The Proposals

"Holy Merlin."

Marlene raises her eyebrows and leans forward. "What?"

Wordlessly, Sirius hands her the bill. They're sitting at The Celestial, squished together at one of the intimate tables near the back. The restaurant is dripping in expensive decor, from the silver-streaked marble floor to the ceiling enchanted to twinkle with a brilliant night sky.

"A hundred and forty galleons!" Marlene pushes the bill back toward him, mouth agape in horror. "How the hell did we spend—"

"It was your dessert." Sirius looks pointedly at Marlene's half-eaten brownie sundae. "You just had to pick the one drizzled with fairydust powdered sugar."

"Oh, right, and your two entire lobsters cost, what, a Sickle?"

Sirius swears under his breath. "It probably was the lobster, wasn't it."

Marlene glances over her shoulder. She and Sirius are horribly underdressed; she's worn her new lemon yellow dress with the matching heels, and he's in slightly-too-small dress robes that are almost certainly borrowed from James' closet, but the rest of the patrons here are in glittering evening gowns and tuxedos. "How are you going to afford this?"

"I think you mean how are you going to afford this."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You're the one who suggested we go out." He adopts a high-pitched, mocking imitation of her voice. "'Let's celebrate your big promotion, Sirius. I haven't been out in ages, Sirius.'"

"You're the one who picked the most expensive restaurant in Britain!" Marlene folds her arms over her chest. "And generally, it's the man who pays for the woman."

Sirius snorts. "Nice try, McKinnon. You're not my date, and I'm not shelling out a hundred and forty Galleons."

"Well, I haven't got any money with me."

"I've got…" Sirius trails off to check his pockets. "Eight Sickles and four Knuts."

Marlene raises her eyebrows. "You thought our meal would cost eight Sickles?"

"No, I thought you were taking me out to celebrate."

"Well, this is awkward." Marlene sighs. "What are we going to do?"

Sirius roots around in his pockets again. Suddenly, a strange smirk appears on his face. "Hey. McKinnon."

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

She shakes her head, but he's already on his feet. "Excuse me, everyone," he calls. The low rumble of background conversation dies down as the witches and wizards of The Celestial turn to look at him. "Thank you for your attention. It's such a lovely evening, and our dinner has been incredible, but nothing can compare to this amazing, wonderful, perfect girl beside me."

Marlene almost chokes. "Sirius," she hisses. "What are you—"

He winks and gets down on one knee. "Marlene McKinnon, I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. Will you make me the happiest wizard on Earth and do me the absolute honor of marrying me?"

He holds out a dazzling diamond ring and stares up at her expectantly. The restaurant is silent.

Marlene swallows. "Erm. Yes?"

The restaurant dissolves into scattered applause as Sirius takes her hand and slides the ring onto her fourth finger. It's far too big on her hand, but it must be worth a fortune—certainly more than their dinner bill. It consists of a large round diamond surrounded by several smaller stones that are nearly the same lemon yellow as her dress.

"Found it in the pocket of James' dress robes," Sirius murmurs in her ear as he pulls her in for a hug. "Guess someone's been getting ready to propose to Lily, eh?"

"Were you—" Marlene struggles to find the words. "Is this—are you, you know, serious?"

He sniggers and pulls back. "Of course I'm Sirius. And you're Marlene!"

"Okay, okay, yes, but—"

"Congratulations to the both of you." Their waiter is all smiles. "You make a beautiful couple!"

"Thank you." Sirius wraps an arm around Marlene's waist. "I trust the meal will be taken care of?"

"Of course." The waiter gives Sirius a nod and collects the bill, squirreling it away within the folds of his dress robes. "Consider it an early wedding gift."

Sirius squeezes Marlene's waist triumphantly and guides her out of the restaurant. When they are a safe distance from The Celestial, she squirms out of his grasp and slaps his arm. "You couldn't have given me a warning?"

He laughs. "I can't believe you said you don't trust me!"

She rolls her eyes. "We can never go back there."

"No." He holds out his hand. "Can I have my ring—erm, James' ring—back? He doesn't know I took his dress robes for tonight. Don't want to return it with the pockets empty."

"Oh." Marlene slides the ring off her finger and hands it over. "Of course."

Sirius smirks. "You've got to admit, it was a little fun."

Marlene bites her lip and smiles. "A little."

They go out again the next weekend—to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, this time—and when they see the bill, they are both tempted. "Nine Galleons," Sirius says with a shake of his head. "You've got expensive tastes, McKinnon."

Her dress is teal this time, with pockets deep enough to hold her wand. "I take it you're not treating me?"

"I don't pay for girls I'm not dating."

"I mean." Marlene lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "Technically we're engaged."

Sirius glances around and leans in. "I didn't bring the ring."

Chewing delicately on her lip, Marlene reaches inside one of her pockets. "Here." She passes him a small box under the table.

He checks the box surreptitiously. He meets her eye.

"Don't you trust me?" she says in a weak imitation of his voice.

With a nod, he stands. "Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please?"

The tea shop goes quiet. Marlene fights back a smile.

"Marlene McKinnon, eight years ago I took you to Madam Puddifoot's on one of our Hogsmeade weekends and asked you to be my girlfriend. And now, in the same shop, I want to ask you another question." He slides down on one knee and pops open the box she had given him. Inside is a lemon yellow diamond ring—an exact imitation of the one from the pocket of James' dress robes. "Will you marry me?"

The tea shop patrons buzz with excitement. Marlene extends her left hand and lets out a girlish, "Yes!"

When he pulls her into his embrace, she whispers, "Nice touch with the girlfriend backstory."

He laughs lightly. "I can't believe you bought another ring."

"It's a rusty old nail I found on the sidewalk. I transfigured it."

"Brilliant."

They walk out of the shop without paying.

The more weekends they spend getting engaged, the more fun it becomes.

Before long, they've scammed every restaurant in Hogsmeade and half of Diagon Alley. They're careful never to go to the same restaurant twice, and she always tries to wear different colored dresses so nobody recognizes her by her outfit.

She makes it through every color of her wardrobe and ends up back in lemon yellow by the time they're caught.

"Will you marry me?" asks Sirius in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. With a squeal, Marlene nods and tackles him in a hug. Their acting has gotten better; they never kiss, but she's not shy about taking his hand, and he seems to take pleasure in leaning over to brush her hair out of her eyes. As far as anyone watching is concerned, they look like a happy couple.

She's pretending to admire the imitation ring on her hand when the flashbulb goes off.

They both look up in horror.

"What a sweet couple." A woman with a bright green quill in one hand and a camera in the other rushes over to them. "Rita Skeeter for the Daily Prophet. Congratulations to both of you."

Marlene licks her lips. "Thank you."

"I'd love to feature your engagement on the front page of the society section of the Prophet." Rita Skeeter snatches Marlene's hand and photographs her ring. "What an unusual color! A yellow ring…what kind of gem is this?"

"Erm." Marlene glances at her fake fiancé. "Sirius?"

Sirius has been gazing at a chocolate ice cream cone clutched in the grubby hand of a small boy. "Huh?"

Marlene grits her teeth in a false smile. "What kind of stones are these yellow ones? The reporter wants to know for her article."

"No, no, please, we don't need an article about us." Sirius takes Marlene's hand and guides her away from Rita. "We want to keep our relationship out of the public eye. Marlene and I are very shy, you see."

Rita raises her eyebrows. "You want to stay out of the public eye…so you proposed in public?"

"We—"

"Don't be modest, my dear." Rita snaps one more photograph of them and offers a toothy grin. "Look for the article tomorrow. It was Marlene McKinnon, right?"

"How did you—"

"Oh, my Quick Quotes Quill was taking notes on the entire proposal!" Rita snaps her fingers. A long roll of parchment appears in the air. "'Marlene McKinnon, I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you in this very ice cream shop. You ordered the cherry vanilla, but you also got my heart. Will you marry me?' Is that right?"

Marlene reaches for the parchment. "I—"

"Wonderful!" Rita snaps again, and the parchment vanishes. She turns on her heel and marches out of the shop, waving over her shoulder. "Keep an eye on the newspaper!"

Sirius and Marlene stare after her.

The witch behind the counter clears her throat. "Congratulations, you two. That'll be twelve Sickles for the ice cream cones."

Sirius pats his empty pockets and grins sheepishly. "Well, this is awkward."

Regulus' letter arrives first.

"'Dear Sirius,'" Sirius reads in a deep, drawling imitation of his brother's voice. They're at the flat Sirius shares with James, who has gone away for the weekend with Lily. "'Imagine my surprise when I saw your engagement announced in the Prophet this morning. Best wishes to both of you, although Mother is beside herself with fury. Father says he always knew you'd marry a blood traitor.'"

Marlene lifts her face from a couch cushion to let out a sarcastic ha!

A copy of the newspaper is lying face-down on Sirius' coffee table. The article is just as bad as Marlene had feared. Rita Skeeter clearly did her research: Marlene and Sirius are both mentioned by name, age, Hogwarts House, and wand type, although luckily there are no mentions of any of their other proposals. The accompanying photograph shows a grinning yellow-clad Marlene admiring her ring while Sirius looks longingly in her direction—the chocolate ice cream cone he's lusting after has been cropped out of the frame. It all makes a very convincing portrait of love.

"'Ignore anything you get in the post from Bellatrix,'" Sirius continues. "Well, yes, I would have done that anyway."

As if on cue, an owl swoops through Sirius' open window and deposits a parcel on his kitchen counter. Muttering darkly, Marlene gets up to check its label. "It's an engagement gift from Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy."

Sirius swears. "Burn it."

"I think it's—oh! It's actually nice. Look." She holds it up for him to see. "A picture frame with our newspaper photo inside."

"Here comes the bride…and she looks so fat in her piss-colored dress," says the picture frame.

Startled, Marlene nearly drops it. "What in the name of Merlin—"

"Ugly blood traitors!" says the frame. "Ugly blood traitors!"

"It's enchanted to insult us." Sirius motions for her to throw him the frame. He tosses it into his fireplace. "Gits. They sent the same thing to my cousin Andromeda when she got engaged."

Marlene flings herself back onto the couch and buries her face in cushions again.

"Hey." Sirius comes to sit next to her. "It's all right."

"No, it's not."

He puts a gentle hand on her shoulder blade. "We can stage a big breakup at The Celestial if you want—so big the bloody newspaper will put us right back on the front page."

"I don't want a break-up."

"Okay, well, the alternative is a wedding, so—"

Marlene turns over onto her back and looks up at him. "I don't want to marry you, either."

He taps the yellow imitation ring that she has inexplicably not removed from her finger. "Well, this is awkward."

She laughs a little. "I want to go back to how things were. You, me, free food, having fun."

He takes her hand and fiddles lightly with her ring. "It was a lot of fun, wasn't it."

"So much fun."

"I wonder if there's a way to get it all back."

She shrugs. "I don't see how."

"Well, let's think about this." He hasn't let go of her hand. "Me and you. That part's easy. We're doing that right now."

"True."

"And having fun…I always have fun with you, Marlene."

She bites her lip.

"As for the free food…well. If it really means that much to you, I suppose I can start treating you."

She smirks. "I thought you only pay for girls you're dating."

He nods. "That's a firm rule."

"And I'm not dating you."

"No, you're not."

"But I could be."

"You could."

Her heart is pounding. "Do you want me to be?"

He licks his lips. "Marlene, I—"

The door to the flat bursts open, and a glowing James and Lily rush inside. "We're engaged!" Lily holds up her hand to show off her lemon yellow ring.

Marlene and Sirius spring apart. "Congratulations!" Marlene says, just as Sirius lifts up the newspaper and says, "So are we!"

"What?" James grabs the newspaper. "What on Earth—since when are you two even together?"

"Technically, we aren't, but—"

"Is that my ring?" Lily grabs Marlene's hand and holds it up.

"It's not, it's just an imitation, and—"

"Blood...traitors..." gurgles the charred picture frame from the fireplace.

"Okay." James holds up both hands. "What is going on?"

Marlene and Sirius exchange a glance. "Well," says Sirius finally. "This is awkward. But it all started six months ago at The Celestial…."

Quidditch League Round 7: Not My Department

Holyhead Harpies

Word Count: 2,355 (MacBook Pages)

Beater One: Department of Magical Games and Sports: Write about someone having fun

1. (word) imitation

2. (dialogue) "Well, this is awkward."

3. (object) newspaper

6. (color) lemon yellow

13. (object) picture frame