but Tony knows they won't understand otherwise.

"Sure thing, boss," His AI responds before the first video pops up, and Tony sucks back a breath, remembering the day vividly.

"C'mon Mr. Stark, why not let me get in there and see what I can do," Peter nearly whines, causing the older man to look at him with an arched eyebrow. He can see that Peter is grinning, energy running through him thanks to the excitement he feels over being in Tony's labs, the action still so new to both of them that it takes a few minutes for the man to respond.

"Are you done your homework?" Tony watches Peter carefully, knowing the younger man hasn't, and he ends up humming softly before chuckling. "Finish your homework first, underoos. Then you can help me with the suits," he adds, laughing a little more when he sees Peter pouting.

Tony watches carefully, numb, not focusing on anything but the video as another one begins.

He hears a knock on the door, hesitant, and he looks up from the phone in his hand with a small frown, wondering who it could be before he arches an eyebrow. "F.R.I, lights at 15%. Whose knocking?"

"It appears to be young Peter, sir," His AI responds, and Tony finds himself letting out a small breath and nodding, before clearing his throat. "Come on in, Pete," he voices, a frown on his face as the teenager slowly opens the door looking extremely dishevelled. He briefly sees the time on his phone, almost four in the morning, and he finds himself sitting up more so and looking at Peter carefully.

'You okay, kid?' His voice is soft, eyes immediately taking in the kid's appearance as he shifts to the opposite side of his bed, holding the blanket down and his arm open for Peter to crawl in, which he does immediately. Tony's arm rests against his shoulders, bringing him in close to his chest as he realizes how heavily his kid is breathing, another frown forming as he rubs Peter's arm, trying to comfort him.

"Another nightmare?" The nod against his chest is faint, but Tony feels it anyways and pulls Peter in closer, humming a song he remembers from his childhood softly, watching his kid carefully for any more signs of anxiety.

"What was this one about?" He ends up asking after a few minutes, knowing the tune isn't helping as much as it normally does. He can feel Peter's hand clench his shirt briefly, and he waits patiently, knowing Peter has to work up to answering him.

"Homecoming. Toomes dropping the building on me," Peter eventually replies and Tony tenses slightly, remembering when he first found out - how angry he was at Toomes, at himself and more shockingly, how worried he was, even though Peter had been right in front of him when he learned about it. But he knew however bad it was for him, it was worse for Peter, especially when the nightmares started showing up.

"I'll be right here, bambino," He whispers, kissing the top of Peter's head, smiling when he feels Peter nod in response. "It's safe, you're safe, you can go to bed, alright?"

"Kay. Night, dad," he hears, his heart soaring as Peter falls into sleep.

Tony sucks back another breath, noticing how everyone save for Rhodey has managed to freeze, shock coloring their features. They didn't know, they couldn't know, and for some reason, the thought sticks with him despite the next video playing.

"Come on, Mr. Staaaaaaark, it's your birthday, we gotta do something!" Peter enters the living area of Tony's penthouse suite with energy he hasn't had in years, a small grin forming on his face as he closes the water he had been drinking from.

"Did you ever think kid, that just staying in and watching movies with you, Pep, Rhodey and Happy was good enough for me?" Tony asked, his grin turning into something soft when he notices Peter's surprise at that statement, his cheeks turning red while he opens and closes his mouth.

"Wait, really? Peter's voice is small and Tony can't help but sling his arm around his kid's shoulders, bringing him into his body and placing his head on top of Peter's own, despite the closeness in height.

"Yeah, underoos. Really." He responds, squeezing Peter's shoulder before pushing him away playfully. "Now c'mon, I gotta kick your ass in Mario Kart," he teases, turning towards the couches and televisions, missing Peter say, "Happy birthday, pops!"

Tony's heart clenches, his hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Briefly, he notices Barton opening and closing his mouth, but he ignores it for the next video, shaking his head briefly.

"What's this, kid?" The sun is barely up, Tony and Peter on the couch with blankets and pillows surrounding them, a movie playing softly in the background as Peter quietly hands over a card.-like envelope Tony takes it, a small frown on his face as he looks it over, flipping it carefully. His birthday was the month before, so he has no idea what this could possibly be, but Peter - Peter looks awkward and uncomfortable and not sure about something and Tony hates that, doesn't want to see his kid looking at him like that.

"You should open the envelope, ," Peter replies eventually, fingers playing with a loose string on the MIT hoodie he's stolen from Tony. Tony can't help but stare for a few minutes before opening the envelope slowly and taking out the card that's obviously inside, his heart pounding in his chest as he reads the words written within.

Today was Father's Day. Had been for god knows how long and Peter - god his kid was so damn perfect. A small smile forms on his face as he re-reads the words before he turns back to Peter and brings him in for a hug, kissing the top of his head.

"I love you, Pete," he whispers, the card going to the table.

"Love you too, Dad," Peter responds softly, the duo going back to the film they were watching, goofy grins on their faces.

Tony remembers that, remembers how it was only a few months ago and now everything's changed and -

"Mr. Stark, I don't - I don't feel so good -"

"F.R.I.D.A.Y, stop!" Tony interrupts, breathing becoming heavy and erratic once again as the video stops. He can see his arms around Peter, can see the Spiderman suit and emblem, can see his goddamn son beginning to turn to dust and he can't. He briefly hears Rhodey muttering, the man's face appearing out of nowhere as he pleads for Tony to breathe and really, why must they keep saying that.

"Sorry boss. Just wanted them to understand," He hears F.R.I.D.A.Y say and he doesn't respond, not sure how he could. Instead, he focuses on Barton, how his eyes are wide and understanding. He notices that Lang's appeared during the videos, an understanding in his eyes also, with Romanoff and Rogers looking awkward, though he has nothing to say to them in this moment.

"Do you really need me to say it, Barton?" He ends up whispering, feeling like his soul has been dragged, his heart stomped on. He sees Barton shake his head and he knows, without a doubt, that everyone realizes how important the kid was.

"You're not the only one who lost their kids. Their worlds. I'm tired of fighting, I have been for so damn long. But for him? I'd fight the goddamn universe from here to hell," Tony adds, hands clenched into fists as Barton nods.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, and Tony, Tony only scoffs before nodding his head.

"It's not enough. Never will be. But at least you get it now." He adds before slowly managing to get up with Rhodey's help, turning away and leaving the room, needing to get away from all of the emotions. He passes by a bookshelf, simple in its design but filled with photos and knick knacks of Peter's, and even himself, his heart clenching. He'll get his son back, he knows this, but right now?

"Miss ya, kid." Tony whispers, before leaving the room as everyone else looks towards the bookshelf they ignored originally.

Author's Note: So, this was my first ever Marvel fanfiction. And my first ever Irondad fanfiction, admittedly. I have a lot of ideas, in the future, that I want to post, but this was something I wanted to post for Father's Day. I'd seen a lot of the 'Clint wants to know what Tony lost in the snap' fanfiction trope in the Irondad tag, but nothing where Tony actually shows the team who Peter was - he just explains Peter to them. So, I wanted something where that wasn't the case. I might expand on the moments later on, who knows. But let me know how this turned out?