Written to serve double duty for both the
2019 March Roll-A-Drabble
Trope Roll: Coffee Shop AU
and
the 2019 Hermione's Haven Bingo
Square: I2 - Prompt: The Ministry

Cuppa Magic

Hermione Granger had finally had enough with the Ministry of Magic in Great Britain! She still admired Minister Shacklebolt, and knew that he esteemed her, as well. However, after several years in the same menial position that she had started in, the witch and war heroine who had fought on the front lines and helped to rid the magical world of a madman, got fed up and quit her job in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures…but not before she threw a full mug of tea at her Head of Department. She had put up with his Old Guard condescending attitude since the day she started at the Ministry, with a long list of Outstanding NEWTs in hand and a head full of dreams about making a difference in the wizarding world. However, those Outstandings had quickly become meaningless and the dreams were crushed when she realized that not only were her progressive ideas about fair rights for all sentient beings not welcome, but she was still expected to do the majority of the work in the department…while, as an underling, she received none of the credit.

Harry was very supportive when he realized how miserable it made her, and he offered to speak to the Minister on her behalf. However, Hermione refused. She wanted to make it on her own merit…and not be seen as someone who had received special treatment…so she persevered. Her boss, a middle-aged, Pureblood wizard of the Fawley family, made it clear, however, that he thought Muggleborns were good for only two things. The first was to fetch his tea several times a day. The second thing was what he suggested to Hermione as he unexpectedly pulled her into his lap and rubbed against her when she delivered his last cuppa one night after the rest of the department had already left to go home.

That suggestion was the last straw and what finally earned him a mug to the head – something she had wanted to do for a very long time indeed. Fawley just sat there in shock for a moment with tea dripping down his face, a welt rising on his forehead, and the shattered cup at his feet before he angrily pulled his wand on her. He forgot exactly who he was dealing with, however. Hermione had him in a Petrificus Totalus before he could even finish pointing it in the right direction. Then the furious and disgusted witch took just enough time to send her resignation memo flying off towards Kingsley's office before she stormed out of her department for the last time while her hair practically sparked with the force of her ire.

"If all I fought for was for naught and I have to serve beverages anyway, then by Merlin it is going to be on my own terms and in my own shop!" she shouted out to nobody in particular on the way to the designated apparation point in the Ministry atrium…and that was the end of that!

...

Soon afterwards, Hermione had accepted Kingsley's apologies and reassurances that Fawley had been disciplined for his despicable behavior, but she still rejected the Minister's offer of another position. Over the years, it had come to her attention that almost all of the Department Heads (with the exception of Arthur) still held the same core beliefs about Muggleborns that Fawley did - even if they were not quite as obvious and disgusting about it. Therefore, she held true to the promise she had shouted the day that she quit the Ministry and soon became the proud owner of Cuppa Magic, instead. It was a cozy magic-themed and Hogwarts-inspired coffee and tea shop in a central London location that was easily accessible by both Muggles and Magicals alike.

She had chosen the name and theme while still in a fit of pique…knowing that it would probably piss off most of the elite at the Ministry (which it most certainly did). Nevertheless, in the end she found that she truly liked it. If she was going to take this path, then the Cuppa Magic seemed to be a fun way to join both the muggle and magical sides of her life together. After all, even though she was through with the Ministry for good, she knew that she could never fully live without magic. It was a part of her.

However, she also made sure that she did nothing to actually break the Statute of Secrecy. As a result, the petty Ministry officials (except for Kingsley and Arthur who thought the whole situation was rather amusing and became two of her most loyal customers) could do nothing but seethe as she threw her exploitation of magic into their faces in the form of magically-inspired and named hot drinks and baked goods. After all, owning a themed shop was not illegal on either side of the government. Therefore, as long as she was not actually using or displaying real magic in front of the muggle customers, she was in the clear. There was nothing the Old Guard could do about it!

Consequently, the comfortable shop, which was set up to represent all four of the House common rooms at Hogwarts (to which Hermione had access during her last year there as Head Girl), was full of what only appeared to be real magical artifacts. However, they were really nothing more than just amazing pieces of muggle artistry and/or technology (much to Arthur's particular delight). The enchanted windows were just sophisticated stained glass patterns that responded to the subtle changes of the outside light, the talking and moving portraits were really video screens, and the snoozing Eagle Owl on the perch in the corner was actually animatronic. However, judging solely from the number of compliments that she received - not just from Arthur, but from all of her customers - both sides of the public seemed to love the idea of Cuppa Magic and the cozy, imaginative, and quiet conversation-inducing atmosphere that it created!

…

Luna helped, as well. After she featured both Cuppa Magic in The Quibbler and detailed the events that led to its creation in the first place, Hermione saw her business skyrocket practically overnight. Since the shop had a private alley that was perfect for apparation, it made it even easier for the eclectic group of Magicals to visit. That consisted of everyone from Muggleborns eager to support one of their most famous members...as well as stick it to the Ministry that had always undervalued them...to Halfbloods who were interested in partaking of something from both sides of their combined heritage. There were also quite a few curious Pureblood customers who were willing to venture out near the muggle world just to see what all of the fuss was about…at first. However, they then continued to come back for the nostalgic theming of their Hogwarts days. That…and the delicious beverages that had become Cuppa Magic's specialties – such as Death's Brew, the darkest and richest roast imaginable - really put Hermione's shop in the limelight. In fact, the shop was so popular with the magical crowd that Hermione was positive that she saw more witches and wizards on a daily basis there than she ever did during an entire day at the Ministry.

It was not just the human members of the magical world who visited Cuppa Magic, either. Hermione had made it clear from the beginning that all were welcome. She displayed this attitude with the diversity of her own group of employees, as well. Her staff did consist of several Muggleborns. However, she also employed Hugh and Lucy, two full-fledged werewolves who were provided with Wolfsbane and automatically given three consecutive days off around the full moon every month. There was also Mippy - a joyful free house elf who used her powerful magic to remain as unseen as the Hogwarts elves when there were Muggles around and who also insisted on dividing her time between the shop and Hermione's residence - much to her employer's chagrin. Then, last but not least, there was Jean-Eric, the golden-eyed vampire who always worked the night shift and apparently had the gift of a photographic memory – especially since he never forgot a customer's favorite order - no matter how long it had been since their last visit. He had also been a French pastry chef in his former life. Therefore, to everyone's surprise, he easily slid into the same role at Cuppa Magic and did not let a little thing like his strict blood diet get in the way of the creation of such delightful desserts as the fluffy Unicorn's Tail or the golden Niffler's Delight.

…

To Hermione's surprise, the regular muggle customers at Cuppa Magic turned out to be even more diverse and interesting than her magical ones were. The shop's location in central London made it popular with everyone from the official police force at Scotland Yard and the doctors at St. Bart's hospital to the young professionals in the business district. A few of Hermione's favorites stood out among the rest, though.

A rather attractive and curly-haired detective would come in frequently. Whenever he was extremely bored or in desperate need of some kind of legal stimulant, he would always order the intensely dark Devil's Brew. However, on an average day, he was usually content to make do with the slightly lighter Alchemist's Blend. Despite the fact that he was quite blunt and made it a point to give a new reason that magic could not logically exist with every visit, Hermione liked him and his mild-mannered doctor friend (the one who usually ordered the Afghan blend of the Dragon's Tears tea rather than the Romanian blend that the Magicals favored) very much.

Then there was the interesting secretive type in the perfectly fitted suit with the knicker-dropping smile who always drove up in his Aston Martin. That bloke always wanted his golden roast Charmed Brew to be shaken, not stirred. Despite the peculiar request, Hermione and her staff always humored him. The women were probably a bit more eager to do so, however – especially since the men were often torn between wanting to punch the man in the face…or proudly shake his hand.

Perhaps the most interesting of all of their muggle customers, however, were the two that always entered from the alley-side door after a strange wheezing sound came from that direction. The blond woman was a constant – even though her hairstyle seemed to change from long to short from visit to visit. However, she was always accompanied by either a tall leather jacket-clad man with close-cropped hair or a younger man with wildly arranged hair who wore the odd combination of a pinstriped suit and trainers. What was really unusual about the situation, though, was that the cheerful blonde called both of them by the same title. There was nothing else, though…just a title. Hermione was not known as the brightest witch of her age for nothing, however, so she soon had her suspicions about the men - even before she noticed that they both always ordered a plain black cup of the strong Healer's Formula…and a banana on the side. In fact, she soon figured out that they, at least, were not as muggle as they seemed – especially if they were the same man…but in different bodies…as she surmised. However, they were always good customers…and seemed like good people, too. Plus, she had seen much stranger things in the magical world. Therefore, she never questioned them. After all, she firmly believed that everyone had the right to his or her own secrets - as long as they did not harm anyone else.

Instead, she just served both versions of the gentleman the brew that he liked while the blonde always stuck with slightly sweetened cup of the Time Turner Tea. The man (whichever version of him that was present at the time) would always give Hermione a knowing look at the name of that drink – one which she returned with as much innocence as she could muster. That never failed to make him laugh…and once she saw the blue box in the alley when she went to take out the trash one day while the two of them were in the shop…she finally understood why. After all, she had spent an inordinate amount of time in the library studying time travel – especially since it had been a passion of hers ever since her daily use of the Time Turner in her third year at Hogwarts. Therefore, she knew exactly what the box was…and who her quite legendary customer was, too! In fact, since he obviously knew who and what Hermione was, as well, she was always happy to have a private conversation with the ancient alien whenever he showed up alone during the times that his companion was visiting her mother.

…

At any rate, Hermione found that she was extremely fond of both her magical and muggle customers. What she really loved best, however, was when they intermingled. She had enjoyed plenty of interesting intellectual conversations with the man when he wandered in alone at strange hours. However, Hermione especially adored seeing Sherlock arguing about unusual topics like the fallacies of popular legends of the full moon – especially those that dealt with the criminally insane – with unlikely companions such as Luna and some of the werewolf customers in the large booth in the Ravenclaw corner. Meanwhile, John would look on and shake his head at his best friend in a mixture of affection and chronic disbelief before returning to his more reasonable conversation about current events with the likes of Harry and Kingsley, the teenagers from the skate park, or the daily customer whom Hermione suspected was really a glamoured goblin (which raised its own interesting set of questions since - according to Professor Binns, at least - goblins did not possess magic).

The suave James was also one of her favorite customers, but not in the expected way - especially since Hermione had no interest in being another notch on his bedpost. Surprisingly enough, the spy seemed almost grateful by the fact that she appeared to be practically immune to his dangerous appeal. Therefore, it was like a breath of fresh air to him that they were able to easily engage in casual conversation about topics like travel and culture, and go for the occasional high-speed drive in his classy fast car, without any distractions of a physical nature. Despite their friendship, however, Hermione also always placed a goodnatured wager with the rest of her staff when James was seen chatting up a real Veela at the counter in the Slytherin section, rather than the muggle women who always seemed helpless to resist him. It was a fun way to guess whose set of alluring sexual charms would win out in the end. Most of the time it was the Veela - and James would be left at the counter by himself. However, sometimes the charismatic man would actually surprise them because he did not always leave the shop alone. Therefore, it was always a good sport – especially when the Veela in question was Fleur or Gabrielle, both of whom knew of the ongoing wagers, and made sure to give James a taste of his own sexually-charged medicine before ultimately turning him down.

As for the Doctor (either of him) and Rose, it never failed to thrill Hermione that they conversed with everyone and everything with equanimity after they sat down at one of the extra large tables in either the Hufflepuff or Gryffindor sections. It simply did not seem to matter to them who joined them there - whether it was the silver-haired human inspector from Scotland Yard whom Sherlock liked to call Gavin, an amused Bill (who, whenever his wife was around, also kept one eye on the virile secret agent who usually sat at the counter – just in case), the red-eyed vampire who ordered a simple cup of hot water only to flavor it with some suspiciously dark liquid from his own hip flask, or a visiting Mugwump from the International Confederation of Wizards who had heard about the unusual shop through the wizarding grapevine. In fact, such an unique gathering always turned out to be interesting and lively...and Hermione found that she looked forward to them.

…

All of the interspecies interaction at Cuppa Magic soon made Hermione realize something very important. Even though it was not the path that she had originally chosen for herself, she was actually on her way to accomplishing her early career goals of acceptance and integration for all sentient beings (whether they were human, magic, or not) much quicker and more thoroughly with her little coffee shop than she ever had as a government worker. The thought made her happy…and in the end, that was all that mattered.

Author's Note: Just in case you were wondering, I could have probably gone on FOREVER with the crossover portion of this story. However, I had to keep it to a reasonable length - especially since the whole thing was originally suppose to be just a drabble. LOL! Therefore, I simply picked the top four (including HP) of my favorite fandoms that take place in London. I am well aware, though, that there are many more fandoms and characters that I could have included if I had the time and space to do so...