/!\WARNING/!\

Shiki age :13 years old

Better read the whole fanfic before reading this chapter.

Shiki slid the door open of the archive's room where his mom was. She was wearing one of his father shirts. 'I don't want to ruin my clothe with all the dust in here' she had explained. She had tucked the top in her pant. She almost looked boyish if it was not for her refined, apparent shoulder that was going out of the too big shirt for her frail body. She also made a ponytail with her midlong hair so she wouldn't bother her as she was classing the files. Shiki came closer to her. "Isn't that a work for domestics or archivists?" he asked making her raising her head from the paper she was reading. She stared at him a moment before answering a hard "No." and she get back to her lecture.

Shiki looked absently to the boxes and archives on shelfs. This room was most of the time unused, so it was his first time here. He was surprised to see papers and journals dating from Sengoku period. Her mother had put most of the precious document on the floor, she was probably sorting them out that way. He saw calendars and drawings of animals on it. He took a paper laying on the shelf, probably a page of journal which had been tore off by the time. Shiki tried to read it, but he hardly understood the classical language and could only figure out a few kanji. He was not used to see so many katakana and the paper was full of it.

'Tenth • of the • month: birth of the bird Sohma Ha••'

'Twenty • day of the first •: death of the horse Sohma ••ko'

Shiki frowned as he continued to flip the page. He understood why his mother did not wanted other people to come in the room. It was the Sohma cursed's archives. He put the page back on the shelf. He wondered if he should leave the room and let his mother continue to sort the files, or stay to have answers.

"Ah, Shii-chan, you're here?" called his father who was coming from behind a shelf, as Akito, he was wearing plain clothes for the occasion. He put a box full of book on floor and massed his back before stretching his arms. "Yeah…I was wondering what were you doing actually." Shiki explained. He continued to look around the papers. "Somes looks really old, I wonder for how long the curse has existed…" he said, out of curiosity. His father did not answer and Shiki felt like a hard stare coming from his mother. It was only at this moment he understood that what he said was kind of uncalled for. He looked down, scratching his head. "Sorry…"

The truth is, he couldn't tell what he was sorry about. Sure, he knew about the curse their parents used to be under, the animals of the zodiacs and their god, but he never really knows what it has been about. It was taboo subject here but everybody was whispering. A long time ago, his father told him how he and his mother fell in love, at this moment, he did not understand that his father has been telling him about the curse. It's was only when Ren came in and insulted his parents that he understood that his father has been the 'mutt' and his mother the 'slut god'. But each time he gathered his courage to ask his parents about it, Akito would always close herself from conversation and Shigure would answer by short answers.

He had talked about it with Mutsuki once. His father had told him everything he needed to know about the curse. "He said that the cursed couldn't take somebody from the opposite sex in their arms without transforming into animal." So that was why the maids whispered about 'holding those monsters.' Shiki had not been aware of how terrible this curse was until the day where he had been terrible sick. His mother had stayed with him all day. To make him sleep, she held him in her arms and rocked him. Absently, he understood that his father never experienced it as a child and had never known how safe it felt to be in your mother arms. Probably…Until the day the curse broke away, his father and the other cursed never felt safe, never had a place to feel secure.

However, Shiki knew there were more about this curse that nobody had told him yet. He wanted to know, he wanted to understand what his parents have been through. But none of the cursed wanted to talk about it. It was a part of their life they abandoned and that they never wanted to see again. It was in the past and they never want to deal with this anymore. Yet, even if there is no more curse, there were still left-over. This room was a proof.

His father disappeared behind another shelf, probably to gathers more files. Shiki walked, trying to not walk on the precious documents when he saw an old journal-book that attired his attention and took it, it was a plain red book and Shiki flipped the pages in, he saw many drawings of monster alike that made the boy gulp in horror. He closed the book. "Cat's room" he read aloud "Mom, what the drawings in represent?" he asked innocently, showing the cover to the woman who had been reading paper. She lifted her head and she rushed at Shiki when she recognized the book, then brutally took the book, scratching his hand with her nails "Don't touch it!" she screamed. Shiki freeze in horror after a cry, holding the hand she just scraped. He did more screamed in surprise than in pain. He was shocked, never his mother had screamed at him or reacted this way. She did not really hurt him, the scrape was light, but he was astonished by seeing her being fierce.

Akito mouth went agape in horror and her face blanched. "Oh Shiki…I'm…" she put her hands on her mouth, the eyes full of regret. "I'm so sorry…I did not want to hurt you…" she was shivering and Shiki could see tears forming in the corner of her wide eyes. She was slowly stepping back out of the room "I'm sorry Shiki…I love you I don't wanted to…"

Shiki shock passed, he blinked in confusion "I'm okay mom I was just…" but he noticed by the way she was walking away from him each time he tried to came closer that she was not listening "Mom…" he tried to call her back, approaching his scratched hand. She shivered seeing the red marks on it and ran away of the room. Shigure rushed to Shiki "What happened?" he said with worry. "Where is Akito?"

Shiki felt a cold sweat on his back, he did not want to explain his father that he made his mother cry. He did not understand why she reacted that way it was…Strange. "I…Was looking at thata book and I asked what is was about…" he started to explain, pointing the fallen book on the floor. His father took it and flipped it. "And she got angry and…Then she started crying saying that she did not wanted to hurt me but…" Shigure face doubled and threw the book "Did she hurt you?!" and he took his son face between his hands, searching for any wounds

"No! She barely scratched me, that's what I wanted to told her but she…" he eyes the open door before pushing his dad's hands. "But that's not the point, we should get her and-" "No, a quick reminder won't hurt her." He said in a cold voice and bent down to reach the book that caused the situation. Shiki was horrified, what happened? Most of the time, his dad was the first one to run after his mother when she was feeling bad, and now…He decided to let her on her own. Shiki never saw her reacting this way, not even with Ren.

"A quick reminder?" he asked in a small voice. "What do you mean?" Shiki looked at his dad and saw an expression he never saw before. Or maybe he did, one day, when he told him about what he had done with Ren. Shiki started to imagine the worst scenario. A reason why his parents where acting that way. What is…Because of the curse. "And what is this book talking about?" he asked, as if it was all the book's fault. "All of these…terrifying drawings…" he added, but Shigure did not answered and continued to read it. "Dad, did you hear me?" he urged, starting to lose patience.

Shigure ignored him and closed the fusuma doors. "Dad, I understood that this is the archive room of the curse" he walked to him "why don't you explain me" Shigure looked at his son absently. "Come here" he walked, inviting his son to follow him. Once they were far of the door, between two shelves, Shigure pointed this book. "You see Shiki, out of all the cursed, the cat had always been the worst." The cat.… "Kyo, right?" his father nodded. "You see, Kyo's curse was special, more than transforming into the cat, he had another form" he opened the book to the page where was many drawings of observation of the beast. Shiki couldn't help but notice like a sad expression in the creature eyes, but maybe it was his imagination. "Did you notice the bracelet Hajime wear?" Shiki frowned, why he was talking about it. He nodded nonetheless. "It used to be his father's, and before his father, it was to the person who was cursed by the cat spirit before him." He continued to leaf through the pages until having a drawing of the Juzu beads. "It was thanks to this bracelet that the cursed of the cat couldn't transform into the beast form." Shiki nodded slowly and had a thought for Hajime's father and what he had been going through. "...Why it's called the cat's room?"

Shigure looked at the ceiling. There was barely any light in this room, Shiki did not notice his cynical smile. "because it was the place where the cat was imprisoned." Shiki eyes widened. "Well, Akito did ordered this house to be destructed, so it's not here anymore. But the anterior cursed of the cat passed the biggest part of their life in that room. This book" he waved it in his hand. "Is an observation of a cursed of the cat during Edo era. He probably had been forced to do thing against his will to please the Sohma researcher who made that book."

Shiki stayed silent. So, it what was they said about the curse. "The others cursed…Did not have it?" His father shook his head. "No, we did not." He put the book on a pile of paper. "But why…Did mom reacted that way, she has nothing to reproach herself since she destroyed the room, no?" he asked in a small voice. Shigure stared. "I guess no" he answered, but his expression was saying otherwise and it made Shiki frustrated. "Something happened, why don't you tell me dad?" he said, in a high-pitched tone, Shigure put his palm on his head. "Shiki, you and your cousins don't need to know more about the curse, we just want you to understand us."

It infuriated Shiki. "All of you want us to understand! But how can we if you never explain? we…" he bent down his head, searching for words, he was so upset. "we…We want to know, we want to understand you because you are ours parents and we love you" he was embarrassed to talk so easily about love, he was so used to his father teasing him when he said stuff like that. "We know that…The curse is not something you all want to talk, but we need to know to understand." He lifted his head "So, just tell me, what happened."

"Shiki" his father warned. "what, my father slept with my grandmother, I don't think mom did worse." It even surprised Shiki to answer that way, he wasn't a sarcastic type of person. He must have been really irritated. But he wanted to understand his mother reactions. Shiki decided that he never wanted to see his mother with this heartbroken expression again. It also took his father by surprise and made him smirk. "That's…" he hid his crackles behind his hands. "I'm sure it's something a lot of people would disagree with." Shiki stared "Like who? Ren?"

Shigure shook his head in amusement. "Oh no, no Ren" he looked up again at the ceiling. "You won't give up huh?" he remarked as Shiki was staying still next to him. His determination reminded himself, younger, when he was chasing after a girl he saw in a dream. He looked back to his son. "Shiki…Who do you think had injured Haa-san eye?" Shigure closed an eye and indicated it, Shiki freeze. "And Isuzu-chan, did you know she had a huuuge scar in her back? And it's only physical wounds. You can ask Yuki-kun about psychological wounds."

Shiki eyes were full, he couldn't believe it but, he remembered the way he saw once the death glare Sora and Riku's mother sent to his. "Mom…Did…But why? She couldn't…Why would she do it?" Hurting people… He couldn't imagine his mother hurting deliberately somebody else. Shigure stared his son's reaction in face of the truth. He knew that Shiki was not ready to understand yet, he was too young. "I guess she had been too spoiled and we used to indulge her too much. She was our god you see, the curse…It makes you submissive." Shigure was seeing well in Shiki eyes that he wasn't understanding yet.

"…It's impossible to figure how it is for normal people." He looked distantly at his hands "It's like…Not being yourself. You're never alone. Whatever you do there is the presence of the animal in you, and you can't always fight against it." Shiki tilted his head. "You see, everybody have their own important people, for me, since the beginning, it was your mother, for other, like Aayaa, it's Mine. But it's different for the animals. Their important person was the god."

"But, couldn't you do the difference? It was only animals. in which way can it force you?" Shigure sighed "Shiki, the spirit is with you since the day you were born. They became a part of you, and you end trusting them. That's why when Akito injured Hatori or Isuzu, they never blamed her. It was the animals who were saying to not to. Reminding them to not betray her, who was cursed by the god."

"But, dad, you did it, haven't you, when with…Her" Shigure laughed "Oh, well, for starting, you can't never force me to do something" he said before become serious again "no…I think the bond was already starting to break but…Everyone had their own way to deal with their animals spirit." Some fought against it, like Isuzu against the spirit of the horse in aim to break the curse, some listened and felt the need to tell everything to the god, like did Hiro about his love for the little Kisa. Other were submissive to it, like did Yuki. Some ignored it, like Ayame with the snake…And other, didn't made the difference with who they were, like Akito with the god. Everybody had a different experience.

"The day you mother has been conceived, all the cursed already born cried. It was not us, it was the animal residing in. But we were so young that we mixed the animals feeling, as if it had been ours." Shigure stared right into his son eyes. "So now that you know, what are you going to do?" Shiki couldn't hold his eyes against his father's. He had so many thoughts mixing up in his head. His mother, god, animals, curse, solitude, sadness. And Shiki knew, he knew that he had just tip-toed the surface of the iceberg.

"Mom…Really made you all suffer?" Shigure hummed in thought "Hum…I would compare it with a regime of Terror, they would all agree with me" Shiki bit his lips "Why…Did she act like that, didn't she know she was hurting them?" he looked his father with hope. Shigure shrugged. "Well, you know by yourself how it must have been to be raised in this house. She was scared and craving for love, but she did not know how to have it, so she forced her unto them. Before Tohru-kun came into our life, she had never met people of the outside…Not that do excuse her past behaviors, and she know it."

"And that's why she reacted that way…" It made sense. "No wonder why everybody loves Tohru-san then." He heard his dad's laugh and he closed his eyes and thought about his mother. He remembered the day his dad told him that they were not perfect. At the moment, he did not notice the importance that Shigure used 'we' instead of 'I' when he had told him it. The scars in their story. It was not only about them; it was about all the cursed. They all had scars that won't disappear. But he also remembered that his own memories that won't disappear neither. The day he had decided to help that boy who was left apart of the class in grade school.

He remembered the time he had shared with his mom, making chocolate for his dad or when she had given him advice for Sawa. How she brushed his hair as she told him about his late grandfather. The way she protected him from Ren and held him when he was scared of shadows at night. How worried she was for him, because she loved him. He remembered that time at the aquarium with her and his father, the fireworks they saw, all the games they had played together, at the beach, at their vacation house, at the onsen. It was all of those moment with them that modelled Shiki the way he was. And he decided that he was going to be the kind of person helping somebody getting bullied at school, the kind of person chasing after another because they saw them passed out in the snow. He was going to continue to befriend with people he will probably never see again, like this pigtails girl he had met once at Tohru's decided to be close to his family because they were the one that counted and because they all loved him as he loved them. He was going to protect. He was going to…

He opened his eyes, resolution in. "I'll see mom." And he walked out of the room without turning back. Shigure smiled as he closed a box full of paper. If he had looked in, it would have saw a wooden figure of a dog and files about cursed of that spirit. "See Akito…Our little boy went beyond of our expectations…"

Shiki slid the doors open of his parent's room. Enlightening the room where his mom was. She had taken refuge under a blanket against the window. Even with the futon, her weeping was still perceptible to Shiki's ear, he quietly walked over her. He stopped in front of her before slip into the futon and seeing her eyes red from irritation of the tears. It saddened him to see his mother in that state. "Dad told me about you and the cursed…" He felt her shiver as she bit anxiously her nails. Shiki hugged her body and surprised her. She thought he would be disgusted by her. "Shiki…" she tried to hold back her tears. "Why?" she asked in a broken voice.

"Because I love you mom" he said simply "Everything I am, it's thanks to you and dad…" he looked at her and smiled, he felt tears picking his eyes too. "You hurt people yes…But not me, never, and I know you will never do it. I'm sure of it. What you are now had nothing to do with the person you used to be. Right now…You're my mother and I know that you and dad are the best parents I could ever had." Akito cried again, but this time, she thanked him with a big smile on her lips that Shiki mimicked.

As he was hugged back by his mother and rubbing his nose against her safe, comfortable neck, he understood something. Everybody had shadows, it could be dark memories coming haunting you in nightmare, as it can be regretful actions of the past. And so, the most important thing in life is to ensure that the light coming from the people you love always ensure to keep the shadow away from you.

And this mark the last chapter of expecting. The next chapters will be requests only.

Thank you all for reading me until the end, it meant a lot to me.

This chapter echo a lot with the previous right? I think it was the best for a conclusion hahaha.

Thank you again to have read it all ! I love you all ;w;)9