Author's Note:

My eighth Spideychelle one-shot since finishing Affinity War! This fic and those that will follow in the coming weeks are based off a list of prompts, posted on my Tumblr (forasecondtherewedwon).

41. "If I die, I'm going to haunt you."

Peter didn't really know anything about babies (Morgan was already five by the time he got to meet her―thanks, Thanos), but coaxing MJ to the top of his apartment building kinda seemed like coaching a toddler through their first steps. It was like his girlfriend had suddenly developed a fear of stairs. Well, maybe that wasn't fair; he knew what her real fear was, and being scared of heights was totally valid! For anyone not dating Spider-Man.

"Cooome on," he cajoled, motioning towards himself as MJ stalled on yet another landing.

She gripped the handrail and glared at him.

"Give me a second."

He sighed.

"We should've just taken the elevator."

"We didn't take the elevator because I wanted to feel like I was in control," MJ reminded him, not budging. "Your impatience isn't helping me sustain the illusion."

"You're in control," Peter said sympathetically, bounding down the stairs he'd begun climbing ahead of her.

"So I can decide to go back down to your apartment and hang out with May instead?"

Peter laughed.

"You could, but you're not going to. It was your idea to get this over with."

"It was a bad idea," MJ whined. She bent forward at the waist to let her head hang down, possibly feeling dizzy. "I'm an even bigger idiot than you are."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"You're not an idiot," he settled on. "And you're going to realize what a great idea it was as soon as you get to the roof."

"I'm a fraud," she said in a pained voice. "Mr. Harrington's going to kick me off the decathlon team."

"He would never."

"Then there'll be an uprising," MJ said, ready with her next bleak prophesy. "A decathlon coup. Flash'll be your new captain and you'll all be forced to grow hideous facial hair."

Peter approached his girlfriend and took her arm, tucking it under his. With his other hand, he reached around and loosened her fingers from the handrail.

"Ok, Little Miss Sunshine. One step at a time."

"How 'bout we jump off a cardboard box?"

"Nope."

"A sturdy trashcan?"

"MJ, it's safe," Peter swore, clutching her more tightly as he steered her wobbly legs up the steps. "Safer than any other way to get around."

"I bet that's what they told Jumbo the elephant about trains," she grumbled. "Or, hey, the Titanic and all that 'unsinkable' bullshit."

"If you think you're going to wear me out by arguing all the way up, you're gonna be disappointed."

"Oh, I'm well aware of your penchant for sounding disturbingly chipper."

He frowned.

"Well, focus on that and remember that I've done this thousands of times and still don't sound the least bit scared."

"Maybe you have a memory problem," she said under her breath. Peter knew she knew he could still hear her.

Ignoring her last-ditch attempt to start a pointless fight and delay their goal, he continued guiding her up the flights in silence until they reached the top floor. Peter headed for the roof access door.

"Let's just call it," MJ said, making a nonchalant hand gesture as she brushed the whole endeavor off. She slumped into the wall and he let his hold on her break. "We can say this was a practice round and come back tomorrow, or next week, or never."

With a patient smile that she, unfortunately, wouldn't be able to see beneath his mask, Peter grabbed her hand. She dragged her shoulder and the side of her head along the wall as she matched his funereal pace. It wasn't exactly enthusiasm, but he was prepared to be grateful for what she gave him.

"Let's sleep on it," MJ suggested as he hauled the access door open.

Peter gave her an even stare and grinned.

"Michelle Jones, get your ass up those stairs."

She squared off against him, jaw tense.

"Carry me," she demanded.

"I thought you wanted control!"

His girlfriend considered this a moment with her bottom lip pouting out and shrugged.

"I'm controlling you."

Peter rolled his eyes, turned, and crouched.

"Get on."

He piggybacked her up the half dozen steps, then, balancing on one foot, kicked the push-bar to send the outer door flying open. Hitching her thighs higher on his hips, Peter walked them out onto the roof. The sky was really pretty, but he enjoyed the way the sun reflected off the windows of surrounding buildings just as much. He was excited for MJ to see it all.

"This is worse," she mumbled. "This is so much worse." Apparently, she was nervous enough to squeeze her arms around his shoulders, but aware enough not to wrap them around his neck and drop him with a chokehold.

Peter strolled towards the edge of the building, patting MJ's leg in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

"Nonono," she objected. "I'm up too high. Put me down."

"I'm going to remember that you thought being on my back was high the next time you make a short joke," Peter informed her, releasing her gently so that she slid from his hold.

"I can't be held accountable for anything I say right now." MJ took a tentative step around him, craning to look towards the edge. "I'm delirious with fear."

He snorted.

"You're a little curious. Admit it."

"No."

But she was inching forward, trying to see more. Eager and proud, Peter gave his girlfriend almost a minute of cautious exploration before stepping up beside her and lightly placing an affectionate hand on her lower back.

"JESUS CHRIST, PETER, DON'T PUSH ME OVER THE SIDE!"

He jumped nearly as much as MJ did at her scream, going automatically defensive and pulling her away from the side and into a protective hug as he scanned for threats. Right, there weren't any. The only thing that moved was a pair of pigeons that had been waddling around on the roof; they fled with panicked flaps. Peter's heart raced as he closed his eyes and began to calm down. From within his arms, MJ raised her head and peered at him, shamefaced.

"Sorry."

Peter took a deep breath and made up his mind.

"That's ok. We're getting this over with right now."

He hoisted MJ up so that her legs went instinctively around him and strode right to the edge of the roof.

"I take it back," she said hurriedly, hair whipping around both their heads. "I'm not sorry."

"Say whatever you want. It doesn't count, right? You're delirious with fear."

Taking aim, he raised his arm and fired off a web strand that affixed to the building opposite.

"If I die, I'm going to haunt you," MJ promised, voice rising.

Grinning, Peter took two steps back, then threw them off the roof with a running leap.